Steven Spielberg

Carol Anne faces her fear in Poltergeist

If you didn't watch "Bates Motel" then I'm not really sure we'll have much to talk about when things get into a lull and I say, "hey did you hear about how the second season of 'Bates Motel' is going to feature a few more members of the Bates family according to the show's creator Carlton Cuse?". Then I'll probably get kind of pissy and say something about you looking fat and then we won't talk for a while. See how just watching the show could have avoided this whole thing?

We all went a little gaga over the "Evil Dead" remake on the podcast so I'm kind of looking forward to the Blu-Ray dropping so I can relive all the memories at home, minus the 8 year old crying 4 rows behind me. The disc will drop on July 16th and be chock full of behind the scenes features and a commentary track with everyone and their mother on it. It will not unfortunately feature a commentary track by the god awful parents trying to quiet the earlier mentioned 8 year old.

I never thought Steven Spielberg and the "Leprechaun" remake would be mentioned in the same sentence but color me wrong here. It turns out that Zach Lipovsky, the winner of Spielberg and Mark Burnett's "On the Lot" reality show will direct the Lionsgate/WWE reboot. I guess that doesn't really mean Speielberg has anything to do with the film so I can see why you might be annoyed by my misleading intro there. But on the other hand, you're a prick.

Melissa Leo, who is in no way related to Jay Leno and now that I see this typed out doesn't even have the same last name, has signed on to M. Night Shyamalan's "Wayward Pines". The TV series stars Matt Dillon as a secret service agent investigating the disappearance of two federal agents. Leo will play a nurse who lives in the town of Wayward Pines where Dillon is investigating. She doesn't even have a giant chin. I don't know what I was thinking.

George Romero's 1981 film "Knightriders", possibly the only one he's ever made that makes the original "The Crazies" look tolerable, is finding its way to Blu-Ray on April 22. For those of you not familiar with the flick (check out our podcast but only pay attention to my opinion) it's about a group of medieval re-enactors who ride on motorcycles rather than horses. I'm not kidding. Oh and Tom Savini wears a speedo. It's awful.

Colin Trevorrow has been hand selected to direct "Jurassic Park 4" after a extensive search. Producer Steven Spielberg spent 4 weeks in the Amazon surviving only on what he hunted and smoking opium before traveling to the tallest mountain in the forest to meet his spirit animal who reportedly told him Trevorrow would be the right man for the job. He then traveled to the director's home and forced him at gun point to slaughter four chickens, two rabbits and one goat to solidify the deal. It's Jurassic god damn Park people. This shouldn't be taken lightly.

"Aftershock", Nicolas Lopez's English debut starring Eli Roth, will find it's way into limited theaters on May 10. Selena Gomez also pops up in the film about a group of travelers in Chile who find themselves trying to survive after an earthquake hits. Apparently in Chile people go around killing each other with axes when a earthquake hits. It's a strange wondrous land. Never visit it.

Paul W.S. Anderson will apparently return again to direct "Resident Evil 6". Oh man they got him? Sometimes you just get lucky.

It's a known fact that anytime Danny Trejo makes out with a girl half his age an angel gets its wings. So good news for all the flightless people in the big upstairs because "Machete Kills" has finally been slapped with a September 13, 2013 release date. Watching him make out is without a doubt one of the most upsetting and inspiring things the human eye can see.

If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that the original "The Crazies" was awful and the 2010 remake was awesome. There is not a single person on this planet who can argue that. Well the guy who co-wrote the retelling, Ray Wright, has just signed on the pen the script to "The Widow". The film follows a younger woman who befriends a older widow only to find that their meeting was not a coincidence. Sounds frighting already. Old people you know. You can see their veins.

The US remake of the Chilean flick "Hidden In the Woods" has landed itself one half of the Babysitter Twins duo in the form of Electra Avellan. No word on if her sister will join the cast but the a story of two sisters fighting to escape the prison like environment they've been raised in, so I mean they need a sister right? If not I hope they got the one with the least unintelligible accent.

Youngster Colin Ford has been added to the cast of "Under the Dome", a Stephen King and Steven Spielberg collaboration currently set for a 13 episode run on CBS starting this June. Based on King's novel the series is set in a small town whose residents discover they've been trapped by a mysterious barrier. I hope there's a Taco Bell in the town. I mean no tacos? I'd be all like, "you gotta get this barrier to go away. I need tacos!"

Kathleen Kennedy, Steven Spielberg's long time producer, recently dropped an update on "Jurassic Park 4" and the film's current status. Excited? On the edge of your seat? Need to know right this very second what the hell is going on? Well here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. The update is.... they're writing a lot. Need a cigarette don't you?

I'm so freakin confused. "The Child" is a new German film about a lawyer who finds himself being asked to defend a 10 year old who thinks he was a murderer in a past life. The confusing thing to me is that Eric Roberts has apparently just signed on to star in the film. It's German? Does Eric Roberts speak German? Is the movie going to be in German? Will there be a Falco song in the film? There damn well better be.

Get moist fanboys! Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's next installment in their series of films, "The World's End" has officially begin production. The film will focus on a group of friends who reunite for one more drinking marathon and find not only their future is in danger but so is the world's. Of course there's been many a night I've been three sheets to the wind and thought the world was ending. We've all been there.

Brian De Palma's "Passion", a new film about two women battling it out in a deadly power struggle, has been picked up by Entertainment One for a North American release. I think girls make out in it. I want to see it.

I use to love "Mr. Show" but for some reason over the years I have really grown to hate David Cross. Don't ask me why. But his better half from the show, Bob Odenkirk, I still love. He's adorable. And he's been cast as the Devil in the new R rated stop motion flick "Hell and Back". The animated romp revolves around a group of friends who travel into the underworld to save their friend from eternal damnation. Ya know. For the kids.

Remember the show "Terra Nova"? I do actually! Which ruins every joke I had going in my head. But for those of you who don't, it was a short lived Steven Spielberg produced show on Fax that revolved around a group of travelers who go back in time... or to a different world... or something. I don't know, there were dinosaurs. Well the show tanked but Netflix decided to take it on and continue to stream the series. Until now that is. They've decided to ax the entire thing. That was a lot of work to get to the point of this wasn't it? I hope you appreciate it.

People go gaga over Clive Barker's 1990 film "Nightbreed". I'm not here to judge... It's not my favorite. There I said it! But people are going to get moist now I'm sure because Clive has dropped the news that he is very much in talks to bring the movie to the little screen with a new series. The show will apparently be on cable but no news as of yet on who might pick it up, when it might air or what it will even be about. I'd bet it won't even happen but man let's not let that ruin our excitement.

Will someone look up my last news item on "Child’s Play"? I don't remember if i said it was on or off. Or don't, I'm not the boss of you. Either way today the news is that the remake is not only a go but so is a spin off film about Chucky’s immediate family. I have no idea what that means but I'm not too concerned because the whole thing will be scrapped next week. Or maybe not. I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

Remember when Anne Hathaway hosted the Oscars and I decided I hated her? Probably not because you never call anymore. Well Anne has signed on to star in a new thriller simply titled "Puzzler". On top of that she'll also be taking on the producer role for the first time. Maybe she can get back on my good side again if she produces those boobies on camera again.

Martin Scorsese looks to have his eye on a big screen adaptation of Jo Nesbo's "The Snowman". The story focuses on a detective investigating the murder of a woman in Oslo, Norway that appears to be the handy work of a serial killer. I don't want to get my hopes up but if the killer turns out to be a troll this might be the greatest movie ever made.

"I Am Legend" scribe Mark Protosevich has been hand picked by Mr. Steven Spielberg to put pen to paper for the much anticipated "Jurassic Park 4". Protosevich comes as no surprise to me as Spielberg's selection. With those baby blue eyes and rugged good looks he must have blown the judges away during the swimsuit competition.

Here's some new sales art for Rob Zombie's "The Lords of Salem" that looks like a crappy show flyer for the worst local punk band ever.

Hot pockets kids! Looks like there's a film in the works based on the Matterhorn rollercoaster ride at Disneyland. Currently titled "The Hill" the film will focus on a group travelers who head to the top of a mountain and encounter a bunch of Yeti's on the way down. Then their lap bars hit them in the nuts and they walk around funny for the rest of the day. I added that part but it would make it really authentic to the ride experience so I'm pretty sure they'll include it.

Because the teat isn't completely dry the good people at Lionsgate will be putting out a special 25th anniversary edition of Sam Raimi's
"Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn". In all fairness it'll be on Blu-Ray and it'll have a boat load of new interviews and commentaries but honestly at this point what more can you say. "Oh hey I never noticed that chair in the corner of the room before. Let's talk about that".

Steven Spielberg and Stephen King are teaming up with Showtime to create a new series based on King's 2009 novel "Under the Dome". The story focuses on a group of vacationers in Maine who begin battling after a strange force field appears over their town. Wasn't that the basis of "The Simpsons Movie"? I hope this one is funny too and makes a lot of doughnut references.

Looks like Amy Adams is being eyed by Warner Bros. to take the lead in the upcoming remake of "The Orphanage". Nothing's been confirmed yet but Adams would play the role of a woman who takes over the orphanage where she was raised only to find that the imaginary friends her son is playing with are out to get her. I don't know who played that part in the original and honestly I don't care. There's no way she was as adorable as Amy Adams. Once again the USA makes things better.

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