Man I never read or saw "Red Dragon" but the news that Larry Fishburne is in talks to take on the role of Jack Crawford in "Hannibal", the upcoming NBC series based on the book has me borderline interested. I guess the character is an FBI agent or something who tries to find Hannibal. Was Hannibal in that book? I don't care. Doesn't matter. Freakin Morpheus, man.
Apparently there's been rumors floating around that "Jurassic Park IV" will focus on a government plot to weaponize dinosaurs. I've never heard that rumor and I like to think I'm the beginning and end of all internet rumors. But just to try to prove me wrong producer Frank Marshall came out and said that these "rumors" are 100% false. Now that I think of it he never did confirm that he didn't make them up himself right before he said they were false. So maybe that's why I never heard of them.
Shocking news coming out of "The Dark Knight Rises" camp today that Miss. Anne Hathaway would apparently not be opposed to doing a "Catwoman" spin off film. I know I'm just as shocked as you are. Don't worry though, this won't be some piece of crap. She'll only do it "with the right people". I assume she means she would want the entire cast and crew from "Bride Wars" to be involved. I'm just guessing here though.
Eliza Roberts, who is apparently the spouse of Eric Roberts, who I have nothing but good things to say about, has joined the cast of "Self Storage". That means there will be a loving couple on the set of the flick about a group of party goers trapped inside a storage facility. Nothing but love and normal things going on. That is all. Happy times.
If you're going to get caught using your child's diaper bag to steel items from Walmart the proper thing to do is to ditch the bag and make a run for it. You do not, I repeat DO NOT ditch the bag and your 1 year old child and make a run for it. That little bugger is full of your DNA and will be traced back to you.
We've all been sitting on pins and needles to see what's next in the ongoing tale of the big screen version of "Ouija", the classic talk to dead people "game" from Hasbro. Well Juliet Snowden and Stiles White are next in line to write and direct the flick, which has already seen a few names come and go from the production sheet, and Michael Bay is still set to produce. The duo recently worked on the upcoming kid with a demon inside flick "The Possession" in case you were wondering. In contrast Michael Bay recently finished getting a BJ from a Russian stripper who has hopes of being in "Transformers 8: Dry Hump of the Dinobots".
Hail Satan! "Rosemary's Baby" is coming to Blue-Ray on October 30th for all your demon baby Halloween needs. The disc will be chock full of interviews, making of docs and restored goodness. Plus if you buy it you'll be supporting the world's most famous sex offender. It's really a win on all accounts.
"Vamp U" is going to change the way we view film forever. I don't even care what the movie is about. I know from title alone it's going to be a game changer. And thanks to the lucky folks at Level 33 were smart enough to acquire the rights to the film. I'm sure there was a bitter bidding war over this one since it will no doubt blow all box office records away. Wait it's a vampire comedy with a guy named Wayne Gretzky who can throw his teeth? Just close production on every other movie being made in the world, Hollywood people. There's no way you're going to top this one.
It looks like David Letterman may have given away the ending to "The Dark Knight Rises" on a recent episode when he was interviewing Anne Hathaway. So here it is. SPOILER ALERT: I will still hate Anne Hathaway's guts after I see "Dark Knight Rises".
In Real People News:
Well this a new punishment I never would have thought of. A 23 year old Texas mother is under arrest after she glued her daughter's hands to the wall. I'm not sure she thought of what to do when the "time out" was over but sometimes you learn as you go.
If you're going to check a gun to see if it works you might want to not have it pointing at your crotch when you give it a go. Because if it works, which they normally do, you will blow your balls off like this guy in Oklahoma.
Remember when Anne Hathaway hosted the Oscars and I decided I hated her? Probably not because you never call anymore. Well Anne has signed on to star in a new thriller simply titled "Puzzler". On top of that she'll also be taking on the producer role for the first time. Maybe she can get back on my good side again if she produces those boobies on camera again.
Martin Scorsese looks to have his eye on a big screen adaptation of Jo Nesbo's "The Snowman". The story focuses on a detective investigating the murder of a woman in Oslo, Norway that appears to be the handy work of a serial killer. I don't want to get my hopes up but if the killer turns out to be a troll this might be the greatest movie ever made.
"I Am Legend" scribe Mark Protosevich has been hand picked by Mr. Steven Spielberg to put pen to paper for the much anticipated "Jurassic Park 4". Protosevich comes as no surprise to me as Spielberg's selection. With those baby blue eyes and rugged good looks he must have blown the judges away during the swimsuit competition.
Here's some new sales art for Rob Zombie's "The Lords of Salem" that looks like a crappy show flyer for the worst local punk band ever.
In Real People News:
I blame "True Blood" for this one. A Zimbabwean man was recently caught making dirty love to a donkey and when questioned by police explained that said donkey was actually a shape shifting hooker. Wait, is prostitution legal in Zimbabwe?
Got to give this guy points for style. A Colorado man reported his date as a burglar when his girlfriend came home and caught the two of them together. It didn't fly of course but it was worth a shot.
What could top last weeks new that Raj from "What's Happening" had joined the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem"? How about Jeffrey Daniel Phillips joining the cast? Who's that you might ask? Why just one of the most famous cavemen in history. Ya know, minus the real cavemen. Let's call him the most famous insurance selling caveman of all time. Well next to the other two. There's three of them in those commercials isn't there? Let's just call him a guy. He's a nice guy. God I hate you.
Oh boy oh boy! More set pics from "The Dark Knight Rises" and this time we've got Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Boy she looks comfortable in that suit. If people made a big deal over Michelle Pfeiffer doing flips in her Catwoman outfit back in 1992 I can't wait to see what sort of fuss they make about Hathaway stomping around the set like the Frankenstein monster recovering from hip surgery. Is it hot in here or is it just her?
I've seen a ton of movies that Michael Fassbender has been in but for the life of me I have no idea who the guy is. That aside though if I had one choice for who could play Alex Murphy in the upcoming "Robocop" remake he would be it. Don't ask me why he just would be. And the good news for me is that director Jose Padhilla wants him for the role too. Which I kind of think is weird since I don't know who he is. It's like if Rob Zombie wanted one of the Geico cavemen for one of his movie or something.
And last but not least Charlie Sheen has accepted a role in "Scary Movie 5". I don't know what else to say about that. I'm crying on the inside though.
Some behind the scenes photos from the set of "Piranha 3DD" have popped up online and they're full of giant fishy goodness. Giant fish and other... giant things. Ya know... the giant of giant things you expect to see in "Piranha 3DD".. Boobs. I'm talking about boobs.
And here it is folks, the first trailer for Tom Six's "The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)". The sequel to the little gross out horror movie that could. There's not much in the way of footage and I'm not even sure if this is that actual movie but that doesn't make it any less exciting. The fact that it kind of looks like crap, that makes it less exciting. That and only that.
I had completely forgotten that Anne Hathaway was playing Selena Kyle (aka Catwoman) in "The Dark knight Rises" but here's a gaggle of new set photos and looky loo there she is. Unless someone made a mistake and these are shots from "The Princes Diaries 3". And if that is the case it looks like things take a serious turn for the worse for our Princess. Attacked by homeless people kind of worse. I like the new direction.
Lars Von Trier may or may not be a giant racist but that doesn't make his new movie "Melancholia" look any less awesome. Not even Kirsten Dunst's toothy smile can take away from the visual goodness that is the new trailer for the flick. For those of you not up to speed that movie focuses on a couple celebrating their marriage while another planet heads toward earth. Meaning the world's going to end and Mr. Right isn't going to even get a wedding night with Snaggly Tooth. The lord works in mysterious ways.
In Real People News:
I can't imagine anyone has ever won an argument with a cop about getting their drugs back but then again I can't imagine anyone has ever had that argument completely nude, like this sassy chap from Texas. In case you're wondering he still didn't win the argument.
And here's a heartwarming story about a New York man who is wanted by police for sniffing children s feet at a local library. I wonder if that cops had to look up if that was even illegal. If it wasn't it is now.
Need another reason to come out of your mom's basement and head to Comic Con this year? Well it looks like "Underworld 4" will get it's big premier there in just a couple weeks and what's more the film's star Kate Beckinsale will be on hand to answer a bunch of nerdy questions that you shouldn't actually care about. Dust off your Boba Fett costume, I bet she'll be impressed by it.
While things are still ramping up on Rob Zombie's "The Lords of Salem" the crusty one has been nice enough to give us a glimpse of one of the nasty props he has come up with for the film. Namely a big old chair with tons of little spiky bits shooting out of it that I assume will be used for some sort of witch trial fun. There's also a picture of his wife's ass on the page if the chair doesn't do it for you.
To celebrate it's 20th anniversary 1981's "Halloween 2" will be getting the blu-ray treatment on September 13th of this very year. Trust me I did the math. Along with an alternative ending the disc will also be packed with the 1984 documentary "Terror in the Aisles" which is hosted by Dr. Loomis himself, Donald Pleasence. I can't wait to see what they do for "Halloween H20" in just 7 short years.
Every jackass with a phone can get a video of Beyonce falling on her ass these days and luckily they can also get some video from the set of "The Dark Knight Rises". In the clip you can see Anne Hathaway prancing around the stand-in for Wayne Manor in foggy old England. honestly this could be a behind the scenes shot from "The Princess Diaries 3" for all I know. I think Christopher Nolan is set to direct that too.
In Real People News:
A Michigan man who was arrested 5 years ago for making love to a sheep went back on the lamb (I know it's just to easy) recently and was taken back into custody after breaking into a local farm where a group of cows and pigs were being housed. Nice to see he loves all animals equally though. Nice to see in this day and age.
Well it's as good an excuse as any I guess. An Oregon man was arrested recently while looking into a woman's house after his excuse of looking for his cat didn't fly with the cops. Of course not many people look for their cat while using their body as an amusement park but what do I know. I'm more of a dog person.
Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are rumored to be up for the roles of Elizabeth and Darcy in the upcoming big screen version of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I have no idea who those characters are so I couldn't tell you if this is a good idea or not. I also can't remember who James McAvoy is but I do enjoy the work of that girl from "The Princess Diaries".
Guillermo del Toro apparently has 30 different movies in production and now he's got a video game. The game is called "inSANE" and there's a teaser on the nets even though the game doesn't come out until 2013. There's no game footage, no hint about what the game is and really no info whatsoever but hey, Guillermo del Toro, right? Right.
I am not the least bit ashamed to admit I watch "Glee" and by far my favorite character on the show is Brittney played by Heather Morris. Well, Morris is now rumored to be the front runner for the upcoming "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" reboot which means I may actually want to see it. Of course that's only if she plays a cheerleader with a pretty hefty learning disability. I think that's what the original Buffy was about anyway though, right?
If you're going to call your movie "Roid Rage" you should probably have some high school football players who go nuts and start murdering everyone. But the trailer for the film shows none of that, not even a Barry bonds reference. I'm starting to think the movie doesn't even have steroids in it. All of this would be shameful if it wasn't for the great one liner at the 54 second mark. I don't want to spoil it for you.
In Real People News:
Police intercepted a number of packages wrapped as Christmas gifts on their way to New Haven Connecticut because they contained over 110 pounds of marijuana. Is it still illegal if Santa sends it? I feel like this should be the time of year where they let this kind of thing slide.
Honestly if you're going to run an article about a man who got arrested for driving drunk while watching porn you should probably put his name in the first sentence. It wasn't until the third line that I was convinced this wasn't about me. Even if it was in Indiana I still think it could have been.
The people behind "Orphan" are finally kicking the promotion train into gear, with a slew of new pics today. Seriously? A week away from release? The studio's lack of enthusiasm should tell you all you need to know about this one.