robocop

Spanish director Victor Garcia has been confirmed to direct the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel "Crawl To Me". The story follows a family living in a remote town during a harsh winter and the events that make them question their family ties. The series was created by Life of Agony bassist Alan Robert who I hold partially responsible for me not getting laid in High School so I plan on being pretty rough on this one. Oh god no one loves me.

Remember how awesome the original "Robocop" was? All the killing, blood and swearing? It was everything that was good about movies in the 80's. Well the makers of the remake are pushing for a PG-13 rating so it's not going to be awesome. In fact it's not going to have anything that made the original awesome. In fact, remember the "Robocop" cartoon? Picture that, but with less cool stuff.

I know we're all broken up about Hugh Laurie dropping out of "Robocop" but fear not my friends because Mr. Mom himself Michael Keaton has picked up the ball and run with it. He'll play Raymond Sellars, the main thorn in the side of our lovable half man half robot half cop. Do the math. It's going to be awesome.

Wasn't there a "Wrong Turn" movie that just came out last week? I could have sworn. Well even if there was it looks like "Wrong Turn 5: Bloodbath" will hit the DVD shelves on October 23rd. I'm not going to bother talking about the plot for the film. People take a wrong turn and then they die. That's all you really need to know.

Michael Kenneth Williams had what might be my favorite line ever in a TV show or movie on "Boardwalk Empire" but unfortunately I can only quote it in the shower, with music on and after a quick scan of my neighborhood to make sure no one is home. It's pretty bad. What I'm getting at here is Michael Kenneth Williams has been rumored to be joining the "Robocop" remake at Alex Murphy's partner and family friend. I mean partner in a police sort of way, not like life partner. Although they may have changed the story for the remake. I don't judge.

Do you like classic horror movies? Of course you do. Even if you don't you're too embarrassed to admit you don't like them. So most likely you and a group of friends will be too ashamed to call each other's bluffs about wanting to see "The Birds", "Frankenstein" and "Bride of Frankenstein" when they are restored and put into theaters this coming September and October. Make comments like "oh this is classic" and "did you know 'The Birds' is a reference to the threat of communism". You're going to look so cultured.

I love me some "Robocop" remake updates. You know this about me. I've said it countless times. Need proof? Gaze upon my rock hard nipples while I tell you that Jennifer Ehle, who was in "Contagion", has signed on to join the cast. She'll play someone named 'Liz Kline'. I don't remember who that is from the original. But you're not thinking about that anyway are you. You're thinking you want to see me cut glass with these puppies. Well keep waiting.

Little known fact, I am not the German kid in that popular internet video where the kid freaks the F out while playing "World of Warcraft". I know it's an honest mistake, I get it all the time. I've never actually played the game but apparently people go nuts for it but the obvious big screen version has been riddled with problems. Well today's there's some good news for the project in the form of Charles Leavitt being tapped to write the script. I think that's good news. I mean he wrote "Blood Diamond". You basement dwelling virgins should be pumped he'd touch your silly game.

Edward Furlong and Christian Slater finally in a movie together? Sign me up! Alright this may have happened before, I just can't remember. But this time it's called "The Awakened" and is about a young woman who returns to her home town to find her mother's killer. Apparently there's some sort of Jekyll & Hyde tie in also. Who cares though. Furter! Or Slatlong. I don't know, we'll work on it.

Looks like Jackie Earle Haley is the latest name to be added to the cast of the upcoming "Robocop" remake. Rumor has it that Haley will be playing the role of Maddox, the main man who trains Robocop with his new skills. I can't even think of something stupid to say here. This seems like a perfectly reasonable casting selection. Well done, Hollywood people.

Looks like the good folks at Sony have decided to pick up the rights to "Predestination", a new sci-fi flick from The Spierig Brothers. The film is based on Robert A. Heinlein short story "All you Zombies" and focuses on a secret government group that sends people back in time to prevent terrorist attacks. Maybe they can go back and stop the whole Ska thing in the 90's too. Am I right?

Josh Trank made big waves with his "nobody will hug me and now I have super powers" film "Chronicle" so hopes are high now that he's been given the director role on the upcoming film adaptation of the classic video game "Shadow of the Colossus". The game tells the tale of a young chap who sets out to bring his one true love back to life by battling giant creatures who hold the power to revive her. It sounds insane but the game was awesome. Trust me. I'd never lie to you.

"Justified" is my favorite show in the world that I've only seen 3 episodes of. I don't remember if Joelle Carter was in the episodes I've seen but she looks kind of familiar so let's all get excited that she's been added to the cast of the upcoming Lionsgate film "Jessabelle". Carter will play the mother of a girl who's forced to return to her father's home after she loses the use of her legs. I hope she knows the "I Have No Legs" song.

Have a loved one with an upcoming birthday you want to ruin? Well good news! "A Serbian Film" will finally see a limited unedited US release on May 22nd. The news comes after months of legal issues and forced edits to get the film ready for US shelves. Why this giant mess is being allowed I have no idea but I assume the discussion went something like, "fine if you pricks want to cry yourselves to sleep for a week then be my guest!"

Sony Pictures has snatched up the rights to "Lockdown At Franklin High", a new monster flick set in a High School. Joe Ballarini and Gregg Bishop, the super duo behind "Dance Of The Dead" penned the script and none other than Mr. Michael Bay himself is apparently in talks to produce the film. You know what that means fellas. Supermodels who can hardly speak English!

A while back we told you about the short film "Myctophobia" and how our friends over at Drunken Zombie were on the prowl for funding to get the project off the ground. Well it looks like all that shaking babies and kissing hands worked because today they've got a trailer for the project that will premier at Days Of The Dead in Indianapolis July 7th. So.. you're welcome and stuff.

Ever since season 2 of "The Walking Dead" picked back up I've been giddy with excitement over all the happenings with our band of zombie killers. And with news today that British actor David Morrissey will be joining the cast in season 3 as "The Governor", the leader of a group of survivors that the run into Rick and the gang, well I'm just skipping around. Alright honestly I don't even know who this guy but this is the best you're going to get today. Don't forget to tip your waiter.

I've lost track of what's actually going on with the "Robocop" remake but it looks like "The Killing" star Joel Kinnaman has received an offer from MGM to take on the lead role of Alex Murphy, the cop turned robot.. or Robocop as you might call him. Seriously, didn't Colin Farrell already take the role? What the hell is going on here. Where am I!?