m. night shyamalan

If you can think all the way back to 2012 and the first "V/H/S" you might remember David Bruckner's contribution about a freaky ass monster girl who goes buck wild on some fellas in a hotel room. Well if you liked that you might just want to check out "Intrusion", a soon to be made movie about a woman who moves to San Francisco and finds she is being stalked by a nut bag, because Bruckner has just signed on to direct the project. If you can't remember all the way back to 2012 though you might want to think about seeing a doctor. It was only a year ago. You might have something seriously wrong with you.

I was 99% sure the documentary "Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th" had already come and gone but apparently it was set for an August 27th release date. I say was because apparently someone attached to the release had the good sense to say, "hey why don't we push the release a few weeks and release it on September 13th? Why you ask? Well because that's a Friday the 13th and the documentary is based on a series of films titled 'Friday the 13th'. You see why that might be a smart idea? Oh good I'm glad we agree. Have you lost weight?" I assume that's how the conversation went at least. I imagine some people with very nice shoes being involved in this conversation.

Wait did I know there was a "Poltergeist" remake in the works? I feel like I might have known that. I feel like I might have started a post with this same stupid joke before too. Rosemary Dewitt has been cast in the lead role of the 'hey you built your house on top of an indian burial ground' film so I'm assuming they're doing a remake. What a terrible joke this is to play on here if there really isn't one in the works.

"Hustle & Flow" is one of the greatest movies ever made and Terrence Howard is one of the greatest actors or all time. There's no arguing that. Any jackass who knows his ass from his hand can figure this out. So now that he's been cast in M. Night Shyamalan new Fox series "Wayward Pines" I have fairly high hopes. The show will focus on a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find to missing agents. Stuff happens I guess, but nowhere do I read a description of a rapping pimp that he encounters so maybe my hopes aren't as high as I thought they were.

If you didn't watch "Bates Motel" then I'm not really sure we'll have much to talk about when things get into a lull and I say, "hey did you hear about how the second season of 'Bates Motel' is going to feature a few more members of the Bates family according to the show's creator Carlton Cuse?". Then I'll probably get kind of pissy and say something about you looking fat and then we won't talk for a while. See how just watching the show could have avoided this whole thing?

I never thought Steven Spielberg and the "Leprechaun" remake would be mentioned in the same sentence but color me wrong here. It turns out that Zach Lipovsky, the winner of Spielberg and Mark Burnett's "On the Lot" reality show will direct the Lionsgate/WWE reboot. I guess that doesn't really mean Speielberg has anything to do with the film so I can see why you might be annoyed by my misleading intro there. But on the other hand, you're a prick.

I love me some "Robocop" remake updates. You know this about me. I've said it countless times. Need proof? Gaze upon my rock hard nipples while I tell you that Jennifer Ehle, who was in "Contagion", has signed on to join the cast. She'll play someone named 'Liz Kline'. I don't remember who that is from the original. But you're not thinking about that anyway are you. You're thinking you want to see me cut glass with these puppies. Well keep waiting.

Little known fact, I am not the German kid in that popular internet video where the kid freaks the F out while playing "World of Warcraft". I know it's an honest mistake, I get it all the time. I've never actually played the game but apparently people go nuts for it but the obvious big screen version has been riddled with problems. Well today's there's some good news for the project in the form of Charles Leavitt being tapped to write the script. I think that's good news. I mean he wrote "Blood Diamond". You basement dwelling virgins should be pumped he'd touch your silly game.

Good news for all of you patiently awaiting the first trailer for "Resident Evil: Retribution". January 18th will be the day that the trailer will hit the tubes, it'll then be showing in theaters that weekend before "Underworld: Awakening". The other good news for all of you who are excited about "Resident Evil: Retribution" is that men's Husky pants are on sale this weekend at Sears.

Remember how creepy little Isabelle Fuhrman was in "Orphan"? All fake teeth and crap. Well it looks like the little one is now in talks to join the cast of M. Night Shyamalan's upcoming Sifi flick "After Earth". The film tells the story of a world where people no longer live on earth and two hero's who find themselves stranded on the blue orb. Will and Jaden Smith are also a part of the cast. If there was any way I could pinch this movies cheeks I think I would.

India Eisley, who I am not at all comfortable looking up on Google, has been added to the cast of "Underworld 4: New Dawn". The little rugrat will play the daughter of everyone's favorite vampire Selene. Or at least that's what I think, honestly when I was looking this up my wife asked me why the hell I'm looking at pictures of some 17 year old and I closed everything out real quick like.

"I have two guns, one for each of ya". Look it up and this will all make sense. Warner Bros. has given the thumbs up to "Wild Guns", a new supernatural waster with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday fighting a mysterious Shaman. "Tombstone", the quote is from "Tombstone". How old are you people?!

If the very name M. Night Shyamalan drives you into fits of rage then here's a behind the scenes video of him talking about "Devil". Should get you going on a Thursday morning.

Word around campus is Universal has agreed to produce three films and a TV shows based on Stephen King's seven Dark Tower novels. None other then Ron Howard has signed on to direct the first film and TV series and if I knew how to read I'd be wetting myself with excitement right now.