Horror Headlines: Friday March 12th, 2010

So we have two more weeks until Horrorhound Weekend. Did you get your tickets yet? All of our various cliques are coming together and making our plans, from a Friday night karaoke bash where I plan on starting with Neil Diamond's “America” to Saturday's “Cheeseburger in Horrorhound Weekend-idise”, where I will intrusively push my love of Jimmy Buffett on everyone. Horror is great and all, but c'mon, even you gotta admit it gets old fast.

After the success of the ultra-tepid and mega-overrated “Paranormal Activity”, Paramount is hoping that lightning will strike twice by starting Insurge Pictures, an in-house effort that will distribute films budgeted under $100,000. While this sounds awesome at first glance, we all know this'll just become another home for Hollywood vanity project for the likes of Steven Soderburgh and George Clooney to “get back to their roots” by using digital cameras to make scathing indictments of the US military complex starring porn stars and cameos from former teen-stars trying to shed their pretty boy image. On the plus side, you might get to see James Van Der Beek's dong.

Eric Roberts has signed the dotted line to star in the SyFy movie “Sharktopus”. I know that I've been a champion of these movies in the past, but, after the release of “Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus”, I find it hard to give a damn anymore. These movies used to be reviled and spit on, which, for me, added to their charm, but, for some reason, with the release of “MS v. GO”, they became a part of the hipster culture and they became “cool” bad movies. “Hey bro, I can't make it to our Brooklyn-based indie art-rock collective band meeting tonight! SyFy has Cyndi Lauper is taking on a Spider-Megalodon!” (And, even more, am I the only one who feels like a total dick actually writing “SyFy”? That channel has gotten so pretentious I'm surprised they haven't done a Phillip K. Dick miniseries yet, with a soundtrack by Joanna Newsom.)

In Real People News: 

According to a recent study, huffing—the act of inhaling vapors to get high— has surpassed "street drugs", like marijuana, among 12-year-olds. Remember that story last week about the small condoms for 12-year-olds? WHAT THE FUCK ARE 12-YEAR-OLDS DOING? When I was 12, I had just discovered masturbation by rubbing my dick vigorously against the rim of the tub. Sex and huffing were a looooong way off.

Devotees of a Miami man claiming to practice a traditional African religion say they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them. Call me crazy, but I like to worship a God that doesn't make me drink snail mucus to prove my love to Him. I'm old-fashioned like that.

A Mexican military helicopter was spotted hovering over a South Texas neighborhood. While many residents are wondering why the military would cross into our country, I'm wondering how they were able to stuff 23 soldiers, a crate of chickens, a taco-stand and a goat named Jorge into one helicopter.

On this day in history: 

In 1930, renowned pussy Mahatma Gandhi leads a 200-mile march to the sea to protest the British monopoly on salt. This was followed a week later by a swim in the Ganges to protest the high price of Mrs. Dash.

Album Review: Arsis - "Starve for the Devil"

The idea behind east coast thrash metallers Arsis is a good one. With “Starve for the Devil” the band has attempted to bridge the gap between European style artistic metal and American-born biting, ugly metal. The end result gets caught in the tug of war between the two ideologies and never really bursts through to meld them creatively.

The Descent: Part 2 (REVIEW)

Neil Marshall's creepy 2005 subterranean horror flick "The Descent" was the first film in years to scare the crap out of me. It's a near-perfect blend of drama, suspense, jump scares, and gory action, not to mention one hell of a creature feature. The idea of a sequel never really appealed to me, especially if Marshall wasn't going to direct the picture himself. However, after watching a pair of surprisingly snazzy trailers late last year, my interest in the production started to shift, and I began to warm to the idea of another installment.

Video: New Clip From "The Killer Inside Me"

"The Killer Inside Me" has apparently caused quite a shit storm over its intense brutality and all around good times overseas. Lucky for us Americans today we get to see a clip from the much anticipated Michael Winterbottom flick. A clip of three guys riding in a car talking about something completely out of context that confuses the hell out of me. But still it's got Casey Affleck in it and that guy's a dream boat.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 11th, 2010

Lionsgate has announced that the upcoming Ryan Reynolds thriller "Buried" will hit North American theaters on September 24th. Seeing how they'll stretch this very thin premise into a feature-length film will be interesting if nothing else

Does anybody really watch these Suicide Girls DVDs? If so, I guess you're in the luck. Two new discs featuring a bevy of these horror-tinged beauties will hit retail shelves on March 16th. Make sure your insurance policy covers Carpal Tunnel Syndrome beforehand.

In Real People News: 

If a pair of women express interest after you've won a ton of money at the MGM Grand, there's a strong possibility they're going to rob you at gunpoint once you've taken your clothes off. That's what you get when you let your crotch win.

Reports are swirling around the downtown Lexington, Ky area that an extremely creepy guy riding a white bicycle has been peeping at residents over the past few weeks. If anyone is interested in crafting a sequel to "The Strangers", here's your inspiration. Creepy!

On this day in history: 

669 - Mount Etna, one of the largest volcanos in Europe, suddenly erupts, killing over 20,000 people in the process.

"Antichrist" Now Streaming On Netflix

Rejoice fine people, you can now see Willem Dafoe's bare ass without having to leave the comfort of your own home. In other words "Antichrist" is now streaming on Netflix. And based on John's review this week it's worth a view.

Demon Cop (REVIEW)

According to Internet Movie Database, it took no less than three directors -- including B-movie veteran Fred Olen Ray -- to piece together the remarkably incoherent mess that is "Demon Cop". Woeful in almost every way imaginable, the film attempts to chronicle the struggles of a former parole officer who, through circumstances which remain unclear, becomes infected with a curious disease that "makes AIDS look like the common cold".

Dream a Little Dream: My Horror Hound Weekend Brush with Corey Haim

There were plenty of celebrities at the 2009 March Horrorhound Weekend. Many whose work I have loved for so many years: the leathery and grumpy gramps that is John Saxon; the still-boobtacular Adrienne Barbeau; the “must've ate some bad food and is feeling sick, wink wink” Jason Mewes; that one really fat guy who thinks he can pull off a Freddy costume...they were all there. And as much as I'd like to meet them all, to do so at a convention just feels so, well, informal. Professional. Impersonal.

But none of that mattered to Corey Haim.

A Look Back At Corey Haim

So by now we've all heard the news about Mr. Corey Haim passing away this morning. An autopsy will be done but I think we've all pretty much figuring it's got something to do with a drug overdose.

Trailer: New Restricted "Repo Men" Preview

If you're still on the fence about "Repo Men" then take a gander at the new restricted trailer below. In the past all the clips from the film have been fairly serious but this new one makes the film look down right fun, even whimsical. Alright that might be pushing it because you still see people's insides getting ripped out but take a look and you'll see what I mean.

"Repo Men" hits theaters March 19th.

Trailer: Takashi Miike's "Zebraman 2"

Do you know what makes me happy? Takashi Miike. Do you know what makes me even happier? The impossibly awesome trailer for "Zebraman 2", which is all sorts of badass. The film, a high-concept sequel to Miike's 2004 superhero comedy "Zebraman", finds the peculiar crime fighter battling an array of dastardly villains on the black-and-white streets of Zebra City. Mark your calendars and plan your vacations accordingly, as "Zebraman 2" is scheduled to invade Japan this May. Insert giddiness here.

Trailer: "Monsters" Hits SXSW

Big giant river monsters should be scary when they pick up entire planes, but something about whatever's floating around in the new clip from "Monsters" just sounds adorable. You don't get to see the beast but you do hear a little cry it lets out from below the water. Honestly it sounds like something you'd feed fish in SeaWorld. Sure the flashing lights it let off might be some form of radiation but let's give the little bugger the benefit of the doubt.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 10th, 2010

Liev Shrieber confirms in an interview that he will not be returning for "Scream IV" since his character was killed off. And here I was thinking some convoluted 'oh he survived!' plot would be a good fit for the "Scream" franchise.

Chloe Moretz, star of the upcoming remake "Let Me In", gives us the scoop on the art direction for the film. Thankfully, Chloe assures us that their vampires "aren't cool".

Screen Gems have begun to leak their info on the upcoming "Quarantine 2" with the announcement that they've hired John Pogue to write and direct as well as their plans to take the sequel in a different direction than its Spanish original.

Actor Corey Haim has been found dead. A drug overdose is currently the leading suspicion behind his death. Condolences to the Haim family on their loss.

In Real People News: 

A humble window cleaner decided he'd had enough with dirt and grime, so he attempted to kill himself by jabbing an oversized novelty pencil into his groin. Finally, the years of being called 'pencil dick' took its toll.

At least six Jersey women have found themselves hospitalized with infection after trying to get a bit more donk in their badonka-donk. Something tells me that getting the procedures done in an alley with common window caulk wasn't the brightest move they've ever made.

Album Review: Fear Factory - "Mechanize"

You know what my favorite Fear Factory album is? Demanufacture. Do you know why? Because that album is explosive but rhythmic, deadly and passionate while still crafted and artful.

For all their metal bravado and reputation, Fear Factory's strongest asset has always been their secret ability to balance ferocity and fragility. They used to be able to precariously dance on the precipice of "too much," all the while performing a both destructive and inventive form of heavy metal.

10 Horror Tinged Fairy Tales

Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" has now invaded our theaters and our visual senses, so it seems only fitting that we take a trip down fairy tale lane. Fairy tales and horror go hand in hand; many original fairy tales are filled with terror and violence all on their own! We couldn't be content with just taking them at their face value though, can we! So today, join me as we take a look at 10 Horror Tinged Fairy Tale movies!