Unicorn Wars (Movie Review)

I loved Scooby-Doo when I was growing up. The classic monsters, the silly chase sequences, even the obvious who-done-it reveals, they all filled me with delight. I think many of us grew up with some darker animations that introduced us to horrifying imagery, but animated horror tailored specifically for grownups tends to be a bit harder to find. It’s a niche genre, but one that I’ve seen more of in recent years with films like Mad God and The Spine of Night. When I heard of Unicorn Wars, a seemingly adorable tale of teddy bears, unicorns, and war, I was very much in. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the cuddly horror story I was looking for.

Unicorn Wars, written and directed by Alberto Vázquez, takes us to a magical forest where teddy bears have waged war against the unicorns after finding a sacred book of knowledge grants them sentience and the ability to form their own society. This serves as the backdrop of the film, as we follow a troop of young bears new to the military, as well as a young unicorn searching for her mother. The film jumps between past and present in a disjointed way, causing some confusion as to what exactly is going on. I found it hard to look past the pacing and if there was humor, it didn’t land for me. This leaves me with an incredibly dark film about violence, war, military, religion, suicide, drug trips, mommy issues, and betrayal. All those themes felt empty though, and I struggled to maintain investment in the story. This film is gorgeous though. The animation is what kept me invested. It’s incredibly colorful and there’s a mix of animation styles throughout. But at 93 minutes, this felt like a slog at times.

For most of the film, we follow the story of two teddy bear brothers, Gordi (Jaione Insausti) and Azulín (Jon Goiri), who have a history of jealousy and sibling rivalry. During an assignment to search in the forest for a missing squad, the troop eats hallucinogenic glow worms, resulting in the loss of two teddy bear lives. Things go from bad to worse when the bears stumble upon unicorns. Azulín is horribly disfigured and eventually promoted to Lieutenant, touted a hero and tasked with inspiring the new recruits. There’s much more to the story, but around this time is when the film started to lose me. On the surface, it comes across packed with commentary on societal issues, but in the end, it all felt empty and meaningless. If it had scaled back to focus on just the anti-war messaging, the environmentalism messaging, or the religious hypocrisy messaging, I could have been able to enjoy it more. But all the surface-level messaging paired up with disjointed storytelling, I found myself confused more than I was invested.

Let it be known, this is not a film for children. Hopefully you have figured that out by now, but in case it needs to be said, well, I said it.