This morning my heart hurts. I don't mean like boohoo I just wanted "Titanic" and now I'm sad I mean my heart is actually in pain. I'm pretty sure it's all the coffee I drink finally catching up with me. In the past 48 hours I've had 4 giant coffees, a handful of peanuts and a sandwich. That can't be good for your system.
Word around town is that Will Smith is not so officially involved with "I Am Legend 2" as we thought he was. Well I actually didn't know they were making a sequel so I guess I didn't think anything. But you get the idea. In a recent interview Big Willy said he has no involvement with the project right now but may if the script turns out to be great. What a magical world it would be if we could all call our boss every morning and say I'm not really into work today but if it turns out to be fun there give me a ring and I'll head in. But maybe not.
"In the Dark" is a new horror anthology and today we've got some exciting casting news for one if its sequences titled "To Be Loved". Gwendolyn Sweet, whom the 15 people that still subscribe to Playboy will recognize as a model of theirs, will play the lead in the chapter that follows a young lass who looks to be sweet and innocent on the outside but has a dark twisted side that comes out behind closed doors. Full disclosure here, I subscribed to Playboy for close to ten years and for the past 2 years they call me at least once a month asking me to come back. It's pretty funny to listen to a 75 year old woman ask me about my Playboy subscription. I recommend it to everyone.
There's really nothing funny about The West Memphis Three. A true life story about 3 teens who were imprisoned for close to 10 years for a murder they didn't commit. The film about the whole ordeal titled "Devil's Knot" is in the works and today we've learned that both Dane DeHaan and Amy Ryan have been added to the cast. I mean "Devil's Knot" is kind of funny, cause you know it sounds like a porn. But other than that this is 100% serious.
Kathy Baker will always hold a special place in my heart as the slutty chick who wanted to bang Edward Scissorhands really bad. I didn't get out much as a kid. And now she's been cast in the film "Model Home" along side Monique Gabriela Curnen. The flick tells the story of a single mother who's recruited to live in unsold homes and finds herself entertaining dangerous thoughts. I have no fond memories of Monique but the first girl who saw me nude had that same name and she had weird sunken eyes so that's something I guess.
In Real People News:
Apparently there's some kind of video out there called "1 lunatic, 1ice pick" and a Canadian high school teacher showed it to her class. She's been suspended without pay. That's all I want to know about this.
Tina Majorino's mom goes to college! Haha get it? From "Napoleon Dynamite"? Is funny, no? Whatever, she's joined the cast of "True Blood" for the next season. I feel like we never have fun anymore.
I assumed "The Bunny Game" was some sort of adorable parody of "The Hunger Games" where rabbits battled to survive but apparently it's not. It's a new flick about a junkie hooker who's abducted by a truck driver and forced on a journey into nutsoland. Finally seeing a DVD release on July 17th the film has gotten a decent amount of attention due to its graphic content. And I'm guessing no bunnies. Come to think of it a bunch of rabbits killing each other might not be that adorable.
If you like Swedes, and who doesn't, you'll be happy to know that Swedish export Katia Winter has been added to the cast of the seventh season "Dexter" as a Russian stripper. Literally no one hates the Swedes, right? I mean that's the thing. Cheese, Swiss Miss, and getting along with everyone?
I've seen "Independence Day" more times then I can count and have eventually come to the conclusion that I really like the film. I've grown to accept Will Smith as a person and I can't deny Vivica A. Fox as a stripper. It was a long road and I think I'm a better person now having said that. It's being released in theaters next year in fully remastered, 3D glory on July 3rd. I probably won't see it.
How the hell can there be a trailer for a movie that doesn't come out for 5 months?! Someone needs to explain this to me. But here's the first trailer for "Men In Black 3" which doesn't come out till May 25th. I assume the DVD will be released sometime in April though so look for that.
So there's an "American psycho" remake coming obviously and today we've got some exciting news on who might be taking the lead role of Patrick Bateman. Or really I should say who novelist Bret Easton Ellis is demanding take the role or he isn't going to sign off on the film. Who does he want? Scott Disick or Miles Fisher of course. For those of you keeping track at home that's the guy who's married to one of the Kardashian's or the guy who played Tom Cruise in "Superhero Movie". It's so hard to choose, maybe both of them can split the movie.
If there's one thing the world needs more of it's vampire/comedy/horror/romance/revenge flicks. Oh and there's also some signs that lead me to believe that "Bloodsucka Jones" might be a soft core porn. But other than that the trailer looks awesome. Or maybe I should say because of that the trailer looks awesome. I don't know. I'm not god!
I don't even know what to say about this. Here's a bunch of stills and a trailer for the new zombie flick fresh out of Taiwan called "Zombie 108". Alright I'll be honest it doesn't look that crazy or anything, standard run of the mill end of the world zombie take over movie, but I'm really tired and I really have no idea what to say. I'm a giant let down I know.
In Real People News:
Home made penis enlargements never seem to work. Trust me! But here's a guy in New Jersey who's girlfriend took it upon herself to give him one and he died. Now she's in jail with a bunch of women and no penises. Should have been happy with what you had, sister.
In a world of crappy remakes I was fairly happy to see that the trailer for the upcoming "Fright Night" re-telling didn't look like complete crap. Well now we've got our first clip from the vampire classic and it looks pretty... well kind of creepy and not in a good way. No vampires, no blood and no screams. Nope, just Colin Farrell tellin' a kid that his mom is in heat. Sexy.
If you live anywhere near New York City you have no doubt heard the constant crying from the locals about the filming of "Men in Black 3". Apparently the explosions make it hard to listen to their crappy indie rock records and that just won't fly. Well a few pictures from the set have hit the tubes and honestly I have no idea what part of the city these are from but I assume there's a pale man wearing owl rimmed glasses just out of the shot cursing Will Smith.
I've completely given up on reporting anything about "The Hunger Games" because I'm pretty sure by the end of this month just about everyone who's got a page on IMDB will be attached to the film. But now Donald Sutherland has been cast as the President of one of the nations that must send it's youngsters to battle it out. That's all for now though, the only way I'll mention any more casting about this movie is if they finally put me in it.
A gaggle of new posters have dropped for the new creepy stalker film "388 Arletta Avenue" and they're emoticon-riffic. It's a new saying and it's going to be bigger than "wazzup!". The move is shot from hidden cameras that are being operated by a creeper who's following the daily activities of a young couple. I have done the exact same thing to my neighbors for the past 3 years and if you haven't stalked someone before you're really missing out on something that's truly rewarding. Start now! You'll thank me later.
In Real People News:
If you're trying to break the stereotype that wrestling is just two guys rolling around on the floor with each other you might not want to spend your time in the locker room slapping your teammates with your penis. Which is just what 4 teens in Wisconsin are being brought up on charges of sexual harassment for. This makes me wonder if the tickle fights that the wrestling team in my high school had when I was younger could have been considered a no no too.
India Eisley, who I am not at all comfortable looking up on Google, has been added to the cast of "Underworld 4: New Dawn". The little rugrat will play the daughter of everyone's favorite vampire Selene. Or at least that's what I think, honestly when I was looking this up my wife asked me why the hell I'm looking at pictures of some 17 year old and I closed everything out real quick like.
M. Night Shyamalan, Will Smith and his son Jaden. Did you just throw up from excitement? Wait a second, did you also mess your pants? The three names are that exciting aren't they! Well get ready because Sony has signed the Smith's to be in an upcoming Sci-Fi flick to be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I bet blood just shot out of your nipples too. It's that exciting!
"I have two guns, one for each of ya". Look it up and this will all make sense. Warner Bros. has given the thumbs up to "Wild Guns", a new supernatural waster with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday fighting a mysterious Shaman. "Tombstone", the quote is from "Tombstone". How old are you people?!
Word around campus is Tim Robbin might be joining the already delightful cast of the upcoming big screen adaptation of "Odd Thomas". The story follows Odd Thomas himself and his unique ability to speak to the dead and help solve the mysteries of their murders. Kind of like "Sixth Sense" only I don't think he turns out to be dead at the end. Or does he?! He doesn't, I'm pretty sure he doesn't.
And here's a 37 year old father from Minnesota who forced his two children to play a game he called "Baby Animals". What's that you might ask? Well you'll be sorry you did, because the game is pretty much the father taking off his shirt and then forcing his kids two suck on his nipples. I have no idea how you win.
Will Smith is set to drop beats, old school, as he signs on to The Legend of Cain, an epic story set around the biblical brothers Cain and Able. Smith will be playing Cain, the original badboy, with a vampiric bite.
Draco Malfoy a.k.a. Tom Felton is going to branch out from his bratty bad boy ways with a role in the 20th Century Fox sequel Rise of the Apes.
Are you a fan of elaborate special edition packages for your video game fix? You may want to check out the Zombrex Edition of Deadrising 2! For a fee of $79.99, you'll get the game as well as a heap of other shwag such as pens, notepads and more.
This past weekend AMC released the full list of writers and directors that will be heading up the first six episodes of "The Walking Dead".
In Real People News:
Salt Lake City workers received a surprise as they forced water through a damn as part of an oil spill cleanup effort. The increased pressure coming from the lake's damn forced a corpse to float to the surface.
On this day in history:
1692 - Five Salem witches are hung for the crime of witchcraft, based primarily on the accusations of little girls who were bewitched. Eventually, the village executes a total of 20 witches.
The New Zealand Parliament was evacuated due to a bomb threat. Once the package was opened, it was discovered that they were shipped a box of cluster flies. Not ones to let the government grind to a halt due to a pesky bomb scare, the officials reconvened at a local pub to continue discussions.
The literary mash-up trend is nearing overkill as author Alan Goldsher sells the rights to his upcoming Beatles zombie novel "Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion". The book is due out in June yet film rights are already sold. How many more trendy merging's will we see before this fad dies out?
Speaking of sequel news, here's one I know you've all been waiting for! Full Moon pictures, home of Charles Band and his wacky puppets, has announced "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver"! No word on if Busey will make a return to his most famous roll ever or not. (See what I did there?)
In Real People News:
On a somewhat serious note, the FCC has decided to let the MPAA add DRM to TV shows controlling what devices you are allowed to play your recordings on. Always remember; big brother is watching you.
One person in Northhampton is going to hell; it would appear upon checking the victims ID that they had struck Lord Jesus Christ with their car as he crossed the street. Although bruised and a bit battered, thankfully Lord Jesus Christ wasn't permanently injured or crucified.
On this day in history:
1941 - Running out of fuel and unable to find a suitable spot to land his Messerschmitt, Deputy Fuhrer Rudolf Hess bails out over Scotland. When Hess claims to have made the trip in order to negotiate a peace treaty with England, the Nazis declare that he was a psychotic who "lived in a state of hallucination." After the war, Hess is confined to Spandau Prison until his apparent suicide in 1987.