dexter

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 2nd, 2013

2012 saw a pretty hefty spike in exorcism films but there was something all of them were missing, Danny Trejo. The film is "The Cloth" and Trejo plays a priest that battles the forces of evil. Surprisingly the film won't be seeing a theater run but will be hitting DVD shelves on July 2nd. Which is apparently today so ya know. Go watch it or something.

Mare Winningham, who was in "Turner & Hooch " and that's all you need to know, has signed on for guest role on CBS' "Under the Dome". She'll play a caretaker who isn't what she's cracked up to be in the CBS series based on the Stephen King novel. I honestly don't remember what role she played in "Turner & Hooch" but man that was a great movie. She can't be bad can she?

Sunday nights season 8 premiere of "Dexter" on Showtime scored big ratings and now you can check out the episode on Youtube for free. For those of you not in the know this will be the last season of "Dexter" and Showtime is going all out to get folks onboard. Here's an idea on how to make people watch the show, cut the sexual tension between the bother and sister. I know I'd feel a lot more comfortable then. I don't care who's adopted it's creepy.

If you're looking for exciting behind the scenes shots from the set of "The Walking Dead" season 4 than you're in luck because AMC will be running a marathon of the series starting on July 4th sprinkled with set visits from Mr. Kevin Smith. I can't imagine what you're going to get about the upcoming season but I assume there will be some detailed reports on the Kraft services table. I'm sorry. It's all I got.

In Real People News: 

Nothing says love like your teenage son stabbing you in the chest because he decided he wanted to know what it was like to murder someone. Cause ya know, father son bonding and stuff.

Getting caught by a cop having sex in public is embarrassing. Getting caught by 25 cops having sex in public is super embarrassing. Getting caught by 25 cops while you're having sex with a potato in public is just the kind of crap that happens every day in Pennsylvania.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 11th, 2013

No surprise here, Yvonne Strahovski will reprise her role as the flower sniffing killer tart in the 8th season of "Dexter", which is set to premier on June 30th. I would of liked a surprise to be honest. Like maybe they replace her with that guy from "Chuck," but don't say anything about it. All of the sudden Dexter is banging the guy from "Chuck". Boom, surprise.

When you think Jamie Foxx you think horror. It's a fact. That's why he's going to be bringing a yet to be named anthology series to Syfy in the near future. Foxx will apparently write, produce, and direct the series and possible make a few guest appearances. If he was only a hansom debonair gentleman I'd be inclined to call Mr. Foxx the full package. Oh wait. He is. Wink wink, boys.

I feel like you don't hear much about "The Bermuda Triangle" anymore. In the 80's you couldn't spit without hitting a TV special on the mystical location, but it's been years since Geraldo even mentioned the place. But now Warner Bros. has picked up the rights to a new film focusing on the location for your to polish your mustache to. No real details have been released on the flick, but if I was a betting man I'd say a boat or a plane gets lost and then stuff happens. Just guessing here though.

"Insidious: Chapter 2" has been given a September 13th release date of this very year. Get it? That's Friday the 13th. Cause the movie is spooky and Friday the 13th is a spooky day. Spooky things.

In Real People News: 

A California man is under arrest after he stole a tractor truck and crashed it on a local highway. The reason he stole it you might ask? Well he thought he was being chased by zombies and the apocalypse had started. Yeah, he was high. Who would of thunk it?

A Indianapolis man is claiming a local dentist pulled all of his teeth out when he went in to only have three removed. I mean it's not a claim. It did happen. He just claims he didn't want all of his teeth pulled. Which honestly sounds pretty believable. Why would someone want every tooth pulled? Maybe if they were getting one of those cool gold grills? Alright case closed. This guy wanted to be pimp.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 6th, 2013

I don't want to give away my plans for Father's Day because you'll probably see it on the news but here's a small hint. It involved me battling and then befriending a bear just before we go ape shit on a local zoo for not offering brisket at their buffet BBQ. More on this at 11.

Looks like the upcoming season of Showtime's "Dexter" might in fact be its last. Nothing is official yet but CEO Leslie Moonves let on that the should would wrap after season 8, which is currently filming. I hope Dexter and his sister finally get together on the last season. Cause that's not creepy for everyone to watch.

I had forgotten that "Grave Encounters 2" was a thing but slap my ass and call me dusty because the follow up to the little haunted asylum flick that could is landing on DVD and Blu-Ray on March 12th. The plot of this one is pretty straight forward, some folks are obsessed with the footage in the original film and blah blah blah stuff happens. Don't ever slap my ass.

"Resident Evil 6" is going to come out on September 12, 2014. I don't know man, I don't know.

Remember a while ago when I said that the sci-fi Tom Cruise fronted "Oblivion" was going to hit IMax theaters prior to its official April 12th release date? Well it's not anymore, it's being pushed for that "Jurassic Park 3D" can stay in theaters a week longer. Dinosaurs > Tom Cruise.

In Real People News: 

So now you can get suspended from school for just shaping your breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun? I don't know how to feel about this.

"Dexter" Music Video Released

Yep, you heard me. Showtime is pretty clear on the fact that "Dexter" is one of it's biggest hits, and they are promoting the crap out of the upcoming season. They've just released a new "Dexter" music video from Rolfe Kent titled "Tonight's the Night - The Ice Trucker's Remix." Now I don't know anything about techno music so I don't know if the beats are actually good or not, but the imagery is pretty trippy and fun, so there's that. Check it out. Go wild. Have a dance party in your cubicle.

Horror Headlines: Monday, June 25th, 2012

I bowled 2 and a half games Saturday night and today every joint in my body is in agony. I don't think I'm going to be ready for the Olympics.

Let it be heard and make it so my friends. "Curse Of Chucky", the next chapter in the "Child's Play" franchise is officially happening. Casting is just under way but Brad Dourif will be back to voice the little monster and Don Mancini will once again write and direct. It probably goes without saying but if Jennifer Tilly isn't in it I'm probably going to throw a little hissy fit and pound on my keyboard like a child.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I use to watch "Ally McBeal". Not religiously or anything but when I was in college if it was on I wouldn't turn it off. Now that I've gotten that off my chest let's talk about how Calista Flockhart has joined the cast of the next season of "Dexter". Well at least for one episode. and I don't know what role she'll be playing. Maybe they'll have that dancing baby on too. Man that was adorable.

"I want to try to make the Heat of puppet movies." There's a sentence I never thought I'd read but that's how writer Todd Berger is looking at his new puppet murder mystery film "The Happytime Murders". He also went on to confirm that the film will be full on R-rated material, with all kinds of sex, murder and violence. Again this will all be puppets, but you know there's some sickos out there who probably pay a lot more then the price of a movie ticket to watch puppets do it so this should be exciting news for them.

Just in case you haven't had your morning coffee yet there's apparently a stage version of "The Exorcist" hitting L.A. sometime next month. Now before you go getting all up in arms the thing actually has some real names behind it. Brooke Shields will be playing Regan’s mother and there's also interest from the producers to get Malcolm McDowell in the role of Father Merrin. If things go well there's even talk of bringing the whole thing over to Broadway. Pea soup sales at the restaurants around the area are going to go through the roof.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a British girl who was awoken from a 3 month coma when an Adele song was played for her. I assume the first thing she said was, "blimey can you turn off that bloody awful wracket er? This taggers voice is like a bugger cat being murdered innit". The only reason I wrote about this was so I could make that joke. I hate Adele.

You always think you're safe leaving your kids with the same people that raised you but here's a story about a grandfather who took his grandson out on the town and got him a leg tattoo. In the grandfather's defense it was a family tradition and it was in Florida so you've got to figure this isn't that odd to see happening.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

"Chuck" star Yvonne Strahovski has just been added to the cast of season 7 of "Dexter", bringing the show's Australian quotient officially up to par with 1. She'll play a young lass helping the Miami PD solve a homicide case while peaking Dexter's interest in her past. She'll also provide the entire cast with a direct line to delicious bloomin onions.

French director Alain DesRochers has been tapped by the good folks at Millennium Films and Nu Image to direct their upcoming vampire flick "The Rising". The script follows a group of mercenaries as they travel around the jungles of Cambodia looking for missing persons. As you might of guessed they run into some vampires. Because they call it a vampire film. Now that I think of it though it would be a great twist if there wasn't a single vampire in the film.

Paramount has just picked up the rights to Libba Bray's young adult novel "The Diviners". The book takes place in the 1920's and follows a group of youngsters with secret powers as they battle the forces of evil in NYC. They also do the jitterbug I assume. Everyone did the jitterbug in the 20's.

Joseph Fiennes, of "hey that guy looks like Ali G" fame has been added to the cast of the second season of "American Horror Story". Fiennes will play the head of a institution for the criminally insane where Jessica Lange's character works. Word is there will also be some romance in the air. Some old lady on middle aged man romance. The kind of romance that makes you a little uncomfortable and kind of sick.

In Real People News: 

A 47 year old Delaware woman is under arrest after trying to seduce a 13 year old boy with pornography. That's got to be a pretty hefty blow to the self esteem. When I was 13 I'm pretty sure I would have dry humped a parked car if no one was looking and this woman has to try to trick the kid with porn. And it didn't work. Go easy on her, Delaware, she's had a rough day.

I've been on vacation for almost a week and I come back to dozens of people setting other people on fire stories. So here's one about a woman in Alaska who covered her boyfriend with lighter fluid and set him ablaze. I chose this one because most of the others were about a husband burning his wife. And I didn't want to seem like a woman hater.

Horror Headlines: Friday, June 1st, 2012

Tina Majorino's mom goes to college! Haha get it? From "Napoleon Dynamite"? Is funny, no? Whatever, she's joined the cast of "True Blood" for the next season. I feel like we never have fun anymore.

I assumed "The Bunny Game" was some sort of adorable parody of "The Hunger Games" where rabbits battled to survive but apparently it's not. It's a new flick about a junkie hooker who's abducted by a truck driver and forced on a journey into nutsoland. Finally seeing a DVD release on July 17th the film has gotten a decent amount of attention due to its graphic content. And I'm guessing no bunnies. Come to think of it a bunch of rabbits killing each other might not be that adorable.

If you like Swedes, and who doesn't, you'll be happy to know that Swedish export Katia Winter has been added to the cast of the seventh season "Dexter" as a Russian stripper. Literally no one hates the Swedes, right? I mean that's the thing. Cheese, Swiss Miss, and getting along with everyone?

I've seen "Independence Day" more times then I can count and have eventually come to the conclusion that I really like the film. I've grown to accept Will Smith as a person and I can't deny Vivica A. Fox as a stripper. It was a long road and I think I'm a better person now having said that. It's being released in theaters next year in fully remastered, 3D glory on July 3rd. I probably won't see it.

In Real People News: 

Way to go Florida! Congrats on coming up with even weirder crap than a guy eating another guy on the side of the road. Here's a story about a guy who bit the lips off of a kitten.

A Maryland man is under arrest for reportedly murdering a fellow MSU student and eating his heart and brains. Seriously what the hell is going on out there?

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Ray Stevenson, star of "Iron Eagle" 1 through 37 has been added to the cast of the next season of "Dexter". He'll play an owner a local strip club that is linked to a murder. The point here is there's a good chance there's going to be a lot of boobies.

I don't read horror comics because I only read on the bus and I'm embarrassed to be looking at silly picture books while someone is sitting next to me. Are you glad I told you that? The point is I've never read "Shambler" so I have no feelings about Bob Layton and David Michelinie being picked up to help adapt the comic about a scientist who finds a way to reanimate dead tissue for the big screen. I also don't like to read books with sex in them just in case someone is reading over my shoulder. Get to know me.

Lin Shaye, the gal who played Roy's landlord in "Kingpin", has been added to the cast of the new series "Hell Hunters". Bill Moseley and Michael Berryman are already a part of the show which follows a boy who adapts the powers of a comic book hero and hunts down scum. What's scum? Well Tom, that's bad types. Politicians, bankers, cattle-kings... Scum.... That's a "Young Guns 2" reference. You probably already knew that though.

One comic I have actually read is "Lobo" and now that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is rumored to be taking on the role of the painted one for a big screen adaptation I am its biggest fan. Unless of course if it doesn't actually happen. Then I'm just a guy who read 3 or 4 issues when he was 12 again.

In Real People News: 

So apparently it's illegal to tie someone to a tree and pelt them with eggs and beer. I'm sorry we did that to you in High School, Aron. Please accept my apology and refrain from calling the police. Although you were really wasted and may not even remember who did it. So if that's the case just ignore this whole thing.

Kids will find a way to turn anything into a crack pipe. Like your average inhaler for instance. This kid in Florida did not do that though, he just had asthma, but that didn't stop the school from confiscating his inhaler and refusing to give it back to him as he collapsed due to lack of oxygen. The war on drugs will have many casualties.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 25th, 2011

This weather is killing me. One week we're complaining about the heat and the next we're bitching about the cold. Next week I bet we'll be all up in arms about how comfortable the temperature is. I'm so lost.

The folks over at Warner Bros, or The WB as we call it in da hood, have wrapped their well manicured hands around a new futuristic action flick currently titled "Law Zero". Bruno Zacarias and Miguel de Olaso are the masterminds behind the concept and are ready to roll on production.I have no idea who those two guys are but they sound Al sol que más caliente. I have no idea what that means either. I just found it on Google.

If I had to rank the Wilson brothers in order I would for sure put Owen in the top 5. And apparently the Dowdle brothers, who brought us "Quarantine", feel the same way because he's rumored to be taking the lead in their next film which is titled "The Coup". The movie is about a American family who find themselves caught in the middle of a coup trying to escape with only their wit and the talents of their adorable talking dog, Marmaduke. I might have that last part wrong.

The big screen adaptation of Alan Robert's graphic novel "Crawl To Me" has found itself a pair of writers in the form of David White and T.J. Cimfel. The book tells the tale of a family living in an isolated country during a harsh winter that makes them question their relationship and their existence. Some of you might know Alan Robert as the bassist of the band Life Of Agony. I mention that only because their lead singer decided he wanted to be a woman and now looks hideous and I think that's hysterical.

Ray Stevenson has signed on for the next season of "Dexter", playing the leader of a Russian organized crime syndicate. Stevenson previously graced the tiny screen with his role of Titus Pullo on "Rome" and i freakin loved that show. I didn't understand 75% of it but I loved it none the less.

In Real People News: 

In case you were wondering, you can be kicked out of a Legoland store for having a tattoo of a naked Tinkerbell turning on a light switch with her lady bits visible on your leg. Just something to keep in mind.

No jokes here folks. A man was killed yesterday at the Redhook Ale Brewery in New Hampshire after a keg exploded. I know what you're expecting here. Asshole Joe to make some joke about how it's a tragedy that all that beer was lost. But I'm not going to. He was cleaning the kegs when it exploded, there wasn't any beer in it. See, I'm not a monster.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 13th, 2011

Some more details on what we can expect from season 2 of "American Horror Story" are flooding the tubes. It looks like Ryan Murphy, the shows creator, is on the hunt for a Angelina Jolie in "Girl Interrupted" to battle with Jessica Lange in the upcoming season. I've never seen that movie but I do own a copy of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and if it's anything like that I think we've got a winner.

Oh boy oh boy! Showtime has officially dropped the premier date for season 7 of "Dexter" and what a date it is! September 30th. Isn't that a good date. Just turning to Fall time. The leaves are beginning to turn. People are starting to think about Halloween. I hope to be down two pant sizes by then. It's really going to be magical.

I don't know why but I always assumed David Cronenberg didn't even own a TV. Maybe he doesn't actually but he's working on a new show called "Knifeman". The series is a medical drama that follows the happening of a radical self-educated surgeon. Cronenberg will direct the pilot and play the producer role for the series. No word on what station this one will be on but I can't imagine Fox Family is going to pick it up.

I have no idea how to pronounce Karel Roden's name but he's been cast as a mad scientist in the upcoming film "Frankenstein's Army". The movie takes place towards the end of the second World War and finds the Russian army uncovering a creepy breed of living dead monsters that fight for the Nazi's. Sounds adorable.

In Real People News: 

"Excuse me ma'am. Have you seen this penis?" I'm not positive but I assume that's what a cop in Connecticut said when he showed a series of women a picture of his privates after stopping them for traffic violations. I mean that's what I would have gone with.

It's always upsetting when you think you've found the perfect job and then it turns out someone has turned the bathrooms into a piss dungeon. Or if the coffee sucks. Either one of those things are awful.

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