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Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 6th, 2013

I don't want to give away my plans for Father's Day because you'll probably see it on the news but here's a small hint. It involved me battling and then befriending a bear just before we go ape shit on a local zoo for not offering brisket at their buffet BBQ. More on this at 11.

Looks like the upcoming season of Showtime's "Dexter" might in fact be its last. Nothing is official yet but CEO Leslie Moonves let on that the should would wrap after season 8, which is currently filming. I hope Dexter and his sister finally get together on the last season. Cause that's not creepy for everyone to watch.

I had forgotten that "Grave Encounters 2" was a thing but slap my ass and call me dusty because the follow up to the little haunted asylum flick that could is landing on DVD and Blu-Ray on March 12th. The plot of this one is pretty straight forward, some folks are obsessed with the footage in the original film and blah blah blah stuff happens. Don't ever slap my ass.

"Resident Evil 6" is going to come out on September 12, 2014. I don't know man, I don't know.

Remember a while ago when I said that the sci-fi Tom Cruise fronted "Oblivion" was going to hit IMax theaters prior to its official April 12th release date? Well it's not anymore, it's being pushed for that "Jurassic Park 3D" can stay in theaters a week longer. Dinosaurs > Tom Cruise.

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So now you can get suspended from school for just shaping your breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun? I don't know how to feel about this.

Horror Headlines: Monday, July 16th, 2012

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a couple days. I just had a lot going on. A wedding, my child's first birthday party and a house full of out of town guests. Look I said I'm sorry! You know I don't get paid for this right? I do this out of the kindness of my heart. You should get down on your knees and kiss my feet every day you get to enjoy my news. Look I'm sorry, that last part might have been a little bit too far. God I said I'm sorry! What do you want from me?! You're such a prick sometimes!

We're a few months away from Halloween but the good folks overt at Universal Studios have dropped word that both "The Walking Dead" and "Silent Hill" will be featured in this year's Halloween Horror Nights. No word yet on what the attractions will be just yet but if I was to guess I'd think for "The Walking Dead" you'll just chase a little kid around a farm for 2 hours and eventually get killed because his stupid ass won't stay in the house.

Despite earlier word that there was no chance in hell the film was going to happen it looks like Guillermo del Toro is very much looking forward to making "Hellboy 3". In a recent interview the ever busy director let loose that him and Ron Perlman are together and trying to make the flick happen. He also went on to say that he's still very much interested in making "At The Mountains Of Madness". He also confirmed that there is in fact an Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and he owns a Unicorn.

The good folks over at Showtime are teaming up with the gang that brought you "Hung" for a new supernatural thriller series titled "Sleep No More". No word on filming or air dates but the series will focus on a small town where the dead continue to return from the grave. I can't stop giggling over "Hung".

"Community" star Gillian Jacobs has signed on to costar with Ken Marino in a new horror/comedy titled "Milo". The project follows Duncan, played by Marino, a guy who thinks he has a demon living inside his stomach that's causing all his ailments. I thought the same thing the last time I ate at Denny's. Moons Over My Hammy. Am I right?

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I know I've only been a parent for a year now but I'd like to think I'll never get to the point where I lock my little bundle of joy in a chicken coop and force her to wear a shock collar. I mean I can't say for 100% sure it won't happen. I just like to think I'll never get there.

A 27 year old California woman is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend for bringing her the wrong beer. I'm not saying I support domestic violence but sometimes I think the law should go light on people. Just saying.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 5th, 2011

Trouble in Miami kids. It looks like Showtime and Michael C. Hall have yet to come to an agreement on a contract to extend Hall's run as "Dexter" two more seasons. Seems that Hall wants a shit load more money and Showtime only wants to give him a crap load. It's getting pretty heated. If an agreement can't be reached it looks like season 6, which premiered this past weekend could be the last.

The list of people who want nothing to do with "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" continues to grow with one Miss Blake Lively now passing on the leading role. Natalie Portman, Emma Stone and Mia Wasikowska have also given a big "aww hell no" to the role. I don't want to jinx it but this sounds like wonderful news for Monica Keena. It's only a matter of time before she gets offered the role.

A bunch of new stills have found their way onto writer/director Darren Bousman's twitter page for "The Barrens", a new flick that follows a family on a camping trip where they run into the Jersey Devil. Hunky "True Blood" star Stephen Moyer takes lead in this one along with Mia Kirshner, who I don't know but from her IMDB picture I assume is a ball buster. I mean that in the best way possible.

"The Lost Coast Tapes" is a new found footage flick that follows a group who encounter the one and only Bigfoot. The forest beast not the monster truck. Although that would be pretty cool if it was just a bunch of kids being chased around by a giant truck. Anyway this isn't that. It's about the big hairy guy from the beef jerky commercials. I think we've gone off topic though. Take a look at the new poster for the flick. It's got a guy impaled on a tree. Grave Digger would probably be scarier anyway.

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It's Halloween time kids and that means all kinds of creative lawn decorations. Like this one in North Carolina of a fake body stuffed under a riding lawn mower. Of course people in North Carolina are pretty dumb so a bunch of people called 911 when they saw it and a big to do broke out. Silly hicks.

Good news, Canada! You can now legally dress up like a woman, watch Simpsons porn and have sex with a Cabbage Patch Doll hooked up to a vacuum cleaner without fear of legal persecution. Long live freedom!

Horror Headlines: Thursday, September 8th, 2011

About a week before season 5 ended Showtime started promoting season 6 of
"Dexter" but on October 6th we finally get some new action. In preparation of this event the Show people have released a brand spanking new promo clip and I'm not going to lie Mos Def and Colin Hanks have my sexy parts all a buzz with excitement. Not in a weird way. A completely natural way. Get your mind out of the gutter.

"Warm Bodies" is a book by Mr. Isaac Marion about a zombie in love with a living girl and it looks like good old John Malkovich has signed on to a play the role of the bad guy in the big screen adaptation. I've never read the book so that's all I got. Please note your bill does not include tip.

Oh you go to hell Hollywood. You go to hell and die! It looks like there's some rumblings in the valley that the next installment of the "Friday the 13th" series is being reworked to use found footage. Nothing's been confirmed yet and a script hasn't been sold so let's all hold hands and pray this doesn't happen. Why yes I do use moisturizer. Thank you for noticing.

I don't think anyone knows what to make of "The Thing" prequel yet but if the new clip that was just released is any indication it looks like the flick will be loaded with crappy jump scares. Well alright maybe some people know what to make of it. The rest of us are still trying to figure out how to watch a video on this stupid iPad. It's like a really expensive coaster.

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Man it's been a while since we've seen a good "the devil made me do it" story and what better way to get back into the swing of things than with a guy who claims he attacked a cop with a spatula for that very reason. It really feels like all is right in the world again. Do you think they'll bring back "Deadwood" now?

And here's a man in Massachusetts who stabbed a kid with a pair of chopsticks.... yes he's Asian... you racist pricks.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Hot pockets kids! Looks like there's a film in the works based on the Matterhorn rollercoaster ride at Disneyland. Currently titled "The Hill" the film will focus on a group travelers who head to the top of a mountain and encounter a bunch of Yeti's on the way down. Then their lap bars hit them in the nuts and they walk around funny for the rest of the day. I added that part but it would make it really authentic to the ride experience so I'm pretty sure they'll include it.

Because the teat isn't completely dry the good people at Lionsgate will be putting out a special 25th anniversary edition of Sam Raimi's
"Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn". In all fairness it'll be on Blu-Ray and it'll have a boat load of new interviews and commentaries but honestly at this point what more can you say. "Oh hey I never noticed that chair in the corner of the room before. Let's talk about that".

Steven Spielberg and Stephen King are teaming up with Showtime to create a new series based on King's 2009 novel "Under the Dome". The story focuses on a group of vacationers in Maine who begin battling after a strange force field appears over their town. Wasn't that the basis of "The Simpsons Movie"? I hope this one is funny too and makes a lot of doughnut references.

Looks like Amy Adams is being eyed by Warner Bros. to take the lead in the upcoming remake of "The Orphanage". Nothing's been confirmed yet but Adams would play the role of a woman who takes over the orphanage where she was raised only to find that the imaginary friends her son is playing with are out to get her. I don't know who played that part in the original and honestly I don't care. There's no way she was as adorable as Amy Adams. Once again the USA makes things better.

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You never know when love will strike. Sometimes it'll be at a book store, sometimes it'll be at Burger King and other times it'll be in a pool while looking at a sexy inflatable raft. What makes it better is that the Ohio man who is up on charges for having relations with the flotation device was arrested last year for getting it on with an inflatable pumpkin. I wonder if the pumpkin is jealous.

Some people just want to be friends. But apparently it's illegal to send a friend request to a guy who's on trial while you're sitting on the jury. Apparently you can't talk about the trial on your wall either. I think if it was Myspace this guy would have been ok. Myspace is where the deviants hang out.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 25th, 2011

A fistfull of clips from the upcoming second season of "The Walking Dead" have hit the tubes and before you go getting all excited I should tell you that all of them are about ten seconds long. Not that you can't do some really good stuff in ten seconds. Sometimes ten seconds is all you need if something is really good. Ten seconds can completely please a woman... or viewer. Whatever. What were we talking about?

Showtime looks to be working on a new series titled "The Damned" which is based on the graphic novel of the same name. For those of you who think reading is stupid even if there's a bunch of pictures the story focuses on 3 demon families who run an underground soul trafficking circuit during prohibition. Not drinking ruins everything.

Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson and Kevin Hart are rumored to all be on board for the 2012 release of "Scary movie 5". Because we all demanded there be more "Scary Movie" films. Of course now we regret it. Man Harvey Wallbangers can really mess up an evening am I right? They can also cause people to think "Scary Movie 5" is a good idea.

Lily Rabe has squinty eyes and 20 credits on her IMDB, none of which I have seen, and now she's been confirmed for the cast of FX's new wack job series "American Horror Story". The new show will focus on a family that moves into a new creepy home in the aftermath of the fathers infidelity. Then they all put on rubber suits or something. I don't know the promo frightens me.

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I have no idea how this happened but here's a Kansas woman who was cleaning her yard after a storm and accidentally got a tree branch shoved into her nose, through her eye socket, then to her sinus cavity and eventually ended up touching her brain. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing but apparently she's alive but is most likely frightened of every tree within a 50 mile radius.

Of course here's a story about a woman who was killed after the tow truck that was trying to get her car out of the sand had it's tow thingy snap off and fly into her windshield and eventually into her face. So I guess the tree up the nose thing isn't that bad after all.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 25th, 2011

Showtime has picked up the rights to "Chew", a new series they'll be putting out based on the comic book of the same name. The show will follow a federal agent who has psychic abilities based on the food he eats. I have absolutely no idea how that works but the idea that the twenty piece McNuggets I just had could predict the lotto numbers is blowing my mind.

"The Taint", "All About Evil" and "Kidnapped" have all been selected for this year's Tromadance Film Fest that will take place from April 22-23 in Asbury Park, NJ. Bill Plympton will also be premiering some new shorts at the event and I assume there's going to be some dancing. Probably a lot of dancing actually. Giant big semi-overweight dancing... Entry is free!

In what might be the most disappointing there I've seen this year there is a new red band trailer for "Nude Nuns with Big Guns" on the tubes. I say disappointing because red band implies there's going to be awesomeness that you can't show in a regular trailer, but this contains none of that. Oh sure there's some blood and I may of even seen a nip but there nothing that lives up to the movie's name. I'm crying right now as I type this.

In response to the rumors surrounding the sequel to "Deadgirl" writer Trent Haaga has taken to his blog to set the record straight. Haaga states that the not only are the rumors that he wrote a script where a group of women find the body of a dead boy are completely false and goes on to say that if a sequel does happen he won't be involved. Truth be told I thought Haaga started these rumors so now I'm completely confused. If you can't trust a guy who writes a movie about necrophilia than who can you trust?

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A 40 year old man in the UK has been arrested after he broke into a farm, covered himself in cow crap and then went to town on himself. And by that I mean he made love to himself. Although I can't imagine there was much love involved. The worst part? This isn't the first time he's been arrested for the cow doodie lovin.

Is it wrong that I find this kind of hot? Police in Pennsylvania found 50 bags of heroin and $51.22 in cash inside a 27 year old women after giving her a cavity search. The heroin is nuts but somewhat understandable, the 51$ bucks is weird but ok I get it... but 22 cents? What the hell?!

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 2nd, 2010

I have no idea if this is a surprise or news at all, but a sixth season of "Dexter" has been confirmed. In related news the sun will in fact rise tomorrow and I will still not have clean underthings.

If I have to explain to you what "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus" is about then I don't think we can be friends anymore. All you need to know is it hits DVD on December 21st and there's a new trailer for it. Oh and you should probably know that I want to see other people too, but that doesn't have anything to do with the movie.

This on the other hand is very much news. September 16, 2011 will be the most magical day ever because "Piranha 3DD" will hit theaters. We should all go camp outside the theater now so we can get the first tickets.

Bill Moseley and Civil War horror movies go together like sex and peanut butter. That's a fact. So here's some new pictures of him and the rest of the gang in "Exit Humanity". Of course the movie was filmed in Toronto so maybe this is some other Civil War they had over maple syrup something. Beats me.

In Real People News: 

A Pennsylvania man has been jailed after getting all loopy on a mixture of prescription pills and alcohol and beating the crap out of his roommate. Why did he do this? Well he was so high that he thought he was a Jedi Master of course.

If you can rob a gas station with a 3 foot long tree branch you shouldn't have to face any prison time. That's a fact and I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the constitution right next to "being awesome" is a perfectly good reason for driving drunk. I love freedom.

Dexter Animated Webisodes Look Incredible

Coming October 25th over at Showtime's official site, animated webisodes telling stories of a young Dexter Morgan, star of their hit television show "Dexter".

Check out the trailer below. According to the video, the series is animated by four of today's "top graphic artists", and the results definitely show. I personally can't get enough of Dexter, so I'm looking forward to this as a little pre-Halloween treat. Check it out, and leave your feedback below!

Two New Clips From "Dexter"

If you didn't catch the premier of "Dexter" this past Sunday you missed out. Not only because we got two serious shots of John Lithgow's ass but also because things got pretty intense in the last ten minutes. I won't spoil it for those of you who didn't watch yet. Pretty awesome all around though.

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