10. John Dies at the End
Again, being caught up simply in the story, “John Dies at the End” stands out for simply going against the grain. The story is nonsensical times, but it has a definite destination and it gets us there. It just has a lot of fun on the ride there. Formulas are easy, so it’s nice to see a film that throws said formula to the way side.
The names keep being added to the upcoming murder cover up being advised by a talking cat and dog flick "The Voices". Next on the list of additions is Jacki Weaver, who I find strangely attractive even though she's just shy of 100 I think. No word on what role she'll be playing and honestly I don't know what my deal is with her. I don't understand what's going on with my downstairs half the time in all honesty.
The folks over at Lionsgate and Summit have picked up a new zombie comedy flick titled "You'll Be the Death Of Me". Produced by the same folks that brought you "Warm Bodies". Details are pretty loose but it sounds like it's about a couple falling in love in NYC while a killer's on the loose. So ya know, all kinds of yuk yuks to be had for your funny bone.
I'm still somewhat confused by what the hell was going on in "Pontypool" but the film's writer, Tony Burgess and leading man, Stephen McHattie have both signed up for "Hellmouth", a new film about a dark journey to find the mystery behind a local cemetery. John Geddes of "Exit Humanity" fame is set to direct.
John and Drew Dowdle, the fellas behind "Quarantine" have lined up "As Above, So Below" as their next project. The film is still being cast but is set to follow two archaeologists as they search the tunnels below Paris for treasure. I bet it smells like armpits down there.
In Real People News:
Ya know if a first date isn't going well why not just take the opportunity to car jack your not fun date's car? I wish I had thought of that back in my crying myself to sleep days.
A Salt Lake City Mormon bishop fended off an attacker trying to assault his neighbor with a Samurai sword. I don't know where we go from here, folks.
As the "Game of Thrones" fans will tell you, 'winter is coming'. And with it a new batch of horror flicks that genre fans can get relatively excited about during the post-Halloween hangover. So here's 9 to look out for during the winter to come...
9. Beautiful Creatures
Date: February 1
Director: Richard LaGravenese
Cast: Alice Englert, Viola Davis, Emmy Rossum & Emma Thompson
I've yet to really figure out if "The Mechanical Grave" is some weird low budget steampunk mess or some really high budget porno but from the lack of dry humping in the new trailer I'm afraid it might be the first. Because of that I got bored when I was reading the description but it looks like it's some sort of murder mystery set in the 1800's where steam powered robots run around and crap. If this does turn out to be a porn just tag on "and then they screw" to that description.
Lizzy Caplan, who was the freaky girl in "Mean Girls" and then the easy girl in "True Blood and "Party Down" is the latest name to be tossed into the "Warm Bodies" ring. For those of you not familiar with the book which the film is being based on it follows a zombie who falls in love with a living girl. And then the screw. Again, only in the porn version.
"The Healer" is a new flick about two teenage girls who go on a camping trip only to find themselves lost in the haunted woods. Seriously, every story sounds like porn today I know. But Peter Bogdanovich, who I thought was dead, looks to be joining the cast and I'm 99% sure that guy has never done porn in his life. Or at least he didn't do it under that name. Might have used the name Rod Steele or something cool like that.
"Undocumented" follows a group of film makers who set out to make a documentary about illegal immigration and find themselves being interrogated by the the US border patrol after they follow a group of Mexicans trying to cross the border. Then I think they get the crap kicked out of them or something, the trailer isn't very clear. I don't know but it makes me love freedom.
In Real People News:
I have no idea why you would do this but here's a story about a woman who died shortly after she injected hot beef fat into her face. I don't know why but I intend to find out.
And speaking of things I don't know understand. Here's a guy who tried to burn off his genitals on a BBQ in a public park. Enjoy.
About a week before season 5 ended Showtime started promoting season 6 of "Dexter" but on October 6th we finally get some new action. In preparation of this event the Show people have released a brand spanking new promo clip and I'm not going to lie Mos Def and Colin Hanks have my sexy parts all a buzz with excitement. Not in a weird way. A completely natural way. Get your mind out of the gutter.
"Warm Bodies" is a book by Mr. Isaac Marion about a zombie in love with a living girl and it looks like good old John Malkovich has signed on to a play the role of the bad guy in the big screen adaptation. I've never read the book so that's all I got. Please note your bill does not include tip.
Oh you go to hell Hollywood. You go to hell and die! It looks like there's some rumblings in the valley that the next installment of the "Friday the 13th" series is being reworked to use found footage. Nothing's been confirmed yet and a script hasn't been sold so let's all hold hands and pray this doesn't happen. Why yes I do use moisturizer. Thank you for noticing.
I don't think anyone knows what to make of "The Thing" prequel yet but if the new clip that was just released is any indication it looks like the flick will be loaded with crappy jump scares. Well alright maybe some people know what to make of it. The rest of us are still trying to figure out how to watch a video on this stupid iPad. It's like a really expensive coaster.
In Real People News:
Man it's been a while since we've seen a good "the devil made me do it" story and what better way to get back into the swing of things than with a guy who claims he attacked a cop with a spatula for that very reason. It really feels like all is right in the world again. Do you think they'll bring back "Deadwood" now?