friday the 13th

Horror Headlines: Monday September 16th, 2013

"Mama" director Andres Muschietti is apparently in talks with the folks over at Universal to take on the directing role of the upcoming "The Mummy" reboot. No real details have come out about the film but it will take place in modern time and the cast from the previous films will not make an appearance. You ever see that episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine takes the Asian woman from her nail saloon to see "Rochelle Rochelle" but Bette Midler isn't in the show that night and they freak out? That's me right now but replace Bette Midler with Brendan Fraser.

The good folks over at Magnolia Pictures are on the verge of striking a deal that would land them the rights to Ti West's "The Sacrament". A new found footage film, "The Sacrament" follows two reporters as they try to escape from a community outside the US after one of their sisters turns up missing. No word on when or how the film will be released but for the first time I'm going to go ahead and say I think a Ti West movie sounds interesting. Now who wants a hug?

Sean S. Cunningham, the fella who directed the original "Friday the 13th", has dropped word that he expects a new F13 film to see the light of day sometime in 2015 if all goes according to plan. He also let out that the movie will not be a continuation of the 2009 remake but will in fact be a new story. I don't know if that's good or bad but I suppose it's best to keep positive right? Seriously, someone hug me. I just want to be loved.

6 year old Kennedi Clements has landed the role of Madison in the upcoming "Poltergeist" remake. For those of you keeping score at home this is the Carol Anne role from the original movie. So ya know, good luck sleeping at night for the rest of your life Kennedi. Also, what are your parents doing letting you read this website?

In Real People News: 

The shocking thing isn't that this couple in South Carolina got caught having sex inside a Home Depot shed display. No the shocking thing was that it happened at 8:30 in the morning. What the hell are these people eating for breakfast? I usually have my greek yogurt and coffee around 8 and I can honestly say I'm not good till around 11.

A 31 year old Washington man is under arrest after he was found " target="_blank">making love to himself on the side of the road as traffic flew by. HIs excuse was pretty solid though, he reportedly told cops he was "working for Jehovah" and "spreading God’s word." Wish I would of thought of that when I was 16 and my mom walked in on me.

"The Slasher Movie Book": Interviewing Author J.A. Kerswell

J.A. Kerswell is the author and creator of "The Slasher Movie Book"; a glorified history anthology focused on the slasher sub-genre. The book includes a detailed and comprehensive timeline for the slasher genre and its global releases. Not only are there descriptions for each movie and time period, Kerswell includes theatrical posters and B-movie images. I have to say personally that I love my copy and hold it as a totem to horror! Fans of the slasher genre will get a kick out of what it teaches.

Horror Icon Mini-Marathon: STEVE MINER

Director Steve Miner has had more than an interesting directing career; he has had several interesting directing careers within the span of a single artist’s lifetime.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 17th, 2013

Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights already sounds pretty dandy with a "Cabin In the Woods" maze being announced this year and now there's news that a "Evil Dead" maze will be landing in both Hollywood and Orlando parks. I for one am very excited for the opportunity to see a morbidly obese man dressed up as Ash. I think that's probably the way we'd all want it at least.

"The Conjuring" doesn't come out until this Friday but New Line is throwing caution to the wind and already working on a sequel for the film. Based on what's supposed to a be a true story the film follows paranormal investigators who try to help a family being terrorized by an evil spirit. Early reviews have been decent, there's a solid chance this will be a hit and I've been sleeping pretty well so I say let's just go for it.

Good news? Platinum Dunes producer Brad Fuller took to the twitters to answer the question of when a "Friday the 13th" sequel would begin production. It looks like fairly soon actually, within the next month once they finish off their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles project. I can't begin to tell you how filthy that last sentence made me feel.

I completely forgot that this movie was happening but it looks like "Paranormal Activity 5" is being pushed to next year, with a January 6, 2014 being lined up. No word on why the change is being made but if I was a betting man I'd put my money on... honestly I have no idea. Trouble finding the right cleavage for the film? They've got to be running out of actresses who are willing to prance around in a tank top pretending to be afraid of ghosts at this point.

In Real People News: 

Being pregnant has got to be pretty miserable and I can imagine towards the end you've got to be looking for any way to get things going. But this woman who was struck by lightning and then gave birth probably would've just put up with the constant peeing for a couple more weeks. I don't know though. I don't have lady parts.

Here's what you've been waiting for. A half hour infomercial for the 2013 Gathering of the Juggalos.

Horror Headlines: Monday July 15th, 2013

Three new characters have been confirmed for the second season of A&E's "Bates Motel". It looks like Norma is going to get a new boyfriend, a new friend in town and a brother who shows up in town. Chances are they'll all be dead before the end of the season but for now let's just sit back and drink in all the love I feel flowing in this post. God that feels good inside you doesn't it?

Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, the guys who wrote the "Friday the 13th" remake have apparently gotten in bed with the folks at New Line for a new horror flick that they are apparently calling a "potential franchise starter". No other details are available but they've also said the film won't be found footage and won't be micro-budget. They didn't say it won't be awful though. So ya know, that's still on the table.

Elijah Wood is producing a horror-comedy film called "Cooties". Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack MacBrayer, Jorge Garcia and Nasim Pedrad have all been added to the movie about a group of rabid kids who terrorize their teachers. I assume all of these people will be teachers, or this will be the worst "teen" casting since "Scream 4".

Paul Reiser, the poor man's Richard Lewis, has been added to the cast of "Life After Beth". John C. Reilly and Aubrey Plaza are also in the film about a man who tries to reconnect with his girlfriend after she comes back from the dead. No joke here. Paul Reiser is awful at everything he does and must be stopped. If you say "Mad About You" was great I will slap the taste out of your mouth. If you say you don't know what "Mad About You" is I will slap the taste out of your mouth.

In Real People News: 

I had no idea there was a thing called "the third rail" on the NYC subway system rails. I wish someone had warned me though, because this guy in Brooklyn died after being electrocuted when he pissed on it. I rode the subway for 13 years. I'm lucky to be alive.

An Oklahoma man is under arrest after a woman caught him looking into her house while he was hiding in her septic tank. How does that even work? I always thought those were underground. I need some sort of diagram to even understand how this happened.

BGH Classic Pack - Remake-Apolooza!

Over at the podcast, few topics get our hackles up as much as remakes. Offensive. Derivative. Misguided. You name it, we've said it.

If you missed out on some of our more vitriolic podcast episodes, now's your chance to enjoy the hate. Our first BGH Classic pack offers the chance to re-live the drama.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 23rd, 2012

Blake Masters, which sounds like a porn name, has been picked up by Paramount to pen the script for their upcoming big screen adaptation of "Insurrection". The film will focus on a clone who decides to stand up to the corporation who created him and sent his fellow remakes to battle for them. In case you're wondering my porn name would be Jack Hammer.

I've kind of had my eye on the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" remake, simply titled "Silent Night" because I think remakes of horror flicks that were never that good to begin with can be just fine. This one also has Malcolm McDowell in it so it can't be that bad, right? Well we'll all get to find out on November 30th, which just so happens to be the DVD release date the film has been slapped with. It's creepy to hear me say I have my eye on something right? I'm not going to be offended if you tell me you're a little uncomfortable.

I love the "Friday the 13th" franchise just as much as the next guy but at this point I've shelled out enough money for DVD and VHS versions of the films that I kind of feel like Jason should come to my house and cook me dinner. But now that Warner Brothers has acquired the fights to the films it looks like there may be updated Blu-Ray versions of 1 - 8 in the series so I may have to throw down some more cash. If you remember a few years back the flicks did hit Blu-Ray but in a crappy no new features pretty much DVD quality version which made me want to punch things. You probably didn't know the punch things stuff. I mean unless you can read my mind that is. God I hope you can't read my mind.

Jillian Murray of "The Graves" and "Wild Things: Foursome" fame has been added to the cast of "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero", a film I had forgotten was going to be made. This time around we find ourselves with a party cruise that runs ashore on a medical center where a deadly virus has broken out. I'll just say it now... If the film doesn't cast anyone from "Boy Meets World" I'm not watching it. You've been warned.

In Real People News: 

A Minnesota woman didn't even bother trying to prove her lover was not being faithful and just went ahead and tried to cut his head off after she wasn't satisfied with his proclamation of love. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.

A New Jersey mother is in big trouble after she boarded her 9 year old daughter's school bus and slapped the young lass's bully silly. I pray this was caught on camera for next season of Real Housewives. It sounds like such a Teresa thing to do.

Snapshots: Just what I need, more Jason...

Thanks NECA, I was just thinking I needed more ways to convince my co-workers I'm a creepy weirdo. Now you give me this. Clearly I have no choice... This replica from "The Final Chapter" just debuted at the Toy Fair, so it's not on store shelves yet. Be patient my friend, be patient...

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