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Horror Headlines: Monday July 15th, 2013

Three new characters have been confirmed for the second season of A&E's "Bates Motel". It looks like Norma is going to get a new boyfriend, a new friend in town and a brother who shows up in town. Chances are they'll all be dead before the end of the season but for now let's just sit back and drink in all the love I feel flowing in this post. God that feels good inside you doesn't it?

Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, the guys who wrote the "Friday the 13th" remake have apparently gotten in bed with the folks at New Line for a new horror flick that they are apparently calling a "potential franchise starter". No other details are available but they've also said the film won't be found footage and won't be micro-budget. They didn't say it won't be awful though. So ya know, that's still on the table.

Elijah Wood is producing a horror-comedy film called "Cooties". Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack MacBrayer, Jorge Garcia and Nasim Pedrad have all been added to the movie about a group of rabid kids who terrorize their teachers. I assume all of these people will be teachers, or this will be the worst "teen" casting since "Scream 4".

Paul Reiser, the poor man's Richard Lewis, has been added to the cast of "Life After Beth". John C. Reilly and Aubrey Plaza are also in the film about a man who tries to reconnect with his girlfriend after she comes back from the dead. No joke here. Paul Reiser is awful at everything he does and must be stopped. If you say "Mad About You" was great I will slap the taste out of your mouth. If you say you don't know what "Mad About You" is I will slap the taste out of your mouth.

In Real People News: 

I had no idea there was a thing called "the third rail" on the NYC subway system rails. I wish someone had warned me though, because this guy in Brooklyn died after being electrocuted when he pissed on it. I rode the subway for 13 years. I'm lucky to be alive.

An Oklahoma man is under arrest after a woman caught him looking into her house while he was hiding in her septic tank. How does that even work? I always thought those were underground. I need some sort of diagram to even understand how this happened.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, June 18th, 2012

The folks over at New Line have set their sights on a remake of the 1973 murder mystery film "The Last of Sheila". As of now they've yet to settle on a writer or director for the movie that revolves around a group of people invited to a scavenger hunt aboard a yacht owned by a man whose wife was killed in a hit and run a year earlier. I have no idea how you have a scavenger hunt on a boat so that's really what I'm interested to find out here. Also if someone uses the words "poop deck".

We already know that "The Woman in Black: Angels of Death" is in the works. Remember when I told you about that? You don't, do you. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time coming up with witty comments day after day. Well maybe you'll listen to this! According to Hammer CEO Simon Oakes there are hopes that "The Woman in Black" will live on well past 2 films and become a franchise of sorts. Maybe it could even spawn other story lines. Like "The Woman In Plaid", about a ghost who terrorized hillbillies in the woods or something. This is going to be big.

Cam Gigandet, who's last name is impossible to pronounce, will be joining Emily Browning in a new film titled "Plush". Gigandet plays a psychic doctor who helps patients get over their past by drilling down into their memories. Browning plays a young teen who possesses the same gift. "I'm in your head!", "Well now I'm in your head!". And hilarity ensues.

Little known writer Jay Basu and UK director Tom Green have been picked up to bring "Monsters 2", the follow up to the the 2010 mumble core underground little movie that could. The only way I could be excited about this is if the real Tom Green, the bum bum song guy, was directing and starring in it. In fact I would only be excited about this if it was titled "Freddy Got Fingered 2".

In Real People News: 

Ya know everyone seems to hate bullies these days so I'm a little surprised that this teacher in Texas has been fired for having his class line up and slap a known bully in the face one by one. And in Texas of all places. I thought they loved violence. I'm disappointed.

We've all hated our neighbors at one time or another. Honestly in the 10 years I've lived on my own I've probably spoken to my neighbors a total of 0 times. I just keep it gangsta. But this woman in South Carolina went a different direction and decided to throw a pan of hot grease at hers after they had an argument. Now that I think of it she might be keeping it gangsta and I just kind of keep it quiet.

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