monsters 2

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, June 18th, 2012

The folks over at New Line have set their sights on a remake of the 1973 murder mystery film "The Last of Sheila". As of now they've yet to settle on a writer or director for the movie that revolves around a group of people invited to a scavenger hunt aboard a yacht owned by a man whose wife was killed in a hit and run a year earlier. I have no idea how you have a scavenger hunt on a boat so that's really what I'm interested to find out here. Also if someone uses the words "poop deck".

We already know that "The Woman in Black: Angels of Death" is in the works. Remember when I told you about that? You don't, do you. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time coming up with witty comments day after day. Well maybe you'll listen to this! According to Hammer CEO Simon Oakes there are hopes that "The Woman in Black" will live on well past 2 films and become a franchise of sorts. Maybe it could even spawn other story lines. Like "The Woman In Plaid", about a ghost who terrorized hillbillies in the woods or something. This is going to be big.

Cam Gigandet, who's last name is impossible to pronounce, will be joining Emily Browning in a new film titled "Plush". Gigandet plays a psychic doctor who helps patients get over their past by drilling down into their memories. Browning plays a young teen who possesses the same gift. "I'm in your head!", "Well now I'm in your head!". And hilarity ensues.

Little known writer Jay Basu and UK director Tom Green have been picked up to bring "Monsters 2", the follow up to the the 2010 mumble core underground little movie that could. The only way I could be excited about this is if the real Tom Green, the bum bum song guy, was directing and starring in it. In fact I would only be excited about this if it was titled "Freddy Got Fingered 2".

In Real People News: 

Ya know everyone seems to hate bullies these days so I'm a little surprised that this teacher in Texas has been fired for having his class line up and slap a known bully in the face one by one. And in Texas of all places. I thought they loved violence. I'm disappointed.

We've all hated our neighbors at one time or another. Honestly in the 10 years I've lived on my own I've probably spoken to my neighbors a total of 0 times. I just keep it gangsta. But this woman in South Carolina went a different direction and decided to throw a pan of hot grease at hers after they had an argument. Now that I think of it she might be keeping it gangsta and I just kind of keep it quiet.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 17th, 2011

Richard Norton, and Australian actor you've probably never heard of but is frightening as hell, has signed on to play a number roles in the upcoming Mad Max film titled "Fury Road". Most notably he'll take on the Toecutter role, aka the main bad guy in the movie and this seems fitting because he looks like he eats puppies for fun.

They're still putting Michael Cera in movies? Super! Anywho! "Magic, Magic" has nothing to do with the card game virgins play (sorry Mark) and everything to do with a girl who starts to lose her mental faculties on a remote Chili island and not only stars Cera but Emily Browning, Juno Temple and Catalina Sandino Moreno. Three women who I assume are very nice but have names that sound like they would have ignored me in High School so in turn hate this movie and everyone in it.

Thomas Kretschmann, who's been in a bunch of movies I've never seen, has signed on to play the lead in the upcoming Dario Argento version of "Dracula". Of course seeing that this is an Argento flick god knows what the "lead role" means. I'd normally guess Dracula but for Argento the lead character could be a mule that has orgies with supermodels on the beach. Which, now that I see it typed out actually sounds like an awesome movie. Oh and it's going to be in 3D!

Looks like the apocalypse has come a few days early because "Monsters 2" has been announced. The sequel will follow 2 brothers as they find each other in a world filled with crappy CGI monsters that like to dry hump in front of gas stations (if you saw the first one you're wetting yourself right now). At the very least this will give me a reason to use the world "mumblecore" again.

In Real People News: 

Here's something new. A woman from Saudi Arabia is being charged with committing a hate crime against us American folks in Florida. The young lass apparently took out her anger about how American's are treating her people by spitting on people at the local Walmart. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be upset about this or not so I'm just going to say someone involved in this got what they deserved but I'm not saying who.

Didn't I just read about a woman doing this in Florida last week? Sounds familiar. Well here's a man in Florida who is being charged after exposing himself to students waiting at a school bus stop. What the hell is going on in Florida where people can't keep their clothes on around bus stops? Do I have to move there to find out? I'll do it!

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Joe's going to hate this.

Podcast

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web