dario argento

Horror Headlines: Friday January 25th, 2013

Submitted by Joe on Friday, Jan 25th 2013

Are you going to cry during the finale of "30 Rock" next week? I'm not going to. Just an FYI. It's just a show. Grow up.

It must be awful to be Chloe Grace Moretz's parents. She seems to be really good at things and I feel like she would be disgusted with me when she comes home after doing something awesome and I'm sitting on the couch wrapping up a 20 McNugget box. Now she's landed the lead in the big screen adaption of "If I Stay", a new film about a girl who can only remember the events after a serious car crash she is involved in. She'll probably be awesome too. So awesome that the only thing I could do to match her is eat 3 snack wraps after I finish the McNuggets. They're so good.

I have never understood the love for Dario Argento’s "Suspiria" but maybe that's because I love freedom and think the ballet is stupid and gross. None the less though I was kind of interested to see what was going to happen with the remake but according to director David Gordon Green the film may never get off the ground. Looks like the film is caught up in all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo and probably won't be made. To best honest "legal trouble" kind of sounds like "I was baked when I said I wanted to remake this movie and now I need to find a way out". But what do I know.

There are probably 4 people on this planet that actually give a crap about the WWE's reboot of "Leprechaun" but damn it all if that is going to stop them. To their credit though the gang behind the film say it will be a lot darker and more of a traditional horror film then the original. So that's something right? To be clear 1 of the 4 people is Mark from the podcast. He gets so excited. His little arms just get all a flutter in his size XS Stone Cold t-shirt.

I have never seen a version of "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" tale I did not like. To be fair though I've only seen 2 and 1 of them was a Disney cartoon. Now it looks like those crazy freaks over at Fox are rolling on a pilot for a new show based on the classic headless horseman tale. "Underworld" director Len Wiseman will lead the pilot and I swear if there's not a talking frog and possibly a singing bug of some sort I will hunt him down and give him a stern talking to.

In Real People News:

Apparently in South Carolina you can be arrested for choking a hog. Who knew?

You can also be arrested in Oregon for punching a dog and sticking it in an oven. That seems a lot more obvious though.

Opera (REVIEW)

Submitted by Brett on Friday, Dec 21st 2012

Dario Argento's "Opera" tells the story of a young budding opera starlet who is being stalked by a killer that likes to tie her up and force her to watch him kill people by taping needles under her eyelids. The movie starts out with Betty, the young opera singer, landing her first big role as a lead in "Hamlet." The killer immediately begins to stalk her and murders a stagehand during her first performance, causing the crew to lament that the play is cursed, as they believe productions of "Hamlet" often are.

Beyond the Black Rainbow (REVIEW)

Submitted by Eric on Thursday, Sep 20th 2012

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" is a film that defies criticism. It's mercurial, only threatening on occasion to amass into something solid, something that can be quantified and critiqued. In fact, I'd be inclined to call it nonsense, if it weren't for the fact that it's so damn beautiful.

Described as a "Reagan-era fever dream inspired by hazy childhood memories of midnight movies and Saturday morning cartoons", "Beyond the Black Rainbow" centers on The Arboria institute, where creepy Dr. Nyle keeps a young girl captive in an all white room, cut off from the rest of the world.

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 16th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Friday, Dec 16th 2011

I've had a frozen pumpkin pie sitting in my freezer for over two years now and on Christmas I plan on finally eating it. There's a 75% chance I'll become violently ill, which is ok because I could stand to lose a few pounds. Either way I win.

"Gone" sounds like the worst idea for a movie ever imagined. A girl comes home to find her sister missing and is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her 2 years ago has returned. The best ending for this would be that she just went out for ice cream. But hey, Amanda Seyfried is in it and there's some new posters with her on them. So we should probably see it. You know, to help the economy or whatever.

Dario Argento's "Dracula 3D" has got a new trailer today but I should warn you, it's chock full of spoilers. I should also warn you that it's a new Dario Argento movie so you know it's not good and stuff. I should also warn you that I get very emotional around the holidays so you may have to put up with some random sobbing over the next couple of weeks.

I'm going to come right out and say it, I find Reese Witherspoon adorable. She seems so nice and I'd let her babysit my child in a heartbeat. I know she'd be good at it. And now she's been cast in "The Devil's Knot". A film that sounds like a gay porn but is actually the true life story of The West Memphis Three, a story about 3 teens who were wrongly accused of the murder of three 8-year-old boys. I'm pretty sure this isn't a romantic comedy.

Hot diggity dog! Here's a couple of posters for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", a movie based on the book with a title that should give you a pretty good idea of what the movie is about. Did that sentence confuse you? It's like a strange riddle, isn't it? I wrote it and then fell to the floor and convulsed for about 15 minutes.

In Real People News:

Two things you should never do at McDonald's. Fall asleep there and look at child pornography on your laptop. And for the love of god you should never do those two things together like this guy from Indiana. Of course you should probably never do that first one anywhere.

Hahaha "A Minnesota father was arrested after allegedly punching his son in the face after the boy's team lost a game in a youth basketball tournament" hahaha...

Giallo (REVIEW)

Submitted by Tor on Monday, Sep 12th 2011

Dario Argento has taken a lot of flack from fans who are awaiting the filmmakers’ return to the form that made him a defining force in the evolution of the horror film during the latter half of the 20th century. But has the form really ever changed or is Argento just taking his style into new technical and aesthetic realms in an effort to keep himself interested in the craft? His early works are hardly uniform even if similarities exist.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 6th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Wednesday, Jul 6th 2011

"Clone Wars" director Genndy Tartakovsky is set to take on the new animated family comedy "Hotel Transylvania" about a vacation resort run by the count himself. But wait, he's also a dad! Adam Sandler, who is somewhat tolerable, will play Dracula, Kevin James, who is not tolerable, will play Frankenstein and Fran Drescher who is just lovely will play his bride.

Speaking of Dracula, Asia Argento, who is Dario Argento's daughter and therefore bat shit insane, has posted a bunch of pictures on her twitter account from the set of "Dracula 3D". The film is a new retelling of the classic vampire story by said bat shit insane girl's father. And if the pictures bore you there's some other ones from her recent vacation to Colonial Williamsburg. I assume.

Dimension Films has picked up the rights to Kyle Kurpinski and Terry D. Johnson's sci-fi book "How to Defeat Your Own Clone" with the plans of adapting it for the big screen. The book, which is something of a handbook, is a comedic romp into the world of what to do when the machines rise up and try to destroy us all. Which I think was suppose to happen a few weeks ago. Little late with the advice, fellas.

A new poster for the upcoming Daniel Craig flick "Dream House" has hit the tubes and it's kind of bad ass. Mostly because it's got Daniel Craig in it and he could take all of us in a fight. Well I'm guessing he could. I don't know who's reading this. If The Rock is reading this I don't think he could take you. Also I'd like to hang out with you if that's possible.

In Real People News:

I assume most 14 year old girls dream of waking up and finding a pony in their front lawn but here's a story about one who woke up to find a naked 34 year old man in her bed. I can't imagine any 14 year old girl dreams about that. If they do you should probably get them some help.

And here's a fun story about a Mexican prisoner who tried to smuggle himself out of prison by hiding in his girlfriend's suitcase. Yes there's a picture and yes it's adorable.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 17th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Tuesday, May 17th 2011

Richard Norton, and Australian actor you've probably never heard of but is frightening as hell, has signed on to play a number roles in the upcoming Mad Max film titled "Fury Road". Most notably he'll take on the Toecutter role, aka the main bad guy in the movie and this seems fitting because he looks like he eats puppies for fun.

They're still putting Michael Cera in movies? Super! Anywho! "Magic, Magic" has nothing to do with the card game virgins play (sorry Mark) and everything to do with a girl who starts to lose her mental faculties on a remote Chili island and not only stars Cera but Emily Browning, Juno Temple and Catalina Sandino Moreno. Three women who I assume are very nice but have names that sound like they would have ignored me in High School so in turn hate this movie and everyone in it.

Thomas Kretschmann, who's been in a bunch of movies I've never seen, has signed on to play the lead in the upcoming Dario Argento version of "Dracula". Of course seeing that this is an Argento flick god knows what the "lead role" means. I'd normally guess Dracula but for Argento the lead character could be a mule that has orgies with supermodels on the beach. Which, now that I see it typed out actually sounds like an awesome movie. Oh and it's going to be in 3D!

Looks like the apocalypse has come a few days early because "Monsters 2" has been announced. The sequel will follow 2 brothers as they find each other in a world filled with crappy CGI monsters that like to dry hump in front of gas stations (if you saw the first one you're wetting yourself right now). At the very least this will give me a reason to use the world "mumblecore" again.

In Real People News:

Here's something new. A woman from Saudi Arabia is being charged with committing a hate crime against us American folks in Florida. The young lass apparently took out her anger about how American's are treating her people by spitting on people at the local Walmart. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be upset about this or not so I'm just going to say someone involved in this got what they deserved but I'm not saying who.

Didn't I just read about a woman doing this in Florida last week? Sounds familiar. Well here's a man in Florida who is being charged after exposing himself to students waiting at a school bus stop. What the hell is going on in Florida where people can't keep their clothes on around bus stops? Do I have to move there to find out? I'll do it!

Netflix Streaming Friday - "Suspiria"

Submitted by Angelo B on Friday, Apr 29th 2011

Surprise, surprise, I'm writing about another Italian horror film. Seriously though, this is the one. Trust me.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 29th, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Tuesday, Mar 29th 2011

"Pineapple Express" director David Gordon Green is plotting the much talked about remake of the Dario Argento wunderkind "Suspiria" as his next birthing. Green is excited to hop on the project but sees his retelling leaving behind the ballet theme for a girl's boarding school setting. And I am seeing this as more of a hardcore porn flick but truth be told if I was allowed to remake movies 99% of them would turn out that way.

Khalid Laith and Razane Jammal have both signed on to play roles in the upcoming Tobe Hooper flick "Djinn" which focuses on a couple who finds their luxury apartment is inhabited by some sort of demon type thing that plays tricks or something. I have no idea who either of these guys are but I would never admit that though because I'd be too afraid that it sounds racist. Oh boy, I've said too much. Really need to get that backspace key fixed.

Along with 37 other movies it sounds like mancrush Neil Marshall is also working on an alien invasion movie set during World War 2. That's about all the details that have been discussed on this one but I've always wanted to post something about Hitler getting some sort of anal probing so let's hope something along those lines makes it into the movie.

On the heels of the release date for "Piranha 3DD" being pushed to a November 23rd Joel Soisson has been brought in to produce the flick along with fixing the script. I have no idea how you could screw up a script that probably goes something like "girl takes off top, fish eats girl, repeat" but what the hell do I know. Maybe throw in a "nude girl swims with other nude girl to weird music". Wait that's been done? I'll never make it in this town.

In Real People News:

What's the best way to solve an argument about a dog that keeps crapping in your yard? Gunfight! I'm not even sure why you had to ask. Of course I have no idea why the two Mississippi men were shooting at each other when the dog is the one doing the crapping.

2,500 rubber ducks have been stolen from an Illinois police station. The ducks were intended for a... wait a second wasn't Bloody Good Horror's own Mark in Illinois this past weekend? You suspect, son!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 22nd, 2011

Submitted by Joe on Tuesday, Feb 22nd 2011

Rutger Hauer has landed the role of vampire hunter Van Helsing in upcoming Dario Argento film "Dracula 3D". That combined with his role in "Hobo With a Shotgun" has made Hauer the hottest new item in Hollywood. You'll see him on the cover of Bop! and Tiger Beat next month. The girls are going gaga for him.

Rob Zombie recently sat down to discuss his next project titled "Lords of Salem" saying it's the "bleakest of all my films". He goes on to state that the "Blob" remake is no longer happening with him at least and that he won't be touching another remake for a while. Seems he's found there's no real winning with horror fans when it comes to remakes. Kind of makes us sounds like jerks, which is true but still it doesn't have to be said. I have feelings too, Rob!

Australia seems like a happy fun loving place with their Kangaroos and Vegemite but I'm here to tell you they're a bunch of sickos. Case in point is the trailer for the new flick "Bad Behavior" which has a kind of "Clockwork Orange" type vibe to it. Meaning if "Clockwork Orange" had a bald fat man vomiting blood on a women, which I'm 99% sure it didn't.

With its release being only a year away we're all getting really excited for "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters". Did I mention it's going to be in 3D? Anyway Ingrid Bolsø Berdal is the latest witch to be cast in the flick and I assume that means she will in fact be hunted. Of course she should be hunted in real life also, never trust anyone with one of those o's with a line in it in their name. 9 times out of 10 they're complete pricks.

In Real People News:

A town in Australia (I told you they're nuts) has decided to kick out 22,000 grey headed flying foxes, aka giant freakin bats, from the national botanical gardens. Where the bats will go no one really knows but I hope it isn't into my apartment complex. We just got rid of our possum problem.

A family in Egypt has gone all out with their love for social networking by naming their newborn baby Facebook. This sounds adorable now but just thing of how pissed this kid would have been if he was born 10 years ago and was walking around named Friendster.