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Horror Headlines: Friday January 25th, 2013

Are you going to cry during the finale of "30 Rock" next week? I'm not going to. Just an FYI. It's just a show. Grow up.

It must be awful to be Chloe Grace Moretz's parents. She seems to be really good at things and I feel like she would be disgusted with me when she comes home after doing something awesome and I'm sitting on the couch wrapping up a 20 McNugget box. Now she's landed the lead in the big screen adaption of "If I Stay", a new film about a girl who can only remember the events after a serious car crash she is involved in. She'll probably be awesome too. So awesome that the only thing I could do to match her is eat 3 snack wraps after I finish the McNuggets. They're so good.

I have never understood the love for Dario Argento’s "Suspiria" but maybe that's because I love freedom and think the ballet is stupid and gross. None the less though I was kind of interested to see what was going to happen with the remake but according to director David Gordon Green the film may never get off the ground. Looks like the film is caught up in all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo and probably won't be made. To best honest "legal trouble" kind of sounds like "I was baked when I said I wanted to remake this movie and now I need to find a way out". But what do I know.

There are probably 4 people on this planet that actually give a crap about the WWE's reboot of "Leprechaun" but damn it all if that is going to stop them. To their credit though the gang behind the film say it will be a lot darker and more of a traditional horror film then the original. So that's something right? To be clear 1 of the 4 people is Mark from the podcast. He gets so excited. His little arms just get all a flutter in his size XS Stone Cold t-shirt.

I have never seen a version of "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" tale I did not like. To be fair though I've only seen 2 and 1 of them was a Disney cartoon. Now it looks like those crazy freaks over at Fox are rolling on a pilot for a new show based on the classic headless horseman tale. "Underworld" director Len Wiseman will lead the pilot and I swear if there's not a talking frog and possibly a singing bug of some sort I will hunt him down and give him a stern talking to.

In Real People News: 

Apparently in South Carolina you can be arrested for choking a hog. Who knew?

You can also be arrested in Oregon for punching a dog and sticking it in an oven. That seems a lot more obvious though.

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 16th, 2011

Tomorrow is St Patrick's Day and while I'm not Irish I do love an excuse to get drunk. Really I don't need an excuse but it's always awesome to have one so you don't feel like an alcoholic. I also love any reason to get a Carvel cake. Especially a Cookie O' Puss. Again I don't really need an excuse to eat a entire ice cream cake by myself but it's nice to have one.

The smarty pants folks at Universal have decided to push up the release date for "Oblivion" to April 23rd 2013 from it's original release date of July 10th. The movie stars Tom Cruise as soldier who's court marshaled and shipped off to a deserted planet only to find he isn't alone. I think I'd move to another planet too if I was promised I'd be alone with Tom Cruise. Not for the reason you're thinking, sicko! It's so I can have sex with him.

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is beating a dead vampire. I don't think that makes any sense. But my point here is that Alcon Entertainment has tapped Brian Dannelly to direct their new vampire comedy "Suckers". I'm not going to bother explaining the plot because you can probably guess it. but Dannelly has directed episodes of "Weeds", "The United States of Tara" and "Pushing Daisies" so it might not be too shabby. But I'm a glass half full kind of guy.

You tell me Danny Trejo, Anthony Michael Hall and Mickey Rourke are going to be in a movie and I listen my friends. The movie is called "Dead In Tombstone" and apparently Trejo comes back from the dead to bring the hammer down on his half brother after being double crossed in a mine robbery. This might be the most perfect movie ever made. Minus Mickey Rourke actually. That guy creeps the hell out of me.

People are going to throw a fit but honestly Lionsgate teaming up with WWE to remake "Leprechaun" might be amazing. There's no script, no cast, and no real other news but what the hell can go wrong. And while we're at it I think Jennifer Aniston is delightful. There, I said it.

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I have no idea what the rules are when going into prison, thank god, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to smuggle lip balm inside by shoving it up your ass. Honestly this all sounds like someone was just looking to have a cavity search for fun and just shoved the first thing he found up there.

Let this be a lesson to your kids out there. If you lie about having cancer and raise money for your treatment the state of Virginia will come down on your hate. Like 100$ fine hard. So you know. Maybe consider not doing it.

Horror Headlines: Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Yes there's a ton of found footage movies out there but have you ever been watching one and thought, "This is ok, but I bet the WWE could do it better". Well today's your lucky day because WWE Studies have picked up the rights to a new film titled "Bermuda". The flick will tell the story of a documentary film crew that goes missing after boarding a ship headed for the famed triangle of doom. Any sarcastic wrestling comment I make now will be based on what I remember from watching it 25 years ago and that'll just make me look old. So let's just move on.

A few weeks ago a 97 minute trailer for Tobe Hooper's "Djinns" hit the tubes and I'm not going to lie, I didn't have it in me to watch the entire thing. Well I got good news and bad news. The good news is there's a new trailer for the demon infested apartment flick that runs just under 3 minutes. The bad news is 75% of it isn't in English and there's no subtitles. I'm still going to call this a win though.

"Humans Vs. Zombies" might be the worst title for a zombie flick ever imaged but if you couldn't tell by the WWE story above it's kind of a slow day so let's pretend like this next bit is exciting. Hey awesome news! "Humans Vs. Zombies", "Boggy Creek" director Brian T. Jaynes' latest flick, will be hitting the DVD selves on May 8th. DVD and Blu-Ray will feature all kinds of extras and special comic book for your reading pleasure. Mother of god today is the greatest day of my life. Sorry first child being born day.

"Jack the Giant Killer", a movie about a guy named Jack who kills giants (I figured that out on my own) has had its release date pushed from June 15, 2012 to March 22, 2013. No word on why the push is happening but the movie stars Ewan McGregor and that guys accent is so thick that my best guess is that they're going to need extra time to dub over his every spoken word. Have you seen "Trainspotting"? You need the subtitles to figure out what the hell those junkies are babbling on about.

Lastly we're all giddy here at the BGH offices to hear the news that "The Last Exorcism 2" has found itself a director in the form of "This Beautiful City " mastermind Ed Gass-Donnelly. Need more exciting news? The filming for this sucker is going to begin next month. More?! Anyone who shows up to the set will be able to enjoy the Kraft services table for the entire time the movie is filming. Alright that last one is a lie, I got caught up in all the excitement.

In Real People News: 

Got to give him points for effort. A Tennessee man apparently dressed up as his dead sister in a attempt to fill her Xanax and hydrocodone prescriptions. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that when someone passes away their prescriptions automatically transfer to their closest relative.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 2nd, 2011

Some new artwork and an adorable featurette have popped up online for the A&E adaptation of Stephen King's "Bag Of Bones". The mini series tells the story of a grief stricken father dealing with the loss of his wife while dealing with a bitter custody battle. As you might expect the show takes place in Maine, which if you haven't visited before I suggest you drop what you're doing and head there now. The foliage... I can't even to begin to describe the foliage.

Ron Jeremy and Linnea Quigley star in a new film "Girls Gone Dead" which just so happens to have a new poster available for viewing. I'm not sure there's any other information you really need to know about the movie. Alright fine... I'm a giver. The flick tells the story of a group of college students going wild on spring break while a serial killer roams the area surrounding their vacation home. See, you're still focusing on the porn stars aren't you.

I think it would be a hoot to see Vince McMahon at the Oscars but I'm not going to hold my breath. But maybe, just maybe, the WWE funded "No One Lives" which revolves around a group of criminals who find themselves hunted by a killer will get some Oscar buzz. There's little to no chance of that ever happening but a gal can dream can't she.

I love me a Zombie comedy. Alright I really liked "Shaun of the Dead", the others I've seen have been kind of crap. But here's some new stills from "Dead Before Dawn 3D", which has none other than piranha expert Christopher Lloyd on it's cast list. I'm willing to be open minded here. But that's just the kind of guy I am.

In Real People News: 

The Utah Chainsaw Massacre? Doesn't have the same ring to it but a man was assaulted on Halloween night by a masked man tossing around a chainsaw. The man is still on the loose so I look forward to a sequel sometime in the near future. I wonder who they'll get to replace Dennis Hopper.

Don't mess with a kid and his candy. A 10 year South Carolina boy is in custody after he pulled a gun on a 28 year old woman who was trying to steal his candy. I don't even know what else to say about this. He's like a little tiny Chuck Norris or something.

Horror Headlines: Monday, September 19th, 2011

ABC has picked up the rights to a new TV series titled "Jekyll and Hyde" which is based on the classic tale of Frankenstein. I kid. The show will take place in modern day San Francisco and focus on a female detective who tries to hunt down a mad scientist. She also builds a monster out of dead people. I kid again.

The good people over at WWE have snagged the rights to a new post-apocalyptic thriller about a group of survivors who make on last stand as the world comes to an end titled "The Day". I've got to say this actually sounds kind of cool, and as long as they don't go putting Stone Cold Steve Austin in the lead role it might have some potential. You give these kind of thought provoking roles to The Rock obviously.

As a child I had a pretty hefty crush on Meg Foster, she played Evil-Lyn in "Master of the Universe" and was scary and hot at the same time. Now she's been added to the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem" as the leader of a witch coven that comes back to haunt modern day Salem. I can not think of a more appropriate role for Foster. With her sexy sexy eyes and frightening as all hell face.

And with the spooky time season coming up it only makes sense that we would get a trailer for "Halloween: XXX Porn Parody", the latest in a string of porns that will probably end up being more entertaining than the remakes they're based on. I hope this one is in theaters though.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a Florida kid who snapped on one of his classmates and choked the living crap out of him. And by kid I mean a 12 year old and by choked the crap out of I mean till the other kid passed out. Which must have looked kind of bad ass. I bet he's like the cool Beiber of his school now or something.

It's just like "Weekend at Bernie's"! Two Texas men are under arrest after they delayed reporting their friends death so that they could have a night out on the town with his credit cards. I don't know if they strung him up and took him out with them but I like to think they did. Man that would be funny.

The Nuclear Edge - Forgotten Classics

So I’m starting something new. Every now and again, I’ll reach back into the CD rack and pull out a favorite that I haven’t heard in a while. The objective of “classics” series will be to have us all relive those fond memories together. Or make new ones. Or argue. Whatever. So here we go.

The first “classic” will likely be a controversial pick to many here, but my feelings for this album haven’t changed.

The Union Underground, “…An Education in Rebellion” released in 2000 on Columbia.

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