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Horror Headlines: Monday August 12th, 2013

The fried cheese curd is one of the greatest things that's ever been invented and I both love and hate the mid-west for keeping it for themselves.

If you can think all the way back to 2012 and the first "V/H/S" you might remember David Bruckner's contribution about a freaky ass monster girl who goes buck wild on some fellas in a hotel room. Well if you liked that you might just want to check out "Intrusion", a soon to be made movie about a woman who moves to San Francisco and finds she is being stalked by a nut bag, because Bruckner has just signed on to direct the project. If you can't remember all the way back to 2012 though you might want to think about seeing a doctor. It was only a year ago. You might have something seriously wrong with you.

M. Night Shyamalan and Juliette Lewis, we used to love them both. Not me so much, but other people, other people wanted to marry them both. Not at the same time I think, I don't really know. I honestly never got the details. But what my point here is, Lewis has been cast as a straight talkin bartender in "Wayward Pines", the new Fox series being helmed by Shyamalan that follows a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find two missing federal agents. Alright I'll just say it, I didn't care for "Natural Born Killers".

I was 99% sure the documentary "Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th" had already come and gone but apparently it was set for an August 27th release date. I say was because apparently someone attached to the release had the good sense to say, "hey why don't we push the release a few weeks and release it on September 13th? Why you ask? Well because that's a Friday the 13th and the documentary is based on a series of films titled 'Friday the 13th'. You see why that might be a smart idea? Oh good I'm glad we agree. Have you lost weight?" I assume that's how the conversation went at least. I imagine some people with very nice shoes being involved in this conversation.

Of course there's going to be a second "Sharknado" and of course it's going to be called "Sharknado 2: The Second One". Have at it twitter.

In Real People News: 

If you're in the woods making meth and you get lost I guess calling the cops and telling them you're actually out there looking for ghosts is one way to go. I mean make no mistake they will find out you're making meth but still, it's a way to go.

If the song "Cat Scratch Fever" was actually about a guy being in love with a cat than there's a good chance Ted Nugent would most likely be in jail. But it's not, so instead this guy in Idaho who made love to his own cat is now in prison. Alright honestly this isn't really a tit for tat thing but now you have "Cat Scratch Fever" stuck in your head so I kind of think I've done my job here.

Horror Headlines: Friday January 25th, 2013

Are you going to cry during the finale of "30 Rock" next week? I'm not going to. Just an FYI. It's just a show. Grow up.

It must be awful to be Chloe Grace Moretz's parents. She seems to be really good at things and I feel like she would be disgusted with me when she comes home after doing something awesome and I'm sitting on the couch wrapping up a 20 McNugget box. Now she's landed the lead in the big screen adaption of "If I Stay", a new film about a girl who can only remember the events after a serious car crash she is involved in. She'll probably be awesome too. So awesome that the only thing I could do to match her is eat 3 snack wraps after I finish the McNuggets. They're so good.

I have never understood the love for Dario Argento’s "Suspiria" but maybe that's because I love freedom and think the ballet is stupid and gross. None the less though I was kind of interested to see what was going to happen with the remake but according to director David Gordon Green the film may never get off the ground. Looks like the film is caught up in all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo and probably won't be made. To best honest "legal trouble" kind of sounds like "I was baked when I said I wanted to remake this movie and now I need to find a way out". But what do I know.

There are probably 4 people on this planet that actually give a crap about the WWE's reboot of "Leprechaun" but damn it all if that is going to stop them. To their credit though the gang behind the film say it will be a lot darker and more of a traditional horror film then the original. So that's something right? To be clear 1 of the 4 people is Mark from the podcast. He gets so excited. His little arms just get all a flutter in his size XS Stone Cold t-shirt.

I have never seen a version of "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" tale I did not like. To be fair though I've only seen 2 and 1 of them was a Disney cartoon. Now it looks like those crazy freaks over at Fox are rolling on a pilot for a new show based on the classic headless horseman tale. "Underworld" director Len Wiseman will lead the pilot and I swear if there's not a talking frog and possibly a singing bug of some sort I will hunt him down and give him a stern talking to.

In Real People News: 

Apparently in South Carolina you can be arrested for choking a hog. Who knew?

You can also be arrested in Oregon for punching a dog and sticking it in an oven. That seems a lot more obvious though.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, June 20th, 2012

Ken Marino, who wants to dip his balls in it, has been added to the cast of the new dark comedy "Milo". Judy Greer also stars in the film about a man who believe his intestinal problems are caused by a demon living inside him. But a funny demon. Like the Don Rickles of demons or something.

The gang over at Fox tapped Will Dunn to write a big screen adaptation of Jesus Orellana's 2011 short film "Rosa". Channing Tatum has already been attached to the project which takes place in a future world where all natural life has been destroyed and a lone cyborg has been created to try to restore the world back to its former glory. Insert your own "Magic Mike" jokes here.

I'm pretty sure we've discussed "Cloud Atlas" but for the life of me I can't remember when or why. I mean I guess I know why. It's a horror site and the film is based on a book about a group that travels to the South Pacific to tell different tales in a book that eventually sends them back in time. Oh that's right we never talked about this because it confused the hell out of me. Anyway it's going to be in theaters on October 26th. See you there?

Sad news today that horror vet Richard Lynch has died at the age of 76. Readers may remember Lynch from his role in "Bad Dreams" as well as a number of other horror films.

In Real People News: 

A 72 year old man has been given a life sentence after he showed up at the door of a former high school classmate and killed him over a locker room prank from over 50 years ago. I'd like to take this time to personally apologize to anyone I may have hurt both mentally and physical in high school. Especially those that happen to know where I live. Or even write for this site and sit in on a weekly podcast with me. We're cool, right?

A Florida man is under arrest after he was caught filming girls changing in and out of their work uniforms at the local Hooters. Honestly did any of us think this was frowned upon? I had no idea. Maybe put up a sign or something guys.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 23rd, 2010

John Lithgow will be monkeying around soon as he joins the cast of "Rise of the Apes", Fox's prequel to their "Planet of the Apes" franchise starring James Franco.

Moonstone Entertainment has finally released plot details for their planned reboot "The Howling Reborn". The real question remains; will Moonstone ever get this movie off the ground?

Yesterday was Bruce Campbell's birthday. You should celebrate by printing out these 4 custom Bruce Campbell soup labels and confusing your mom!

In Real People News: 

Kim Mordue was understandably devastated when her 20 year old son dropped dead after a drug overdose. Her mode of mourning was a little less understandable when she had his ashes mixed with ink and used in tattoo's on her back.

Barry Sinfield was sentenced to 25 weeks in jail after he ripped the head off of a Canadian Goose and chased people around a busy park with its bloody head.

On this day in history: 

1993 - In the middle of the night, Lorena Bobbitt severs her husband John's penis and drives off, casually discarding the organ in a farm field. Surgeons successfully reattach the penis, allowing John to enter the porn industry.

Horror Headlines: April 20th, 2009

Rumor has it that FOX Atomic, Fox's genre wing responsible for pictures such as "The Hills Have Eyes 2", "28 Weeks Later" and "Turistas", will be shut down next week. No word on how this may affect "Jennifer's Body", Diablo Cody's new film which was produced under the banner.

"True Blood" Season 2 teaser poster. And here I am continuing to report on it despite our readers telling me they're not interested. Yes, I am dense. It's also a slow news day, so bear with me.

Eli Roth's out talking more about "Thanksgiving" after the announcement last week that he would like to piggyback it onto a bigger budget film of his. This time he says he's writing it with his longtime friend Jeff Rendell, who will also play "The Pilgrim".

According to Patrick Lussier, there will be no "My Bloody Valentine 3D" sequel. That comes from Lions Gate, who were surprised at the film's BO success but not too jazzed about greenlighting a second go-round. The film is plenty open-ended for them to have done one, but apparently they're calling it a day with this potential franchise. "MBV3D" hits DVD and Blu-ray May 19th.

In Real People News: 

9-year-old kid dies in Brooklyn after going up to the top of his roof with a plastic parachute, and taking a swan-dive off of it. His parents said he was imitating Jeff Hardy of the WWE, and that it was a "game he played all the time".

Here's a new one, female teacher gets fired for taking 4 students to an all male strip club. You always hear about creepy guy teachers doing stuff like this, it's nice to see the women getting in on the "questionable decision" game. Now that's equality!

On this day in history: 

1979: President Jimmy Carter is attacked by a Killer Swamp Rabbit, while on vacation in Plains GA. The rabbit swam menacingly towards him, and he had to repel the ferocious creature with a paddle. There were no injuries. That's what happens when you elect a President from the South, folks.

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