"Watchmen" writer Alex Tse has been picked up by the fellas at Relativity Media to pen the long delayed remake of "The Crow". For those of you who weren't fortunate enough to be a part of the madness that was the original 1994 flick, it starred Brandon Lee as a man who comes back from the dead to avenge his and his fiancee's murder. Brandon Lee also died on the set... and the movie sucked... and it pretty much created Hot Topics. Can't wait.
John Lithgow and a bunch of apes. I've had dreams that start like this. But that's neither here nor there my friends because a new international trailer for "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" has hit the tubes and it's full of hot monkey on monkey action. The film focuses on apes that will eventually take over the planet in the distant future. I should apologize to those of you who may have been under the impression there was monkey porn in the trailer based on my comments. Sickos.
For those of you out there who were actually excited about David R. Ellis’ "Shark night 3D" I've got some bad news for the 7 of you. The shark attack camp out flick has been slapped with a PG-13 by the folks at the MPAA. Just so we're clear PG-13 means no nudity, minimal swearing and most importantly absolutely no fun whatsoever. Boo this man!
Looks like the Miami Metro Police is getting itself an intern in the form of Josh Cooke. Cookie (new nickname I've just decided to give him) will join the cast of "Dexter" for season 6 which is currently ramping up for production. Sir Cooks A Lot will play a new addition to the team and apparently become buddy buddy with creepy bald Asian, Masuka. I smell romance!
In Real People News:
Colorado police are on the hunt for a man who has apparently been hiding inside the tank of a large portable toilet at an outside yoga festival. There's really nothing funny or sarcastic that could make this any weirder so let's just agree to never speak of it again. Moving along now.
If I was going to list the most frightening ways to die I'm pretty sure having a 300 pound man attack me with a battle ax would probably make the top 10. And here's a story about a man who was murdered in just such a way. Poor SOB.
Despite only being two months from its release and having a fairly decent cast I've heard jack and squat about "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" on the "normie" channels. I'd know too, I'm a sucker for Access Hollywood. But a new trailer has hit the tubes and it's got some promise to it. It's also got John Lithgow in it. Feel free to insert your own "John Lithgow's ass" joke here.
Holy mother of god that was quick. "Dylan Dog: Dead of Night", which was in 4 theaters for about 3 days I think, will hit DVD and Blu-Ray on July 26th. That's just about 3 months after it's release date back in April for those of you keeping track at home. Special bonus on the limited edition deluxe blu-ray, in depth interviews with the 7 people who saw the film in the theaters and 1/3 of the cast will actually come to your home and do the commentary track live.
While the world waits for a new "Alien" movie the good nerds of the video game industry have plans on release a first person shooter titled "Aliens: Colonial Marines" in the Spring of 2012. Of course the game based on the much loved movie franchise has been in development since since back in 06 so I guess my point is moot. That and I just used the word "moot" for the first time.
And since I refuse to write about and update from the set of "Wrong Turn 4" here's some more video game news. "Jaws: Ultimate Predator" will hit the Wii and 3DS sometime in the not too distant future. The game will be set 35 years after the events of the original film and allow players to take control of the mega-shark with tons of bloody chomping action to be had. Of course Majesco, the company putting it out also put out a 2006 "Jaws" game which was kind of like playing a game where a mentally challenged fish dry humped a fishing boat, but it could still be cool. Maybe.
In Real People News:
It's not clear yet why a 21 year girl in Ohio decided to unleash pepper spray on 3 children at a local playground but if I was a betting man I'd say they were trying to sell her something. Like those stupid kids selling 3$ bags of peanut M&M's to get new uniforms for their basketball team. Where do you practice you little prick!? Answer me that and I'll buy your damn Skittles! That's right you don't know, boom, you just got pepper sprayed.
A 35 year old Florida man is under arrest after he hit a city worker with his truck because he thought the guy looked like a terrorist. Wrong? Yes, but you've got to appreciate the guy's love for this fine nation we live in. Slap on the wrist maybe? No? Attempted murder charges you say? Alright let's call it a deal.
This past Saturday saw the first round of Emmy Awards at their Creative Arts Ceremony where the more technical awards are given before the broadcast. In a move that shouldn't be a surprise to any fans of the show, John Lithgow took home the Emmy for Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series for his run as serial killer Arthur Mitchell on "Dexter".
Hoping to see Doug Bradley reprise his Pinhead role in the upcoming 9th sequel, "Hellraiser: Revelations"? I hate to burst your bubble but according to Doug himself, he doesn't plan on returning.
Need some more wrestling in your horror movies? Than check out this blurb on "Monster Brawl" which just began shooting. Starring wrestling stars Jimmy Hart and Kevin Nash, the film plans on showcasing a monster fight-club set up in an old graveyard. Which to be honest? Sounds kind of awesome.
In Real People News:
A 24 year old mother to be was checked into the hospital when her doctor ordered her to be connected to a feeding tube due to severe vomiting from her pregnancy. When the assigned nurse confused the tubes connected to the young woman, she hooked her feeding tube up to her IV forcing her meals directly into the patients veins. The mix-up resulted in the death of both the mother and the unborn child.
On this day in history:
1305 - Scottish patriot William Wallace ("Braveheart") hanged, disemboweled, drawn, and quartered. His head was displayed on London Bridge.
Kim Mordue was understandably devastated when her 20 year old son dropped dead after a drug overdose. Her mode of mourning was a little less understandable when she had his ashes mixed with ink and used in tattoo's on her back.
1993 - In the middle of the night, Lorena Bobbitt severs her husband John's penis and drives off, casually discarding the organ in a farm field. Surgeons successfully reattach the penis, allowing John to enter the porn industry.
If you didn't catch the premier of "Dexter" this past Sunday you missed out. Not only because we got two serious shots of John Lithgow's ass but also because things got pretty intense in the last ten minutes. I won't spoil it for those of you who didn't watch yet. Pretty awesome all around though.