Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

Horror Headlines: Friday June 3rd, 2011

Despite only being two months from its release and having a fairly decent cast I've heard jack and squat about "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" on the "normie" channels. I'd know too, I'm a sucker for Access Hollywood. But a new trailer has hit the tubes and it's got some promise to it. It's also got John Lithgow in it. Feel free to insert your own "John Lithgow's ass" joke here.

Holy mother of god that was quick. "Dylan Dog: Dead of Night", which was in 4 theaters for about 3 days I think, will hit DVD and Blu-Ray on July 26th. That's just about 3 months after it's release date back in April for those of you keeping track at home. Special bonus on the limited edition deluxe blu-ray, in depth interviews with the 7 people who saw the film in the theaters and 1/3 of the cast will actually come to your home and do the commentary track live.

While the world waits for a new "Alien" movie the good nerds of the video game industry have plans on release a first person shooter titled "Aliens: Colonial Marines" in the Spring of 2012. Of course the game based on the much loved movie franchise has been in development since since back in 06 so I guess my point is moot. That and I just used the word "moot" for the first time.

And since I refuse to write about and update from the set of "Wrong Turn 4" here's some more video game news. "Jaws: Ultimate Predator" will hit the Wii and 3DS sometime in the not too distant future. The game will be set 35 years after the events of the original film and allow players to take control of the mega-shark with tons of bloody chomping action to be had. Of course Majesco, the company putting it out also put out a 2006 "Jaws" game which was kind of like playing a game where a mentally challenged fish dry humped a fishing boat, but it could still be cool. Maybe.

In Real People News: 

It's not clear yet why a 21 year girl in Ohio decided to unleash pepper spray on 3 children at a local playground but if I was a betting man I'd say they were trying to sell her something. Like those stupid kids selling 3$ bags of peanut M&M's to get new uniforms for their basketball team. Where do you practice you little prick!? Answer me that and I'll buy your damn Skittles! That's right you don't know, boom, you just got pepper sprayed.

A 35 year old Florida man is under arrest after he hit a city worker with his truck because he thought the guy looked like a terrorist. Wrong? Yes, but you've got to appreciate the guy's love for this fine nation we live in. Slap on the wrist maybe? No? Attempted murder charges you say? Alright let's call it a deal.

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 21st, 2011

God please let this drag out. Apparently there's a big ass distribution rights argument going on between Relativity Media and The Weinsteins for who gets to put out "The Crow" remake. Lawyers are getting involved and much to my surprise apparently both groups actually want to put out the film. I assumed it was some sort of kicking in the balls match they had for who has to put out the movie or something.

Did you like "Tron: Legacy"? You did!? Me too! We're twins! Did you notice I make this same joke every other week!? You did!? Go to hell! Anyway the same fellas that wrote the script for the Tron sequel have now picked up the torch to bring the comic book "Rex Mundi" to the big screen for Johnny Depp's production company, Infinitum Nihil. That name of course means whale's vagina in German. Screw you guys, you come up with Rob Zombie jokes every other day.

Here's more exciting casting news for "Hunger Games"! Willow Shields has been cast as Primrose Everdeen, the younger sister of someone else in the movie that I have no idea about. Just so we're clear I am still completely confused buy the plot of the movie, which apparently has children fighting to the death. And now I have no idea who this Everdeen girl is. Wait has anyone seen my glasses?! Oh Christ!

"Dylan Dog: Dead of Night" has gotten jack and squat as far as advertising but mother of god it looks pretty good. Need proof? Look at this new clip that features some sort of mega-zombie type creature. And then you can F yourself for ever questioning me. I thought we were past that.

In Real People News: 

Mother of god the animal rights pricks ruin everything! Goldfish racing at the Harmon Tap Room in Tacoma Washington has been canceled after those tree huggers complained because a few goldfish died. They know you can get 40 goldfish for about 5 bucks, right? That's how much their lives cost! God I hate hippies.

"An incredibly dangerous, homemade mini crossbow made of silver and gold that shoots flaming firework darts". Get me this and I swear I will give you my first born... but not really.

Horror Headlines: Monday March 7th, 2011

I have no idea who Shaky Gonzalez is but dear lord his name is Shaky and every time I see it I read "skanky". So Skanky has a movie called "The Last Demonslayer" which is suppose to be a throw back to some of the great genre movies of the 80's. Chock full of medieval goodness and there's a bunch of new stills to get you fired up. Skanky... teehee.

In a recent interview Michelle Rodriguez, who I consider to be the expert on all things pure and holy, hinted that James Cameron's "Avatar 2" will take place under the sea. Of course her character died in the original but that's the magic of being under da sea! Darling it's better down where it's wetter take it from me! Little Mermaid? No one? Move along folks.

"Dylan Dog: Dead of Night" is a new horror/comedy that is apparently based on some sort of comic book that everyone loved. So you're probably excited about the first trailer that's hit the tubes. Or you're really upset about it because it doesn't stay true to the comic book. But remember this, hearing words and seeing moving pictures beats reading 100% of the time. That's just math folks.

ABC has cast Christopher Egan in the lead role in their upcoming series "Poe", based on Edgar Allan Poe. Egan has what appears to be baby soft skin and two delightful pools of dreaminess he calls eyes which from what I understand matches Poe to a T. I also believe I've said too much again. I regret nothing.

In Real People News: 

It's nice when mothers and daughters do things together. Even if that thing is dragging a bus driver from the bus and beating the holy living hell out of her. Not going to lie, I'm getting a little misty just thinking about the beauty of it all.

A Newcastle student has been suspended for tea bagging his teachers tea. I hope he tried to talk his way out of the whole thing by saying he just thought you were suppose to do that and didn't know any better. It could work... never has for me but it could work...

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