Sharknado

Horror Headlines: Monday August 12th, 2013

The fried cheese curd is one of the greatest things that's ever been invented and I both love and hate the mid-west for keeping it for themselves.

If you can think all the way back to 2012 and the first "V/H/S" you might remember David Bruckner's contribution about a freaky ass monster girl who goes buck wild on some fellas in a hotel room. Well if you liked that you might just want to check out "Intrusion", a soon to be made movie about a woman who moves to San Francisco and finds she is being stalked by a nut bag, because Bruckner has just signed on to direct the project. If you can't remember all the way back to 2012 though you might want to think about seeing a doctor. It was only a year ago. You might have something seriously wrong with you.

M. Night Shyamalan and Juliette Lewis, we used to love them both. Not me so much, but other people, other people wanted to marry them both. Not at the same time I think, I don't really know. I honestly never got the details. But what my point here is, Lewis has been cast as a straight talkin bartender in "Wayward Pines", the new Fox series being helmed by Shyamalan that follows a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find two missing federal agents. Alright I'll just say it, I didn't care for "Natural Born Killers".

I was 99% sure the documentary "Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th" had already come and gone but apparently it was set for an August 27th release date. I say was because apparently someone attached to the release had the good sense to say, "hey why don't we push the release a few weeks and release it on September 13th? Why you ask? Well because that's a Friday the 13th and the documentary is based on a series of films titled 'Friday the 13th'. You see why that might be a smart idea? Oh good I'm glad we agree. Have you lost weight?" I assume that's how the conversation went at least. I imagine some people with very nice shoes being involved in this conversation.

Of course there's going to be a second "Sharknado" and of course it's going to be called "Sharknado 2: The Second One". Have at it twitter.

In Real People News: 

If you're in the woods making meth and you get lost I guess calling the cops and telling them you're actually out there looking for ghosts is one way to go. I mean make no mistake they will find out you're making meth but still, it's a way to go.

If the song "Cat Scratch Fever" was actually about a guy being in love with a cat than there's a good chance Ted Nugent would most likely be in jail. But it's not, so instead this guy in Idaho who made love to his own cat is now in prison. Alright honestly this isn't really a tit for tat thing but now you have "Cat Scratch Fever" stuck in your head so I kind of think I've done my job here.

Horror Headlines: Friday July 19th, 2013

"Nothing Left to Fear" is a new horror film being produced by Slash that follows a family who move into a small town and find they're living near one of the gates to hell. It's just been slapped with an October 5th limited theater run before coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on October 8th. Little known fact, Slash has a belly button ring. That top hat isn't so cool anymore is it?

Sony Pictures has picked up the rights to "Grace", a new horror flick that is shown entirely through the eyes of an 18 year old girl being terrorized by evil forces. Alexia Fast will play the lead role and Alan Dale, Lin Shaye and Joel David Moore will co-star. I'm just going to come out and say what we're all thinking. People with three names are unnatural.

A couple days ago I mentioned how it looked like "Paranormal Activity 5" was going to be pushed to a 2014 release date rather than its planned October 25th, 2013 launch. Well now it looks like the film actually won't see the light of day until October 2014 and instead we'll see the Spanish spin off film in January. Well you'll see it. I won't. I don't speak Spanish and I have no desire to see it. Unless those strippers from the Telemundo evening news are in it. Then I'm onboard.

Of course there's a "Sharknado" sequel coming. You ironic pricks on twitter made this happen. God have mercy on your soul.

In Real People News: 

It's only July but I believe we have found our mother of the year in the form of this 25 year old Florida woman who left her 3 and 4 year old children in the car while she went to a Lil Wayne concert. Bravo!

Of course I might have spoken too soon. Here's a Texas woman who burnt her son's mouth with a spoon and hit him with a screwdriver as punishment for... well being her son I guess. It's a toss up who wins this really.

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