the raven

The Raven

If a 19th-century serial killer/detective story based on the genre writing of Edgar Allen Poe feels like a weird match for a director whose previous credits include "Ninja Assassin" and work on virtually every Wachowski Brothers film, then director James McTeigue would probably suggest you take a pass on "The Raven." Likely imagined as a mix between Depp's "From Hell" and the Downey Jr "Sherlock Holmes" films, McTeigue's John Cusak vehicle manages to impersonate neither of those films well enough to pass muster.

I love me some John Cusack as much as the next guy but ya, this looks terrible. Thankfully it still says "COMING SOON", so we won't have to sit through it for a good long while.

"Coming soon" from the dude who brought you V For Vendetta, this weird Edgar Allen Poe movie starring John Cusack that no one seems to be able to make sense of. It's like Sherlock Holmes, only if he were actually Edgar Allen Poe, but not old and sad, more like young and emo. And he's tracking down a serial killer. Make sense yet? (click to enhance...)

The first trailer for "The Raven" staring John Cusak has hit the tubes my friend and it's chock full of birdy goodness. I think at least. Honestly I couldn't even watch the trailer because it kept locking up my computer. I can tell you the movie tells the tale of Edger Allen Poe who joins forces with a detective to stop a serial killer. You enjoy the trailer though and let me know how it goes.

Robert Zemeckis has set his eyes on "Charles Fort" as his next project. A period piece that tells the story of early-twentieth-century ghost hunter, the movie will be based on the Dark Horse comic of the same name. I wish I had something sarcastic to say about this but it just sounds so darn delightful.

Show of hands, who out there hasn't had a Tara Reid/Cloris Leachman three way fantasy? No one, that's what I thought. Well get excited because they're both on the new poster for "The Fields", a film set in 1973 that tells the true story of a Pennsylvania family who are terrorized by a strange presence in their corn field. I could sop this poster up with a biscuit! I realize that makes no sense.

Blah blah blah Rob Zombie blah blah blah "Lords of Salem" casting blah blah blah Billy Drago blah blah blah creepy guy from "The Untouchables".

ABC has picked up the rights to a new TV series titled "Jekyll and Hyde" which is based on the classic tale of Frankenstein. I kid. The show will take place in modern day San Francisco and focus on a female detective who tries to hunt down a mad scientist. She also builds a monster out of dead people. I kid again.

The good people over at WWE have snagged the rights to a new post-apocalyptic thriller about a group of survivors who make on last stand as the world comes to an end titled "The Day". I've got to say this actually sounds kind of cool, and as long as they don't go putting Stone Cold Steve Austin in the lead role it might have some potential. You give these kind of thought provoking roles to The Rock obviously.

As a child I had a pretty hefty crush on Meg Foster, she played Evil-Lyn in "Master of the Universe" and was scary and hot at the same time. Now she's been added to the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem" as the leader of a witch coven that comes back to haunt modern day Salem. I can not think of a more appropriate role for Foster. With her sexy sexy eyes and frightening as all hell face.

And with the spooky time season coming up it only makes sense that we would get a trailer for "Halloween: XXX Porn Parody", the latest in a string of porns that will probably end up being more entertaining than the remakes they're based on. I hope this one is in theaters though.

How the hell is there already a trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides"? Did it just get announced a couple weeks ago? maybe I'm wrong. But anyway this one looks very promising my friends! There's 0 Orlando Bloom's and countless zombies. Johnny Depp's dreamy pools of seduction he calls eyes and... zombies. I smell a winner here.

Here's another shot of John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe in the upcoming film "The Raven". John looks legit but what is wrong with that freakin bird? It's got devil eyes! I don't trust that bird, it wants to snatch my soul and take it back to it's bird house and feed it to it's little devil bird chicks. We should move on.

With season 5 of "Dexter" in the books it's now time for Julia Stiles to look back and reflect on her season long run with everyone's favorite serial killer. For those of you who haven't watched the final episode yet don't worry, she doesn't spoil what happens.

If there is one thing you can say about porn stars it's that they are versatile. Case in point, one Miss Tori Black who plays a hooker down on her luck that gets more than she bargained for with a special client in the new straight to DVD flick "Half Moon". You see she's versatile because she... well she doesn't have to... well I can't imagine you see anything going into her... I don't know folks, if it aint broke don't fix it.

Nicolas Cage, who many consider the world's greatest actor of all time to ever be invented, is here with a new clip from his soon to be Academy Award winning film "Season of the Witch". In it Cage battles a bunch of wolves and of course wins. Well alright not really, but I bet he could if he wanted to.

Remember last week when I told you that the upcoming "Alien" prequel had been pushed out a year to at least 2013? Well if you said yes then you're a liar because I didn't... but apparently the rumors have been flying. Well it looks like the 2012 release date is still actually happening, if the film actually happens. I say that because it also looks like Fox has not officially given the film a thumbs up. Confused? Me too. Let's talk about something else. Some weather we're having huh? Winter is officially here!

Apparently that guy who's married to Katy Perry is some kind of actor and will star in a new "Beetlejuice" type film called "RentaGhost", which itself is based on a BBC series that ran twenty some years ago. Oh alright, I'm just kidding I know he's an actor, he just really sucks.

"The Raven" has absolutely nothing to do with Edgar Allan Poe but it is being produced by Mark Wahlberg. So that's nice, right? The movie is about a guy running around downtown LA while a bunch of police drones try to track him down. Truth be told this might have something to do with Edger Allan Poe, I don't care much for reading, I just assumed something with Marky Mark attached to it wouldn't be that classy.

Hey here's something awesome to kick off your Tuesday. It's three pricks who are taking your childhood memories and taking a big old crap on them. Some might also call it a video with the three guys that MTV has cast in their new "Teen Wolf" series. I like my description better though.

Mike White, who is apparently a director, has been chosen to make the moving pictures for the big screen adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". Now before you go thinking this might be something to get worried about let me remind you that Mr. White wrote "Nacho Libre". So that's something, right?

Is this true? Pang Ho-Cheung's "Dream Home" is the first Japanese slasher flick? How the hell is that possible? What have they been doing for all these years? Dressing up like giant hamsters and having sex with each other? Oh wait, that's probably it so don't laugh. Don't laugh!

And here's your first look at John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe in "The Raven". Spoiler alert, it looks like John Cusack with a goatee and one leg. Alright the one leg thing is a lie but I figured the goatee wasn't really much so I spiced it up a bit. I'm sorry I hurt you like that.