mtv

Horror Headlines: Friday April 26th, 2013

Little lesson for your kids out there. If you ignore going to the dentist for multiple years it will eventually bite you in the ass and make at least 2 solid months of your life a never ending nightmare.

The idea has been kicking around for a while and now it looks like MTV will in fact be bringing "Scream" to the small screen. No confirmation on if Wes Craven will have anything to do with the project but it looks like a pilot is moving forward and if it's picked up the hour long series would hit the tube sometime next Summer. Live every day like it's your last my friends. Every god damn day.

It was only a matter of time before Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy "The Strain" made its way from the pages up to the big screen and now it looks like Corey Stoll has landed the lead in the adaptation. Stoll will play a doctor who teams up with a small group to battle a vampire clan that has taken over the world. I've read these books. I'm smart.

August 8, 2014 will be the day that Universal Pictures finally drops "Dracula", a new film about a man who find himself turning into a wolf every time there's a full moon, into theaters. Wait no, that can't be right.

Want to go see Goblin perform the entire "Suspiria" soundtrack live in Austin Texas this summer? Me either! What if I were to tell you tickets were $175 bucks? I know I want to see them even less now too!

In Real People News: 

A Michigan man has been arrested for having sex with dogs. I know in Michigan right? Crap like this never happens there.

A Florida man was recently arrested while being under the influence of LSD and asked the police to cut his penis off. I know in Florida right? Crap like this never happens there.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 26th, 2012

If you have any concerns about Spike Lee's remake of "Oldboy" being less then stellar, then Sharlto Copley is here to tenderly lull you into comfort. In a recent interview, the "District 9" actor praised the film for keeping true to the original and being very "gritty" and "dark". I don't know about you, but I trust anyone with an alien arm so I think we're going to be ok.

It's been over a year since we've heard anything about the small screen adaptation of "Powers," a comic book about a duo of cops who investigate criminals with super powers, but it looks like FX is still very much interested in making the show happen. A pilot for the show has already been filmed and shot down, but Charles Eglee has been brought in to do rewrites. Being that I'm a giant Egleehead, you know that I'm excited.

Producer Jason Blum found a big stinker with "The River," but bless his tender little heart for giving it another go with a new found footage series for MTV titled "The Experiment." The plot of the show has yet to be revealed, but I'm hoping for some sort of "Road Rules" tie in. Maybe they get Puck back on TV somehow. I don't know, I'm just spit balling here. Eric Nies maybe?

I don't toss around the term "ape shit" without some serious consideration, but I'm going to come right out and say it. People go "ape shit" for "Breaking Bad". So people are probably dry humping their meth dealers over the news that Dean Norris has joined the cast of Ridley Scott's "The Counselor." no word on what his role will be (I'm guessing actor), but the film is about a lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results.

In Real People News: 

A Georgia man is recovering, and a few bucks richer, after he got drunk and bet his friends he could light his head on fire. He won the bet. You see what I'm getting at here now right?

Well this is a new one. A Illinois man is in trouble for apparently exposing a group of kids to mercury after he tried to hide a broken bottle that contained 40 pounds of the deadly chemical in a sandbox. I've read the article four times and honestly I still can't figure out why he thought this was a good idea.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

If the makers of "Real Steel" are right then we're just 9 short years away from robot boxing being the biggest sport in the world. I for one can not wait. In the meantime we'll have to settle for the new interviews/trailer for the Hugh Jackman flick which is set for an October 7th release. The excitement is more than I can handle. I hope I can sleep between now and 2020.

If you're like me then for some odd reason you still insist on watching the MTV Video Music awards even though the channel hasn't played music for years and you've reached an age where the performers both frighten and confuse you. But this year the rest of you might have a reason to watch now because it looks like they'll be airing a special first look at "The Hunger Games". Of course the fact that they're choosing the same outlet to premier this as they have for the "Twilight" films might be a bad sign but let's hope not. Let's also hope that Lady Gaga keeps her man-ass covered for the night too.

I've always kind of thought that Dennis Hopper was probably just like his character from "Blue Velvet" in real life. At least I like to think he was. And as a fellow hater of warm beer I'm happy to report that the David Lynch classic will finally be getting the Blu-Ray treatment on November 8th. No details on specs yet but it's the 25th anniversary edition and they wouldn't screw you over with that would they? Would they?!

I have no idea who the hell Damien Chazelle is but he's been tapped to write the script for the upcoming sequel to the BGH favorite "The Last Exorcism". What this means I don't really know but he's got an evil name so that's got to be good right? Then again his only writing credit is something called "Guy and Madeline on a Park Bench" so that's a bad thing I think. Unless you're into smart people movies then you probably own that one. You fancy now.

In Real People News: 

Who says that Chuck E Cheese is just for kids? The police, that's who. Case in point this Florida couple who are under arrest for child endangerment after employees at the local shop noticed they were so blitzed they couldn't even get the pizza in their mouths. I hope they at least got some time in the ball room. I bet that would be super fun.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night to find a strange man sitting next to your bed masturbating? This woman in Virgina did. Apparently it's not as common as I thought it was.

Horror Headlines: Thursday June 30th, 2011

Warner Bros. looking to be courting the ever so dreamy Johnny Depp to take the lead in the big screen adaptation of Glen Gold's book "Carter Beats the Devil". The story, which is a fictional biography about a magician who somehow gets involved with the death of President Warren G. Harding during his long career. I hope that magician had dreamy eyes in the book, cause there's no hiding those beautiful peepers of Depp's. Am I right? Am I? Let's move on.

Fresh out of jail writer Roger Avary has been hired to adapt William Faulkner's 1931 novel "Sanctuary" for the big screen. For those of you not familiar with the book I'll go ahead and say there's no way in hell my explanation would clear anything up so let's just say it's chock full of murder, pervs and violence. I think there might be some animal sex too. I'm not positive. Let's just say there is. Better safe than sorry.

Here's something I never thought I'd type. The trailer for the new MTV show looks pretty decent. I know it's like crazy upside down day. But "Death Valley" has some potential. It's a fake cops type show that follows a special until of the LAPD as they battle zombies, werewolves, vampires and god knows what else. Some decent talent in there also. I think I need to go lie down.

Yesterday we talked about some details about the new "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D" film and from the overflow of comments it looks like you were all pretty excited. So today I bring you a release day. Yes there's no new "Saw" this year so Texas 3D is picking up the torch and getting an October 5th release date in theaters. And yes I know I've called it "Leatherface 3D" also but you know what? So has every other site of the god damn internet so get off my back.

In Real People News: 

Expose yourself to an entire wedding from a 4th floor window once and that's just good plain fun but doing it multiple times, well that'll get you tossed in jail. Of course I assume people exposing themselves is common practice for a wedding in Pennsylvania. The Amish ya know... those sick SOBs.

Oh why can't every day be mother's day? Here's a story about a woman who along with a friend decided the best way to feed their meth habit was by pimping out her 3 year old son. Then again I assume pimping out your child to feed your meth habit is common practice in Oklahoma. Sooners ya know... those sick SOBs.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 30th, 2011

Everybody loved Joss Whedon's catchy little musical when it launched online, so now you can buy Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog in book form! Just be forewarned; you have to provide the musical parts yourself.

I'm not a very approachable guy in the mornings. You could say I'm a bit grumpy, so I'm going to use that as an excuse as I kick you all in the beans with this official trailer for MTV's Teen Wolf.

The "Piranha" was a pretty big success so of course a sequel is on it's way. It wasn't until now that director John Gulager has started to release some tidbits on the zany plot for "Piranha 3 Double D"; which moves from Lake Havasu to the chlorinated depths of a water park!

It was already known that "Your Highness" director David Gordon was angling for a remake of the classic "Suspiria" for his next film. In a recent interview with Movieline, Gordon made fans just a bit less apprehensive of his plans by mentioning that they had procured the original film's Goblin score and he fully plans on using it!

Were you saddened by the news that "World War Z" may not be coming to the big screen due to financial woes? According to Deadline Hollywood, things might not be so bad. There could be as many as three different financiers in talks to share the load on the $125 million budget.

In Real People News: 

Don't like your uncle's choice of preserves on his waffle? Why not shoot up the Waffle House to make your point?

Ron Low wants to restore your foreskin. That is, if you feel slighted that your parents had it hacked off when you were 10 minutes old. Are you one of those people? Well lucky for you, TLC is going to cover his business "TLC Tuggers" in an upcoming show!

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 9th, 2011

Despite my undying hatred for Kevin Smith, "Red State" actually looks pretty good, and it kills me to say that. Well to keep the ball rolling Mrs. Smith (see what I did there) released a new clip to the fine people at MTV. Because if you want to stay indie, you go to the channel that brought you "The Grind".

Rosamund Pike, who has a stupid name but was apparently in "Doom" so I like her, has been added to the cast of the "Clash of the Titans" sequel currently titled "Wrath of the Titans". The movie will be bad but it's got the girl with the stupid name who was in "Doom" so maybe it'll make me think of The Rock, the wrestler not the movie, and it'll make me happy and I'll like it. That's logic people, logic all over your face.

Victor Salva is the guy responsible for ruining my senior year by making the movie "Powder", bald pale white guys aren't all freaks, people! Now he's got a new movie titled "Rosewood Lane" that has just cast Rose McGowen. If this one turns out to be about a guy with a mild drinking problem and horrible grammar who sits on NJ transit for 2 hours a day I'm going to think Victor has it out for me.

Suck on that "Snakes on a Plane"! David R. Ellis has topped you for best movie name ever. He wants to release his new film under the title "Untitled 3D Shark Thriller". Try to guess what the movie is about and what dimension it'll be shown is. I bet you guess right. If you didn't you might want to get that looked at.

In Real People News: 

Kids, they do the darnedest things. Like these three students in Ohio that set a kid's hair on fire while riding the bus home from school. At least I think it was on the way home, that's an awful way to start the day. It's not really a great way to end it either but ya know.

Sometimes the urge calls and there's no stopping it. A Florida teen was arrested for breaking into a business recently because he stopped to look at porn on a company computer. It's his own fault though, apparently he was just pulling his pants up when the police got there. I'm guess it took them at least 15 minutes to get the call and get there. This guy is doing something wrong.

Horror Headlines: Thursday February 3rd, 2011

Oh boy! Tim Burton's new "Dark Shadows" movie just got a whole lot sexier because Jackie Earle Haley has been added to the cast. Johnny Depp will star in the film but no one will be watching him with that hunky Jackie prancing around the screen with his creepy get in my van smile. Bella Heathcote has also been added to the cast and much to my surprise is not a porn star.

Booo Paramount, boo! Apparently there's been a "Pet Cemetery" remake in the works for some time now but up until recently it wasn't getting much action. But now it looks like a script is almost done and a director search is moving forward. Matthew Greenberg, who wrote the script for King's "1408" as well is just about done with his new updated version of this sucker.

I don't know if this is suppose to be good news but Wes Craven says he isn't re-shooting scenes for "Scream 4" but actually adding pivotal scenes. So just to confirm, he watched his movie and didn't see scenes that he thought could be better or done different, no he saw scenes that were completely missing all together. I'm not good with math or words but honestly I think the re-shooting sounded better.

MTV has announced that their new series based on the 90's classic "Teen Wolf" will hit the air on June 5th. Based on everything I've heard about their latest show "Skins" I am fully expecting this one to feature full frontal nudity and partial if not full penetration. I'll consider anything less a complete failure.

In Real People News: 

Not going to lie, I don't see anything wrong with this one. A Minnesota man is being brought up on animal cruelty charges after he tried to mail a 4 month old puppy to Atlanta. Did he not poke holes in the box? Is that what he did wrong? Should he have put a bone in the box with the dog? Seriously, I'm drawing a blank here.

In what sounds like a Lifetime movie here's a story about a Nebraska women who beat the holy living hell out of a guy with a frying pan after he tried to sexually assault her. I would have gone with a Loony Tunes reference here but I don't recall those having many attempted rape scenes in them.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday November 16th, 2010

Hey here's something awesome to kick off your Tuesday. It's three pricks who are taking your childhood memories and taking a big old crap on them. Some might also call it a video with the three guys that MTV has cast in their new "Teen Wolf" series. I like my description better though.

Mike White, who is apparently a director, has been chosen to make the moving pictures for the big screen adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". Now before you go thinking this might be something to get worried about let me remind you that Mr. White wrote "Nacho Libre". So that's something, right?

Is this true? Pang Ho-Cheung's "Dream Home" is the first Japanese slasher flick? How the hell is that possible? What have they been doing for all these years? Dressing up like giant hamsters and having sex with each other? Oh wait, that's probably it so don't laugh. Don't laugh!

And here's your first look at John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe in "The Raven". Spoiler alert, it looks like John Cusack with a goatee and one leg. Alright the one leg thing is a lie but I figured the goatee wasn't really much so I spiced it up a bit. I'm sorry I hurt you like that.

In Real People News: 

Well if you're going to get arrested for a DUI then you might as well go the distance and piss on the police cruiser while you're at it. Anything else is really just half-assing it.

What's worse than getting a tattoo of your girlfriends name and then breaking up with her? Having her try to cut the tattoo of your neck rather than letting you live the rest of your life with it. That's a fact.

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 20th, 2010

Because they're not completely satisfied with their previous abomination, Taurus Entertainment is seriously considering yet another remake of Romero's "Day of the Dead", this time in 3D. Who in their right mind thinks this is a good idea? So much for professional integrity.

In other pointless remake news, MTV has apparently ordered 12 episodes of their upcoming television series "Teen Wolf". As much as I hate to admit it, I'll probably give this one a chance. Don't you dare judge me. Actually, go ahead this time.

Since Hollywood's creativity is running a little short these days, it's not surprising that Robert Shaye's Unique Features is dangerously close to snagging the rights to the hit Playstation 3 thriller "Heavy Rain". Here's a thought: Why not just play the game? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you people?

In Real People News: 

What should you do if you're a being mugged by three villainous individuals? Run, don't walk, to the handy ninja school down the street. Chances are they're ready and willing to lend a helping hand.

If, like me, you purchased one of those trendy Miley Cyrus bracelets from Wal-Mart earlier this week, you may want to toss them into the nearest dumpster. Unless, of course, you're just hankering for a little cadmium poisoning. I was through with being cool, anyway.

On this day in history: 

1999 - Several decomposing body parts are found rotting away inside a bank vault in Snowtown, Australia.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 13th, 2010

Remember when MTV used to be about music? Even though they do not like music videos anymore, they do like horror! To further prove their love, the network has announced their plans for "The Truth Below", a feature length film starring Reid Ewing. Little is known about the film so far aside from it being a survival horror film centered on a group of teens trapped in an avalanche.

Always willing to mine the depths of any culture to make a bad movie, the Syfy Channel has now set its sights on The Mongolian Death Worm for their next creature feature. Starring Sean Patrick Flannery, the film surely spells the downfall of the former Boondock Saint's career!

Kevin Pollack has a knack for impersonations and comedy, but can he pull off horror? We'll find out soon as his new web series "Vamped Out" debuts on Babelgum.

In Real People News: 

The bar for being a stalker has officially been raised. A former police officer posed as a fake stalker and begun sending his victim threatening sexual emails. Then posing as his true self, he went to the woman to offer her protection from her stalker. Which she fell for.

A Chicago man took his son to Sox Park for the opening day of Major League Baseball. A time honored tradition between father and son. He wasn't prepared for the other honored tradition between father of son, the birds and the bees talk, but was forced to anyway after they caught a young couple having sex in the bathroom stall".

On this day in history: 

1883 - Convicted cannibal Alfred Packer is sentenced to death in Colorado.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Joe's going to hate this.

Podcast

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web