FX

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E6 Occultation

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E6 Occultation

Hey FX, aren’t you the same network that just set a cable network record for Emmy nominations? This kind of material is your wheelhouse, so I need you to get it together. I wait and wait for the cinematographic miscues to get better, for the tone to feel more plausible, for less of my time to be wasted with soapy dialogue serving frivolous exposition … and it never comes.
So indulge me, if you will, in my passionate plea for a film reboot where we can get all these things right. In the meantime, back to FX giving it their best shot.

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E5 Runaways

I officially take back everything I ever said about Gabe Bolivar – he was gnarly this week. What a way to open an episode!
We’re dropped into episode four (“Runaways”) with the rock star in his velvety goth palace, blending with shadows and complected like a bruised fruit. It’s here that viewers get their first glimpse of the Master’s control: with one word, echoed twice – “Mine” – we get a subtle idea of his ventriloquist-like power.

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E4 It's Not for Everyone

I’ll give it to del Toro and Hogan this week. Opening episode four “It’s Not for Everyone” with the dissection of the plane captain was disgusting, fascinating, and an expository change of pace. The show’s “monster” aspects – and their obvious del Toro signatures – keep me coming back each week. The attention to detail of what we learn during the dissection, and to the stinger especially, is impressive.

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E3 The Third Rail

Another week of “The Strain,” another debate with the mister about whether it should have been a movie instead of a TV show. Where the former might have gotten some critical details squeezed out, the latter continues to get away with not-quite-enough exposition each week. It’s still hurting the show’s overall effectiveness, in my opinion, but more on that shortly.

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E2 The Box

The second episode of FX’s The Strain picks up immediately from where we last left it, opening to Gus the hustler transporting the Master’s coffin across the river. Though the episode begins delving deeper into the “virus” itself – and, more enlighteningly, its potential commercial and political implications on one of the world’s largest cities – the plot plods at a pace nearly rivaling Gus Van Sant’s Last Days. Whereas the book’s monolithic, apolocalyptic atmosphere loomed high, the show has thus far largely missed the mark.

Book Vs Television: The Strain S1:E1 Night Zero

If you’re a horror or fantasy devotee of any shade, hopefully you’re a student of master filmmaker Guillermo Del Toro. With the help of Chuck Hogan, he recently expanded his storytelling into the written word, delivering the terrifying Strain trilogy. Now, FX has brought the story to life as del Toro originally intended: a television show. The story vividly captures an apocalyptic nightmare initially disguised as a post-9/11 paranoid disaster.

Horror Headlines: Monday August 5th, 2013

I had to stop at the grocery store this past thursday on my way home from work. As I walked through the front door I was immediately greeted by a middle aged man hunched over gagging while an employee of the store was standing behind him giving the Heimlich maneuver. The guy who was choking looked up, locked eyes with me and then after three good thrusts shot out a giant piece of peach onto the ground. The point of this story is if you steal fruit from the grocery store and eat it eventually the powers that be will punish you.

FX CEO John Landgraf has sent down word from the mountains that "The Strain", a new series based on Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy, will be no more than 5 seasons. The show will follow a small group of rebels trying to take down a vampire empire that has taken over the world. The reason for the 5 season limit is that the shows creators are already putting it out there that the show will end with the same finale as the books, which is good news. This combined with the solid nights sleep I got last night is really starting off the week on a good foot.

Remember Alexandra Breckenridge in the first season of "American Horror Story"? Yeah, she was the slutty maid. I know! She was my favorite too. Well good news folks, she'll be returning to the show for it's third season which is being titled "American Horror Story: Coven". No word yet on what role she'll be playing but the season is suppose to be set around a group of spooky witches... I think. Really I'm just hoping for slutty witches.

I've never seen "Akira", I don't know what it's about and Japanimation in general confuses and frightens me. Apparently a live action version of the film(?) has been kicking around for a while and now "Orphan" director Jaume Collet-Serra has been attached to the project and it's officially moving forward. I bet those whack jobs dressed up like giant robots I saw walking outside the Rosemont convention center on my way to Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill are all excited about this. Or angry. I don't really understand any of this.

"House of Flying Daggers" director Zhang Yimou has officially been confirmed to be taking on the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" remake, which has also officially been confirmed I guess. Josh Brolin is set to start in the film, which is the retelling of the classic tale of Quasimodo and the main reason I grew to love Gypsies as a child. Well this story and Cher. Mostly Cher.

In Real People News: 

When a sex offender moves into your neighborhood you're immediately worried about the kids. The dogs on the other hand, I never would have thought to worry about the dogs. Of course this is Florida, and looking outside to see your neighbor and your dog going at it is probably not that uncommon.

A 12 year old boy robbing a lemonade stand with a BB gun sounds just down right adorable doesn't it? Wait no, terrible. It's terrible. He's being charged with armed robbery, which is terrible. Oh man, did he have a little tiny ski mask on? Don't tell me, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 26th, 2012

If you have any concerns about Spike Lee's remake of "Oldboy" being less then stellar, then Sharlto Copley is here to tenderly lull you into comfort. In a recent interview, the "District 9" actor praised the film for keeping true to the original and being very "gritty" and "dark". I don't know about you, but I trust anyone with an alien arm so I think we're going to be ok.

It's been over a year since we've heard anything about the small screen adaptation of "Powers," a comic book about a duo of cops who investigate criminals with super powers, but it looks like FX is still very much interested in making the show happen. A pilot for the show has already been filmed and shot down, but Charles Eglee has been brought in to do rewrites. Being that I'm a giant Egleehead, you know that I'm excited.

Producer Jason Blum found a big stinker with "The River," but bless his tender little heart for giving it another go with a new found footage series for MTV titled "The Experiment." The plot of the show has yet to be revealed, but I'm hoping for some sort of "Road Rules" tie in. Maybe they get Puck back on TV somehow. I don't know, I'm just spit balling here. Eric Nies maybe?

I don't toss around the term "ape shit" without some serious consideration, but I'm going to come right out and say it. People go "ape shit" for "Breaking Bad". So people are probably dry humping their meth dealers over the news that Dean Norris has joined the cast of Ridley Scott's "The Counselor." no word on what his role will be (I'm guessing actor), but the film is about a lawyer who tries his hand at the drug game with not so sexy results.

In Real People News: 

A Georgia man is recovering, and a few bucks richer, after he got drunk and bet his friends he could light his head on fire. He won the bet. You see what I'm getting at here now right?

Well this is a new one. A Illinois man is in trouble for apparently exposing a group of kids to mercury after he tried to hide a broken bottle that contained 40 pounds of the deadly chemical in a sandbox. I've read the article four times and honestly I still can't figure out why he thought this was a good idea.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 10th, 2011

"Shaun Of The Dead" and "Hot Fuzz" power couple Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, or Simgar, are set to begin production on "The World's End" this September. The film is about a group of friends who reunite to attempt an epic pub crawl 20 years after their first go around. I'm not going to lie, I'm already imagining the heartfelt ending of the movie where they cry and hug over beers and I'm getting a little misty.

Stephen King's "The Reach" is next on the list to get the big screen adaptation treatment. While negotiations are still in their early stages King himself says the story, about a elderly woman who travels to a ghost island over a large frozen stretch of water, is the one he'd "most like to be remembered for after his death". So don't F this up Hollywood fat cats. Or else you'll have the ghost of Stephen King on your ass.

FX has plans to adapt the Chelsea Cain’s book "Heartsick" for the little screen sometime in the near future. The story, which is the first in a trilogy, tells the tale of a female serial killer and her relationship with a beat up Portland detective. Do they have serial killers in Portland? I thought it was all donuts and hippies. Wait, serial killer that prays on hippies? I like where this is going.

Production on "The Scribbler", staring Katie Cassidy and Eliza Dushku, has officially begun in sunny LA. The movie follows the fun story of a young woman using a new experimental tool that helps to eliminate multiple personalities. Do you think it works? What a terrible movie it would be if it does and everything works fine the first time. They hook the girl up to a car battery and 15 minutes later she's all better and drinking a coffee. Roll credits.

In Real People News: 

This story is awful but I'm also very curious as to how a couple in Indiana drove away from a liquor story with 4 toddlers strapped to the roof of their car. How did no one get a picture of this? I bet it was so frightening and adorable it would make you puke.

Try to steal copper from a power plant, get electrocuted and burst into flames. That's simple math.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

Winter is officially here my friends! This entire week I've been wearing my snow pants to work in anticipation of the last final blizzard of 2011. Sure there's no reports of any such blizzard coming but still I like to be prepared. I also really like the swooshing sound the snow pants make when I walk around. And my ass looks great in them. So many reasons!

If you're as excited as I am for tonight's season finale of "American Horror Story" then you know what it's like to wet your pants at work and have all your coworkers laugh at you. Miserable I know. But the good people at FX have given us a special preview of tonight's episode to tide us over. So that makes up for the constant harassment you're going to receive for the next year. The nicknames, the laughing... the scratchy thighs.

Nick Swardson and TJ Miller have both been cast in a new animated comedy flick titled "Hell & Back". The two will voice characters who have to travel into the underworld to save a friend of theirs who was kidnapped and taken to the great below. The good news here? The flick is going to be rated R. So if you love cartoons who swear, and who doesn't, get ready to piss yourself again... Maybe it's time to get some adult diapers.

Eff yeah new poster for "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance". With Nic Cage all head on fire riding a bike with a giant chain whip. Eff ya indeed! Oh wait? you're in 3D too? You shouldn't have even bothered changing your pee pants!

Holy crap, have you ever seen a picture of "American History X" director Tony Kaye before? He looks like that crazy wizard guy who had the telescope and watched the two giant statues that shoot lasers in "The Never Ending Story". You know the one I'm talking about. Anyway he's being perused by the fine people at W2 Media to direct their new flick "Attachment", about a teacher who's one night stand with a student comes back to haunt her when he begins to date her daughter. If anyone can remember the guy's name I'd really appreciate you letting me know. This is going to bug me now.

In Real People News: 

It's always sad when the horse theft you plan goes terribly wrong. One minute you're just having some fun stealing a horse from your local college and the next minute your mother's boyfriend is shooting that horse in the face. Too far man, too far.

I don't even know how this is possible but here's a story about an 82 year old man who beat his girlfriend to death with a flashlight battery.

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