johnny depp

The Banshee Chapter (REVIEW)

The story of "The Banshee Chapter" is based on a U.S. government conspiracy perpetrated on it’s own citizens during the 50’s and 60’s, under the code-name: “Project MKUltra.” The purpose of the experiments were supposedly to find a way to chemically control the mind and also to find some kind of truth-serum to administer to enemy spies and soldiers.

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 13th, 2012

It's often been said that if Johnny Depp and Christopher Nolan ever teamed up the world would explode from all the hot action that would be produced. Well folks get ready for the end of time because it's happening. The movie is "Transcendence" and I think it has something to do with a super computer that gets put inside a dead person or something. I'm not really sure. Truth be told I started reading the description and I started to daydream about Depp's gentle soft smile.

Gillian Anderson has been confirmed to be taking on a multi-episode role in the upcoming NBC show "Hannibal". The show is based on the much loved Hannibal Lecter character and Anderson will play the role of the good doctor's therapist. Funny story. I always get Gillian Anderson and Marlee Matlin mixed up so for a second I thought Lecter's therapist was going to be a deaf woman which I thought was kind of crazy. Good story huh?

ABC has given the thumbs up to a new zombie outbreak series titled "The Returned". Based on a novel by Jason Mott the show will focus on a small town in the Midwest where the dead return to change the lives of those they left behind. Kind of like "Pushing Daises" I'm guessing, only still on the air.

Want to know even more casting news for "Insidious Chapter 2"? Well Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson and Andrew Astor will all be returning for the second installment of the film and I have absolutely no idea who they are or what roles they played. They all have really weird names though huh? Angus. Sounds like dangus. That's funny.

In Real People News: 

What do you get when a spelling mistake in the word "public" gets run in a newspaper ad? You get a "Pubic Charter School" of course. You also get hilarity.

An Oregon woman took the law into her own hands when she broke into the home of a woman she suspected of having relations with her husband and then tried to run down said husband with her pickup truck. I mean she's in jail now but still, taking the law into your own hands always sounds really bad ass.

Trailers: Check out Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows"!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, get your hate machine's running! It's time to comment on the trailer for Tim Burton's "Dark Shadows"!

It's creepy and it's kooky, and all together spooky, it's A..."Dark Shadows" movie. Not what I was expecting from the project at all. But I must admit; I kind of like this trailer. It could be entertaining, but if Tim Burton thinks this is the essence of the original show... he's high.

Oh yah, I'm biased; I love me some Helena Bonham Carter and I think she looks great in orange. I'm just going to get that out of the way here and now.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 23rd, 2011

Turns out some guy named Edgar Wright directed "Shaun of the Dead". I was 99% sure Simon Pegg did so egg on my face. And now there's news that Edgar has been placed in charge of telling Johnny Depp what to do in the new film "The Night Stalker". The movie revolves around a reporter who hunts down all kind of fun beasts like vampires, monsters and aliens. Sounds like a hoot if you ask me. You didn't though. Cause you're a jerk.

There's so many horror related shows being worked on right now it's hard to keep up and 75% of them revolve around cults. "Midnight Sun" is one of those shows and we've learned today that Michael Raymond-James of "True Blood" fame, will play the second in command of the police force trying to uncover the mystery surrounding the disappearance of a cult in Alaska. Cults are so hot right now. We should start one or something.

Bianca Kajlich is officially joining the cast of the new monster movie "Dark Was The Knight". Kajlich will play the wife of a small town sheriff trying to fend off a band of monsters that have been unleashed on the world. For those of you not familiar with her work she's on the TV show "Rules of Engagement" and was the lead in "Halloween: Resurrection". That's all I can say about her because my wife reads this and I'd like the locks to be the same when I get home tonight.

If I was Disney and I was looking for a guy to write the script for the movie based on the Matterhorn ride my first pick would be the guy who wrote "Scream 3". Hands down. I kid of course but Ehren Kruger has been confirmed none the less. Are you excited? I'm not. I'm sorry. I just can't lie to you.

In Real People News: 

I write about this one only because it took place only a few miles from my house. It's about a boyfriend who broke up with his girlfriend by running over her with his car repeatedly. It's tragic and awful but still it's kind of nice to see my town in the news.

A New York super is in hot water after he was caught on camera having sex with with one of his tenants dogs. every funny comment I've come up with my head looks so awful once I type it that I'm just going to go ahead and let you make up your own.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

Ever see that show on MTV "My Super Sweet 16"? Well if you have then you've probably also had the urge to get in your car, dive to these spoiled pricks home and end them. Well got bless Bobcat Goldthwait because he made a movie called "God Bless America" with just such a plot. What's better is said film has been picked up by Magnolia pictures and will be finding it's way to VOD in the near future. Yes, I watch a lot of crap on cable.

Rodrigo Cortés made everyone giddy last year when he put Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes and just let him talk. Well his follow up to that is "Red Lights" staring Robert De Niro as a famous psychic who returns to the spotlight after 30 years of being off the radar. Then he gets put in a box for an hour and we just bask in all his glory. Probably not. Check out the new trailer and see if I'm a giant liar. I love you.

If you were a big fan of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows" as a kid then I'm willing to bet you spent a lot of time along in your room talking to your privates. But now Tim Burton is making a movie about the tv show and it stars Johnny Depp so people will love it and you and your genitals can go out into the world with pride. Here, look at these new photos from the set. Everyone looks so pale. Pasty is going to be the new tan. I'm going to be famous!

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story about a father who faces charges after he kicked his son in the stomach because he was making spelling mistakes at school. Awful yes, but I'm a terrible speller, always have been. If I thought there was a swift kick to the stomach waiting for me when I brought home a D on my spelling test I probably would have tried harder.

And here's a story about a man who was decapitated by a train at Penn Station in NYC this past weekend. Which is weird because I have heard nothing about this on the news. I have however been fully briefed on what's going on with fashion week.

Horror Headlines: Thursday June 30th, 2011

Warner Bros. looking to be courting the ever so dreamy Johnny Depp to take the lead in the big screen adaptation of Glen Gold's book "Carter Beats the Devil". The story, which is a fictional biography about a magician who somehow gets involved with the death of President Warren G. Harding during his long career. I hope that magician had dreamy eyes in the book, cause there's no hiding those beautiful peepers of Depp's. Am I right? Am I? Let's move on.

Fresh out of jail writer Roger Avary has been hired to adapt William Faulkner's 1931 novel "Sanctuary" for the big screen. For those of you not familiar with the book I'll go ahead and say there's no way in hell my explanation would clear anything up so let's just say it's chock full of murder, pervs and violence. I think there might be some animal sex too. I'm not positive. Let's just say there is. Better safe than sorry.

Here's something I never thought I'd type. The trailer for the new MTV show looks pretty decent. I know it's like crazy upside down day. But "Death Valley" has some potential. It's a fake cops type show that follows a special until of the LAPD as they battle zombies, werewolves, vampires and god knows what else. Some decent talent in there also. I think I need to go lie down.

Yesterday we talked about some details about the new "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D" film and from the overflow of comments it looks like you were all pretty excited. So today I bring you a release day. Yes there's no new "Saw" this year so Texas 3D is picking up the torch and getting an October 5th release date in theaters. And yes I know I've called it "Leatherface 3D" also but you know what? So has every other site of the god damn internet so get off my back.

In Real People News: 

Expose yourself to an entire wedding from a 4th floor window once and that's just good plain fun but doing it multiple times, well that'll get you tossed in jail. Of course I assume people exposing themselves is common practice for a wedding in Pennsylvania. The Amish ya know... those sick SOBs.

Oh why can't every day be mother's day? Here's a story about a woman who along with a friend decided the best way to feed their meth habit was by pimping out her 3 year old son. Then again I assume pimping out your child to feed your meth habit is common practice in Oklahoma. Sooners ya know... those sick SOBs.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 18th, 2011

If you haven't seen "A Serbian Film" well then consider yourself lucky. I'm not going to say why, but there are some things that no amount of soup in the eyes will wash away. I still wake up crying in the middle of the night sometimes. But good news for deviants and future sex offenders out there, it's getting a US release in selected theaters on May 17th in both it's R and NC-17 forms. In honor of this event a new red-band trailer and website have lunched for the movie. Both of which I refuse to view. You've been warned.

Chloe Moretz, who I've dubbed this generation's Macaulay Culkin, minus the coke habit and schizophrenia, has officially been added to the cast of the upcoming Tim Burton big screen adaptation of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows". The cast already includes the likes of Johnny Depp, Jackie Earle Haley, Michelle Pfeiffer and Helena Bonham Carter. Just to be clear I have no idea if Culkin is a coke head or a schizophrenic but it would be awesome if he was.

I'm going to make a prediction here folks and if I'm wrong I will personally come to each and every one of your houses and open mouth kiss you as an apology. Here it is. "Shark Night 3D" will be the single greatest movie to ever appear on the silver screen. Put it in the books! If you doubt me then just take a gander at the new photo that's hit the tubes of the film. It's got a shark! What more do you need?! I think I've made my point.

Would you like to know what the second greatest movie of all time will be? So would I! But while we try to figure that out here's the trailer for "The Toolbox Murders 2" which I honestly think in no way ties to the first one. Of course I didn't see it. I saw the original one from 1978 though and there was a women in a bathtub getting dirty while listening to weird country music. So... that's something, right?

In Real People News: 

I always wondered what happens when a mailman has to make a number two while he's out walking the route. Well it looks like I have my answer, they take a boom boom in your bushes. Or at least one mailman in Portland did and then got suspended. But still I assume this is what they all do, they just don't get caught.

A woman in Kansas faces charges of keeping a vicious animal after police found her 8 foot long albino python. How did they find it? Well when it freaked out and latched onto her neck she had to call the police for help. I wonder if they got the snake off before they cuffed her. I like to think they didn't.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 14th, 2010

How the hell is there already a trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides"? Did it just get announced a couple weeks ago? maybe I'm wrong. But anyway this one looks very promising my friends! There's 0 Orlando Bloom's and countless zombies. Johnny Depp's dreamy pools of seduction he calls eyes and... zombies. I smell a winner here.

Here's another shot of John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe in the upcoming film "The Raven". John looks legit but what is wrong with that freakin bird? It's got devil eyes! I don't trust that bird, it wants to snatch my soul and take it back to it's bird house and feed it to it's little devil bird chicks. We should move on.

With season 5 of "Dexter" in the books it's now time for Julia Stiles to look back and reflect on her season long run with everyone's favorite serial killer. For those of you who haven't watched the final episode yet don't worry, she doesn't spoil what happens.

If there is one thing you can say about porn stars it's that they are versatile. Case in point, one Miss Tori Black who plays a hooker down on her luck that gets more than she bargained for with a special client in the new straight to DVD flick "Half Moon". You see she's versatile because she... well she doesn't have to... well I can't imagine you see anything going into her... I don't know folks, if it aint broke don't fix it.

In Real People News: 

An inmate in California is demanding special meals in order to comply with his belief in the holiday of Festivus. This is awesome. I wonder if I can start asking for this on flights and demand that I get to wrestle the pilot.

You know how annoying it is when you're going through the drive-thru at a fast food joint and the guy working the speaker is being a real prick? Well here's a guy in Illinois who got fed up and tossed a dead squirrel through the window. Well played my friend.

Horror Headlines: Friday December 10th, 2010

Inspired by true events? Anthony Hopkins? Exorcism? Movie? These are all words you can read! There also words that describe the film "The Rite" which finally has a trailer. We're off to a good start today.

Patrick Alvarez, someone I have no idea about, has been tapped to direct "Girls", a movie about a girls slumber party gone terribly wrong. Apparently this is not a porn, which might explain the terribly wrong part. Or maybe that's just for me. At the very least there better we a tickle fight.

If you didn't see Duncan Jones' "Moon" then you missed out because it was awesome and it had zero Jake Gyllenhaal's. Unfortunately his follow up "Source Code" has one Jake Gyllenhaal but you should still give it a chance. Based on the new behind the scenes photos of the pic it might have a chance, if that jackass doesn't smile with the stupid goofy face of his.

Johnny Depp on the new Tim Burton film "Dark Shadows" which is based on the cult TV show, "it's gotten f**kin' good". That is all.

In Real People News: 

How do you slow down speeding drivers? Set up cardboard cutouts of police women in mini skirts of course. I can't believe it took this long for us to figure that out.

Even with a cold black heart I still couldn't help but get a little choked up about this one. Scrub is an adorable kitten that found it's way home 5 years after it was lost in hurricane Katrina. If you're not crying then you're a monster.

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