chloe moretz

Snapshot: Chloe Moretz as "Carrie"

The first images of the "Carrie" remake are hitting the web and I must admit, I'm starting to get excited for this. Chloe Moretz is stepping into the iconic role of the telekinetic teenager in the upcoming remake of the 1976 classic and she's definitely pulling off the drenched in pig's blood look. The remake, which will be directed by "Boys Don't Cry" director Kimberly Peirce, is described as a modernized, more character driven adaptation of the Stephen King novel.

Horror Headlines: Friday, May 11th, 2011

Sunday is Mother's Day. You're welcome for the reminder you thoughtless prick.

I've still got Chloe Moretz fever. I say still because I'm pretty sure I've used this joke before and I know you jag-offs at home are keeping score so I wanted to play it safe. The news here though is that Moretz is in talks with Inferno Entertainment to play a zombie in their new film "Maggie". The film follows Maggie's 6 month transformation into a zombie and will be awesome. Unless Dakota Fanning somehow ends up playing the role. That would blow.

You had me at "From the producer of 'The Crow'". That's sarcasm by the way, I don't want you to ever mistake my sarcasm as love for "The Crow". When I was in High School I was on the football team and there was this prick Marty who painted his face like the Crow before a game. I will hate that kid till the day I die for that reason alone. Well his odd passion for country music too but mostly the crow thing. My point is Edward R. Pressman is working on an adaptation of the graphic novel "Feeding Ground".

"'The Raid' WILL EXPLODE IN OVER 280 CINEMAS ACROSS THE UK & IRELAND ON 18 MAY". I don't care how old I get saying something will "explode" will always make me chuckle. Think about it. Ya know... like when a man... NEVERMIND! But the rumors are true, the little movie that could about a lone cop left standing after a drug raid will be hitting selected theaters this month for your viewing pleasure. Unless of course you're in the US. Then you get no pleasure.

The guys who wrote a bunch of those "Not Another..." movies are now writing a spoof of "The Hunger Games" called "The Starving Games". I don't think I can do this anymore.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a group of 6th grade boys down in Mexico that made a gay porn in one of their classrooms. Congratulations Mexico, you're come up with the most disturbing story I've ever read.

A Florida man, I know shocking, decided to stab his computer with a Samurai sword as police raided is house looking for child pornography. Yes there's no way that this will erase anything from his hard drive but you got to admire his style. Ya know, as much as you can admire a guy who's downloading kiddie porn.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, March 28th, 2011

Just a heads up, I feel awesome today. Someone's getting a hug that goes on for just a little too long.

What is it about Stanley Tucci's name that makes me want to pinch a baby's cheeks? Not like in a creepy way, just like in an adorable way. This has gotten kind of weird. He's joined the cast of "Your Voice in My Head" and will play a psychiatrist who helps a self abusing woman, played by Emma Watson, heal her mental scars. Tucci Tucci Tucci! Come on, it's adorable.

I've seen the 1995 movie "Embrace of the Vampire" no less than a dozen times and I could not tell you what the hell it's about. All I remember is Alyssa Milano was nude for 90% of the film and had sex with just about everyone that was on screen. CineTel Films, who I've never heard of but are now my favorite studio, have decided it's time for a remake of the soft core classic. I wonder if Milano will have a cameo. God I hope so.

Chloe Moretz is kind of awesome. She was brutal in "Kick Ass", she was creepy as hell in "Let Me In" and she's pretty damn funny on "30 Rock". So now I'm excited about the "Carrie" remake because she's officially been offered the lead role. If there's anyone that can pull off a pig-blood prom dress it's her. I just hope it isn't after labor day. That's a fashion no-no.

If you didn't like "The Woman In Black" then I kind of want to punch you in the face. It scared the crap out of me. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm not going to punch you in the face if you don't buy the DVD when it's released in May though. I understand times are though and you can't drop money on every movie I like. Where the hell would you even keep the entire "Police Academy" series? There's like 9 films. That's so much shelf space.

In Real People News: 

Need another reason to not visit the Florida Keys? How about giant 9 pound rats that are invading the coast line? Plus Disney World is like a 40 hour drive or something from there.

I love it! A woman in NY is under arrested after she lost her shit on the highway and just started throwing coffee into people's windows. Sometimes you just gotta burn people to make a point that you're sick of traffic.

Horror Headlines: Monday April 18th, 2011

If you haven't seen "A Serbian Film" well then consider yourself lucky. I'm not going to say why, but there are some things that no amount of soup in the eyes will wash away. I still wake up crying in the middle of the night sometimes. But good news for deviants and future sex offenders out there, it's getting a US release in selected theaters on May 17th in both it's R and NC-17 forms. In honor of this event a new red-band trailer and website have lunched for the movie. Both of which I refuse to view. You've been warned.

Chloe Moretz, who I've dubbed this generation's Macaulay Culkin, minus the coke habit and schizophrenia, has officially been added to the cast of the upcoming Tim Burton big screen adaptation of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows". The cast already includes the likes of Johnny Depp, Jackie Earle Haley, Michelle Pfeiffer and Helena Bonham Carter. Just to be clear I have no idea if Culkin is a coke head or a schizophrenic but it would be awesome if he was.

I'm going to make a prediction here folks and if I'm wrong I will personally come to each and every one of your houses and open mouth kiss you as an apology. Here it is. "Shark Night 3D" will be the single greatest movie to ever appear on the silver screen. Put it in the books! If you doubt me then just take a gander at the new photo that's hit the tubes of the film. It's got a shark! What more do you need?! I think I've made my point.

Would you like to know what the second greatest movie of all time will be? So would I! But while we try to figure that out here's the trailer for "The Toolbox Murders 2" which I honestly think in no way ties to the first one. Of course I didn't see it. I saw the original one from 1978 though and there was a women in a bathtub getting dirty while listening to weird country music. So... that's something, right?

In Real People News: 

I always wondered what happens when a mailman has to make a number two while he's out walking the route. Well it looks like I have my answer, they take a boom boom in your bushes. Or at least one mailman in Portland did and then got suspended. But still I assume this is what they all do, they just don't get caught.

A woman in Kansas faces charges of keeping a vicious animal after police found her 8 foot long albino python. How did they find it? Well when it freaked out and latched onto her neck she had to call the police for help. I wonder if they got the snake off before they cuffed her. I like to think they didn't.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 24th, 2010

There's some new photos from "Scream 4" online and it might just be me but Courteney Cox is slowly starting to look like the Ghostface guy. I think I just figured out the ending! They're twins separated at birth. Genius!

Guillermo del Toro is keeping his fingers crossed that he can cast Ron Perlman in his next flick, "At The Mountains Of Madness". The film is based on the H. P. Lovecraft novella of the same name and will apparently be in full on 3D. Ron Perlman in 3D? Get ready ladies!

Chloe Moretz, who you know from "Kick Ass" and "Let Me In" has landed the lead role in the upcoming big screen adaptation of the popular comic book "Emily the Strange". Exciting news for her, but even more exciting news for us in 10 years when she starts doing smack and goes off the deep end. I can't wait!

In Real People News: 

With all the blood sucking, porn like sex scenes and foul language I'm a little confused as to why this didn't happen sooner. "Sesame Street" will be doing a parody of "True Blood" called "True Mud" for it's new season which starts next week. Muppet Vampire sex, think about it.

On this day in history: 

1996 - The United States and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear weapons.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 31st, 2010

These new production stills from "A Nightmare on Elm Street" would lead us to believe that the movie could be good and gory. We'll have to wait until April 30th to see if this promise rings true.

In a recent interview, Lloyd Kaufman lets slip that there are a number of Troma movies in talks for possible remakes including "Poultrygeist" and "Class of Nuke 'Em High". One would normally take news like this from Lloyd with a grain of salt, but the "Mother's Day" remake has already wrapped and "The Toxic Avenger" is in talks, so stranger things have happened!

Not to let Sam Worthington steal all the godly thunder, Stephen Dorff has signed on to "War of the Gods", another Greek monster fighting montage.

Though we have yet to lay eyes on any of her genre rolls yet, young actress Chloe Moretz has signed on for the serial killer opus "The Fields". With her upcoming turns as our fanged lead in the upcoming remake "Let Me In" and her ass kicking antics in "Kick-Ass", she sure seems to enjoy the genre work.

In Real People News: 

21 dead babies have been found under a bridge in Jinning City, China. Sadly, all signs point to underhanded tactics by a local hospital as 8 of the infants had labels complete with biohazard bags showing their treatments and time of death.

Heartbroken after hearing his ex was going to marry another man, a young man in Central Java hacks off his own penis to show how he felt about the news. To further drive the point home, he then threw his junk down a local well.

On this day in history: 

1991 - Danny Bonaduce arrested for assault after he fought with a transvestite prostitute.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 10th, 2010

Liev Shrieber confirms in an interview that he will not be returning for "Scream IV" since his character was killed off. And here I was thinking some convoluted 'oh he survived!' plot would be a good fit for the "Scream" franchise.

Chloe Moretz, star of the upcoming remake "Let Me In", gives us the scoop on the art direction for the film. Thankfully, Chloe assures us that their vampires "aren't cool".

Screen Gems have begun to leak their info on the upcoming "Quarantine 2" with the announcement that they've hired John Pogue to write and direct as well as their plans to take the sequel in a different direction than its Spanish original.

Actor Corey Haim has been found dead. A drug overdose is currently the leading suspicion behind his death. Condolences to the Haim family on their loss.

In Real People News: 

A humble window cleaner decided he'd had enough with dirt and grime, so he attempted to kill himself by jabbing an oversized novelty pencil into his groin. Finally, the years of being called 'pencil dick' took its toll.

At least six Jersey women have found themselves hospitalized with infection after trying to get a bit more donk in their badonka-donk. Something tells me that getting the procedures done in an alley with common window caulk wasn't the brightest move they've ever made.

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