lloyd kaufman

Episode 287 - "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"

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In which we try to make sense of "Return to Nukem High: Volume 1"...

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Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 28th, 2014

Just to be clear, I have plans tonight and I'll probably get a little tipsy so the chances of you seeing three days in a row of news from me are slim to none.

The wait is over my friends, Troma's "Return to Nuke Em High" will finally hit DVD and Blu-Ray on March 18th. Lloyd Kaufman takes to the director chair again for this sequel to the beloved 1986 classic "Class of Nuke 'Em High". The disc will be chock full of commentary tracks, behind the scene features and all kinds of other magic. You like magic don't you? What kind of jackass doesn't like movie magic?

The other day I was clicking around the old boob tube and stumbled upon something called "Lizzie Borden Took An Ax" which turned out to be a new film staring Christina Ricci as the infamous parent killing ax wielding nut bag. I immediately though "Hey is this Lifetime? Wow I'm not going to watch this! Hey let's not watch that." Then I moved on. Now I read that the flick is being released on DVD this coming April 8th. So just in case you don't have Lifetime but still want to enjoy a movie that was made for Lifetime... ya know this might be important news.

Who doesn't want to see Jennifer Lopez lose her mind and go on a killing spree? No one I want to be friends with that's who! The film is called "Lila And Eve" and it's just been picked up by A+E Networks for an early 2015 release. The project also stars Viola Davis who along with Lopez goes on a killing spree of the local bad guys after their children are murdered. So ya know... I guess it's not that sexy of a movie after all.

Content Films have picked up "The Heist", a new film about a group of robbers who plan to hit a bank that just so happens to be built on top of another bank that just so happens to be haunted by a group of robbers who tried to rob the original bank. Confused? It just so happens to be a slow day and this just so happens to be the best I have right now. I swear I'll stop writing the news again.

In Real People News: 

Here's a guy in Philly who's been arrested for approaching woman and asking them to please him with Swiss cheese. The whole thing is ridiculous. Everyone knows Philly is a cheese wiz kind of town. Know your market buddy.

Oh brothers. They always got each other's back. That is of course until you're drunk watching football and your brother takes the last can of Pepsi. That apparently is when brothers lose their shit and stab each other. God I miss New Jersey.

Teaser for Troma's "Return To the class of Nuke'Em High" will get you fired.

The most normal thing in this trailer is Ron Jeremy dressed like Jesus smoking a bong. It's almost the most "safe for work" thing about it too, consider yourself warned.

"Return to the Class of Nuke'Em High" is the latest opus from Troma's big dawg, Lloyd Kaufman. They've been using money earned from the sale of remake rights to films like "The Toxic Avenger" to fund their new movies. As far as I'm concerned as long as Lloyd is around and making true independent cinema, everything's going to be alright... Now when do I get my sequel to "Poultrygeist"??

Episode 203 - "Father's Day"

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Things are about to get... awkward...

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Horror Headlines: Wednesday, April 4th, 2011

It's hump day! Get out ya jimmy hats.

Abigail Breslin, who stole our hearts in "Little Miss Sunshine" has officially been confirmed to be taking the lead in Vincenzo Natali's new flick "Haunter". The story revolves around a girl who dies tragically in the late 80's and reaches out from beyond the grave to help a family avoid the same fate. If she tripped over a Rubik's Cube or something and fell down the stairs, I think the coast is clear on a repeat.

Here's a good one. "Sucker" is a new flick from the gentleman who played Wyatt in the "Weird Science" TV series. That's not even a joke. What's the film about you might ask? Why, just your average run of the mill man-turning-into-a-giant-mosquito that's all. Is it kind of a rip off of "The Fly"? Maybe. But it still sounds pretty cool and Lloyd Kaufman is in the cast. I don't know what else you people want.

I'm not trying to be the guy who doesn't like the movie that everyone likes here but I did not care for "Avatar". There, I said it. In all fairness I didn't see it in the theaters so maybe that's it. I kind of wanted the army guys to win. Those blue people were annoying. So I'm not that devastated by the news that "Avatar 2" will most likely not hit it's December 2014 release date. I also don't really like "Day Of the Dead". God, it feels good to get all this out there.

In a recent interview the burned one himself Robert Englund waxed poetic (I don't think I'm useing that right)... (that's what she said) about the "Nightmare on Elm Street" prequel that never came to be. Apparently there was even a script floating around about the events that led up to Freddy coming to be the nightmare stalker but the fat cats in Hollywood never got it off the ground. Stupid fat cats and their fat cat love of fat cat food. That makes no sense, I know.

In Real People News: 

Good to know: Apparently the sentence for trying to yank an elderly man off the toilet by his genitals in the nursing home you work at in Minnesota is 45 days in jail. Keep that in mind.

An Iowa man is in hot water after we was caught on camera peeing on the office chairs of his "attractive" co-workers. Somewhere in Iowa right now there's a woman sitting in an office sobbing because her chair doesn't smell like piss.

Videos: Lloyd Kaufman gets harrassed by Occupy Wallstreeters?

Lloyd Kaufman pontificates on the message of "Occupy Wallstreet" and offers up some advice on how they can evolve and survive. Hollywood's been trying to destroy this guy for 40 years, he just might know a little on the subject...

Related awesomeness:

Game Trailers: James Gunn makes the James Gunn-iest video game of all time

I will make three predictions about this game. 1: Lloyd Kaufman makes a cameo. 2: A poop geyser will somehow be involved. 3: I will play it.

Episode 190 - "Mother's Day"

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Troma, mommy issues, and the latest internet prank sweeping the nation...

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Trailer: Rise of the Evil Pancakes

Greetings and Salutations, random people of the internet! Your BGH Connoisseur of Crap is here to bring you another gem of movie land, guaranteed to satisfy, offend and make others question your sanity! For as if breakfast wasn't dangerous enough, with silly rabbits and leprechauns trying to steal your breakfast cereal and what not, now even our beloved pancakes pose a threat of epic proportions!

Retro Trailer: "Student Bodies"

I'm just going to lay it out here: I hate the Scream series. Sure, the first one was good, but in true Hollywood tradition, we need to milk every god damn ounce of potential profit until even a mention of the aforementioned movie produces a onslaught of bile in our throats.

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