Mark Swift

Horror Headlines: Monday July 15th, 2013

Three new characters have been confirmed for the second season of A&E's "Bates Motel". It looks like Norma is going to get a new boyfriend, a new friend in town and a brother who shows up in town. Chances are they'll all be dead before the end of the season but for now let's just sit back and drink in all the love I feel flowing in this post. God that feels good inside you doesn't it?

Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, the guys who wrote the "Friday the 13th" remake have apparently gotten in bed with the folks at New Line for a new horror flick that they are apparently calling a "potential franchise starter". No other details are available but they've also said the film won't be found footage and won't be micro-budget. They didn't say it won't be awful though. So ya know, that's still on the table.

Elijah Wood is producing a horror-comedy film called "Cooties". Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack MacBrayer, Jorge Garcia and Nasim Pedrad have all been added to the movie about a group of rabid kids who terrorize their teachers. I assume all of these people will be teachers, or this will be the worst "teen" casting since "Scream 4".

Paul Reiser, the poor man's Richard Lewis, has been added to the cast of "Life After Beth". John C. Reilly and Aubrey Plaza are also in the film about a man who tries to reconnect with his girlfriend after she comes back from the dead. No joke here. Paul Reiser is awful at everything he does and must be stopped. If you say "Mad About You" was great I will slap the taste out of your mouth. If you say you don't know what "Mad About You" is I will slap the taste out of your mouth.

In Real People News: 

I had no idea there was a thing called "the third rail" on the NYC subway system rails. I wish someone had warned me though, because this guy in Brooklyn died after being electrocuted when he pissed on it. I rode the subway for 13 years. I'm lucky to be alive.

An Oklahoma man is under arrest after a woman caught him looking into her house while he was hiding in her septic tank. How does that even work? I always thought those were underground. I need some sort of diagram to even understand how this happened.

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