the cabin in the woods

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 17th, 2013

Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights already sounds pretty dandy with a "Cabin In the Woods" maze being announced this year and now there's news that a "Evil Dead" maze will be landing in both Hollywood and Orlando parks. I for one am very excited for the opportunity to see a morbidly obese man dressed up as Ash. I think that's probably the way we'd all want it at least.

"The Conjuring" doesn't come out until this Friday but New Line is throwing caution to the wind and already working on a sequel for the film. Based on what's supposed to a be a true story the film follows paranormal investigators who try to help a family being terrorized by an evil spirit. Early reviews have been decent, there's a solid chance this will be a hit and I've been sleeping pretty well so I say let's just go for it.

Good news? Platinum Dunes producer Brad Fuller took to the twitters to answer the question of when a "Friday the 13th" sequel would begin production. It looks like fairly soon actually, within the next month once they finish off their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles project. I can't begin to tell you how filthy that last sentence made me feel.

I completely forgot that this movie was happening but it looks like "Paranormal Activity 5" is being pushed to next year, with a January 6, 2014 being lined up. No word on why the change is being made but if I was a betting man I'd put my money on... honestly I have no idea. Trouble finding the right cleavage for the film? They've got to be running out of actresses who are willing to prance around in a tank top pretending to be afraid of ghosts at this point.

In Real People News: 

Being pregnant has got to be pretty miserable and I can imagine towards the end you've got to be looking for any way to get things going. But this woman who was struck by lightning and then gave birth probably would've just put up with the constant peeing for a couple more weeks. I don't know though. I don't have lady parts.

Here's what you've been waiting for. A half hour infomercial for the 2013 Gathering of the Juggalos.

Episode 204 - "The Cabin in the Woods"

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Been a while since you heard us giddy...

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The Cabin in the Woods (REVIEW)

If it weren't already taken by a decidedly less impressive film, then "The Cabin in the Woods" could very well have been named "The Last Horror Movie". It would very neatly sum up what this flick seems to be aiming to accomplish.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Tuesday is the worst day of the week for most people. What you might not know is that in days of old villages would sacrifice a cow every Tuesday. Of course back then a month of 30 days only had 2 Tuesdays, it's just the way the week was set up. But over time most villages ran out of cows because of all the sacrifices. Most townsfolk starved to death. This is in fact what wiped out the dinosaurs.

"The Cabin In the Woods" has a trailer! I still have no idea what the movie is about but I can 100% confirm there is in fact a cabin and it is in fact in the woods.

"The Devil Inside" is yet another addition to the long list of exorcism flicks that have made their ways into our hearts over the past couple years. But hey here's some new screen shots from the film and they look like they were filmed on some crappy VHS recorder that they found at the back of someone's mother's closet so that's something new. I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying it's new.

The Ring Lord himself Mr. Peter Jackson has recently wrapped up production on a new documentary about the "West Memphis Three", a true story about three men who were wrongfully accused for the murder of three 8-year-old boys and subsequently spent 18 years in prison. I don't have any sarcastic comments here, cause ya know even I'm not that big of a monster. I'm close... but not that big.

You ever see that movie "The Warriors"? Man it's awesome. I love the speech that main guy gives about "turf" just before all hell breaks loose. It's so dope, son. Anyway the movie "Turf" is a big screen adaptation of a graphic novel by the same name and has absolutely nothing to do with that speech or "The Warriors". There's a bunch of gangsters, vampires and aliens battling it out in 1920's New York though. Oh man, The Baseball Furies! They scared the crap out of me.

In Real People News: 

Halloween is long gone my friends but for a group of high school kids in Miami the memories are still fresh in their heads. Why you might ask? Well because the school's on duty cop came to school dressed as a gynecologist named "Harry Beaver" and the shit is still in fact hitting the fan.

This should probably go without saying but never, EVER, ever try to rob an MMA fighter. You will in fact get your ass kicked.

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