friday the 13th

Snapshots: "Friday the 13th: Jason Takes Manhattan" - 1989

Not quite as scary as when Jason does it.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, September 8th, 2011

About a week before season 5 ended Showtime started promoting season 6 of
"Dexter" but on October 6th we finally get some new action. In preparation of this event the Show people have released a brand spanking new promo clip and I'm not going to lie Mos Def and Colin Hanks have my sexy parts all a buzz with excitement. Not in a weird way. A completely natural way. Get your mind out of the gutter.

"Warm Bodies" is a book by Mr. Isaac Marion about a zombie in love with a living girl and it looks like good old John Malkovich has signed on to a play the role of the bad guy in the big screen adaptation. I've never read the book so that's all I got. Please note your bill does not include tip.

Oh you go to hell Hollywood. You go to hell and die! It looks like there's some rumblings in the valley that the next installment of the "Friday the 13th" series is being reworked to use found footage. Nothing's been confirmed yet and a script hasn't been sold so let's all hold hands and pray this doesn't happen. Why yes I do use moisturizer. Thank you for noticing.

I don't think anyone knows what to make of "The Thing" prequel yet but if the new clip that was just released is any indication it looks like the flick will be loaded with crappy jump scares. Well alright maybe some people know what to make of it. The rest of us are still trying to figure out how to watch a video on this stupid iPad. It's like a really expensive coaster.

In Real People News: 

Man it's been a while since we've seen a good "the devil made me do it" story and what better way to get back into the swing of things than with a guy who claims he attacked a cop with a spatula for that very reason. It really feels like all is right in the world again. Do you think they'll bring back "Deadwood" now?

And here's a man in Massachusetts who stabbed a kid with a pair of chopsticks.... yes he's Asian... you racist pricks.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 26th, 2011

Throw another shrimp on the barbie my friends because it looks like the long awaited sequel to Greg McLean's 2005 Australian camper chop fest "Wolf Creek" is finally getting some funding. I haven't seen the original yet but it's currently sitting at 31 in my Netflix queue so that could change any month now. Check back for updates.

Get out your checkbook you shopaholic skanks because another "Friday the 13th" box set is on its way on October 8th. Much like every other set you've paid for this one will only include the films up to 8 but unlike the others it'll feature hockey mask packaging, collectible booklet and be limited to only 50,000 copies. Sorry about the skank comment.

The feel good hit of 2009 "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" is finally finding its way to VOD on August 3rd thanks for the fine people at IFC Midnight. For those of you not familiar with the family friendly hit it tells the tale of four friends whose plans for a fun night out get ruined when they discover a... wait for it... dead hooker in a trunk. Are you as turned on as I am right now? I'm sorry again about the skank thing.

If there is one movie that people have been demanding and begging for it's "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance", the sequel to the 2007 Oscar snubbed comic book adaptation staring Nic Cage. Well now the movie is in the works and today we've got our grubby little paws on a gaggle of new images from the soon to be classic. Man it's been the hottest news day ever today, hasn't it?

In Real People News: 

While I've never actually siphoned gas in my life I would assume that using a leaf blower to do it isn't the best idea. Unfortunately this Florida man didn't have my common sense and found himself engulfed in flames. Live and learn people.

And because we're not all doom and gloom around here I'm proud to report that the original Chuck E. Cheese in San Jose, California that opened back in 1977 has officially been added to The Registry of Historic Gaming. What that means I'm not 100% sure but I assume it has something to do with a ball room that's got about 2 inches of pee at the bottom of it.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (REVIEW)

Jumping the Shark
idiom
: used to describe the moment in it’s evolution when a brand, design or creative effort moves beyond the essential qualities that initially defined it’s success; beyond relevance or recovery

AMC Fearfest Kicks Off October 18th!

Every Halloween season, I always look forward to AMC Fearfest. Fearfest kicks off on Monday, October 18 and runs through Sunday, October 31. This year's marathon will feature over 60 contemporary and classic horror films as well as interviews with horror directors and actors throughout each night's prime time film. In addition to premiere movies such as "House of Wax" (2005), "Evil Dead II" and "28 Days Later" (just to name a few), Fearfest has some pretty great movies lined up this year.

9 Over-done Halloween Costumes

As Andy Williams once sang, "It's the most wonderful time of the year"! Sure, he was talking about a different holiday, but I think you'll all agree with me that the statement is just as fitting for Halloween! It's a time to get spooky, a time to get scary. A time to transform yourself into a wholly different character that resembles nothing of your true self and be somebody else for a night!

And who doesn't love that?

Horror Headlines: Thursday April 22nd, 2010

Good news for those who loathed the "Friday the 13th" remake: According to producer Brad Fuller, the follow-up to Marcus Nispel's unpopular reimagining has been effectively shutdown until further notice. I doubt few tears will be shed over this news. Very few.

Fans of tasteless and depraved cinema, listen up. The latest round of promotions for Jen and Sylvia Soska's debut "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" are both disturbing and strangely hilarious. The film might be a giant piece of crap, but they've definitely ensnared my attention.

Considering that Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" is only a few months away, you'd think the studio behind the remake would be promoting the hell out of the thing. Thankfully, a load of promotional images from the moderately promising reboot have finally begun making the proverbial rounds. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to have my doubts.

In Real People News: 

Thinking about throwing cheeseballs at oncoming traffic? If so, don't be overly surprised when one of the offended drivers makes it a point to run you down. Besides, I'd say you had it coming.

Guess what? A recent study suggests that premature ejaculation could be passed to unsuspecting males on a genetic level. The next time you fail miserably in the bedroom, give your pops a call and tell him "Thanks, buddy."

On this day in history: 

1923 - Curvy model Bettie Mae Page was born.

Horror Headlines: Thursday December 10th, 2009

Generally speaking, a poster for an upcoming big-budget Hollywood remake isn't much of a news item. However, the latest "Clash of the Titans" poster is seriously badass, and worthy of your attention. Medusa would be proud.

British zombie fans, rejoice! Apparently, George A. Romero's upcoming "Survival of the Dead" will infect Region 2 DVD players on March 15th, 2010. Stateside fanatics, I'm afraid, may have a while to wait.

If, for some strange reason, Oren Peli's "Paranormal Activity" left you wanting more, be sure to check out the new digital comic book available exclusively on iTunes. Remember: That's boredom you're experiencing, not demonic possession.

Those jonesing for another installment of the new "Friday the 13th" franchise aren't going to be happy, as the sequel to Marcus Nispel's dodgy remake has been moved to an undetermined date. Given the film's lukewarm reception, I'm honestly not surprised.

In Real People News: 

Norwegian stargazers were shocked and a little horrified to find a series of incredibly mysterious blue lights hovering overhead. Blame the Russians, I say.

As much as your smelly redneck neighbors may annoy you, at least they're not using their free time to feed and nourish the local vulture population. I'm creeped out just thinking about it.

On this day in history: 

1993 - At a ceremony performed inside a London temple, Adolf Hitler is baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 5th, 2009

"Zombieland" takes in a whopping $25 Million this weekend, placing the film firmly in the #1 spot for the box office! If Woody Harrelson isn't enough to draw you in, be sure to check out Mark's review if you've yet to see the film for yourself!

"Paranormal Activity" continues to make money and draw in fans. If the midnight releases are too late for you, the studio plans a full limited release this Friday October 9th! It will be playing in the same theaters as before, but now the film will be showing at all hours! "Paranormal Activity" took in roughly $525,000 this weekend on limited screens.

MTV announces that "My Super Psycho Sweet 16" will premiere this month on MTV. Sure, it's not music videos, but at least we get to see some annoying teens get muderlated as opposed to watching them try to date in awkward situations for a change! Watch for it October 23rd at 10pm Eastern.

Casting news continues to trickle out for the new 'American Anime' NOTLD remake, "Night of the Living Dead: Origins". Joining Danielle Harris in the titular role of Barbara will be Mos Def as Ben.

Rumors are starting to circulate that the next outing for Jason Vorhees in remake land will be shot in 3-D. However, Platinum Dunes Brad Fuller says the film has yet to be greenlit since there is no script as of now. One can only hope that a 3-D Friday the 13th might be less mediocre than the remake.

In Real People News: 

Maintaining his plea of innocence the entire time, a Florida man shoots a 22 gram bag of cocaine out of his ass while being searched. And to think, Eric left all this behind! (Thank you, I'm here all week! Remember to tip your waitresses.)

In an effort to promote healthy eating, The New York City Board of Education has banned all bake sales. Experts believe this may actually benefit schools as a bag of cookies now fetches a kingly $75 a bag on the black market.

Website Oddee.com releases a list of Top 10 Manliest Names. Among the list are Rad Heroman, Flex Plexico, and Casey Criswell.

On this day in history: 

1994 - Predicting that the world would soon end in an environmental disaster, homeopath Luc Jouret and 52 others belonging to his Order of the Solar Temple commit mass suicide near Cheiry, Switzerland and Montreal, Canada.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 2nd, 2009

So, every week, one or two people always ask me: “Hey Lou...why is the news always late on Friday?” Well, as a writer who works from home, I make my own hours. While you are out toiling at your 8-5, I am peacefully sleeping until, oh, about 10 AM. Then, I have to take my dog Hoogie out for his morning constitutional. We get back to the house about 10:45 and, I gotta say, I am famished! So, I'll have a bowl of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes (they're grrrrrrreat!) as I check my email and various social networking sites. Then, a little after 11, I start in on the BGH news!

Platinum Dunes, in their Bloody Disgusting-sponsored blog (HMMMMMM...), has announced that Friday the 13th Part 2 will be released on August 13, 2010. So how does that work? How does a film website, which published reviews on a regular basis, sponsor a blog for a studio? Isn't that akin to “payola”? When asked, Mr. Disgusting had this to say: “Brah, we here at Bloody Disgusting pride ourselves on honest, no bullshit reviews and we will always stand by that. So, with that being said, the NEW NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET IS TEH GREATEST HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME BUY FOUR TICKETS FOR YOURSELF AND THE TSHIRT AT HOT TOPIC!!!”

One of the few things I have ever agreed with Eric about, besides Asian chicks, is that the original Crazies is a pretty entertaining, chilling movie. I am looking forward to the remake but am far too lazy to upload this Apple trailer and watch it. Eh...the poster looks good though.

According to Variety, Sam Raimi is launching a family friendly sub-Ghost House imprint called Spooky Films. Their first movie will be The Substitute, directed by Scott Derrickson who looks like a reject from Tool Academy. Seriously, Google this douche's picture. This news follows on the heels of Disney's news that they are teaming with Guillermo del Toro to form a production company called, ahem...Double Dare You. Really, guys? Really?

In Real People News: 

An 11-year-old Wyoming boy led police on a 100 mile per hour chase at 3:20 in the morning, and then tried to flee on foot. The kid's name? BADASS COBRA CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE CUNT-PUNCHER JONES.

A new study claimed that half of the babies born in the “rich world” will live to be 100. The half that died? They were the ones whose reactionary, Obama cock-craving moms gave the H1N1 vaccine, which causes Guillain Barre Syndrome (GBS), a paralyzing disorder that was one of the side effects of the swine flu vaccine that killed numerous people in the US in 1976. But, really, you get what you pay for, America.

On this day in history: 

In honor of the birthday of Mahatma Ghandi, today we celebrate “Ghandi Jayanti”, or the International Day of Non-Violence. When Badass Cobra Crank 2: High Voltage Cunt-Puncher Jones was asked how he was going to celebrate, he took a sip of Hurricane Malt Liquor and then beat a cop to death with the bottle.

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