friday the 13th

Blake Masters, which sounds like a porn name, has been picked up by Paramount to pen the script for their upcoming big screen adaptation of "Insurrection". The film will focus on a clone who decides to stand up to the corporation who created him and sent his fellow remakes to battle for them. In case you're wondering my porn name would be Jack Hammer.

I've kind of had my eye on the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" remake, simply titled "Silent Night" because I think remakes of horror flicks that were never that good to begin with can be just fine. This one also has Malcolm McDowell in it so it can't be that bad, right? Well we'll all get to find out on November 30th, which just so happens to be the DVD release date the film has been slapped with. It's creepy to hear me say I have my eye on something right? I'm not going to be offended if you tell me you're a little uncomfortable.

I love the "Friday the 13th" franchise just as much as the next guy but at this point I've shelled out enough money for DVD and VHS versions of the films that I kind of feel like Jason should come to my house and cook me dinner. But now that Warner Brothers has acquired the fights to the films it looks like there may be updated Blu-Ray versions of 1 - 8 in the series so I may have to throw down some more cash. If you remember a few years back the flicks did hit Blu-Ray but in a crappy no new features pretty much DVD quality version which made me want to punch things. You probably didn't know the punch things stuff. I mean unless you can read my mind that is. God I hope you can't read my mind.

Jillian Murray of "The Graves" and "Wild Things: Foursome" fame has been added to the cast of "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero", a film I had forgotten was going to be made. This time around we find ourselves with a party cruise that runs ashore on a medical center where a deadly virus has broken out. I'll just say it now... If the film doesn't cast anyone from "Boy Meets World" I'm not watching it. You've been warned.

Thanks NECA, I was just thinking I needed more ways to convince my co-workers I'm a creepy weirdo. Now you give me this. Clearly I have no choice... This replica from "The Final Chapter" just debuted at the Toy Fair, so it's not on store shelves yet. Be patient my friend, be patient...

Music to slash to...

Not quite as scary as when Jason does it.

About a week before season 5 ended Showtime started promoting season 6 of
"Dexter" but on October 6th we finally get some new action. In preparation of this event the Show people have released a brand spanking new promo clip and I'm not going to lie Mos Def and Colin Hanks have my sexy parts all a buzz with excitement. Not in a weird way. A completely natural way. Get your mind out of the gutter.

"Warm Bodies" is a book by Mr. Isaac Marion about a zombie in love with a living girl and it looks like good old John Malkovich has signed on to a play the role of the bad guy in the big screen adaptation. I've never read the book so that's all I got. Please note your bill does not include tip.

Oh you go to hell Hollywood. You go to hell and die! It looks like there's some rumblings in the valley that the next installment of the "Friday the 13th" series is being reworked to use found footage. Nothing's been confirmed yet and a script hasn't been sold so let's all hold hands and pray this doesn't happen. Why yes I do use moisturizer. Thank you for noticing.

I don't think anyone knows what to make of "The Thing" prequel yet but if the new clip that was just released is any indication it looks like the flick will be loaded with crappy jump scares. Well alright maybe some people know what to make of it. The rest of us are still trying to figure out how to watch a video on this stupid iPad. It's like a really expensive coaster.

Throw another shrimp on the barbie my friends because it looks like the long awaited sequel to Greg McLean's 2005 Australian camper chop fest "Wolf Creek" is finally getting some funding. I haven't seen the original yet but it's currently sitting at 31 in my Netflix queue so that could change any month now. Check back for updates.

Get out your checkbook you shopaholic skanks because another "Friday the 13th" box set is on its way on October 8th. Much like every other set you've paid for this one will only include the films up to 8 but unlike the others it'll feature hockey mask packaging, collectible booklet and be limited to only 50,000 copies. Sorry about the skank comment.

The feel good hit of 2009 "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" is finally finding its way to VOD on August 3rd thanks for the fine people at IFC Midnight. For those of you not familiar with the family friendly hit it tells the tale of four friends whose plans for a fun night out get ruined when they discover a... wait for it... dead hooker in a trunk. Are you as turned on as I am right now? I'm sorry again about the skank thing.

If there is one movie that people have been demanding and begging for it's "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance", the sequel to the 2007 Oscar snubbed comic book adaptation staring Nic Cage. Well now the movie is in the works and today we've got our grubby little paws on a gaggle of new images from the soon to be classic. Man it's been the hottest news day ever today, hasn't it?

Jumping the Shark
idiom
: used to describe the moment in it’s evolution when a brand, design or creative effort moves beyond the essential qualities that initially defined it’s success; beyond relevance or recovery

Every Halloween season, I always look forward to AMC Fearfest. Fearfest kicks off on Monday, October 18 and runs through Sunday, October 31. This year's marathon will feature over 60 contemporary and classic horror films as well as interviews with horror directors and actors throughout each night's prime time film. In addition to premiere movies such as "House of Wax" (2005), "Evil Dead II" and "28 Days Later" (just to name a few), Fearfest has some pretty great movies lined up this year.

As Andy Williams once sang, "It's the most wonderful time of the year"! Sure, he was talking about a different holiday, but I think you'll all agree with me that the statement is just as fitting for Halloween! It's a time to get spooky, a time to get scary. A time to transform yourself into a wholly different character that resembles nothing of your true self and be somebody else for a night!

And who doesn't love that?

Good news for those who loathed the "Friday the 13th" remake: According to producer Brad Fuller, the follow-up to Marcus Nispel's unpopular reimagining has been effectively shutdown until further notice. I doubt few tears will be shed over this news. Very few.

Fans of tasteless and depraved cinema, listen up. The latest round of promotions for Jen and Sylvia Soska's debut "Dead Hooker in a Trunk" are both disturbing and strangely hilarious. The film might be a giant piece of crap, but they've definitely ensnared my attention.

Considering that Alexandre Aja's "Piranha 3D" is only a few months away, you'd think the studio behind the remake would be promoting the hell out of the thing. Thankfully, a load of promotional images from the moderately promising reboot have finally begun making the proverbial rounds. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to have my doubts.