Magnolia Pictures

Horror Headlines: Monday September 16th, 2013

"Mama" director Andres Muschietti is apparently in talks with the folks over at Universal to take on the directing role of the upcoming "The Mummy" reboot. No real details have come out about the film but it will take place in modern time and the cast from the previous films will not make an appearance. You ever see that episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine takes the Asian woman from her nail saloon to see "Rochelle Rochelle" but Bette Midler isn't in the show that night and they freak out? That's me right now but replace Bette Midler with Brendan Fraser.

The good folks over at Magnolia Pictures are on the verge of striking a deal that would land them the rights to Ti West's "The Sacrament". A new found footage film, "The Sacrament" follows two reporters as they try to escape from a community outside the US after one of their sisters turns up missing. No word on when or how the film will be released but for the first time I'm going to go ahead and say I think a Ti West movie sounds interesting. Now who wants a hug?

Sean S. Cunningham, the fella who directed the original "Friday the 13th", has dropped word that he expects a new F13 film to see the light of day sometime in 2015 if all goes according to plan. He also let out that the movie will not be a continuation of the 2009 remake but will in fact be a new story. I don't know if that's good or bad but I suppose it's best to keep positive right? Seriously, someone hug me. I just want to be loved.

6 year old Kennedi Clements has landed the role of Madison in the upcoming "Poltergeist" remake. For those of you keeping score at home this is the Carol Anne role from the original movie. So ya know, good luck sleeping at night for the rest of your life Kennedi. Also, what are your parents doing letting you read this website?

In Real People News: 

The shocking thing isn't that this couple in South Carolina got caught having sex inside a Home Depot shed display. No the shocking thing was that it happened at 8:30 in the morning. What the hell are these people eating for breakfast? I usually have my greek yogurt and coffee around 8 and I can honestly say I'm not good till around 11.

A 31 year old Washington man is under arrest after he was found " target="_blank">making love to himself on the side of the road as traffic flew by. HIs excuse was pretty solid though, he reportedly told cops he was "working for Jehovah" and "spreading God’s word." Wish I would of thought of that when I was 16 and my mom walked in on me.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 15th, 2013

Does a "From Dusk Till Dawn" TV series that Robert Rodriguez will be heavily involved in sound awesome to you? I know me too! What if I told you it was going to be on Univision and I was 99% sure it'll be in Spanish? I know I don't know Spanish either but I watch the channel all the time to! I love their stripper/news anchors and the project is just getting off the ground so I think we have enough time to learn the language so we're all going to be good here.

Magnolia Pictures has done gone and picked up the rights to the Israeli film "Big Bad Wolves". The film is written and directed by Aharon Keshales tracks the lives of three men caught up in a series of brutal murders. Keshales also helmed 2010's underground hit "Rabies", which apparently had a lot of really attractive woman in it but also had subtitles so I'm still not sure what to do there.

Juan Carlos Fresnadillo , the guy who directed "28 Weeks Later", has been confirmed to direct "Villain", a new film about two brothers who find themselves lost in the woods. Shia LaBeouf is also set to star in the film and he knows robots so I think we got a winner on our hands here.

Olivia Wilde and Mark Duplass are set to start in a new horror flick from Lionsgate titled "Reawakening". The film focuses on a doctor who discovers how to bring people back to life and the events that follow after he uses it on his daughter. I'm sure there's awful results but if something like this ever comes to be I think we all know that Michael Douglas will be the first one on our lists to bring back to life. Miss you man.

In Real People News: 

Where do people accidentally shot their friends in the leg while waiting in line at Starbucks? You bet your sweet ass it's Florida.

Here's a woman who stabbed her boyfriend after he farted in her face during an argument. Yes also in Florida.

Horror Headlines: Monday January 27th, 2013

Three years ago yesterday I wrote my first news post for the good folks at Bloody Good Horror. I assume the card got lost in the mail or something.

So last week we talked about how the "Zombieland" TV series will be made available via amazon in the not to distant future and now we know that Eli Craig is in talks to direct. For those of you who don't know Eli he's the guy who wrote and directed "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil". No word on any of the cost for the show but if I know the guy who was in the original movie and then went on to play the Facebook kid like I think I do he's probably sitting at home thinking, "Ya know I'd like to just do a show that can only be seen on a website that people don't know you can watch shows on. Sign me up for that."

Britt Robertson, who was apparently in "Scream 4" and is not a stripper, has landed a role in the upcoming television adaptation of Stephen King's "Under the Dome". For those of you not familiar with the story it's pretty much "The Simpsons" movie but with less yellow. Robertson will play a young waitress with dreams of getting out of her hometown. Oh man imagine if a giant dome trapped her in that very same town she wants to leave? That would make an awesome show.

It looks like Magnolia Pictures has picked up the rights to "S-VHS", the follow up to 2012's anthology flick "V/H/S". This time around the story follows private investigators who are searching for a number of missing people and stumble upon a group of tapes in a abandoned house. A bunch of directors I've never heard of are on board for the film but I'm awful with names so they might be well known. I might sit next to one of them at work. Wouldn't that be weird?

IFC has dropped a March 28th release date for "Room 237", a new documentary that focuses on the making of Stanley Kubrick’s classic flick "The Shining". There's really nothing funny I can say about that so let's just call it a day shell we?

In Real People News: 

I always got nervous around parent teacher conference time but this kid went to the next level and faked being kidnapped in order to stop his parents from going to their talk with his teacher. Yes he got caught but now when his parents finally do go and find out he's flunking math or whatever he can use the "well at least I didn't say I got kidnapped again" excuse. He's kind of a genius.

Every parent wants their child to do well in school but this Minnesota man who pointed an AK-47 at his daughter for bringing home a a report card with 2 B's might be going a bit overboard. D's maybe, but B's is a threaten with a butcher knife type thing tops.

Horror Headlines: Friday, January 27th, 2012

I don't even know how long ago that Rebecca Black song came out but it still rings in my head every Friday. That's got to mean something to someone. Anyone!

No real surprise here but it looks like " V/H/S", the horror anthology from Adam Wingard, Glenn McQuaid, Radio Silence, David Bruckner, Joe Swanberg and Ti West, has been picked up by Magnolia Pictures. The film tells the story of a group of burglars who discover a bunch of weird videos in a house they're robbing. From the number of directors I assume each story will be about 3 minutes or the movie will be 4 hours long.

If there's one thing you know about me it's that I freakin love Norway. Corpse paint, trolls, and everything in between. Give it to me! So I couldn't be more excited about the trailer for the new film "Thale" . The movie is based on the mythical Norwegian charter Huldra, which is a sassy minx who lures men into the woods. Sounds fun but unfortunately the men never return. Oh and the Huldra has a cow's tail. God I love Norway.

All you really need to know about "Monster Brawl" is that it's a fake Pay-Per-View battle royal between some classic monsters and Jimmy "Mouth Of the South" Hart is in it. Now that I've got you all excited here's the bad news. Image Entertainment has decided to push back the DVD/Blue-Ray release from March 27th to June 12th and unfortunately haven't given a reason. I need a reason! Maybe it's because they're trying to get Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Let's pray.

I don't know how much you can really believe this but Megan Ellison, founder of Annapurna Films which now owns the rights to "Terminator 5", how promised the next installment in the robot series will indeed be rated R. She let this news out via her twitter account though and I'm not positive but I don't think anything on there will hold up in court.

In Real People News: 

Ladies and gentlemen, well mostly gentlemen, and I don't really mean "gentlemen"... here is the greatest invention to ever been imagined. An aftershave specifically designed to hide the smell of a strip club.

Little baby goats are always adorable. Well not always, this one that was born with 6 legs in Europe and is an abomination and should be thrown into a lake.

Horror Headlines: Thursday June 9th, 2011

A few moons ago there was a rumor on the tubes that the fine people at universal Pictures were planning a sequel to the 2010 remake of "The Wolfman". Since that movie was horrible it sounded like a terrible idea. Now it looks like they're just scrapping the entire thing and doing a full on reboot that will go straight to DVD sometime next year. There's no way this can end well but I guess it can't do worse than shirtless Anthony Hopkins.

If you love things that are good, and if you don't I suggest you stop reading my news because you're going to hate it, than you're going to be tickled pink by the news that "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" has been picked up for distribution by the folks at Magnolia Pictures. Looks like the buddy horror romp will hit VOD on on August 26th and see a limited theatrical release on September 30th. So that's awesome news if you haven't already downloaded it from some virus filled site.

Get ready to get excited, kids! The first shots of season 2 of "The Walking Dead" are hitting the nets and they're chock full of zombie goodness. Namely some bloodshot eyed zombie women that I find strangely attractive. These are all such strange new feelings for me. While I try to figure this all out you can sit there and diddle yourself over the fact that season 2 will hit AMC this October.

"Do you have Asteroids?", "No but my dad does". Name the movie! Anyway it looks like Roland Emmerich, the guy who directed "Universal Soldier" and "Independence Day" might be locking himself in to do a big screen adaptation of the beloved 80's video game. I'm so confused by what I just wrote I don't even know how to be sarcastic about it.

In Real People News: 

Killing a cat is kind of messed up but you can really chalk it up to good harmless teenage fun. Killing 50 cats on the other hand, you might want to call the kids parents and set up a teacher conference. Or arrest the kids like they did in Washington. Stern talking to, or prison, your choice.

And here's a heartwarming story about a bear in Quebec, of course, that was hit by a car then shot into the air into oncoming traffic and eventually smashed through the windshield of a car killing the two people inside. I have no idea if this means the bear got revenge or what but I think the moral here is never go to Canada because it literally rains bears there.

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