terminator 5

Horror Headlines: Friday, January 27th, 2012

I don't even know how long ago that Rebecca Black song came out but it still rings in my head every Friday. That's got to mean something to someone. Anyone!

No real surprise here but it looks like " V/H/S", the horror anthology from Adam Wingard, Glenn McQuaid, Radio Silence, David Bruckner, Joe Swanberg and Ti West, has been picked up by Magnolia Pictures. The film tells the story of a group of burglars who discover a bunch of weird videos in a house they're robbing. From the number of directors I assume each story will be about 3 minutes or the movie will be 4 hours long.

If there's one thing you know about me it's that I freakin love Norway. Corpse paint, trolls, and everything in between. Give it to me! So I couldn't be more excited about the trailer for the new film "Thale" . The movie is based on the mythical Norwegian charter Huldra, which is a sassy minx who lures men into the woods. Sounds fun but unfortunately the men never return. Oh and the Huldra has a cow's tail. God I love Norway.

All you really need to know about "Monster Brawl" is that it's a fake Pay-Per-View battle royal between some classic monsters and Jimmy "Mouth Of the South" Hart is in it. Now that I've got you all excited here's the bad news. Image Entertainment has decided to push back the DVD/Blue-Ray release from March 27th to June 12th and unfortunately haven't given a reason. I need a reason! Maybe it's because they're trying to get Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Let's pray.

I don't know how much you can really believe this but Megan Ellison, founder of Annapurna Films which now owns the rights to "Terminator 5", how promised the next installment in the robot series will indeed be rated R. She let this news out via her twitter account though and I'm not positive but I don't think anything on there will hold up in court.

In Real People News: 

Ladies and gentlemen, well mostly gentlemen, and I don't really mean "gentlemen"... here is the greatest invention to ever been imagined. An aftershave specifically designed to hide the smell of a strip club.

Little baby goats are always adorable. Well not always, this one that was born with 6 legs in Europe and is an abomination and should be thrown into a lake.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 8th, 2011

The world demanded it and the good people at Universal answered our prayers. I speak of course about "Death Race 3". While nothing has been confirmed there's word around campus that Paul W.S. Anderson will be writing the script for part 3 and Danny Trejo will return. Tanit Phoenix will also be back and that's exciting for all of us because according to IMDB she's played a stripper in about 8 movies and starred in something called "Kamasutra Nights". Let the Oscar buzz begin!

This afternoon I was down at the Manhole for lunch and the rumors flying around there are that none other than Paul Walker, Texas Ranger is in talks to play Kyle Reese in the much anticipated "Terminator 5". Of course that's not his real name but it would be awesome if it was. Anyway Justin Lin, who directed Walker in the last "Fast & Furious" movie is set to direct... I trust my fellow foodies down at The Manhole on this one. The lunch buffet is delicious, don't judge.

Years before Peter Jackson directed a 38 hour trilogy he directed a movie I actually liked called "The Frighteners" starring Michael J. Fox. And while three films that spawned a million pornos have been released in countless formats sadly "The Frighteners" has yet to make its way to Blu-Ray. Well good news kids, come September 13th you can get your grubby little mits on the flick with tons of special features and 0 wizards. Alright in all fairness the porn parodies are pretty decent. The visuals, you wouldn't believe!

Pultizer Prize winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire is being taken out for a lovely steak dinner by the people at MGM in the hopes that he will write the much discussed "Poltergeist" remake. No word on if he'll accept but if he orders dessert it's pretty much understood he has to, especially if it's the 3rd date.

In Real People News: 

A 48 year old father in Memphis is under arrest after threatening the host of a birthday party with a gun because she didn't save any ice cream and cake for his kids. Which is stressful for a number of reasons, namely that now I have to add a gun to the list of things I need to buy before I become a parent.

Let this be a lesson to all of you out there. If you're going to bite your girlfriend's ear off during an argument make sure your dentures are in securely. Because this guy in South Carolina who went a bite-in' and lost his chompers must have felt like a real prick when he had to explain the whole thing to a judge.

Horror Headlines: Friday May 20th, 2011

I don't care how many love children Arnold Schwarzenegger has had, I want to see him in "Terminator 5". Burn an American flag while your soon to be ex-wife cries in the corner for all I care. But now it looks like Arnold is putting his comeback on hold because of his recent troubles with putting his bim bam inside the maids poom poom and we'll all have to wait to see him return as the great robot one. Be straight with me, "Last Action Hero 2" is never going to happen, is it!

The Israeli slasher flick "Rabies" is all the rage with the kids and now that it's been picked up for US distribution there's a new English version poster out on the town for viewing. Of course I have no idea what makes it an English version. There's no copy other than "Rabies" on it. Is that super English? Anyway the film is about a psycho who's loose in the woods and encounters a group of teenagers. In English!

The Jim Mickle directed vampire hunter apocalypse flick "Stake Land" has finally received a release date and the even better news is I'm going to tell you it. Get ready. Are you ready? It'll hit DVD and Blu-Ray on August 2nd! Kind of anticlimactic isn't it.

TV horror shows don't usually end up working out too well, I'm still waiting to find out who the killer was in "Happy Town", but god bless those nutty TV people because they keep trying. "The River" from Paranormal Activity creator Oren Peli has just picked up by ABC and now has a full trailer. The series will follow a family who goes into the Amazon to find their missing loved one who also happens to be a popular animal show host. If I was a betting man I'd put my money on the show being canceled before we find out what happened to him.

In Real People News: 

When I was in elementary school and I would bring in some candy for myself and the dumb ass teacher would always yell that if I didn't bring enough for everyone I couldn't have it myself. Well Mrs. Wilson here's a 7 year old in Pittsburgh who brought in heroin to his school and started handing it out to his fellow students. Hope you're happy you mean old witch! I blame you for the entire thing.

A Wisconsin man recently ate his 25,000th Big Mac after enjoying the delicious treat for close to 40 years, smashing a record that never existed to begin with. I congratulate the man for this feat but lets make one thing clear, if I had been keeping count I am 99% sure I passed 30K years ago.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 5th, 2009

Just in time for the Region 1 DVD of "[REC]" to land this July, the official site for "[REC 2]" is live. Not a whole lot there at the moment, but with a planned October 9th release in Spain, you should see material popping up there periodically over the summer. We'll keep you informed if we hear anything.

Two new images from "The Pack", a pretty fantastic looking film about a pack of "bloodthirsty ghouls" in a snowy no-man's land, whose mother takes care of them, and feeds strangers to them. Good times.

The quality may appear slightly dubious, but boy does the word "Nunsploitation" catch my eye. Hey, I'm only human. The flick's called "Nun of That" (how clever), and there's more info and a trailer at the link.

"Doghouse" has the exact same plot as "Lesbian Vampire Killers", is also a horror film from the UK, and has a new quad poster that almost shows full-on cameltoe. For those keeping track at home, that last part there pretty much makes up for the rest of that story.

Here's a spoiler-filled, detailed plot description of what "Terminator 5" will be all about, from McG himself. Sounds pretty interesting, as long as you don't mind the minor spoilers.

In Real People News: 

Apparently parents in Brooklyn had to be warned to not let their children eat raccoon shit recently. Yes, I said BROOKLYN, not some third world country. What the hell is going on there, anyway?

"The forbidden dance" has been banned in Pakistan for being too lude. Where's Kevin Bacon when you need him? I smell a sequel.

Government workers in China have been ordered to smoke nearly a quarter million packs of locally made cigarettes annually or be subjected to a fine. Can't make this stuff up, folks.

On this day in history: 

840: A son of Charlemagne, Emperor Louis of Bavaria, dies of fright during a total eclipse of the sun. His sons quarrel, causing the division of his Empire into France, Germany, and Italy.

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