Kidnapped

Horror Headlines: Wednesday May 25th, 2011

"Let Me In" Wunder-Director Matt Reeves has signed on to tackle the Frankenstein flick "This Dark Endeavor" based on the book with the same name. The film is just the latest in a long line of Frankenstein based films to be announced which means 2012 could very much be the year of the reanimated dead. Neck bolts are going to be soooo hot, I can just feel it.

The latest name to be added to the cast of "Dexter" season 6 is none other than Edward James Olmos. Colin Hanks and Mos Def have already been signed on and I can only assume that the addition of Olmos means that Dexter will be moving to a rough inner city and Olmos will play a teacher who shows him the powers of math. That's not racist, he did it in "Stand and Deliver".

So many people have been added to the cast of "Hunger Games" that I have officially forgotten what the movie is even about and now that Lenny Kravitz is on board I just want to punch it right in the face. I'm kidding, it's about two areas that send children to battle each other. I'm not kidding about the punching in the face though, Lenny Kravitz is a prick.

If you're like me then you spend most of your time as a bachelor paying strange women to break into your home, tie you up and torture you for two hours. Well good news fellow deviants, the movie "Kidnapped" is everything you've dreamt of and more and there's a new trailer out for the film to prove it. Of course I don't believe there's any sort of safe word involved in this, so that could get sketchy.

In Real People News: 

A North Carolina man is under arrest after he walked into his local Salvation Army, took off his pants and sat down on a couch with all his goodness hanging out for the world to see. Of course the obvious question here is how much is the couch discounted now that it's all covered in creepy old man juices.

Must be open season for showing your genitals in North Carolina because here's another guy who was so pissed off that his local Bojangles ran out of fried chicken that he decided to whip his bits out and show the woman working at the drive-thru window. I have no idea how that solves the chicken problem but I like his enthusiasm.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 25th, 2011

Showtime has picked up the rights to "Chew", a new series they'll be putting out based on the comic book of the same name. The show will follow a federal agent who has psychic abilities based on the food he eats. I have absolutely no idea how that works but the idea that the twenty piece McNuggets I just had could predict the lotto numbers is blowing my mind.

"The Taint", "All About Evil" and "Kidnapped" have all been selected for this year's Tromadance Film Fest that will take place from April 22-23 in Asbury Park, NJ. Bill Plympton will also be premiering some new shorts at the event and I assume there's going to be some dancing. Probably a lot of dancing actually. Giant big semi-overweight dancing... Entry is free!

In what might be the most disappointing there I've seen this year there is a new red band trailer for "Nude Nuns with Big Guns" on the tubes. I say disappointing because red band implies there's going to be awesomeness that you can't show in a regular trailer, but this contains none of that. Oh sure there's some blood and I may of even seen a nip but there nothing that lives up to the movie's name. I'm crying right now as I type this.

In response to the rumors surrounding the sequel to "Deadgirl" writer Trent Haaga has taken to his blog to set the record straight. Haaga states that the not only are the rumors that he wrote a script where a group of women find the body of a dead boy are completely false and goes on to say that if a sequel does happen he won't be involved. Truth be told I thought Haaga started these rumors so now I'm completely confused. If you can't trust a guy who writes a movie about necrophilia than who can you trust?

In Real People News: 

A 40 year old man in the UK has been arrested after he broke into a farm, covered himself in cow crap and then went to town on himself. And by that I mean he made love to himself. Although I can't imagine there was much love involved. The worst part? This isn't the first time he's been arrested for the cow doodie lovin.

Is it wrong that I find this kind of hot? Police in Pennsylvania found 50 bags of heroin and $51.22 in cash inside a 27 year old women after giving her a cavity search. The heroin is nuts but somewhat understandable, the 51$ bucks is weird but ok I get it... but 22 cents? What the hell?!

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