No news today guys. Sorry I just don't have it in me. I'm kidding of course there's a bunch of stories right below this. Man you'll believe anything I tell you.
Nick Swardson is pretty damn funny when he isn't playing a bucked toothed porn star in movies so I'm fairly excited for the new stop motion flick titled "Hell and Back" in which he stars. If you can star in a stop motion film. I don't know how that works. Anyway the movie is about a couple friends who have to travel into hell to save their friend who's been dragged down into the fiery depths and today we've learned that Mila Kunis has been cast as a spicy demon who is one of the few people who know how to navigate the underworld. Man it took us a long time to get to that didn't it? I just like spending time with you.
I don't know what it means when a company "options" something but the good people at Sony have optioned a big screen adaptation of the comic book "Bloodshot". For those of you not familiar with the comic book it tells the story of a former gangster who finds himself injected with microscopic computers that make him a super weapon after he goes into the witness protection program. For those of you not familiar with Sony they're a big company that makes a bunch of electrons and apparently puts out movies also.
Director Eric England has been hand selected by the powers that be to direct a new film titled "Contracted". The movie focuses on a young girl who has a one night stand and contracts what she thinks is an STD. It turns out to be something much worse though. A baby? Is it a baby? I'm guessing it's a baby. My money is on baby!
Didn't Darren Lynn Bousman's "11-11-11" already come out on VOD? Am I wrong here? I'm so confused. Well it's coming out again on march 6th. Or maybe for the first time. I don't know. It will then be available on DVD April 24th. So if you're itching to see a film based on a would-be world ending 6 months after the date passed then you're in luck.
In Real People News:
If you crash and blow up your car while crying drunk you really don't have anything to loose so why not make up a story. Saying another car started shooting at you for no reason might not be the most believable but it's still worth a shot.
If you're on meth there's a good chance the job opportunities aren't flying in so if you happen to get an interview you might want to not show up naked like this guy in Sacramento. Although if you do there's a good chance you're not going to get the job so feel free to go ahead and fight the cops who come to take you away.
To help my daughter sleep we have this stuffed animal with a small radio in the back that plays the sounds of rain falling or a river flowing for 45 minutes when you push a button. This morning at 5am somehow she rolled over in her sleep in pushed the button so I was awoken to the sound of running water blasting in our bedroom over the baby monitor. I've never believed in ghosts but for a split second this morning I honestly thought our house was haunted.
Because he isn't busy enough Guillermo del Toro has decided to take on the producer role for a new CG animated flick titled "Day Of the Dead". Jorge R. Gutierrez will direct the love story in the vein of "Romeo and Juliet" set against a Mexican “Day of the Dead” backdrop. That "Haunted Mansion" flick is still happening, right? I've been excited about that for over a year now and I'm starting to get a little pissy.
I have no idea what this means but I bet Casey is going to be as giddy as a school girl about it. Hammer Films has decided to open their script archive to the public. So I guess that means we can go there and just start reading stuff? I haven't watched a lot of their movies but from what I can gather the best part of them is the girls with all their parts hanging out so I'm not really sure how reading is going to make me happy.
Set your hunk-o-meter to stun folks because it's been confirmed that Michael Fassbender will in fact star in Ridley Scott 's next film which is titled "The Counselor". The movie is about a big time lawyer who gets mixed up with the drug selling business... and then aliens attack everyone. That last part isn't true but the thing sounds kind of boring right now so I hope they're open to suggestions.
If you kids can remember all the way back to our "Mother's Day" remake episode then you know the gang was all pretty positive on the film. I think. Honestly I can't remember back that far but let's just go with it. The point is the Darren Lynn Bousman film finally has a release date of May 8th for DVD and Blu-Ray and will also be getting a limited theater run starting May 4th. May the 4th be with you! I wonder if they thought of that when the picked the date. Man I hope so. I love that crap.
In Real People News:
Here's a fun story about a guy who broke into a house and started trying on clothes because he said a small Asian boy invited him. The Asian boy turned out to be a bunch of flowers but he apologized so all is forgiven. Just kidding he's in jail.
A man in Quebec is in hot water after he pulled a buddy of his down the street on a couch tied to his car. The kids call it "couch surfing" I guess and apparently his friend wiped out head first into an oncoming car. I don't know what the French word is for cowabunga.
I love me the holidays! But if there's one thing that really irks me it's those giant inflatable lawn decorations that have become so popular in the last 5 years. I feel like everyone who has those thinks they've invented some amazing decoration for their front lawn that we're all suppose to look at in amazement when in reality they just went down to Target and paid 75 bucks for a giant Snow Globe with a Santa trapped inside.
I'm going to go on record as saying I am actually looking forward to seeing "The Darkest Hour". Yes it comes out on Christmas and there isn't a chance in hell I will see it until months after it comes out on DVD but that doesn't make me any less excited to see the teens trapped in Russia because of an alien invasion flick. Look at these new photos. Just look at em! Kids all running around in tank tops fighting aliens. Russia ain't so bad, man! Alright you got me, I'm still trying to hide the anger about these stupid lawn ornaments.
Color me confused but it looks like Darren Lynn Bousman's end of the world but Jesus is cool flick "11-11-11" if going to be getting a wide release on February 14, 2012. That's right the film specifically tied to the date 11/11/11 only got a limited release back in November so why the hell not shoot for Valentines Day in 2012. It's the perfect date movie for that special girl you want to break up with.
Check it son! The First poster for Ridley Scott's "Prometheus", the much anticipated prequel to his beloved "Alien" films. Yes there's no aliens to be seen in the poster but no one goes to see these movies for the aliens. That's a well known fact. People go to see the acting. And to see the girl who we say is hot but in the back of our minds secretly question if they were once a man in their skivvies. The aliens are really just a time filler.
I don't know what it is about Christopher Meloni but anytime I see him in a comedy I think he's awesome and anytime I'm flipping the channels and see him on "Law & Order" I want to punch him in the face. It's a crazy mixed up world, huh? But now he's been confirmed for season 5 of "True Blood" as a ye old vampire who controls the fate of our merry group of blood suckers. I'm thinking he's probably not going to be very funny in that role.
And if you needed more proof that everyone from New Zealand is going to hell here's a new billboard that's popped up in a few locations there showing the Virgin Mary holding a pregnancy test. Just in time for the holidays.
The current trend toward remakes, reboots, and spin-offs has been with mainstream cinema for nigh on a decade. And with this tendency comes a host of voices declaring a creatively bankrupt and psychologically shallow cinema straining to keep up with digital media and the Internet. This weekend alone saw the release of “The Thing” and “Footloose.” But while I have rolled my eyes at more of these types of films than actually enjoyed them I do think it is a dismissive gesture to assume these films are merely quick cash grabs.
Trouble in Miami kids. It looks like Showtime and Michael C. Hall have yet to come to an agreement on a contract to extend Hall's run as "Dexter" two more seasons. Seems that Hall wants a shit load more money and Showtime only wants to give him a crap load. It's getting pretty heated. If an agreement can't be reached it looks like season 6, which premiered this past weekend could be the last.
The list of people who want nothing to do with "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" continues to grow with one Miss Blake Lively now passing on the leading role. Natalie Portman, Emma Stone and Mia Wasikowska have also given a big "aww hell no" to the role. I don't want to jinx it but this sounds like wonderful news for Monica Keena. It's only a matter of time before she gets offered the role.
A bunch of new stills have found their way onto writer/director Darren Bousman's twitter page for "The Barrens", a new flick that follows a family on a camping trip where they run into the Jersey Devil. Hunky "True Blood" star Stephen Moyer takes lead in this one along with Mia Kirshner, who I don't know but from her IMDB picture I assume is a ball buster. I mean that in the best way possible.
"The Lost Coast Tapes" is a new found footage flick that follows a group who encounter the one and only Bigfoot. The forest beast not the monster truck. Although that would be pretty cool if it was just a bunch of kids being chased around by a giant truck. Anyway this isn't that. It's about the big hairy guy from the beef jerky commercials. I think we've gone off topic though. Take a look at the new poster for the flick. It's got a guy impaled on a tree. Grave Digger would probably be scarier anyway.
In Real People News:
It's Halloween time kids and that means all kinds of creative lawn decorations. Like this one in North Carolina of a fake body stuffed under a riding lawn mower. Of course people in North Carolina are pretty dumb so a bunch of people called 911 when they saw it and a big to do broke out. Silly hicks.
Darren Lynn Bousman's "Mother's Day" appears to be a remake of Troma's 1980 version in title alone, which may not necessarily be a bad thing. When three brothers botch up a bank robbery, they take off on the run and head for home, only to discover that their mother lost the house due to foreclosure. The new owners of the home are having a party when the brothers show up and take their family and guests hostage.
If you're like me then you're still climaxing from the new "Season of the Witch" poster we talked about yesterday. Well get ready to reload because here's a new trailer for the Nic Cage flick. God I pray you're nothing like me, it's sad sad existence.
Courtney Ford will be joining the cast of next season's "True Blood". Ford will play a southern bell who owns her own law firm and I assume she'll end up screwing someone and turning into the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Darren Lynn Bousman, the guy who's currently working on the "Mothers Day" remake is also working on a new film called "11-11-11". The film focuses on a bunch of people who have guardian angels and the rest of the plot confuses me and the fact that it's all based on a date on the calender already annoyed me. Oh and it'll be released on December 21st, 2012. I kid!
In Real People News:
Alright we all agree that assaulting a cop is bad but just think about how much worse is it to assault a cop with a dildo. What makes it worse? Doing it after walking out on your bill at Joe's Crab Shack. You enjoyed those delicious crabs now you pay for them, asshole!
2001 – In New York City, American Airlines Flight 587, an Airbus A300 en route to the Dominican Republic, crashes minutes after takeoff from John F. Kennedy International Airport, killing all 260 on board and five on the ground.
Aussie director Mark Hartley, who previously brought you the documentary "Beyond Hollywood: The Wild Untold Story of Ozploitation" is a busy man these days. He's already pitching his next documentary on scream queens entitled "Machete Maidens Unleashed" as well as announced his plans to direct a remake of 1978's "Patrick".