Contracted

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, May 15th, 2011

I've officially not slept in over 24 hours. Today's news might be an incoherent mess. My big fear here is actually that it will be my best to date and I'll have to start not sleeping for most of the week. I do this for you people! I'm starting to smell.

ABC has officially picked up the new series "666 Park Avenue" which focuses on a couple who tend to an apartment building full of spooky time happenings. Not going to lie I thought they had picked up the show months ago but what the hell do I know. I could be pulling your leg about this entire thing. Maybe there isn't even a show. Maybe ABC isn't even a real station!

Most of us know Caroline Williams as Stretch from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" but now the final girl has been cast in a new film titled "Contracted". The film is about a young woman who contracts what she thinks is your average run of the mill STD during a one night stand. Williams will play the girl's mother and confidant when that not so fresh feeling takes over.

BGH's own fancy lad Jon really loved "Daybreakers" so he'll be moistening up his pantaloons when he hears the news that the films directors, the Spierig Brothers, and Ethan Hawke are once again teaming up for a new film. Titled "Predestination", the film follows a secret Government agency who sends their grunts through time to stop murderers and terrorists. Pretty sure there's a new Bruce Willis movie titled "Looper" coming out with almost the same exact plot. I blame you, Jon.

The John Landis produced joint "Some Guy Who Kills People" will see it's way to a DVD release on July 3rd for your viewing pleasure. The DVD will be chock full of commentary, extra footage and the short that inspired the film about a man who snaps and takes out his anger on a group of High School bullies who captured and tortured him. There's also an ice cream parlor, so there's a little something for your sweet tooth, Hans.

In Real People News: 

If you're going to hold up an internet cafe maybe you should think about logging out of Facebook before you go pulling out the gun. Silly internet people.

Soooo 49 headless corpses were found a long the side of the road in Mexico and appear to be related to an ongoing drug war. Please plan your Spring Break festivities accordingly.

Horror Headlines: Friday, March 2nd, 2011

No news today guys. Sorry I just don't have it in me. I'm kidding of course there's a bunch of stories right below this. Man you'll believe anything I tell you.

Nick Swardson is pretty damn funny when he isn't playing a bucked toothed porn star in movies so I'm fairly excited for the new stop motion flick titled "Hell and Back" in which he stars. If you can star in a stop motion film. I don't know how that works. Anyway the movie is about a couple friends who have to travel into hell to save their friend who's been dragged down into the fiery depths and today we've learned that Mila Kunis has been cast as a spicy demon who is one of the few people who know how to navigate the underworld. Man it took us a long time to get to that didn't it? I just like spending time with you.

I don't know what it means when a company "options" something but the good people at Sony have optioned a big screen adaptation of the comic book "Bloodshot". For those of you not familiar with the comic book it tells the story of a former gangster who finds himself injected with microscopic computers that make him a super weapon after he goes into the witness protection program. For those of you not familiar with Sony they're a big company that makes a bunch of electrons and apparently puts out movies also.

Director Eric England has been hand selected by the powers that be to direct a new film titled "Contracted". The movie focuses on a young girl who has a one night stand and contracts what she thinks is an STD. It turns out to be something much worse though. A baby? Is it a baby? I'm guessing it's a baby. My money is on baby!

Didn't Darren Lynn Bousman's "11-11-11" already come out on VOD? Am I wrong here? I'm so confused. Well it's coming out again on march 6th. Or maybe for the first time. I don't know. It will then be available on DVD April 24th. So if you're itching to see a film based on a would-be world ending 6 months after the date passed then you're in luck.

In Real People News: 

If you crash and blow up your car while crying drunk you really don't have anything to loose so why not make up a story. Saying another car started shooting at you for no reason might not be the most believable but it's still worth a shot.

If you're on meth there's a good chance the job opportunities aren't flying in so if you happen to get an interview you might want to not show up naked like this guy in Sacramento. Although if you do there's a good chance you're not going to get the job so feel free to go ahead and fight the cops who come to take you away.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

We talk about Joe's feelings. ALL of them.

Podcast

So this one's quite the... head-scratcher...

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web