jessica lange

Horror Headlines: Monday January 20th, 2013

I just spent three days in Wisconsin and between the beer, sausage and cheese I'm not sure how my heart is still functioning. I took a shower Sunday night and I swear my pores started to leak cheese sauce. It tasted delicious though so I'm not so upset.

I lost interest in the second season of "American Horror Story" pretty quickly but I'm still mildly interested in seeing season 3 because I liked the first a super lot. Of course the news that Ryan Murphy has dropped that the upcoming season will be a modern day romance story does not have me giddy at all. Then again Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters have already been confirmed to be returning so maybe there will be a 3 way love triangle there so that could be frightening. You're picturing it right now aren't you. It's a terrible image.

"Sons Of Anarchy" star Charlie Hunnam has landed his greasy little locks a role in Guillermo del Toro's new flick "Crimson Peak". Details of his role are still unknown but the film is said to be a modern take on the classic ghost story. What that actually means is beyond me but what if the ghosts were actually alive and like working at our local car dealerships or something? Did I just blow your mind? I think I did.

I may or may not have completely forgotten that NBC had a "Dracula" TV series in the works but if I'm being honest here it just dawned on me that I may have a 6 year old child somewhere in the greater Philadelphia area so I've got a lot worse things to worry about. Moving on! Jonathan Jessica De Gouw has been cast in the role of Mina Murray, a young medical student who also happens to be the reincarnation of the fanged one's true love. Now that I think about it maybe I should have kept that whole kid thing to myself.

At this point the only way the "Zombieland" sequel discussion could get more ridiculous is if a script gets written so Bill Murray can shred it. But now there's talks that a TV series based on the show, which had been discussed back in 2011, may actually be a go and a call for casting has gone out. Nothing has been confirmed of course and the project will die 4 or 5 more times before the year ends but at the very least it will give me something to write about and at the end of the day isn't that all we really want? I thought so.

In Real People News: 

Two strippers in Wisconsin are in hot water after they got into a full on fist fight over a dollar bill. A single dollar. Not going to lie, this sounds like the greatest strip club ever to me.

A Florida man is under arrest after he bit his girlfriend's thumb off during an argument the couple was having. The only way I can see this not ending with him in prison is if the argument was about whether or not he could bite a human thumb off.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, May 8th, 2011

The nice old man from "Babe" AKA James Cromwell has joined the cast of Season 2 of "American Horror Story". He'll play a doctor who goes to battle with his boss, played by Jessica Lange. Am I the only one who just got hungry for some bacon? I can't be.

Guillermo del Toro recently look to his blog to drop the science on why "At the Mountains of Madness" probably isn't happening any time soon. Now I'm confused as hell after reading his explanation but I'll try to explain here. It seems because "Prometheus" and the Alien saga in general is so heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft the camp putting ATMOM together thinks it's not a good idea to push it forward. I don't fully get it but maybe someone else can explain it to me. Also please explain how babies get made.

I don't want to piss in your Wheaties but in a recent interview Anna Faris reveiled that she will most likly not be a part of "Scary Movie 5". I know. I'm taking this pretty hard also. If they dare make a "The House Bunny 2" without her I swear to god I'll shoot someone in the face.

"Wolf Creek" mastermind Greg McLean is taking time off from giving out handies for spare change to fund a sequel to take the directing role on a new film titled "Kill Me Three Times". The film follows a woman in an Australian surfing town who is the link between three different stories of murder, revenge and blackmail. I was just kidding about the handies thing. I'm pretty sure he's just asking people for money. I mean he might be giving handies I don't know. What I'm saying here is I can neither deny nor confirm that "Wolf Creek 2" is being funded by a prostitution ring.

In Real People News: 

A 28 year old school teacher in Florida is facing a pretty hefty detention sentence after it was discovered she deflowered a 16 year old student during school hours. By detention I mean jail. I don't think they can put teachers into detention. It's a loop hole thing or something.

It's always good for high school coaches to challenge their players. Well maybe not always good. This Colorado Hockey coach challenged his players to a masturbation race. That's not good at all.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, March 13th, 2011

Some more details on what we can expect from season 2 of "American Horror Story" are flooding the tubes. It looks like Ryan Murphy, the shows creator, is on the hunt for a Angelina Jolie in "Girl Interrupted" to battle with Jessica Lange in the upcoming season. I've never seen that movie but I do own a copy of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and if it's anything like that I think we've got a winner.

Oh boy oh boy! Showtime has officially dropped the premier date for season 7 of "Dexter" and what a date it is! September 30th. Isn't that a good date. Just turning to Fall time. The leaves are beginning to turn. People are starting to think about Halloween. I hope to be down two pant sizes by then. It's really going to be magical.

I don't know why but I always assumed David Cronenberg didn't even own a TV. Maybe he doesn't actually but he's working on a new show called "Knifeman". The series is a medical drama that follows the happening of a radical self-educated surgeon. Cronenberg will direct the pilot and play the producer role for the series. No word on what station this one will be on but I can't imagine Fox Family is going to pick it up.

I have no idea how to pronounce Karel Roden's name but he's been cast as a mad scientist in the upcoming film "Frankenstein's Army". The movie takes place towards the end of the second World War and finds the Russian army uncovering a creepy breed of living dead monsters that fight for the Nazi's. Sounds adorable.

In Real People News: 

"Excuse me ma'am. Have you seen this penis?" I'm not positive but I assume that's what a cop in Connecticut said when he showed a series of women a picture of his privates after stopping them for traffic violations. I mean that's what I would have gone with.

It's always upsetting when you think you've found the perfect job and then it turns out someone has turned the bathrooms into a piss dungeon. Or if the coffee sucks. Either one of those things are awful.

"American Horror Story" Season 2 Casting Updates

Fans of "American Horror Story" can expect some familiar faces returning for season 2. Creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have recently revealed during the PaleyFest panel that 5 cast members from the original season will be returning to play all new characters next season. It comes as no surprise that Golden Globe winner Jessica Lange will be heading up season 2. Also returning? Sarah Paulson, Zachary Quinto, Lily Rabe and Evan Peters. It will be interesting to see Peters, who played antagonist Tate in season 1, get to play a whole new character.

Horror Headlines: Monday, March 5th, 2011

To see boobies in 3D or not to see boobies in 3D. That is the question. It's a tough one, and unfortunately we're all going to have to answer it because Dimension films has just dropped that "Piranha 3DD" will be released both theatricality and on VOD at the same time. So will the dirtbag in me who wants to see bouncy things in 3D win over the part of me that hates seeing sunlight. I for one can't wait to see how this turns out.

There's so many genre shows in the works I almost forgot that there's already one I watch and kind of like. It's "American Horror Story". It's fun to learn things about each other isn't it? But the news here is that Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, and Lily Rabe will all be returning for Season 2 as different characters. The story this season will take place on the East Coast and focus on Jessica Lange's character. I also really enjoy ice cream and Neil Diamond. I love you.

New movie alert! Oh god I love new movie alerts. The project is called "The Occult" and already has Rufus Sewell, Anne Heche, and Alycia Debnam-Carey in the cast. What's more it'll be directed by Christian E. Christiansen who directed "The Roomate" and that movie was terrible! Are you pumped? I was too excited to read the plot, but I did skim it and there's something about the devil's daughter coming to earth and a small town with some girls and some killings. Oh man, it's the best Monday ever.

Good for Julia Stiles. She's landed the lead role in the upcoming NBC series "Midnight Sun" about a FBI agent trying to track down a cult that mysteriously disappeared. I believe we're one step closer to finally seeing a "Save the Last Dance 2".

In Real People News: 

Rep. Roscoe Bartlett of Maryland has proposed the STACHE Act into his fine state. The act would give anyone with a mustache a 250$ tax break yearly. I believe it's time to move.

I've always though it would be cool to be in the Guinness Book of World Records. So did this guy in Sri Lanka apparently, because he attempted to break the record for longest time buried alive. He died though so I don't think he wins and there's a ton of people who have been buried dead for longer than him, so I think he's kind of f'ed.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

I know you're all wondering so here's the breakdown of my showering activities. Shampoo, soap, rinse. Interesting huh? The problem is when I shave, which is only about once every two weeks because I'm a lazy prick, I tack on that at the end. What I should really do is Shampoo, rinse, shave and rinse again. Why you ask? Well because since I only shave once in a blue moon my facial hair has a tendency to get a little bit on the longer side and when I shave and hop right out of the shower I don't get all the little whisker bits completely off my amazing body.

Chris Stokes directed "You Got Served" and "House Party 4" so it should come as no surprise that his new film "The Helpers" is a hand held torture flick about seven friends who are being held hostage and brutally killed off one by one on camera. Wait no that doesn't make any sense at all. Take a look at the trailer. There's not one sign of anyone getting served. Unless you consider getting ripped in half "served". I think that's what they call it in Connecticut now that I think of it.

I had no idea Tim Burton was working on a stop motion animation flick titled "Frankenweenie". Mostly because I thought he made that 30 years ago in his basement but what the hell do I know. But here's a new still from the flick which looks to be a little more on the kid-friendly side. Sure the dog is dead but that doesn't make him any less adorable.

For those of you who didn't watch The Golden Globes this past weekend not only did you miss some of this season's hottest fashions but you also missed Jessica Lange taking home the gold for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television for her role on "American Horror Story". This is very exciting for horror fans because ya know... it's cool to see horror shows and movies win awards. Because then we can all go online and complain about how it's not horror and how the shows sucks and stuff. Should fill up most of today at the very least.

This shouldn't come as any surprise to people but "The Devil Inside" took a big old nose dive this past weekend, bringing in only about $8,020,000 at the box office. For those of you keeping score at home that's less than half of what it pulled in during it's Friday night midnight showings during it's opening weekend. I don't want to credit anyone for this turn but I did tweet that I was disappointed in the flick so at least 13 people would have been swayed by my opinion. Sorry Hollywood.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned from taking numerous trips to Virginia to visit family it's don't ever mess with the kids there. They have no sense of humor whatsoever. You especially don't mess with their juice boxes or you'll get stabbed. I have proof.

The story isn't so much interesting because an Ohio man was arrested for having child pornography on his computer. I assume that happens in Ohio almost every 8 hours. It's the fact that he's wearing an "Internet was down so I thought I'd go outside" t-shirt in his mug shot. Hey I get it!

Snapshot: "American Horror Story" (TV Series)

A new haunted house drama premiered Wednesday night on FX that was created and produced by Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, the creators of "Glee". The series centers around the Harmon family, who move from Boston to Los Angeles after Ben (Dylan McDermott) has an affair. They get a great deal on an old mansion, finding out once they buy the home that the previous owners were involved in a murder suicide and that the house is haunted. I'm assuming this is where all that weird fetish imagery that they've been promoting in the trailers happens?

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