the wicker man

Horror Headlines: Monday August 26th, 2013

Let's just go ahead and accept that fact that I will most linky only write the news once this week. If by chance I end up doing more than that it's really just icing on the cake right? You're welcome.

Stephen King's "The Stand" is probably the longest book I've ever read. I started and stopped 3 times and it took me over a year but I am proud to say that I read it and have forgotten most of it. I'm 95% sure I loved it though. The point here is there's a film version of the novel in the works and Scott Cooper of "Crazy Heart" fame has been picked up as the director. Ben Affleck was originally set to take on the job but now he's playing Batman and pissing off everyone on the internet so his hands are pretty full. Of money! Am I right? "The Town" was great.

"X-Files" creator Chris Carter has dropped word that he has a solid idea for a third film and is waiting on Twentieth Century Fox to give him the green light. The third film would go back to the mythology of the original series and the alien invasion date which has now come and past. I for one would like to go back and explore the mythology that David Duchovny is dreamy. I'm not sure I'm using that word right.

I had no idea that "The Wicker Tree" was actually a follow up to the original "The Wicker Man" but I guess if I read my own news or did any sort of research on what I'm actually typing I would have. Good news here though is original creator Robin Hardy is moving forward with "Wrath Of the Gods", the third and final film in the series. No real details about the movie are available yet but he hopes to start filing in 2014 and plans to have this one focus on the gods that the islanders worship, rather than the offerings being sacrificed for them. I can't even lie, half the time I just read the title of the article and assume I know what's going on in the news.

I could have sworn this was already news but "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" will finally see it's way to VOD on September 6th and selected theaters on October 11th. Seriously this already happened right? I'm positive I've already made every stupid comment I'm thinking of so just go back and read those. I bet they were hilarious.

In Real People News: 

A convenience store clerk in Connecticut has been critically injured after trying to stop two men from stealing a David Hasselhoff display in his store. Seems worth it doesn't it.

Bath salts are apparently a thing and this guy in Indiana went on a 90 minute rampage after he got all hopped up on 'em. Looks like battery, robbery, second-degree kidnapping, battery with the intent to commit a serious felony, cruelty to animals, malicious injury to property, and all kinds of other awesome fun is now on his list of offenses. Way to go buddy. Bring it back in a big way.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 24th, 2013

Wait did I know there was a "Poltergeist" remake in the works? I feel like I might have known that. I feel like I might have started a post with this same stupid joke before too. Rosemary Dewitt has been cast in the lead role of the 'hey you built your house on top of an indian burial ground' film so I'm assuming they're doing a remake. What a terrible joke this is to play on here if there really isn't one in the works.

I am a big ol fan of George A. Romero's "Dawn Of the Dead". A super big fan even. But at no point did I ever say, "Hey this needs to be shown in 3D". Despite that thought a 3D conversion is in the works and it look like there might be plans to put the film out in theaters again. No release date has been dropped but apparently the conversion is about a third of the way done so we will see how this all goes. I mean I thought "Nightbreed" only needed to be an hour and 15 minutes so maybe I'm all wrong about this conversion. I'm just a big dumb penis after all.

"Hustle & Flow" is one of the greatest movies ever made and Terrence Howard is one of the greatest actors or all time. There's no arguing that. Any jackass who knows his ass from his hand can figure this out. So now that he's been cast in M. Night Shyamalan new Fox series "Wayward Pines" I have fairly high hopes. The show will focus on a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find to missing agents. Stuff happens I guess, but nowhere do I read a description of a rapping pimp that he encounters so maybe my hopes aren't as high as I thought they were.

Never let it be said that I don't love an extended version of a film. Never! In fact I am rather smitten with the news that to celebrate the film's 40th anniversary the folks at StudioCanal will release "The Wicker Man: The Final Cut". To be released in the UK on DVD this coming October, and hopefully in the US shortly after, the classic film tells the story of a police officer sent to a remote island to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. Seriously, If there's one thing I say about movies it's "Hey could you tack on another 45 minutes to that gosh darn thing already? I'm trying to watch a movie here!".

In Real People News: 

If there's one solid way to shoplift a baby alligator it's by shoving it under your shirt. Wait, where the hell are they selling baby alligators these days? Oh West Virginia. Of course. The Florida of the 49 other states that aren't Florida.

A Georgia man accidentally hung himself while trying to break into a bar this past week. Imagine being the first person to come into work and find that mess hanging from the fence? Not going to lie, I'd probably turn around and pretend like I had never been there. Let someone else deal with that crap.

The Wicker Tree (REVIEW)

Let’s start this off by saying I’m not going to spend a lot of time comparing Robin Hardy’s 1973 “The Wicker Man” with his latest film “The Wicker Tree”. Surely enough people out there have grouped “The Wicker Man” amongst films such as “Rosemary’s Baby”, “Don’t Look Now”, and many others as a paramount example of prestige horror. It’s a movie that many genre fans and critics point to as an “excuse” for genre films or to show horror detractors that, yes; these movies are worth their salt. But this isn’t a review of comparing this unofficial/spiritual “sequel” to its noteworthy ancestor.

Kill List (REVIEW)

Kill List

"Kill List" opens on a small dinner party. Jay and Gal, two average looking English blokes, eat a lovely meal prepared by Jay's wife. Gal has a new lady friend by his side. The friends laugh and, by all appearances, enjoy a happy night. Slowly but surely, marital tension begins to seep out of the glances between Jay and wife Shel. The creep of caustic remarks mixes with a healthy flow of alcohol before eventually erupting into a full-bore domestic incident. Gal, obviously familiar with this scene, acts quickly to settle his friends' young son, and to defuse the near-violent exchange.

Horror Headlines: Monday, January 30th, 2012

This morning on the way to work I saw a pile of old VHS tapes and a used rubber on the sidewalk. Not in the same pile, that would just be weird. Not that the two things being in separate piles isn't weird. Last week I saw two Sega Genesis' on the street. The point of this story is that someone who lives near me is having a crap load more fun then I am.

Eric Powell, creator of "The Goon" comic recently took to his blog to set the record straight on the current status of the big screen adaptation of the book. Despite rumblings around the net the movie is still very much going to happen and the production company behind it is currently looking for funding. I don't know if that means they're having bake sales or something but honestly that doesn't sound too good.

If you're as excited about ABC's "The River" as I am then you're honestly not that excited. It's on Tuesdays. I already have shows on Tuesdays. I'm not even sure I can work it into my schedule. The new website that just launched for it isn't really helping either. Sure it's all animated and crap and sure it's like a fun game but seriously, there's going to be DVR conflicts out the ying yang for this thing.

I love me some Linnea Quigley, I don't care what age. Alright that sounds kind of creepy but the news here is that the lipstick queen will be showing up in "1313: Cougar Cult". The film is set to go direct to DVD (shocker) on February 7th and revolves around a group of college guys who get a summer job working for three older women who actually turn into cougars. I think that's a pun, or a play on words, or a haiku.

I have no idea what these ramblings mean but Nicolas Cage wants to remake "The Wicker Man"... in Japan... and have "Ringu" director Hideo Nakata direct it... and have the main character be a ghost this time. No sarcastic comments here, folks. Someone needs to help this guy.

In Real People News: 

Ever wonder what happens when you're unconscious in a hospital? Well apparently in one Utah hospital what happens is you get some free oral sex. Weather you want it or not. But you know you wanted it. Sinner.

A homeless man has been rescued after he was stuck in mud for over three days near the Rio Grande. He then went to jail because he had a number of outstanding warrants. It's a happy ending.

Horror Headlines: Monday August 15th, 2011

If you liked "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" then get ready because it looks like the writers have a trilogy in mind. Or have always had in mind. How quickly they decided this after the film made a boat load of money no one knows but let's pretend it was always the plan. That makes it nicer.

It looks like the long awaited sequel to "The Wicker Man", the original not the Nic Cage masterpiece, titled "The Wicker Tree" will hit theaters in early 1012 thanks for the good people at Anchor Bay. The sequel tells the story of two newcomers who come to Scotland only to run into a strange group of religious fanatics. I hope they wear weird animal head dresses again.

Showtime is pushing the "Dexter" promos so much you'd almost think season 6 isn't still a month and a half away. But anyway there's a new poster for your peepers to view and it's crafty because it's got Dexter with a bunch of blood behind him. But wait, the blood looks like wings. You just mind f'ed me lonely designer who spent hours on this and 74 other posters only to have some jackass on a horror website mock it. I'm so sorry.

Good news America. It looks like Tom Six will be setting "The Human Centipede 3" in the good old U.S. of A. Wait, it gets better. According to Six the third installment will make the second look like a "Disney film". I love Disney films so I can't wait for the second, which will see a limited release in the states on October 7th. Disney films and America? I believe you have warmed your way into my heart Mr. Six.

In Real People News: 

I'm not sure what kind of standards Olympic skiers have to live up to in the US but I'm pretty sure urinating on an 11 year old on a flight is not considered appropriate. Unfortunately that's just what an 18 year old team member did on a red eye flight to NY the other day. But hey the swimmer guy smoked a lot of pot. That's worse, right?

If you've ever driven through Pennsylvania than you know those back woods hicks drive like mental patients. To drive home the point here's a lovely story about an Aunt who didn't think she could handle getting out of a tight parking spot. Her solution to the problem? Having her six year old niece give it a go. Sure, why not.

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