resident evil: retribution

Horror Headlines: September 17th, 2012

I'm seriously considering buying a "Resident Evil: Retribution" poster online after seeing the film yesterday. Just thought I'd give you fair warning as to where my frame of mind is these days. Speaking of "RE: Retribution", Paul W.S. Anderson's candy coated confusion machine topped the box office this weekend, raking in $21 million. That's $5 million less than the last film opened to, and the smallest opening since the original. However, keep in mind that these films have done absolutely BONKERS business overseas.

Here's what the new Robocop looks like. I'll save you the time it takes to click... it's not even silver! What the hell are we doing here, people...

Anchor Bay has acquired Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem" after its debut at the Toronto International Film Festival last week. Thank God they use the acronym TIFF, because typing the entire name makes me want to quit life.

Check out The monsters you missed in "Cabin in the Woods". I made my wife watch this on Bluray with me last night. She just looked confused. Me on the other hand? I'm calling it now, horror film of the year. Everyone else should go home and feel bad about themselves.

Here's the new Norman Bates that will star in A&E's "Bates Motel". I will continue not watching horror on television because it will always be terrible.

Tom Savini's "Night of the Living Dead" remake from 1990 is coming to Bluray. If you haven't seen it, you should, it's pretty fantastic.

In Real People News: 

Turns out, this girl's aunt did not sexually assault her in a satanic ritual in 1994. She was pretty excited to hear her admit that, considering she's been in prison for it ever since. Whoopsies!

The 11 drunkest presidents in US history. Ah, the good old days...

Horror Headlines: Monday, August 20th, 2012

Adi Shankar, who's produced films like "The Grey" and "Dredd 3D" apparently has plans for a new take on "The Expendables" using some of today's, or yesterday's, hottest action actresses. Dutch Southern has already been signed up to pen the script but no word yet on who would be in the film or when it would actually be happening. Two words. Kathleen Turner.

Ryan Lee, who you might remember from "Super 8", has been cast in the upcoming bully flick "White Rabbit". The film follows a young lad who starts to be haunted by a white rabbit, among other things, that he killed as a child. I had no idea you could bully animals. I thought they were just dumb beasts for our amusement and hunting pleasure. honestly I don't think a movie is going to change my mind on that now that I think about it.

No big surprise here but "Resident Evil: Retribution", the next chapter in the RE saga has been slapped with an R rating by the folks over at the MPAA. The big R has been handed down because of "sequences of strong violence throughout" so good news for fans of the series. I assume "mom hips" was also a big reason but you can't very well come out and say something like that can you.

And sad news today my friends. Tony Scott, brother of Ridley Scott and director of such classics as "Top Gun ", "True Romance" and "The Fan" has died after taking his own life this past Sunday.

In Real People News: 

A 20 year old man in Pennsylvania (shocker) has been sentenced to probation after he was caught going down on a horse. I mean it was a female horse so you know... I don't know actually, I'm walking a real fine line here. I'm just going to leave this one alone.

A 47 year old Nigerian man has been picked up in the fine state of Texas after it was found that he had over 2 pounds of heroin shoved in his bowels. I have no idea how that was discovered but I bet there's an awesome story... behind it. Behind it! Get it?!

Horror Headlines: Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Today we got a comment on one of our old posts that simple read "sex". I have no idea what it's referring too, the post in no way has anything to do with bumping uglies. It's the greatest comment we've ever received though and I think sums up every reason I do this. And by this I mean bang on a keyboard like a chimp for 30 minutes and send it to Eric (our Editor-in-Chief) to try an decode. You're welcome, world...

Good news for all of you patiently awaiting the first trailer for "Resident Evil: Retribution". January 18th will be the day that the trailer will hit the tubes, it'll then be showing in theaters that weekend before "Underworld: Awakening". The other good news for all of you who are excited about "Resident Evil: Retribution" is that men's Husky pants are on sale this weekend at Sears.

I'm not going to lie, I'm fairly excited for the release of "The Woman In Black". It looks creepy, that Harry Potter kid looks adorable trying to act all grown up and I'm a sucker for old timey fashions. What can I say. And here's a new poster for the film which hits theaters on February 3th. It has two of the three things I mentioned I love about the film. Oh what I wouldn't give for little Harry Potter to be in the poster smoking a pipe. But instead of smoke coming out of the pipe there's bubbles. How cute would that be!?

Remember how creepy little Isabelle Fuhrman was in "Orphan"? All fake teeth and crap. Well it looks like the little one is now in talks to join the cast of M. Night Shyamalan's upcoming Sifi flick "After Earth". The film tells the story of a world where people no longer live on earth and two hero's who find themselves stranded on the blue orb. Will and Jaden Smith are also a part of the cast. If there was any way I could pinch this movies cheeks I think I would.

It looks like "The Devil Inside" director William Brent Bell and co-writer Matthew Peterman are off to Romania to film a new as of yet titled horror flick. It's going to be a found footage film.... and it's going to be called "The Devil Insider"... and it's going to suck. Alright those last two things are lies. Well the second to last. I can't comment on the whole sucking thing. I'm not god.

In Real People News: 

Drunk girls can be so fun! Here's a story about one in Connecticut who punched a cab driver and then tried to use the excuse that she's disabled when she was arrested. She isn't and it didn't work. So she went with the "It's always the illegals that get away with the (some foul words no website will print)." Oddly enough, that didn't work either.

A 62 year old woman in Florida is under arrested after she bashed her husband head in with a hammer because he was watching Judge Judy. I've always said that those Judge Joe Brown fans are a danger to society and need to be locked up.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 21st, 2011

Bryan Bertino is the dapper young fella who wrote the lovable hit "The Strangers" and now it looks like Mr. Bertino is putting pen to paper for a new flick titled "Grim Night". The movie will take place on the one night every year when the Grim Reapers come to earth to collect souls. I wonder if they listen to Collective Soul while they do it. Boom du da du da du da du dat YEAH! Trust me, it sounds just like them.

I'm not going to bother explaining the premise of "Jurassic Shark". If you can't figure it out by the name then you might have some sort of learning disability. But I will let you enjoy a new poster for the flick along with a bunch of screen shots of women in small bikinis. See how I work? I insult and then I give. I bet it's giving you some sort of complex. You loser... I love you.

Here's a few new behind the scenes photos from the set of "Resident Evil: Retribution". Much to my surprise there are none of Milla Jovovich eating butterscotch pudding, offering children hard candies or taking her heart pills. I guess I don't know her as well as I thought I do.

A couple weeks back I was the lone person on the podcast who thought "The Darkest Hour" looked pretty cool. I'm sorry if I'm just more cultured then the rest of my neanderthal co-hosts. It must be upsetting for you the listener to have to hear clips of the show where I'm not talking. So here's a new poster from the alien invasion flick! And it's in Russian. Dasvidaniya mutha trucka.

In Real People News: 

Yes this man who tried to turn his own doodie into gold by mixing it with fertilizer and heating it up sounds crazy... But if it had worked, man we'd all be rich! unless you're constipated. Then you'd be shit outta luck Haha get it!?

This guy's like some sort of modern day super hero. Not the crazy kind who dressed up in a costume and tries to fight people in the street. The kid that hacks into a child pornography sites and posts up the names of all the users. We should give him a medal and erect statues of him. He can wear a costume if he wants.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 30th, 2011

Did you ever read that book "My Brother Sam is Dead" in middle school? I didn't but I was suppose too. I'm really sorry Mr. Reynolds... you creepy mustached SOB. Well "John Dies At the End" is nothing like that book but today it's got its first poster with all kinds of skull goodness. The movie tells the story of two college drop outs who are trying to stop an onslaught of terror brought on by a strange drug that hits the streets. I just used the word onslaught.

Some behind the scenes photos from "Piranha 3DD" have hit the tubes and they're pretty much what you'd expect from the sequel that takes our man-eating fish to a water park. Unless you didn't expect augmented women in tiny swimsuits. While I don't recognize any of the women from porn there's one with a giant tattoo that is leading me to believe she's done some questionable acting in her day. We can only hope and pray now.

I'm going to address this one directly to Mark because he'll probably be the most excited about it. Hey Mark! Good news. They're rebooting the "Mortal Kombat" franchise with a new film based on the popular web series "Mortal Kombat: Legacy". One catch though. It's going to be directed by Kevin Tancharoen, who did direct the web series but also the "Glee" 3D movie and "Fame" remake. Anyway! How have you been? How's Chicago? Have you been to Millennium Park yet? I hear it's wonderful this time of year.

And lastly Johann Urb, who rivals Sarah Jessica Parker for longest face in Hollywood, has signed on to play Leon Kennedy in "Resident Evil: Retribution" along side Milla Jovovich and her mom hips. So that's some exciting news huh? Got any plans for the weekend? Fall is finally here! You look fat in those jeans.

In Real People News: 

There's really no better excuse than the one this New York woman gave the cops for running over a man. "He asked for it". Enough said...

Sometimes you're in such a hurry that you forget something important. Like your wallet, keys or your bus pass. The last one I do all the time. I have never forgotten my child though. Not even when I'm drunk driving and flip my car like this woman did in California. Well not yet at least.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, September 13th, 2011

Canadian director Bruce McDonald has named "Dark Highway" as his next venture into the world of horror. The film tells the story of a man who struggles with what is real and what isn't while he tries to complete a day long journey. You might know McDonald from his previous film "Pontypool" which the majority of us went gaga for. Or if you're Canadian you might know him from the maple syrup isle of your local grocery store.

Vanessa Hudgens has joined the cast of "Frozen Ground", a new film which tells the story of serial killer Robert Hansen, a Alaskan man who abducted 24 women and hunted them on his land. John Cusack and Nic Cage were previously confirmed to play Hansen and the officer who must find the bodies of the victims and I've already used my "Con-Air" jokes so lets just move along.

"Resident Evil: Retribution" is the next installment in the "Resident Evil" series and it looks like Colin Salmon, who you might remember from the first film, has joined the cast. Fans of the VH1 series "Single Ladies" might also recognize Salmon from his role of Jerry Waters, the witty fast talking lawyer with a heart of gold. I'm kidding, I have no idea what that show is about or if it's still on the air.

A gaggle of new stills and a teaser for "Dog Soldiers: Legacy", a new web series based on the 2002 Neil Marshall film, have popped up online thanks to Ryan Lightbourn. I say thanks because it looks kind of fun but if it turns out to be crap I'll take that thanks right away Mr. Lightbourn, if that is your real name. Anyway it looks like a sequel for the werewolf flick is also in the works so get excited. Or don't.. no skin off my back either way.

In Real People News: 

Now I'm not an expert on the subject but I'm thinking if you're going to be shooting kiddie porn on your camera you might not want to take it down to the local CVS for development. But here's a D.C. man who did just that. Who uses regular film anymore? Upgrade to digital buddy, it's what all the deviants are doing.

It's good to be proud of your daughters for winning a fight, I think. It's bad to video tape your two daughters fighting and posting it on the internet though. I know that because this Indiana woman went to jail for it. That's the only reason I know it to be honest.

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