john dies at the end

In some universe, this show was orderly...

★ ★ ★

I wish I could stop talking about Daniel Radcliffe. I'd give anything really. But here's a new clip from "The Woman In Black", which stars the little bugger as a lawyer sent to a remote village to sort out the paperwork of a recently deceased client. In the clip he's all napping and looking so god damn cute I could just squeeze him. Oh here I go again! What did the doctor tell me? Oh yeah. I should want to invite Daniel Radcliffe over for dinner. I shouldn't want to cut into him, and wear his skin as a Key to other worlds and dimensions.

Ah crap. NBC has put in a order for a new series based on everyone's favorite blood sucker, Dracula. The show, which is cleverly titled "Dracula" is being described as "Dangerous Liaisons meets The Tudors" or in "Joe Terms" a movie I never saw crossed with a TV show that made me feel like I had just eaten a box of Fig Newtons and washed it down with a Fresca. Think about that for a few minutes.

Speaking of things that make me feel like less of a man here's a new look at Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket from the upcoming big screen adaptation of "The Hunger Games". I don't know why it makes me feel like less of a man but when I look at the picture I feel like I should say things like "No white pants after Labor Day" and "Oh I can't wait for Fashion Week".

Did you ever read that book "My Brother Sam is Dead" in middle school? I didn't but I was suppose too. I'm really sorry Mr. Reynolds... you creepy mustached SOB. Well "John Dies At the End" is nothing like that book but today it's got its first poster with all kinds of skull goodness. The movie tells the story of two college drop outs who are trying to stop an onslaught of terror brought on by a strange drug that hits the streets. I just used the word onslaught.

Some behind the scenes photos from "Piranha 3DD" have hit the tubes and they're pretty much what you'd expect from the sequel that takes our man-eating fish to a water park. Unless you didn't expect augmented women in tiny swimsuits. While I don't recognize any of the women from porn there's one with a giant tattoo that is leading me to believe she's done some questionable acting in her day. We can only hope and pray now.

I'm going to address this one directly to Mark because he'll probably be the most excited about it. Hey Mark! Good news. They're rebooting the "Mortal Kombat" franchise with a new film based on the popular web series "Mortal Kombat: Legacy". One catch though. It's going to be directed by Kevin Tancharoen, who did direct the web series but also the "Glee" 3D movie and "Fame" remake. Anyway! How have you been? How's Chicago? Have you been to Millennium Park yet? I hear it's wonderful this time of year.

And lastly Johann Urb, who rivals Sarah Jessica Parker for longest face in Hollywood, has signed on to play Leon Kennedy in "Resident Evil: Retribution" along side Milla Jovovich and her mom hips. So that's some exciting news huh? Got any plans for the weekend? Fall is finally here! You look fat in those jeans.

Danish filmmaker Ole Bornedal is confirmed to be directing the Sam Raimi produced film "Dibbuk Box". The movie is apparently based on real life events that happened to a family who came into possession of a haunted box. I'm not sure how big the box was but one possible solution could have been to just throw it out. I'm just tossing out ideas here though.

Wait there's a remake of "The Crow" in the works? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Time to bust out my skin tight leather pants! I hope they still fit, it's been over 15 years. Oh and Stephen Norrington, the director who was attached to it said he's left the project. But still, "The Crow" remake!

Now I'm going to address the fine people behind "The Frankenstein Syndrome" When you cast Tiffany Shepis in your movie I have some expectations of what I'm going to see. I'm not going to say what those things are but you take a look at these new stills from the film and try to guess. Here's a hint, it isn't a creepy mask covering up her face... or a creepy shirt.

Don Coscarelli, the guy who brought us "Phantasm" and "Bubba Ho-Tep", has officially been tapped to direct David Wong's "John Dies at the End". The cast right now also includes Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Angus Scrimm, Chase Williamson, and Rob Mayes. I assume one of them will play someone named "John" who will most likely die at the end of the movie.