Bubba Ho-Tep

Horror Headlines: Wednesday December 26th, 2012

I will literally believe anything Paul Giamatti tells me. He could walk up to me right now and tell me the sky is green and I'd high five him and say, "Right on! I love your movies". So if he tells me that "Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires" is still going to happen then I believe him. The film would be a sequel to 2002's "Bubba Ho-tep" and Giamatti would play Colonel Parker, the former manager of Elvis. How awesome would it be to have Giamatti as your personal life manager? Just wake up and he tells you what to eat and stuff? He's not in the best shape so that might not work out but still. He seems like a nice guy.

Good news kids. "The Walking Dead" has officially been picked up by AMC for a fourth season. But there's some bad news also here. Glen Mazzara, the guy who replaced Frank Darabont as the shows driver, has left the show as well. No word yet on who will replace him but word on campus is the reason for the split is a difference of opinion between Mazzara and AMC. Really just makes me think how happy I am that Eric and I came to an agreement on who should be the drunk one on the podcast pretty quickly.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I love the movie "Mean Girls". I guess a lot of people do though so I'm not really admitting anything crazy here. Whatever, I'm sorry I let you into my soul now. The reason I bring up the film is because it's director, Mark Helmer, has been tapped to direct a new coming of age vampire flick titled "Vampire Academy". Based on the book with the same name the story tells the tale of a young lass who travels to a hidden school where she learns the ways of a special breed of vampires who can walk in the daylight. Honestly this sounds like some sort of Skinamax flick and I pray they land Lindsay Lohan as the lead.

Horror Headlines: Friday, January 13th, 2012

Hey it's Friday the 13th! I completely forgot that when I got dressed this morning and just randomly put on my Jason mask t-shirt. Now I feel like that guy who wears the shirt of the band he's going to see to their concert. Only more white trash. Unless that band is White Trash, who had the second most popular song about pie in the 90's.

I wish I could stop talking about Daniel Radcliffe. I'd give anything really. But here's a new clip from "The Woman In Black", which stars the little bugger as a lawyer sent to a remote village to sort out the paperwork of a recently deceased client. In the clip he's all napping and looking so god damn cute I could just squeeze him. Oh here I go again! What did the doctor tell me? Oh yeah. I should want to invite Daniel Radcliffe over for dinner. I shouldn't want to cut into him, and wear his skin as a Key to other worlds and dimensions.

Ah crap. NBC has put in a order for a new series based on everyone's favorite blood sucker, Dracula. The show, which is cleverly titled "Dracula" is being described as "Dangerous Liaisons meets The Tudors" or in "Joe Terms" a movie I never saw crossed with a TV show that made me feel like I had just eaten a box of Fig Newtons and washed it down with a Fresca. Think about that for a few minutes.

Speaking of things that make me feel like less of a man here's a new look at Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket from the upcoming big screen adaptation of "The Hunger Games". I don't know why it makes me feel like less of a man but when I look at the picture I feel like I should say things like "No white pants after Labor Day" and "Oh I can't wait for Fashion Week".

In Real People News: 

I love the movie "Fargo" but apparently not as much as this guy in California who got himself pulled into a wood chipper. Of course he died, which is awful. I only hope someday if I died in a strange way some prick on the internet will post the new article about it with some stupid sarcastic movie reference. It's kind of a dream of mine.

And here's a story about a woman who is under arrest after she bit two children at a California book store. Serves them right for going into a book store. That kind of crap doesn't happen at video game stores where kids should be.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 28th, 2010

Here's a gang of new shots from Anthony Hopkins' new film "The Rite" which comes out on January 28th. The film revolves around a skeptical student at an exorcism school and features the most disappointing panty raid you've ever seen.

Now sit down kids and I'll tell you about how video games used to be played on the PC and were mostly just a lot of pointing and clicking. And by far my favorite of the genre was "7th Guest" which will be landing on your iPhone and iPad in the near future. Of course I never saw a reason to have an iPad until now and I refuse to pay for one just to play a 20 year old game, but still, this is awesome news.

Joe R. Lansdale, the guy who wrote "Bubba Ho Tep" among other things, will see his heartwarming zombie story "Christmas with the Dead" made into a movie sometime next year. Yet more proof that if you wait long enough you'll never have to read another book again.

Here's a trailer for the Swedish ax murderer flick "Blood Runs Cold". Apparently the film was shot on a budget of just 5k, but honestly it looks so good you can hardly tell. Which is a bummer because I wanted nothing more in this world than to make some sarcastic comments about the Swedes. You win this round!

In Real People News: 

A man in San Diego is under arrest after he barged into his father's room and attacked him with a samurai sword. There is absolutely no reason anyone should be allowed to own a samurai sword. If you have one sitting on your mantel then you're really just waiting for a friend to get drunk and stab you, and guess what, you'll deserve it.

Now this is more like it. A drunk teen in Connecticut is being brought up on charges after assaulting her father with a Christmas Tree. Mean? Yes, but check out the picture of her and tell me you haven't fallen in love with her hair. Tell me! That's right I didn't think so.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 22nd, 2010

Danish filmmaker Ole Bornedal is confirmed to be directing the Sam Raimi produced film "Dibbuk Box". The movie is apparently based on real life events that happened to a family who came into possession of a haunted box. I'm not sure how big the box was but one possible solution could have been to just throw it out. I'm just tossing out ideas here though.

Wait there's a remake of "The Crow" in the works? Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Time to bust out my skin tight leather pants! I hope they still fit, it's been over 15 years. Oh and Stephen Norrington, the director who was attached to it said he's left the project. But still, "The Crow" remake!

Now I'm going to address the fine people behind "The Frankenstein Syndrome" When you cast Tiffany Shepis in your movie I have some expectations of what I'm going to see. I'm not going to say what those things are but you take a look at these new stills from the film and try to guess. Here's a hint, it isn't a creepy mask covering up her face... or a creepy shirt.

Don Coscarelli, the guy who brought us "Phantasm" and "Bubba Ho-Tep", has officially been tapped to direct David Wong's "John Dies at the End". The cast right now also includes Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Angus Scrimm, Chase Williamson, and Rob Mayes. I assume one of them will play someone named "John" who will most likely die at the end of the movie.

In Real People News: 

If this doesn't warm your heart I don't know what will. A 5 year old boy in Syria has become engaged to a 3 year old girl. I have no idea how or why something like that could be legal in any country, but that doesn't make it any less adorable.

On this day in history: 

1962 - President John F. Kennedy announced an air and naval blockade of Cuba, following the discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island

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