robocop

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

Say what you want about Russell Crowe but the guy has never made a bad movie, that's a fact. So I guess don't say what you want. You can say anything other than he's a bad actor. So the news that he's possibly in the running for the lead role in the upcoming "Robocop" reboot is nothing but good. Especially after yesterday's news that the guy who wrote "Gran Torino" is penning the script. An elder racist gladiator who turns into a robot? This is going to be the greatest movie ever.

If you see one "stranded in Moscow because of a weird alien invasion flick that came out last year on blu-ray or DVD" this year then I suggest you make it "The Darkest Hour" which has officially been confirmed to be hitting selves on April 20th. That was a long sentence huh? You fancy pants fat cats can even get it in 3D with special features that include... well I don't know. The movie is on there though I'm sure. It would have to be, wouldn't it?

"The Devil Inside" mastermind William Brent Bell has officially thrust the name of his next film upon the world. The film will be called "Wer" and will be a found footage flick about a man being held at a police station who turns into a werewolf. Shooting will begin on the project in April and if I was a betting man I'd say it'll be wrapped just in time for Mid-April.

Kevin Bacon has been confirmed for the lead role in the upcoming Kevin Williamson TV series which revolves around a serial killer who makes his own cult of murderers. No word on the title of the series but Bacon will be playing the role of the FBI agent trying to stop the evil doer. This has got me really excited about a whole new batch of clever Bacon puns that I can start using. None of which I can think of but I'm sure they'll be great.

In Real People News: 

I'd see no problem if this happened down in Orlando but a new law being voted on in Virginia that would restructure the school year around the amusement park Kings Dominion's schedule seems ridiculousness. I mean I guess if you have a season pass or something you should be able to skip the first couple weeks of school. But I don't think that needs to be in the law books or anything.

If I had a nickle for every time I read a story about a 74 year old guy accidentally choking to death on his dentures while having sex with a hooker than well I'd have a nickle. The interesting part of this story is that the hooker said they had been having sex for 30 minutes when it happened. A 74 year old man having sex for 30 god damn minutes. She probably choked him to death just to get his wrinkly man bag off of her.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

This past weekend I watched a show on Power Metal and how it's influenced the metal community as a whole. From what I can understand it's influenced people to wear crushed velvet jackets and really tight pants. I can't pull that kind of thing off but I support anyone who can. Since the viewing I've been listening to a lot of Helloween, a band I hadn't enjoyed since I was just a wee lad. For those of you not familiar with the band their German and they sing songs like this. Keep in mind that video is a shortened version of a 13+ minute song. It's exhausting to listening to.

"The Flying Conchords" is a really cool show on HBO but you've probably never heard of it. It's pretty underground. Even if you have seen it you probably don't GET the humor. It's pretty funny though. You probably don't know that Jemaine Clement is one half of the singing duo on the show either but there's word around the coffee bar that he's working on an as yet untitled vampire comedy script these days. Blah blah blah hipster.

If you liked "Gran Torino", and I did in case you're wondering, then you'll find the news that the films writer Nick Schenk has been hired to pen the script for the upcoming "Robocop" remake. I for one look forward to an older and more racist Robocop. Don't worry, he'll also have a heart of gold.

Admit it, you watch "Gossip Girl". Yeah you do you dirty sicko. You love it so much. I honestly have no idea what the show is even about so I'm stretching here to make some sort of stupid comment that makes sense. But it looks like the show's creators Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage are working with the CW on a new series called "Cult" about a girl who joins a blogger on a quest to find out if a group of rabid fans are recreating murders based on a popular TV show. It's kind of like when I had my Rachel bangs in the 90's but people die.

If you've been wondering what "Saw 3D: The Final Chapter" director Kevin Greutert is up to then there's something seriously wrong with you. But I'm here to help people and I'm not going to be a prick. He's working with Lionsgate on a new film titled "Jessabellem" about a girl who returns to her childhood home after she loses the use of her legs only to find a mystery surrounding her birth and an angry ghost haunting her house. Ya know, standard run of the mill girl problems.

In Real People News: 

Two sisters in Wisconsin are under arrest after they forced a man to drink urine and did something called "penis torture". I mean I probably know what penis torture is but I stopped reading the article once I saw the words "twist" and "pull". I don't need to know the details.

Horror Headlines: Monday September 26th, 2011

What could top last weeks new that Raj from "What's Happening" had joined the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem"? How about Jeffrey Daniel Phillips joining the cast? Who's that you might ask? Why just one of the most famous cavemen in history. Ya know, minus the real cavemen. Let's call him the most famous insurance selling caveman of all time. Well next to the other two. There's three of them in those commercials isn't there? Let's just call him a guy. He's a nice guy. God I hate you.

Oh boy oh boy! More set pics from "The Dark Knight Rises" and this time we've got Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Boy she looks comfortable in that suit. If people made a big deal over Michelle Pfeiffer doing flips in her Catwoman outfit back in 1992 I can't wait to see what sort of fuss they make about Hathaway stomping around the set like the Frankenstein monster recovering from hip surgery. Is it hot in here or is it just her?

I've seen a ton of movies that Michael Fassbender has been in but for the life of me I have no idea who the guy is. That aside though if I had one choice for who could play Alex Murphy in the upcoming "Robocop" remake he would be it. Don't ask me why he just would be. And the good news for me is that director Jose Padhilla wants him for the role too. Which I kind of think is weird since I don't know who he is. It's like if Rob Zombie wanted one of the Geico cavemen for one of his movie or something.

And last but not least Charlie Sheen has accepted a role in "Scary Movie 5". I don't know what else to say about that. I'm crying on the inside though.

In Real People News: 

A good friend will save you from a grizzly bear attack. An even better friend will see you're getting attacked by a grizzly bear and shoot you before the bear can kill you. I think that's what the plan was. Either that or bad aiming. Probably the second thing actually.

And what do you do if you want to relax in the nude but don't have a porch? Go to your neighbor's house of course. You'll go to jail for that just so you know. But man you'll be relaxed.

Horror Headlines: Friday March 11th, 2011

All the world has Hobo fever! It's catching on and all the teens are hanging up pictures of homeless people on their walls. So it stands to reason that there would be a "Hobo with a Shotgun" game. More importantly an 8-bit game for your playing pleasure. Because hobos get people in the mood for love making. That in no way fits with what we're talking about.

If you're excited about the "Robocop" remake than there is a 95% chance your name is Joshua Zetumer. How do I know this? Well Joshua Zetumer has been tapped to write the script for the soon to be hated film and from what I can tell this is the first thing he's written. Sounds like this is going to work out swimmingly!

If you're excited for "Insidious" then your name is probably Joshua Zetumer! No idea why, I just assume the guy likes horror movies. Anyway here's a gang load of new clips from the soon to be released film. I hope you enjoy them, Josh. I hope you don't mind me calling you Josh. I feel like we're that close now.

Did you see "Fido"? Me too! Wow we have so much in common. Did you love it? You did!? Alright maybe we don't have that much in common. Anyway the director of said film, Andrew Currie, has been hired by the good people at WWE to direct their new supernatural thriller currently titled "Barricade" which focuses on... honestly I already told you the WWE is making this and if you're really interested in the plot than you've got a lot more problems than I can fix with my sarcastic comments.

In Real People News: 

If you're like me and haven't worked an honest day in your life then there isn't much you can do at a Home Depot. At least that's what I thought until I read this article about this Florida man who's been arrested for wandering the store and taking upskirt videos of women. Alright honestly I feel like he probably could've done this at a Target also and most of those have an ICEE machine so there really is no reason for Home Depot to exist.

Having your wife beat the crap out of you is embarrassing. Unless of course she does it with your fake leg, that's just sad. No punch line here, just sadness.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 2nd, 2011

MGM has tapped Jose Padilha to direct their reboot of the 80's cop turned into a robot classic "Robocop". I've never seen any of the movies this guy has made and this is normally where I would put some sarcastic comment about that fact but I saw his IMDB page and he has caring eyes so I'm going to approve of this.

I don't know a single stereotype about Argentina so this one's going to be short. Here's a bunch of pics and a trailer for the new hand held feature to come out of the country(?) titled "Incidente". According to the description the movie isn't filled with zombies but rather "demons who use the humans like clothes". I assume this is a play on the saying "wear your ass like a hat". Could be wrong thoguh.

A new "Scream 4" poster is out and call me a giant prick but I actually like it. Of course it's done by Olly Moss and I actually know who that is so it might just be the buzz I have from feeling somewhat smart. Want me to do your taxes?!

A trailer for the new kids lost in the sticks slasher flick titled "Madison County" has hit the tubes and it looks grimy, son. Like girls covered in dirt running around a gravel road grimy. It makes me feel like I need a shower. Oh and there's a guy with a pig's head killing people. But man that gravel has got to be hard on the tootsies.

In Real People News: 

Let the Taco Bell jokes begin. Over 60 pounds of iguana meat was seized by customs officers recently that was apparently going to be used for tamales. According to the officers the amount of meat lead them to believe this wasn't going to be used for personal use but rather sold. Meaning somewhere near the border there is a large demand for iguana tamales. Someone want to fess up here?

A group of 9 sixth graders have been suspended from a Tacoma public school after they were suspected of partaking in a "fight club". The first rule of fight club is of course "you don't talk about fight club". The second rule though has been updated to read "Tuesday night is piano lessons so there's no fight club". The third rule? "Susy Gorman gives out BJ's in the guys locker room during free period", everyone knows that.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday July 28th, 2010

If you've been dying to find out more about John Carpenter's next flick, you're in luck! The doors are now open to the official website for "The Ward".

Paramount is wanting to jump in on the encroaching alien bandwagon coming for 2011 as Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes snatches up the rights to an untitled alien thriller from Bobby Glickert. Little is known about the project at this time other than they claim it is a cross between "Cloverfield" and "Paranormal Activity".

Darren Aronofsky's proposed "Robocop" remake appears to be the first project to be thrown out as MGM prepares for impending doom with their $3.7 billion debt.

In an odd twist, moody singer Nick Cave has been brought in to pen a remake of "The Crow". At least cave has a firm grasp on that whole 'dark and brooding' atmosphere that "The Crow" loves so much.

In Real People News: 

U.S. troops are happy to share their knowledge and training with their counterparts on the Afghani Police Force, except for the issues with the Afghani Policemen getting stoned while out on patrol.

A University of Minnesota Dr. has cured a woman's intestinal bacteria and diarrhea problems by transplanting her husbands feces into her colon. The term 'fudge packing' has officially been retitled 'fecal transplantation'.

On this day in history: 

1945 - A US Army B-25 bomber crashes into the Empire State Building between the 78th and 79th floors. An engine plunges down an elevator shaft, sparking a fire in the basement. Eleven people in the building are killed, in addition to the three man bomber crew.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 16th, 2009

The people behind "Orphan" are finally kicking the promotion train into gear, with a slew of new pics today. Seriously? A week away from release? The studio's lack of enthusiasm should tell you all you need to know about this one.

Darron Aranofsky's commitment to his thriller "Black Swan" may be pulling him away from the "Robocop" remake. That would make sense, since Natalie Portman is set to star in "Black Swan", and she's one of the hottest and most talented women alive. On the other hand, you can't even carress Robocop... he's all sharp edges and joints that pinch you if you're not careful. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Here's a picture of Anne Hathaway holding a rat in a still for Tim Burton's "Alice". So ya, that happened.

Kate Bosworth lands female lead in "Straw Dogs" remake. She'll star alongside Alexander Skarsgard and James Marsden, in the remake of the 1971 Sam Peckinpah film starring Dustin Hoffman.

"Trick 'R Treat" DVD and Blu-ray art! I don't even own a Blu-ray player, but I might get a copy just for that cover.

In Real People News: 

Getting caught... "greeting yourself" ... is embarrassing enough (so I hear anyway). But what makes it worse? being caught by your woman and having her stab you for it. Jeeze... just trying to let off a little steam over here!

We could all learn a lesson from these gay penguins. Oh, one of them went back to the other side when he had the chance? Nevermind, turns out it's just lessonless story about gay penguins. Still...

This guy spent a lot of money on surgery so that he could "look like the devil". Somehow that turned into a vampire with two huge zits on his forehead. Might want to ask for your money back, dude.

On this day in history: 

1917: The Bolsheviks execute the Czar, Czarina, and their children at the culmination of the Communist revolution.

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