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Horror Headlines: Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

This past weekend I watched a show on Power Metal and how it's influenced the metal community as a whole. From what I can understand it's influenced people to wear crushed velvet jackets and really tight pants. I can't pull that kind of thing off but I support anyone who can. Since the viewing I've been listening to a lot of Helloween, a band I hadn't enjoyed since I was just a wee lad. For those of you not familiar with the band their German and they sing songs like this. Keep in mind that video is a shortened version of a 13+ minute song. It's exhausting to listening to.

"The Flying Conchords" is a really cool show on HBO but you've probably never heard of it. It's pretty underground. Even if you have seen it you probably don't GET the humor. It's pretty funny though. You probably don't know that Jemaine Clement is one half of the singing duo on the show either but there's word around the coffee bar that he's working on an as yet untitled vampire comedy script these days. Blah blah blah hipster.

If you liked "Gran Torino", and I did in case you're wondering, then you'll find the news that the films writer Nick Schenk has been hired to pen the script for the upcoming "Robocop" remake. I for one look forward to an older and more racist Robocop. Don't worry, he'll also have a heart of gold.

Admit it, you watch "Gossip Girl". Yeah you do you dirty sicko. You love it so much. I honestly have no idea what the show is even about so I'm stretching here to make some sort of stupid comment that makes sense. But it looks like the show's creators Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage are working with the CW on a new series called "Cult" about a girl who joins a blogger on a quest to find out if a group of rabid fans are recreating murders based on a popular TV show. It's kind of like when I had my Rachel bangs in the 90's but people die.

If you've been wondering what "Saw 3D: The Final Chapter" director Kevin Greutert is up to then there's something seriously wrong with you. But I'm here to help people and I'm not going to be a prick. He's working with Lionsgate on a new film titled "Jessabellem" about a girl who returns to her childhood home after she loses the use of her legs only to find a mystery surrounding her birth and an angry ghost haunting her house. Ya know, standard run of the mill girl problems.

In Real People News: 

Two sisters in Wisconsin are under arrest after they forced a man to drink urine and did something called "penis torture". I mean I probably know what penis torture is but I stopped reading the article once I saw the words "twist" and "pull". I don't need to know the details.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday February 15th, 2011

I'm happy to be able to bring you all this important news today because I know how long you've all been waiting for this announcement; Fox Home Entertainment is making Wrong Turn 4. They're making a drastic turn in plot this time as we follow a group of snowboarders who get lost in blizzard and make a 'wrong turn'. Riveting, I can't wait!

Jason Mewes is making a name for himself in low budget horror, this time facing off against sea men. Oh wait, that's "The Watermen". Leading a bunch of friends on a million dollar dream boat for some deep sea fishing seems out of character for Mewes. His character name "Trailor" seems pretty fitting though.

John Landis spills the beans on an upcoming book he's working on with DK Publishing called "Monsters in the Movies". "It’s not about horror films, but it is about monsters in the movies so that means horror films, science fiction films, fantasy films—any film with a monster."

There's more zombies coming to your TV! The CW feels the need to jump on to the bandwagon with a pilot for "Awakening". The story centers on two combative sisters who come of age amid the beginning of a zombie uprising, so it should have loads of customary CW sassy-ness and a faboo fashion sense!

In Real People News: 

Since it's award season, I figured I would throw out one of my own to be festive. Therefore, the winner for most creative way to get out of paying for a pizza goes to; this New Orleans man who threw a cup of bleach into the delivery man's eyes, temporarily blinded him, and snatched his pizza! Your move, pizza guy!

These Miami pot growers were doing good keeping their operation under wraps. Then their grow lights overloaded the power in the house, causing an explosion that blew the roof off the building exposing their crop to God and everybody.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 3rd, 2010

Do you need some more Patrick Batman in your life? Well then, you're in luck. It appears that "American Psycho" is becoming a musical. Let's hope there's ample time for Bateman's snappy impression of "Huey Lewis and the News".

There's more teen oriented horror coming to The CW, this time in a new show entitled Betwixt. They've done monster hunters and other various supernatural things, this time we're facing changeling's charged with saving humanity! I feel safer already.

On February 16th, you'll be able to take your horror with you on the crapper. South Peak games will be releasing "Dementium II", a survival horror FPS for the Nintendo DS. At least in this format when it scares the shit out of you, you'll already be in position.

Vampires are the hot commodity right now and as such, we may soon be seeing the return of Dracula himself. Producers are readying "The Last Voyage of the Demeter", a prequel story centered on the count and his voyage over seas to England.

In Real People News: 

A 15 year old girl with no vagina delivers a healthy baby boy leading locals to speculate an immaculate conception. Before the thoughts of the second coming or pregnancy from oral sex sets in, be sure to read about the girl's abdominal stab wounds and her resulting treatment.

The Netherlands have passed new legislation ruling that sex with animals as well as bestiality pornography is now illegal. Disturbing fact #1: bestiality was legal in the Netherlands up until now as long as it could be proven that the animal was not injured. Disturbing fact #2: bestiality is so rampant that they had to pass legislation to prevent it.

On this day in history: 

1959 - The Day the Music Died: A small plane carrying The Big Bopper (J.P. Richardson), Buddy Holly, and Richie Valens crashes near Mason City, Iowa

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