Charlize Theron

Horror Headlines: Friday September 6th, 2013

Two days in a row. I'm taking the rest of the month off.

Ah right, there's a "Terminator" reboot in the works. It was really only a matter of time, but now that "Game Of Thrones" director Alan Taylor is being tossed around as a possible director I'm somewhat interested. And by interested I mean I assume I'll like the movie for 20 minutes and then be completely confused about what the hell is going on and who all these people are. When the hell is winter going to actually come!?

The big screen adaptation of "Dark Places" has added Drea de Matteo, of "Sopranos" fame, to its ever growing cast list. Based on the book by the same name, the film tells the story of a woman who's forced to revisit the events of her families murder when she was 7 and the brother who she testified against as the murderer. Charlize Theron and Christina Hendricks are also in the movie... Boobs.

All child actors are frightening, creepy and should be locked in cages like zoo animals. But i understand they are a necessity in some films. Like the "Poltergeist" remake, which has just cast Kyle Catlett of "The Following's", in one of its little people roles. They should have handlers like animals and be cleaned with hoses. Just saying.

Universal has picked up Lee Shipman and Brian McGreevy to pen the script to another remake of H.G. Wells' "The Island Of Dr. Moreau". Why the hell not huh?

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a Georgia based animal shelter that for 100$ promised to find new homes for dogs whose owners could no longer take care of them but instead just went ahead and killed them. Wait no, that's not heartwarming at all.

An Oregon woman is all bent out of shape after she found a mouse bone in her box of cereal. I'll be honest I always assume people in Oregon just chewed on bones and drank dip spit for breakfast.

Episode 211 - "Prometheus"

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Andy joins us to talk about "Prometheus", and we try to see how many different ways there are to say "this movie's awesome, but kinda fucked..."

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Episode 210 - "Snow White & The Huntsman"

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We debate who the sexiest person in this film is, and you might be surprised by the answer (okay, maybe not).

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Snow White and the Huntsman (REVIEW)

“Snow White and the Huntsman” is a Hollywood engineered butterfly crawling from a craggy, slippery, gooey cocoon. Throughout the film I couldn’t help but imagine how incredibly different it would have been had it been made under looser financial and studio concerns. There are just enough weird, gross, and critically minded themes reappearing throughout that it makes the remaining 75% of what we are given that much more frustrating and exhausting. This is particularly evident in the way the film’s main antagonist Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is framed.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Looks like the good folks at Sony have decided to pick up the rights to "Predestination", a new sci-fi flick from The Spierig Brothers. The film is based on Robert A. Heinlein short story "All you Zombies" and focuses on a secret government group that sends people back in time to prevent terrorist attacks. Maybe they can go back and stop the whole Ska thing in the 90's too. Am I right?

Last week Tom Hardy said that "Mad max: Fury Road" wasn't going to be happening any time soon. But today Charlize Theron is saying that the film going into production next week. I don't know who to believe. Both of them are super hot. But in every interview Charlize Theron has annoyed the crap out of me. On the other hand Tom Hardy is a man with a penis. I'm really on the fence here.

Josh Trank made big waves with his "nobody will hug me and now I have super powers" film "Chronicle" so hopes are high now that he's been given the director role on the upcoming film adaptation of the classic video game "Shadow of the Colossus". The game tells the tale of a young chap who sets out to bring his one true love back to life by battling giant creatures who hold the power to revive her. It sounds insane but the game was awesome. Trust me. I'd never lie to you.

Word around the locker room is Mr. Gary Oldman has signed on to play the scientist who creates the great robot cop in the upcoming remake of "Robocop". Are you excited? I am.... I've run out of stupid crap to say.

In Real People News: 

Don't you dare let your kid talk during "Titanic" or this guy in Seattle will lose his shit and knock out their tooth. He'll go to jail after but still, no tooth. All the kids at school will laugh.

I have no idea whether the penis tug is actually a Kung Fu move but even if it is you sure as hell can't teach it or you'll get locked up like this old guy in New York. It can't be can it? What would be the use of something like that?

Horror Headlines: Thursday, December 29th, 2011

The band Phish is playing near my office for the next three nights and I'm not going to lie I'm kind of tempted to go see them. In my hometown during the summer there wasn't much to do so you would pretty much go to any concert at the local outdoor arena. And when I say go I mean you would get to the parking lot 4 hours before the show, drink and smoke till you could barely walk and then hop the fence into the concert. You know what it's like to be the only guy in a sea of hippies wearing a Megadeth t-shirt?

The Cure and Linkin Park park all on one CD!? Tell me their songs are also remixes and I'm going to punch someone in the face from excitement. They are?! I can be speaking only of the "Underworld: Awakening" soundtrack, who's track listing of hot lix has been released. Lacuna Coil and Evanescence too? You shut your god damn mouth.

When I'm looking for the straight dope on a topic I always look to Charlize Theron. She's no nonsense and up until about 2 weeks ago when I heard her speak for the first time I thought she was adorable. So when she says that she thinks "Mad Max: Fury Road" is neither a prequel or a sequel to the much loved post apocalyptic road warrior series, I think I believe her. She also thinks the lead role is still being played by Tom Hardy. She's not positive though. I don't want to sound sexist but she should probably stop talking and just look pretty.

I have no idea what the hell TomCat Films is but they released a trailer for their new film "Panman" and I think I might be smitten. It's a movie about a demon chef who kills people and the best part is he does all this while wearing a pot on his head. It's a hoot. Check out the trailer and dig into the new poster for the film. Get it... dig in... like you would food. I'm awesome.

I'm not going to bother telling you the plot of Syfy's new film "Arachnoquake". I'm just going to tell you it stars Edward Furlong and Tracey Gold. If you've forgotten, Tracey Gold was the nerdy sister on "Growing Pains" who was arrested for driving drunk with her husband and their 3 kids in the car. Edward Furlong, well he was in the "Night Of the Demons" remake recently and was once arrested twice in the same day for driving without a license and being drunk behind the wheel. What I'm saying is this is going to be the greatest wrap party ever.

In Real People News: 

Big brother is watching my friends. And he's also tweeting and posting on facebook while he's at it. According to a recent report it appears that there's a gaggle of Homeland Security agents who spend their days making fake twitter and facebook accounts to follow suspected criminals. What's better is they've also discovered some of the hot words and phrases that will trigger your account to be followed. Strangely enough "I'm going to blow up the nearest landmark" is not on the list.

It's just about lunch time, right? Here's a story about a teenage girl who's been arrested after putting human feces in cake frosting and serving it to her fellow classmates. Eat up.

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 22nd, 2011

Charlize Theron has signed on to play an investigator trying to solve a case involving a brutal murder where things might not be as they seem in a new thriller titled "Cities of Refuge". She's also signed on to look fabulous at this year's Oscars! There's really not much else in the way of details on this one so I'm kind of stretching.

Well here's something I never thought I'd type. Raj from "What's Happening" will be in the next Rob Zombie flick!! That's right one Mr. Ernest Thomas, better known as not Rerun has signed on to play the station director of a local rock station in the upcoming witch revenge romp "Lords of Salem". If Zombie can get J.J. Walker then this movie might have some potential.

There's a crap load of horror shows in the works right now and it looks like ABC is looking to create a new drama series based on the book "666 Park Avenue". The show, like the book, will revolve around a couple that move to NYC from the midwest and become managers of a building where the residents have all made deals with the devil. You'd need to make a deal with the devil to find something affordable on the upper east side! Am I right folks? Rent is too damn high.

I'm pretty excited for the US to get its hands on "Haunted Poland", a new Polish flick (seriously!) about a girl who travels back to her home town and encounters evil thanks to a Ouija board, because I'm 99% sure I've met a few of the actresses in the film. And by met I mean thrown 20's at during a bachelor party while they did things I'm positive are illegal in their homelands. Anyway there's a new trailer and poster out for the film that was apparently made for only a thousand dollars. In fairness though a thousand dollars in Poland is pretty much enough to be president, or king or whatever the hell they worship over there. It's cool, I'm Polish so I can mock my people.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned about kids it's they will not be ignored. My little bundle of joy will scream like there's no tomorrow if she loses her pacifier. But I guess I should consider myself lucky because here's a Georgia woman who's offspring fired a shotgun through the roof of her van while she was purchasing some drugs. Of course I always find a sitter when I go out for a big score, but that's just me.

I can sum up this one in three words. Decapitation, nipples and hammer. Good luck!

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 6th, 2010

There's a new trailer for "Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night", the international sequel to the 2007 hit. The film revolves around an exchange student who accidentally brings back a demon to her house in Tokyo. Like bed bugs that will make you murder people.

Idris Elba, who I only remember as being the dick boss on "The Office" apparently would like a chance to play Blade in a franchise reboot. I wish I was rich so I could just say I'd like to do things and then they'd happen. I'd like a chance to live in a house made out of gum drops and strippers. Make it happen, Hollywood, I'm on a podcast!

Charlize Theron is reported to be on board to play a one armed women in the upcoming reboot "Mad Max: Fury Road". This is both hot and gross at the same time. But it would be a lot grosser if it was called "Furry Road", because those animal 'effers are a bunch of sickos.

In Real People News: 

Who hasn't this happened to? You go out for some drinks, you have way to much and then you wake up in the morning with a bag of pot and cocaine shoved up your ass. Apparently you can now go to jail for that. Thanks for nothing, Uncle Sam!

On this day in history: 

1945 – Baseball: Billy Sianis and his pet billy goat are ejected from Wrigley Field during Game 4 of the 1945 World Series

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