Christina Hendricks

Horror Headlines: Friday September 6th, 2013

Two days in a row. I'm taking the rest of the month off.

Ah right, there's a "Terminator" reboot in the works. It was really only a matter of time, but now that "Game Of Thrones" director Alan Taylor is being tossed around as a possible director I'm somewhat interested. And by interested I mean I assume I'll like the movie for 20 minutes and then be completely confused about what the hell is going on and who all these people are. When the hell is winter going to actually come!?

The big screen adaptation of "Dark Places" has added Drea de Matteo, of "Sopranos" fame, to its ever growing cast list. Based on the book by the same name, the film tells the story of a woman who's forced to revisit the events of her families murder when she was 7 and the brother who she testified against as the murderer. Charlize Theron and Christina Hendricks are also in the movie... Boobs.

All child actors are frightening, creepy and should be locked in cages like zoo animals. But i understand they are a necessity in some films. Like the "Poltergeist" remake, which has just cast Kyle Catlett of "The Following's", in one of its little people roles. They should have handlers like animals and be cleaned with hoses. Just saying.

Universal has picked up Lee Shipman and Brian McGreevy to pen the script to another remake of H.G. Wells' "The Island Of Dr. Moreau". Why the hell not huh?

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a Georgia based animal shelter that for 100$ promised to find new homes for dogs whose owners could no longer take care of them but instead just went ahead and killed them. Wait no, that's not heartwarming at all.

An Oregon woman is all bent out of shape after she found a mouse bone in her box of cereal. I'll be honest I always assume people in Oregon just chewed on bones and drank dip spit for breakfast.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 18th, 2013

Rob Zombie has gone on record that he's done with horror movies for the time being. It's on the internet, it's true. But hey that doesn't mean that he can't go around making spooky houses for us all to enjoy during Halloween time. The Great American Nightmare will take place during the month of October in LA and feature a state of the art haunted attraction along with different bands playing during the month. Want to really frighten folks? Tell em you're going to make them watch "The Devil Rejects" directors cut all night. Get it? Cause that movie is awful.

John Hurt has just been added to the cast of FX's adaptation of Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampires taking over the world novel "The Strain". Hurt will play a pawn shop owner who has been hunting vampires since World War II. Sounds like he's really going to put a... HURT on those vampires huh? Man I'm good.

Oh right, Ryan Gosling is directing a travel to the underworld type flick called "How To Catch a Monster" because he thinks all the ladies out there give a crap about his art and don't just want to catch him strut around with his god damn perfect smile. Or maybe he already knows and doesn't care. In any case he's cast Iain DeCaestecker in the lead role of the project. Iain joins an already large cast that includes both Christina Hendricks and Eva Mendes. Two woman I pray never make the mistake that I care about their art.

Want to pay 50 bucks and see "World War Z" on June 19th, a few days before the film gets a wide release? No me either, and I thought the general consensus is no one wants to see the movie for any price, but I guess that doesn't matter to Regal Entertainment and the folks over at Paramount because they're offering folks a chance to do just that in selected cities. I don't know who the hell would possibly do that but if you're thinking about it please shoot me an email first because I'll read you the book over the phone for only 40 bucks.

In Real People News: 

A Florida man stabbed his brother after an argument over some mac and cheese. Florida.

I think this kind of crap only happened in the 20's but a Florida woman is under arrested after she threw acid in the face of her boyfriend after she showed up to his house drunk and refused to leave. Didn't that do that in the 20's? Seems like something they'd do. "Gangster Squad" was a bad movie.

Horror Headlines: Monday May 13th, 2013

Red Sea Media has made the smart move of picking up the distribution right to "Squirrels", a new film about a small town being terrorized by the fuzzy little nut munchers. Produced by the same folks that brought you "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" there's no word on a cast yet but I think if Tiffany is free she's a sure fire lock to play the leading lady. Keep your fingers crossed.

Mother of god. Warner Bros has picked up the rights to Ryan Gosling's directorial debut titled "How To Catch a Monster". Need more? Christina Hendricks has signed on as the leading lady for the film about a mother whose son discovers a secret road leading to the underworld. I swear to god my keyboard just burst into flames from all this sex.

Salma Hayek is confirmed to be starring in "Everly", a new film from the one and only Joe Lynch. The film is about a woman who must fight her way through a horde of assassins sent by her mob boss ex. What's the interesting point here is that the entire film will be shot in one room which now that I think of it makes me think this entire thing was just one big creepy way for Joe Lynch to be able to lock himself in a room with Selma Hayek for a month.

Joe Dante is teaming up with Simon Pegg for a big screen adaptation of "Casting the Runes" by M.R. James. The story follows a blogger who's investigating the suicide of a celebrity and the self help guru connected to the death. The story was originally written close to 100 years ago which is amazing because they didn't even have the internet back then so how the hell would anyone know what a blogger is? This James guy must have had ESPN or some crap.

In Real People News: 

A 31 year old sex ed teacher in Texas is accused of having sex with two 13 year old students. Seems kind of obvious really.

A Phoenix woman is under arrest after she killed a man by running him over with her car and then called 911 to report the damage. Yes she was drunk and yes her mug shot is amazing.

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