Eva Mendes

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 18th, 2013

Rob Zombie has gone on record that he's done with horror movies for the time being. It's on the internet, it's true. But hey that doesn't mean that he can't go around making spooky houses for us all to enjoy during Halloween time. The Great American Nightmare will take place during the month of October in LA and feature a state of the art haunted attraction along with different bands playing during the month. Want to really frighten folks? Tell em you're going to make them watch "The Devil Rejects" directors cut all night. Get it? Cause that movie is awful.

John Hurt has just been added to the cast of FX's adaptation of Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan's vampires taking over the world novel "The Strain". Hurt will play a pawn shop owner who has been hunting vampires since World War II. Sounds like he's really going to put a... HURT on those vampires huh? Man I'm good.

Oh right, Ryan Gosling is directing a travel to the underworld type flick called "How To Catch a Monster" because he thinks all the ladies out there give a crap about his art and don't just want to catch him strut around with his god damn perfect smile. Or maybe he already knows and doesn't care. In any case he's cast Iain DeCaestecker in the lead role of the project. Iain joins an already large cast that includes both Christina Hendricks and Eva Mendes. Two woman I pray never make the mistake that I care about their art.

Want to pay 50 bucks and see "World War Z" on June 19th, a few days before the film gets a wide release? No me either, and I thought the general consensus is no one wants to see the movie for any price, but I guess that doesn't matter to Regal Entertainment and the folks over at Paramount because they're offering folks a chance to do just that in selected cities. I don't know who the hell would possibly do that but if you're thinking about it please shoot me an email first because I'll read you the book over the phone for only 40 bucks.

In Real People News: 

A Florida man stabbed his brother after an argument over some mac and cheese. Florida.

I think this kind of crap only happened in the 20's but a Florida woman is under arrested after she threw acid in the face of her boyfriend after she showed up to his house drunk and refused to leave. Didn't that do that in the 20's? Seems like something they'd do. "Gangster Squad" was a bad movie.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 23rd, 2011

Kate Bosworth, Diane Kruger, Eva Mendes and Paula Patton are all reading for parts in the upcoming remake of "Total Recall". It's like some sort of weird twisted version of "m/f/k" (Google it) except there's an extra. Let's make the fourth "take a nice afternoon stroll". Feel free to post your picks in the comments.

Tiffany Shepis as a stem cell researcher? Sure what the hell. The movie is called "The Frankenstein Syndrome" and will go directly to DVD, shocking, on July 5th for your viewing pleasure. To celebrate this wonderful announcement there's also a new trailer for your peepers to enjoy of the science gone terribly wrong flick. I have confidence in Shepis and her medical skills though. Everything should turn out fine.

Ian McShane could come to my house, make a number 2 on my kitchen table, pee in my ice box, and I'd still high five him. Because he was on "Deadwood" and called more people c-suckers then I'll meet in my lifetime. And now Ian has been added to the cast of "Jack the Giant Killer", a horror take on the classic kids story. I'm speaking of course about "Green Eggs and Ham".

For those of you who have been patiently awaiting the big screen version of "World War Z" I'm about to toss some sand in your underthings. Word around campus is the when and if the film actually gets made it'll carry a PG-13. Of course if you're 11 this might be great news. But now that I think of it, if you're 11 please don't Google the m/f/k thing. No one should learn the birds and the bees from a guy like me.

In Real People News: 

Old people, they so crazy. Here's a 92 year old woman in Florida who demanded a kiss form her 52 year old neighbor and wouldn't leave his house until she got one. So she left, went home and got a gun, and shot twice into his house. Adorable.

I'm not lawyer but if you asked me for a list of things not to bring to your DWI hearing, a beer would be in the top 5 for sure. But I do appreciate the balls of this New York man who did that. Of course if you're hammered you're probably going to get caught anyway so why not avoid all the questioning and just put it right out there.

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