Opening this weekend is the bizarrely titled but conceptually interesting "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". His notoriety instantaneously makes the 16th President of the United States the most famous vampire slayer amongst his peers. Though it remains to be seen whether or not the film itself can live up to some of the other impressive slayers, killers and purifiers in the realm of cinema vampire lore. So in case Mr. Lincoln doesn't satisfy your bloodlust, here are 9 Essential Vampire Hunter Films.
The chances that there's a "Gremlins 3" in the works are slim to none but it looks like the good people at Universal have registered the domain www.gremlins3.com. That could just mean that they don't want some hot shot fan boy getting the domain and putting up some nude photos of Gizmo riding a horse bareback. But who knows. Does anyone know if scarface2.com and thegodfather4.com are available?
I'm going to address this next news item to the one person I know who is actually excited about "Underworld: Awakening". Hey, Eric! There's a new trailer for "Underworld: Awakening". It looks like some sort of crappy hand held rip from "[REC]" or whatever that US version of "[REC]" was called. Man I don't know why you're so excited about this. I get it, Kate Beckinsale is in a pleather unitard, or whatever, but come on man. Is it weird that I'm addressing you directly and you're the same Eric from the podcast and the same person who proofs this news? Creepy huh? What are you wearing?
If you're still trying to squeeze your fat ass into your "Angel" size medium t-shirt then I have some bad news for you. The much discussed and long delayed "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reboot has officially lost its writer, Whit Anderson. It also looks like the creators are going back to the drawing board throwing out some standard "it has to be done" type comments that pretty much mean "we really don't want to do it so we're going to make up some excuses about it not feeling right and then go back to napping on the giant pile of cash we already have.". That's just my guess though.
You'll get no sarcasm from me here folks because I just wet myself after reading the news that a "Jaws" Blu-Ray release is finally coming. Granted it's not hitting till the summer of 2012 and yes that's confusing because it's probably just going to include the same features I've watched a thousand times but still. It's going to be so crystal clear you'll feel like you're in the water with the shark. Not that you'd want to be... it kills people, remember.
If you're a fan of Platinum Dunes remakes then prepare to get pumped! The gang expects to have a script ready for a remake of the childhood classic "Monster Squad" sometime this week. For those of you who aren't fans though I'd like to invite you over to my apartment for a delightful buffet style lunch this afternoon.
Chan-wook Park's first English language film "Stoker" now has a leading lady with Mia Wasikowska landing the role of a girl who has to deal with a strange uncle who shows up after her fathers passing. Unfortunately Wasikowska hasn't really appeared in any really ridiculous films so I'm drawing a blank on sarcastic comments. Sorry folks.
NBC has picked up the pilot for "Grimm", a cop drama that takes place in a world where characters based on the Brothers Grimm's stories are real. The show will be produced by some of the same folks that brought you "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" which I will not hold against it because it actually sounds like a cool idea.
How have we gone this long without another Gingerdead Man movie? Hell if I know but after seeing the trailer for "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver", yes it's got a disco theme, I feel like a giant hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there has been filled. That and I feel kind of gassy, but mostly the hole filled thing.
In Real People News:
Hanging out at parks to watch women run because you like to see things "jiggle" is creepy yes but not illegal, yet. What is illegal though is going one step further and pretending to trip so you can shove your face in woman's asses. Honestly this is a complete surprise and you'll never prove I... I mean he didn't really trip.
I had all these fun sarcastic things to say about the new trailer for "Black Death" but I just don't have it in me. This red band sucker has witches, people getting poked with spikes and all around Medieval nastiness. Unfortunately now I just feel like I need a shower and I'd like to take a nap.
All kinds of hot pics have hit the tubes from the soon to be classic "Dead Race 2". Yes it's direct to DVD and no there's no Jason Statham but hey they still have cars in the movie with machine guns and stuff. That's still something, right?
Two new posters for Kevin Smith's "Red State" have been released and about as fun as shooting a toothless hog outside of a trailer hitch. Or at least that's what I assume the people in those posters would say. maybe something about vittles. Point being they look like they're a product of inbreeding. Get it?
In case you've been up all night wondering if Heather Morris from "Glee" is actually being considered for the role of Buffy in the upcoming re-make/re-boot/re-whogivesashit then I'm happy to report you can finally sleep. She is being considered. Happy now?
In Real People News:
Here's a story about a dog in Germany who gave birth to 17 puppies! I have no idea if this is uncommon but I assume that if people write about it then it's weird. I can't imagine they would write stories about a dog who gives birth to one extra puppy or something.
And just in time for the holidays here's a story about a Yacht Club bar in Rhode Island that was robbed by a guy dressed up as Santa. This all sounds very classy and sad at the same time.
Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy are rumored to be up for the roles of Elizabeth and Darcy in the upcoming big screen version of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I have no idea who those characters are so I couldn't tell you if this is a good idea or not. I also can't remember who James McAvoy is but I do enjoy the work of that girl from "The Princess Diaries".
Guillermo del Toro apparently has 30 different movies in production and now he's got a video game. The game is called "inSANE" and there's a teaser on the nets even though the game doesn't come out until 2013. There's no game footage, no hint about what the game is and really no info whatsoever but hey, Guillermo del Toro, right? Right.
I am not the least bit ashamed to admit I watch "Glee" and by far my favorite character on the show is Brittney played by Heather Morris. Well, Morris is now rumored to be the front runner for the upcoming "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" reboot which means I may actually want to see it. Of course that's only if she plays a cheerleader with a pretty hefty learning disability. I think that's what the original Buffy was about anyway though, right?
If you're going to call your movie "Roid Rage" you should probably have some high school football players who go nuts and start murdering everyone. But the trailer for the film shows none of that, not even a Barry bonds reference. I'm starting to think the movie doesn't even have steroids in it. All of this would be shameful if it wasn't for the great one liner at the 54 second mark. I don't want to spoil it for you.
In Real People News:
Police intercepted a number of packages wrapped as Christmas gifts on their way to New Haven Connecticut because they contained over 110 pounds of marijuana. Is it still illegal if Santa sends it? I feel like this should be the time of year where they let this kind of thing slide.
Honestly if you're going to run an article about a man who got arrested for driving drunk while watching porn you should probably put his name in the first sentence. It wasn't until the third line that I was convinced this wasn't about me. Even if it was in Indiana I still think it could have been.
I don't want to get your hopes up but I think Heath Ledger may be alive. Or at least it looks like he may make an appearance in the next Batman film via unreleased footage from the last movie. But let's go with Zombie Ledger, it sounds cooler. What, too soon?
All the world has Monica Keena fever right now. I mean did you see "Night of the Demons"? Action! And now she's been cast as a cult member in "Manson Girls" along with Laura Harring, Patti D'Arbanville, Estella Warren and Stella Maeve. Who's excited now? I don't even know what it's like to not be sarcastic anymore. Please help me.
Why the hell are people still talking to Joss Whedon about the freakin' "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" remake? I don't know folks but apparently now he is saying that he was offered to be a part of the film and passed. I can't wait to see what comes out next week so I can put it in the news and complain about it.
Here's the cast and a promo video for the new Syfy series "Being Human" which is the first thing I've seen on that channel that didn't feature a giant something or other. Unless you count Sam Huntington's forehead. I mean am I right? Anyway the show is about a ghost, a vampire, and a werewolf all living together and trying to cope. With sexy results!
In Real People News:
Finally someone is honest about why they jump down to save people who fall on the subway tracks! A NY man admits to leaping down to save a man who passed out because he knew that if the guy got hit it would delay the trains for hours and he wouldn't make it to work on Sunday, which is time and a half.
Wait seriously, this worked? A man in Missouri has been acquitted of a DWI charge after he claimed to have gotten drunk to keep warm after his car lost control on an icy road. This is actually the same reason I need to get hammered to make the ten minute walk from my bus stop to my house. I could freeze to death without the sweet sweet warmth of booze.
Warner Bros. has confirmed they will be in fact moving forward with a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reboot and one Mr. Joss Whedon will have absolutely nothing to do with it. I have to say once I googled Joss Whedon and found out he's the guy that made the Buffy show I never watched I was enraged! Wait no, neutral, I was neutral... sorry.
Do you have "Black Swan" fever? Me too! Here's a new music video for the film that highlights the fact that it's a movie about ballet and that I'm pretty sure no one has a freakin clue what the hell this film is about. Swans, I assume something to do with swans.
"Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale" is Finnish and is about an evil Santa Clause so in turn it is frightening as hell. Nothing could be more frightening than a bunch of angry people screaming in whatever language they speak in Finland while Santa slaughters everyone. To prove this point there's some new photos for your to crap your pants over.
Finally here is the news you've all been waiting for, "Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor" is complete and there's a new poster for the film. Spoiler alert though, Joss Whedon has absolutely nothing to do with this film. This guy can't catch a break. Well best of luck Jossy, hope things turn around for you.
In Real People News:
If you watched that episode of "Hoarders" where they removed over 1,000 rats from that house and thought, "aww I sure would like one of those", you're in luck. Apparently each and every one of those disgusting disease carrying rodents is up for adoption. Come on you animal loving freaks, step up to the plate.
Dreading Thanksgiving because you know your fat ass can't stop eating and your pants are going to split? Good news! Someone invented "Gluttony Pants" that can expand to make room for your extra lard. So go nuts you slob.
Joss Whedon was offered and turned down a chance to work on the "new" "Buffy the Vampire" slayer film which is in development, which is reportedly a remake of the original film. Apparently producers were a little surprised at the level of negative buzz their announcement created amongst Buffy fans (really?), and so they tried to get Whedon in on the action. He wasn't biting, and so presumably they'll be going ahead with development as planned.
"Dead Bones" is a short Horror/Western that you can watch in its entirety at the link. It has gotten good buzz so far, and also stars Ken Foree, who is so fun to watch on screen he actually makes about :30 seconds of the "Halloween" remake watchable. So, your move, partner.
Via his Myspace, Richard Kelly confirms that there will be a panel for his upcoming film "The Box" at the next Comic-Con. He adds, cryptically, "More news on The Box and Darko projects soon". Darko projects? Is it possible he'll be erasing the horrible taste left in my mouth from "S. Darko"? Stay tuned to find out.
It's been a long holiday weekend and as such, it's time to play catch up! Due to a faulty alarm clock, I'm sitting in for Eric once again on the news desk!
"Buffy" fans, it's time to arm your keyboards and get ready to hit the message boards. The folks at Vertigo entertainment are getting ready to relaunch "Buffy" once again. The folks at Vertigo are teaming up with the original movie direct Fran and Kaz Kazui to throw together this big screen take. The promise is a relaunch and not a sequel or a prequel. Can the fandom handle a non Whedon buffy with yet another perky blonde stepping into the slayer's shoes?
Not a day has gone by where I haven't wrestled with the question of who was the better Buffy. While Kristy Swanson played the lead in the original “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” movie, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Sarah Michelle Gellar. And just to make this clear I have never been a fan of either the TV show or the Movie but I will always stop clicking through the channel when either are on. What can I say, I'm not a Buffy fan but I am a giant fan of hot women. While it may not be fare to compare apples to oranges the debate has always been there.