Chan-wook Park

Oldboy (REVIEW)

Of all the horror films to be remade in recent years “Oldboy” is probably the one I would think American studios wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. It’s an incredibly dark, violent, mean-spirited, and shocking film whose finale involves a taboo that American audiences would find revolting. Even though mainstream studios, for whatever reason, are completely stuck in the remake trend, this was an idea that felt so bad I felt compelled to watch just out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Horror Headlines: Friday, April 20th, 2011

It's 4/20, kids! I forgot what I was going to write here.

Well it's official folks. Francis Lawrence, the guy who directed "I Am legend" has been selected by the folks at Lionsgate to direct "Catching Fire", the much anticipated second film in the "The Hunger Games" series. This squashes the rumor that David Cronenberg might be taking on the task. I guess it also kills any dreams I had of directing it too.

Genre supervet David S. Goyer is currently on the hunt for a writer to pen the script of his new supernatural thriller. He's teaming up with David Linde’s Lava Bear for the joint which he hopes to begin rolling on in the near future. At least I assume he hopes. Honestly there's not much info here and I'm just trying to keep you interested. Want me to show you some cleavage?

I have never seen Chan-wook Park's "Old Boy". I'm sorry. I've also never heard of the 2005 French film "The Ax". So I can't even begin to explain how excited I am not that Chan-wook Park is doing a remake of "The Ax". The film is about a young chap who's out of work and decided to do away with his competition. Sounds like a real, cut up... haha get it!? Cause of the ax reference. Man I'm on today.

Good news hot pockets. Both Mickey Rourke and Rosario Dawson will reprise their roles in the upcoming "Sin City" sequel currently titled "Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For". If I remember right Rosario Dawson had a small role as a hooker right? Who lived in Hooker Town? I wonder what she's been up to this whole time. I hope she's the mayor of Hooker Town. She's earned it.

In Real People News: 

A Delaware man is in hot water after being arrested for dropping a deuce on people's lawns for close to a year now. I have no idea why it took people a year to catch the guy. Isn't Delaware about the size of 3 square city blocks? There's about 14 people living there. What the hell is wrong with these people?

And here's a story about a veterinary student who's in trouble for having sex with a horse. As if there's any other reason people go to veterinary school.

Horror Headlines: Thursday August 11th, 2011

Dermot Mulroney, of Dermot Mulroney fame, is the latest name to be attached to Chan-wook Park's new English language film "Stoker". The movie focuses on a young girl who is mourning the loss of her father and has to deal with a mysterious uncle. Mulroney will play the father. So he may only be in the movie for 10 minutes. Enjoy him while you can.

"The Darkest Hour" is a new film which follows 5 students trapped in Russia during an alien invasion, with sexy results. Alright I don't know about the sexy results part but I do know it's release date has already been pushed. Now before you go getting all worried I should point out that it's only been pushed two days to December 25th, presumably so it doesn't have to face off against "The Adventures of Tintin". So if it sucks they're not messing with Jesus's birthday. Bold move, Hollywood.

Watching porn online is nice and all but there's something really classy about putting in a DVD and watching it on a TV in all it's glory. I assume the same can be said about the web series "Mortal Kombat Legacy" as it will be coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on November 9th. Both versions are full of extra goodness and if you order it online you'll only have to put your pants on when you go get the mail. Or don't. I don't know what kind of agreement you have with your neighbors.

Ridley Scott and his brother Tony have both been confirmed by Activision to be creating exclusive content for their new online juggernaut "Call of Duty: Elite". Details of what they'll be coming up with aren't available yet but if I was a betting man I'd say some sort of storyline. I can't see either of them sitting down and coding or anything. But then again I don't know what kind of hobbies they have. I don't like to assume.

In Real People News: 

If you're a women and you want to record yourself having sex with six men then by the power invested in me you deserve to do that. But when you start forcing your 6 year old daughter to hold the camera that's when you get on the express train to hell. You're telling me you found 6 guys to be on camera and you couldn't find one more to play director? Just sounds like laziness to me.

And here's a story about a man who accidentally shot his penis off with his girlfriend's pink gun. Because losing your junk isn't embarrassing enough, you need to do it with a pink pea shooter.

Horror Headlines: Thursday July 7th, 2011

Alexandra Daddario has been in a bunch of movies I've never seen and has devil eyes. That's a fact. And now she's been cast as the female lead in the next chapter in the book of Leatherface currently titled "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D". Set to be released next year on October 5th. Teen heartthrob Bill Moseley has already been confirmed for the flick and I assume having his hot ass on the cast list is what sealed the deal for Daddario. I smell an on-set romance in the works.

Speaking of the Mose-one (I don't know what that means either) it looks like Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook and Ashley Laurence have all be confirmed for a new thrilled titled "Deception". The film follows the son and daughter who begin to be terrorized by a killer 20 years after their parents were mysteriously murdered. Ruben Rodriguez, who you probably know from his "Miscellaneous Crew" credit on "The Hustler's Last Score" is set to direct.

A couple shots from the set of "Prometheus", the upcoming "Alien" prequel movie, have hit the tubes and they're chalk full of H.R. Gieger goodness. And by that I of course mean it looks like the posters on the wall of a D&D addicts wall in his parent's trailer circa 1987. Fun fact here, every time I've read the name "Gieger" lately I've mistaken it for "Ginger" and I've been really confused about why the new "Alien" movie focuses on pasty red headed kids.

The long discussed remake of Chan-wook Park's "Oldboy" had looked to be all but dead but it looks like things might be moving forward after all and none other than Spike Lee might be taking the director's chair. Fan boys of the original will throw a fit I'm sure but keep in mind that Spike Lee directed "Summer of Sam" and a bunch of other awesome movies and he's from America therefore his version will not be anti-freedom like the original. That's Social Studies 101 folks. Read a book.

In Real People News: 

I prey the wife never reads this one because I can guarantee it'll result in me never being allowed out of the house alone with my future child. A 25 year old man in Florida apparently forgot his baby on the sidewalk after a night of boozing. I know the question you want to ask and the answer is yes, he has a faux-hawk.

This seems like an honest mistake. A 56 year old man in Oregon mistook his older brother for a cougar and shot him in the arm. It wasn't till he mounted his bro on the wall that he realized his mistake. I kid of course. People from Oregon don't mount their dead cougars. They have sex with them.

Horror Headlines: Monday January 31st, 2011

If you're a fan of Platinum Dunes remakes then prepare to get pumped! The gang expects to have a script ready for a remake of the childhood classic "Monster Squad" sometime this week. For those of you who aren't fans though I'd like to invite you over to my apartment for a delightful buffet style lunch this afternoon.

Chan-wook Park's first English language film "Stoker" now has a leading lady with Mia Wasikowska landing the role of a girl who has to deal with a strange uncle who shows up after her fathers passing. Unfortunately Wasikowska hasn't really appeared in any really ridiculous films so I'm drawing a blank on sarcastic comments. Sorry folks.

NBC has picked up the pilot for "Grimm", a cop drama that takes place in a world where characters based on the Brothers Grimm's stories are real. The show will be produced by some of the same folks that brought you "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" which I will not hold against it because it actually sounds like a cool idea.

How have we gone this long without another Gingerdead Man movie? Hell if I know but after seeing the trailer for "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver", yes it's got a disco theme, I feel like a giant hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there has been filled. That and I feel kind of gassy, but mostly the hole filled thing.

In Real People News: 

Hanging out at parks to watch women run because you like to see things "jiggle" is creepy yes but not illegal, yet. What is illegal though is going one step further and pretending to trip so you can shove your face in woman's asses. Honestly this is a complete surprise and you'll never prove I... I mean he didn't really trip.

I think most of us got to skip school once or twice in our lives to go do something fun with out parents. Some of us went to a ballgame, others took a day trip to the city and two lucky young tikes in Georgia robbed a bank with their mother. We all have different ways of bonding with our families.

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