self storage

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

Man I never read or saw "Red Dragon" but the news that Larry Fishburne is in talks to take on the role of Jack Crawford in "Hannibal", the upcoming NBC series based on the book has me borderline interested. I guess the character is an FBI agent or something who tries to find Hannibal. Was Hannibal in that book? I don't care. Doesn't matter. Freakin Morpheus, man.

Apparently there's been rumors floating around that "Jurassic Park IV" will focus on a government plot to weaponize dinosaurs. I've never heard that rumor and I like to think I'm the beginning and end of all internet rumors. But just to try to prove me wrong producer Frank Marshall came out and said that these "rumors" are 100% false. Now that I think of it he never did confirm that he didn't make them up himself right before he said they were false. So maybe that's why I never heard of them.

Shocking news coming out of "The Dark Knight Rises" camp today that Miss. Anne Hathaway would apparently not be opposed to doing a "Catwoman" spin off film. I know I'm just as shocked as you are. Don't worry though, this won't be some piece of crap. She'll only do it "with the right people". I assume she means she would want the entire cast and crew from "Bride Wars" to be involved. I'm just guessing here though.

Eliza Roberts, who is apparently the spouse of Eric Roberts, who I have nothing but good things to say about, has joined the cast of "Self Storage". That means there will be a loving couple on the set of the flick about a group of party goers trapped inside a storage facility. Nothing but love and normal things going on. That is all. Happy times.

In Real People News: 

Naked man breaks into 67 year old man's home. Naked man gets shot. I think that's redneck math.

If you're going to get caught using your child's diaper bag to steel items from Walmart the proper thing to do is to ditch the bag and make a run for it. You do not, I repeat DO NOT ditch the bag and your 1 year old child and make a run for it. That little bugger is full of your DNA and will be traced back to you.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, July 19th, 2012

I had no idea there was a "World Of Warcraft" movie in the works or that Sam Raimi was suppose to be directing it. But it turns out he isn't going to. The movie is still happening though, just with another director. Good story huh?

I don't have proof or anything but if I was to take a guess I would say that at some point Eric Roberts has been spanked by a lady. Don't ask me why, it's just a hunch. So I suggest that ladies on the set of "Self Storage" keep a close eye on their drinks because the tan one has just joined the cast. The film tells the tale of a group of friends trapped inside a storage facility when all hell breaks lose.

If you like cartoons and you like horror then your going to go ape shit over "The Living Corpse", which the folks over at Anchor Bay have just acquired the rights to. The flick is a cartoon tale (that's why I mentioned them before) about a superhero who also happens to be undead. Like superman, but he eats people. Although Superman may be doing now also. I haven't read a comic in close to 20 years so I don't know what's going on there.

Remember Justina Machado from "Six Feet Under"? The spicy latina that Rico cheated on and we all fealt sorry for? Well feel sorry for her again because she's landed a role along side Halle Berry in a new serial killer flick "The Hive". In the film Berry plays a 911 operator who must help a teenager being stalked by a killer. I say feel sorry for her because Halle Berry kind of makes crap movies now. So this is probably going to be a crap movie. She may have a perfectly lovely time though. I'm sorry I lead you to believe she was going to be miserable. She's hot.

In Real People News: 

I've seen a lot of movies where a guy meets a woman in a bar and goes back to her place and it turns out she's real freaky deaky and likes to pretend she's being attacked during sex. That's weird to me. Things go from weird to illegal though when a husband posts an ad on Craigslist saying his wife is into that without her knowledge and she in turn isn't into that. It's called evolution.

Here's a fun story about New York guy who's under arrest for licking some girl's feet in a public library. Wait, it gets better. When asked why he did this he went on a rant about Obama and how he set him up. I like this guy's style.

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