the crazies

It's a known fact that anytime Danny Trejo makes out with a girl half his age an angel gets its wings. So good news for all the flightless people in the big upstairs because "Machete Kills" has finally been slapped with a September 13, 2013 release date. Watching him make out is without a doubt one of the most upsetting and inspiring things the human eye can see.

If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that the original "The Crazies" was awful and the 2010 remake was awesome. There is not a single person on this planet who can argue that. Well the guy who co-wrote the retelling, Ray Wright, has just signed on the pen the script to "The Widow". The film follows a younger woman who befriends a older widow only to find that their meeting was not a coincidence. Sounds frighting already. Old people you know. You can see their veins.

The US remake of the Chilean flick "Hidden In the Woods" has landed itself one half of the Babysitter Twins duo in the form of Electra Avellan. No word on if her sister will join the cast but the a story of two sisters fighting to escape the prison like environment they've been raised in, so I mean they need a sister right? If not I hope they got the one with the least unintelligible accent.

Youngster Colin Ford has been added to the cast of "Under the Dome", a Stephen King and Steven Spielberg collaboration currently set for a 13 episode run on CBS starting this June. Based on King's novel the series is set in a small town whose residents discover they've been trapped by a mysterious barrier. I hope there's a Taco Bell in the town. I mean no tacos? I'd be all like, "you gotta get this barrier to go away. I need tacos!"

Idyllic Smalltown, USA is a paramount setting for horrific events in literature - It’s the perfect place for everyone to feel extremely safe in their collective naivety to any outside threats. Sara Brooke’s tiny community of Flening is a prime example of this falsely secure mindset. Flening is a tiny landlocked town in Northwest Florida with a population well under a thousand. Brooke’s small town is pretty predictable and any social events that occur usually do so around the several churches within the county limits, or the one body of water, Still Lake.

It was damn-near impossible to navigate through the waters of horror-news outlets today as every single page that I clicked on greeted me with a rollover, a pop-up or a redirect for “The Crazies”. One of them even crashed my Goddamned browser. So, as of now, I refuse to to see “The Crazies”. I don't care anymore. Look, ad-men: as a member of the horror community, I am at full awareness that “The Crazies” is out today. Most of us are. Is all this repetitive, intrusive and downright asinine advertising really necessary? It's 9:40 AM on opening day and I'm already burned out on this overexposed remake. I hope it fails, and fails miserably.

Speaking of failing miserably, Bloody Disgusting has the one-sheet for George Romero's latest flogged-to-death horse, Survival of the Dead. It looks like you think it would, with cheaply painted zombies reaching out to grab you, trying desperately to escape the mediocrity.

Last Wednesday, our good pal Casey wrote a fun little piece entitled “9 Insane Asylum Movies” in honor of the release of “Shutta I-lin, Ya Wikked Pissa Bastids”. Meanwhile, over at something called Horror-Movies.ca, they've got a weak-sauce variation called “5 Best Horror Films Set in Mental Institutions”. Our's obviously had thought and care put into it. Their's, on the other hand, had “Gothika”. Ahem.

We're so close to this Friday's release of "The Crazies" that I can almost taste Timothy Olyphant's warm, musty breath. Don't judge. And to feed the excitement we've got a new clip from the film. It doesn't have Olyphant in it but it does have a nut bag about to stab the crap out of some people with a pitch fork. I hope they get the… point! Get it?

"The Crazies" hits theaters this Friday and will also be the topic of next week's podcast so get your ass to the theater.

Your favorite gravel voiced and bald headed hearth throb Vin Diesel has made a few nerds happy by announcing that he and David Twohy are re-teaming for a third "Riddick" film.

Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, writers of smash hit "Zombieland" are feeling rather cocky of late. In the same interview we posted earlier in the week, the two authors talk about their dreams of turning the film's universe into a TV show. Sure, it seems far fetched but you can put money on the bet that I'd probably watch it faithfully!

Top Cow comics has put up a trailer for its upcoming motion comics for "The Crazies". It's Friday, you know you'd rather read comics than work anyways.

Good news for you romantic types, there's yet another tween supernatural romance in the works pitting a teenage girl's hormones and a twinkie monster. Sparkling vampires were bad enough, how abouta teenage girl in love with a boy that turns into a wolf every winter? We're one step closer to 'Furry: The Movie' folks.

Lucky McKee and Angela Bettis are prepping for another team up, this time on the sequel to the "The Offspring", "Offspring: The Woman".

"The Crazies" remake has one important thing that the first one didn't. Timothy Olyphant. Because of his role in "Deadwood" I will watch and love everything that guy does. You hated "Hitman"? F you it should have won best picture! I will fight anyone to the death who says otherwise.

Need more proof? Click the link below to watch a short clip of "the Crazies" which hits theaters on February 26th. Feel free to also download some of the stills below, print them out and hang them on your wall. That way you can gaze at dreamy Timothy while you drift off to sleep. Ok, that's too far.