Horror Headlines: Friday February 26th, 2010
I had to force myself awake, gasping for air this morning. I had a nightmare that left me quite shaken, causing me to run late. It took place at Horrorhound Weekend, only it was a real ghetto version, taking place in some hippie's backyard. I had my dog Hoogie with me and we were sitting on a porch-swing as a guy who looks like a fat Devendra Banhart shoved a corn-dog that had been dipped in LSD in my mouth. I go off wandering in the desert, waking up next to HHW-pal Jay at Amy and Freddy NOTLP's house. I started to call Hoogie, but couldn't find him and began panicking. Freddy told me that I had given him away to a family of Mexicans while I was in my LSD-stupor. Just then, I forced myself to wake up, tears forming until I realized that everything was OK, Hoogie was next to me. But, as I turned over...Jay and a family of Mexicans were there too! DUHN-DUHN-DUNNNNNN!
It was damn-near impossible to navigate through the waters of horror-news outlets today as every single page that I clicked on greeted me with a rollover, a pop-up or a redirect for “The Crazies”. One of them even crashed my Goddamned browser. So, as of now, I refuse to to see “The Crazies”. I don't care anymore. Look, ad-men: as a member of the horror community, I am at full awareness that “The Crazies” is out today. Most of us are. Is all this repetitive, intrusive and downright asinine advertising really necessary? It's 9:40 AM on opening day and I'm already burned out on this overexposed remake. I hope it fails, and fails miserably.
Speaking of failing miserably, Bloody Disgusting has the one-sheet for George Romero's latest flogged-to-death horse, Survival of the Dead. It looks like you think it would, with cheaply painted zombies reaching out to grab you, trying desperately to escape the mediocrity.
Last Wednesday, our good pal Casey wrote a fun little piece entitled “9 Insane Asylum Movies” in honor of the release of “Shutta I-lin, Ya Wikked Pissa Bastids”. Meanwhile, over at something called Horror-Movies.ca, they've got a weak-sauce variation called “5 Best Horror Films Set in Mental Institutions”. Our's obviously had thought and care put into it. Their's, on the other hand, had “Gothika”. Ahem.
In my hometown of Oklahoma City, a 23-year-old guy died in a “Toughman Contest” after receiving a traumatic brain injury. NOT SO TOUGH ARE YOU NOW, ASSHOLE? (He leaves behind pregnant fiancé, LOL.)
In Irvine, California, a man who two weeks earlier had his hand severed by a Metrolink train, fell on the tracks and was dragged 87-feet BY THE SAME TRAIN. NOT SO TOUGH ARE YOU NOW...oh, wait...you lived. Wow, dude, you should be in a Toughman Contest!
In 1952, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announces that his nation has an atomic bomb. Sadly, the country wouldn't have dental care for fifty more years. Pip-pip!