the walking dead

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 12th, 2011

Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" finally hits the little screen this Sunday and to celebrate we've got a boat load of new stills from the show. There's all kinds of zombie bloody goodness and what looks like a dead lamb... or dog... or something. I'm 100% sure it's an animal of some sort. Might be a fox. Remember Samantha Fox? Man I had a crush on her when I was a kid. Good talk.

If you don't know who Brooke Lewis is then you should check out this interview our very own Tor conducted with her a few months back because she is delightful. She's also half naked a lot which is pretty wonderful. She also hands out 100 dollar bills at horror conventions to random people. Alright that last one is a lie but she is in a new horror/comedy with Kane Hodder called "Room and Board" which focuses on a hotel where the guests end up on the menu. Did I mention the half naked thing?

We're just a little over a week from when "Paranormal Activity 3" hits theaters and I continue to be optimistic about the flick. Face it, there's really nothing more frightening than small children. Now think about how frightening they are when you add in demons. Hey I just made a number 2 also. While I clean myself take a look at this new teaser. Maybe put on a some adult dippers first.

Well kids it looks like Leslie Vernon might get to give the fame thing another go after all. "Before The Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon" is finally getting some funding and all signs point to the green light flashing on production sometime in the near future. Little tip, maybe try changing your name. No one is going to respect a killer named Leslie. It's too feminine. Maybe try Butch or something more beefy.

In Real People News: 

Not for nothing, but If you fall for the "door to door breast examination" trick then you probably deserve to have a creepy old guy in Florida grabbing your rack.

Pot brownies can be a lot of fun. But when they're served at a funeral and a bunch of elderly people eat them and have to be rushed to the hospital that's not fun. Well not fun for the elderly people. I bet it was fun for a few people at the funeral though. Old people getting all whacked out. Kind of sounds like a hoot.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 28th, 2011

Sasha Grey needs to stop trying to act and Jeremy Piven should have never started. There I said it. But here's a poster for their new film "I Melt With You", which also happens to be the title of a song that should have never been written. The film tells the story of a group of 40 something friends who reunite only to find they aren't so friendly anymore. Alright the song isn't that bad. I was just on a roll.

James D'Arcy is English and has a apostrophe in his name so he's probably really smart. He's also been added to the cast of "Cloud Atlas", a movie that tells 6 different stories set in a future/past post apocalyptic world. Seriously. I know I'm confused too. I hope Jamsey will come over with his silly accent and explain it all to me over a spot of tea.

New photos from season two of "The Walking Dead" are here! I'm still excited about the new season starting but honestly things don't look so bad for our group. They got a house, some cool guns to walk around and pose with and... a cross bow. Who the hell doesn't want a cross bow? Those damn hippies, that's who.

David Duchovny, why won't you love me. It's a song. I'm not that clever. That doesn't make it any less honest though. Anyway, David has replaced Andy Garcia in the new haunted submarine flick "Phantom" as the leader of a special Soviet operations leader. Upgrade! Not that I don't like Andy Garcia. I just don't LIKE HIM like him. We can be friends. That's cool with me.

In Real People News: 

I'm all for women getting plastic surgery but don't try to go cheap my lady friends or you'll end up like this women who now has only one giant boob after her implant operation went a muck. Yes that one boob looks great but still, it's kind of weird.

They grow up so fast. It feels like just last week little Tommy was pooping his pants and now he's drinking his first beer bong. Of course he did just poop his pants because he's only a toddler but still. It's adorable.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 23rd, 2011

If I had to list my favorite Afflecks in order of awesomeness Casey would for sure be in the top five. Think it over, I'll wait. Good, now that's your back I'd like to tell you about how Casey Affleck has now been cast in the new flick "Paradise Lost", an epic tale of archangels Michael and Lucifer battling it out and how this impacted the downfall of Adam and Eve. Affleck will play Gabriel and I'd appreciate it if someone who knows about bible stuff tells me if that's a good or a bad thing.

AMC has pulled the trigger on a new talk show that will air immediately following episodes of "The Walking Dead" this fall. The show will be called "The Talking Dead" (get it!?) and be hosted by comedian Chris Hardwick. The more projects this guy takes on the less hope I have for a "Love Line" reunion. Didn't you always want him and Jenny McCarthy to get together? But no that home wrecking tramp Carmen Electra had to come in and ruin it all. Curse you Electra!

Oh Tom Six, you sick sick SOB. Today we've got a new poster for his new film "The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)" which looks to be a lot more human centipedey than the first one. Which I don't think is a good thing but it's something for sure. I don't know what to believe anymore.

And because you needed to see something that would make you want to overdose on some sort of cool drug the kids are doing that I don't know about here's the first full cast image from "Dark Shadows". For those of you not familiar with the original show it's some kind of vampire soap opera where none of the vampires twinkle in the sunlight. I think it was British too. That's a lot to take in isn't it? That's what she said.

In Real People News: 

I knew this kind of crap happens! Here's an optometrist who's being brought up on charges because he put his penis on a girl's mouth while putting in her eye drops. God only knows what the dentist did to me while I was having my wisdom teeth out. I'm pretty sure them telling me they had to remove them rectally was bull crap.

Oh all the portable devices sure are fun aren't they? Why you can take your movies and fun anywhere these days. Like this guy who's going to jail because he lost his iPad and the person who found it decided to take a look around his hard drive and discovered a bunch of kiddie porn. Technology is super awesome.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

Ever see that show on MTV "My Super Sweet 16"? Well if you have then you've probably also had the urge to get in your car, dive to these spoiled pricks home and end them. Well got bless Bobcat Goldthwait because he made a movie called "God Bless America" with just such a plot. What's better is said film has been picked up by Magnolia pictures and will be finding it's way to VOD in the near future. Yes, I watch a lot of crap on cable.

Rodrigo Cortés made everyone giddy last year when he put Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes and just let him talk. Well his follow up to that is "Red Lights" staring Robert De Niro as a famous psychic who returns to the spotlight after 30 years of being off the radar. Then he gets put in a box for an hour and we just bask in all his glory. Probably not. Check out the new trailer and see if I'm a giant liar. I love you.

If you were a big fan of the vampire soap opera "Dark Shadows" as a kid then I'm willing to bet you spent a lot of time along in your room talking to your privates. But now Tim Burton is making a movie about the tv show and it stars Johnny Depp so people will love it and you and your genitals can go out into the world with pride. Here, look at these new photos from the set. Everyone looks so pale. Pasty is going to be the new tan. I'm going to be famous!

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story about a father who faces charges after he kicked his son in the stomach because he was making spelling mistakes at school. Awful yes, but I'm a terrible speller, always have been. If I thought there was a swift kick to the stomach waiting for me when I brought home a D on my spelling test I probably would have tried harder.

And here's a story about a man who was decapitated by a train at Penn Station in NYC this past weekend. Which is weird because I have heard nothing about this on the news. I have however been fully briefed on what's going on with fashion week.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, August 25th, 2011

A fistfull of clips from the upcoming second season of "The Walking Dead" have hit the tubes and before you go getting all excited I should tell you that all of them are about ten seconds long. Not that you can't do some really good stuff in ten seconds. Sometimes ten seconds is all you need if something is really good. Ten seconds can completely please a woman... or viewer. Whatever. What were we talking about?

Showtime looks to be working on a new series titled "The Damned" which is based on the graphic novel of the same name. For those of you who think reading is stupid even if there's a bunch of pictures the story focuses on 3 demon families who run an underground soul trafficking circuit during prohibition. Not drinking ruins everything.

Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson and Kevin Hart are rumored to all be on board for the 2012 release of "Scary movie 5". Because we all demanded there be more "Scary Movie" films. Of course now we regret it. Man Harvey Wallbangers can really mess up an evening am I right? They can also cause people to think "Scary Movie 5" is a good idea.

Lily Rabe has squinty eyes and 20 credits on her IMDB, none of which I have seen, and now she's been confirmed for the cast of FX's new wack job series "American Horror Story". The new show will focus on a family that moves into a new creepy home in the aftermath of the fathers infidelity. Then they all put on rubber suits or something. I don't know the promo frightens me.

In Real People News: 

I have no idea how this happened but here's a Kansas woman who was cleaning her yard after a storm and accidentally got a tree branch shoved into her nose, through her eye socket, then to her sinus cavity and eventually ended up touching her brain. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing but apparently she's alive but is most likely frightened of every tree within a 50 mile radius.

Of course here's a story about a woman who was killed after the tow truck that was trying to get her car out of the sand had it's tow thingy snap off and fly into her windshield and eventually into her face. So I guess the tree up the nose thing isn't that bad after all.

Horror Headlines: Thursday August 18th, 2011

Franck Khalfoun, who directed "P2" and apparently loves fedoras is being eyeballed to direct the remake of the much loved 1980 classic "Maniac". For those of you who are not up to date on the film it follows a serial killer who takes out his mommy issues on a bunch of women in NYC. Who can't relate to that.

Charisma Carpenter, who has no porn credits but I'm convinced has done them is teaming up with none other than Mr. Danny Trejo to star in a new Syfy original movie titled "Haunted High". The movie focuses on a High School that's being terrorized by a demon head master. Carpenter will play a hot teacher I assume, and I can't say what it I think Trejo will play because it would be racist. But it rhymes with "manitor".

I have no idea what "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" is about but everyone and their mother seems to be gaga over the books and excited about the movies. Now here's the first still from the film and I can officially confirm that I have no desire to know anything about this movie or book because I assume it's about crack whores with stupid face piercings I can not support that. If you do you hate freedom and apple pie.

Scott Ian is a guy you know from every shitty VH1 show where they reminisce about some crappy decade but may be surprised to know is actually in a band called Anthrax. Well now Scott's also a full fledged zombie because he's been transformed for "The Walking Dead" web series. He sounds really excited about it and blogged the crap about his experience with pics to boot so enjoy. Am I the only one who only liked John Bush era Anthrax? I can't be. Joey Belladonna's perm makes me uncomfortable.

In Real People News: 

Cops in Texas have arrested a man who reportedly broke into a woman's apartment and tried to eat her because he is a 500 year old vampire. Sounds insane I know but if it turns out he is a 500 year old vampire do you think they'll release him? I think they should.

Mother of a god. A registered sex offender is under arrest after he was reportedly punching women in their genitals at a Disney World Wave Pool. The happiest place on earth is nowhere to be punching genitals. That's just wrong. You take that kind of crap to Universal Studios where it belongs.

Horror Headlines: Monday July 25th, 2011

The website for the Guillermo del Toro co-written frightfest "Don't Be Afraid Of the Dark" has hit the tubes for your time wasting enjoyment. Normally I wouldn't give a crap about a website launch but this one is actually pretty cool. Spooky voices that whisper your name and some hot webcam action make it all kinds of fun. Although it's probably going to be a giant let down after I built it up with promises of "hot webcam action".

All kind of news around "The Walking Dead" seems to be flying out of Comic-Con and probably the most exciting is that season 2 now officially has a premiere date of Sunday, October 16. The second most exciting thing is that a trailer for the upcoming season has been released. Third most exciting is a bunch of stills. Fourth most exciting is that to date I have not been notified that I won't be signed on to the cast for season 3.

AMC has officially announced a four part mini-series based on Stephan King's "Bag of Bones", a story that focuses on a man haunted by the loss of his wife. Pierce Brosnan and Anabeth Gish are both confirmed for the project which begins filming next month. Proof once again that if you wait long enough every book will be turned into moving pictures. The point here is reading is dumb.

The first trailer for the live action role playing kiddnapping succubus flick (seriously) "Knights of Badassdom" has hit the net thanks to all things Comic-Con and it looks hella good, son. Do people still say hella good? Ya know, like that No Doubt song? Is No Doubt still popular? They broke up?! Oh god.

In Real People News: 

A 29 year old Connecticut women is under arrest after forcing her 4 year old son and 10 month old daughter to drink beer and ingest cocaine. According to the woman her son "likes Natural Ice beer and Budweiser, but doesn’t like the taste of Dog Bite." I promise you this, my newborn daughter will never drink that crap. She'll only drink good beer.

A 39 year old Louisiana man is facing charges after sexting photos of his erect manhood to 5 female real estate agents whose contact info he got off of signs. This is great to know because I myself am currently doing some apartment hunting and just assumed this kind of thing was a perfectly normal part of doing business.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 28th, 2011

Hey remember Haley Joel Osment? The little fella who could see dead people in "The Sixth Sense" and creeped his way into all of our hearts back in 1999? Well it looks like he's back in the horror genre with a starring role in the upcoming Frankenstein flick "Wake the Dead". The movie is based on a novel by Steve Niles and it appears Osment will play the mad doctor Victor Frankenstein. So I guess his character will see dead people. Get it? Cause ya know... the Frankenstein monster was dead or something... Comedic gold.

Speaking of 1999, another film called "The Blair Witch Project" came out that year also. Well Eduardo Sanchez, one half of the writing and directing team behind the Blair Witch, is heading back into the woods with his new film "Exists". The movie will follow a group of teenagers who find themselves trapped in a cabin in the middle of a forrest being attacked by a bigfoot like creature. There better be some close up shots of people's snot. You can't top the classics.

Jim Uhls, who adapted Chuck Palahniuk's book "Fight Club" for the big screen, and Trent Reznor are teaming up to create a new mini series for HBO based on the Nine Inch Nails album "Year Zero". The series will take place in the year 2022 and show a world run by a corrupt government. And needless to say I will be both bored and confused by the entire thing.

Lauren Cohan, who wasn't on "The Hills" apparently and Scott Wilson are the latest additions to the ever growing cast of the second season of "The Walking Dead". Wilson will play the owner of a farm that the traveling group ends up on and Cohen will play his daughter. I hope she doesn't end up with that jerk Brody Jenner. She can do so much better than him and he's only after one thing.

In Real People News: 

Little tip for the ladies out there. If the cops show up at your house because you've been beating the crap out of your boyfriend a sure fire way to get out of going to jail is not biting the arresting officer. Sounds obvious I know but a 30 year old woman in Ohio is under arrest for just that. And the kicker is now that she claims to be HIV positive. I bet she gets off with a warning.

And fellas this one is for you. If the cops show up because there's been complaints about loud arguments you might want to wait till after they leave before urinating on your significant other like this guy in South Carolina did. Or not doing it at all. I should say don't pee on your loved one at all, right? Yeah.. don't do it.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday June 22nd, 2011

If Daniel Craig punched you in the face not only would your head explode but your future child's would too. That's a well known fact. It's on the internet! So look at his commanding pose in the new "Cowboys & Aliens" poster and give him the respect he demands. Give it to him! Or your entire bloodline will immediately become a bunch of headless freaks. You've been warned.

Put it in the books folks, it's officially boner time! Yeah I said it. Why you might ask? Well because season 2 of "The Walking Dead" has officially begun filming and the jolly young fellows at AMC have posted a new behind the scenes video from the first day of filming. From the looks of things we get started on the road to magic town this season and things get hectic real quick. Boner time, it's the most special time of the year.

In a recent interview Liv Tyler drop the knowledge that she has no idea what the hell is going on with "The Strangers 2" which has apparently had a script sitting around for a while now. Along with not having a clue on the status she also hinted to the fact that she most likely won't have anything to do with the film if it does happen. She also said that she loves unicorns and thinks Hollywood is confusing and stuff. I'm sorry, that first part about unicorns was a lie. She seems like a perfectly nice girl and I shouldn't take out my anger on her. Girls didn't like me in High School... there I've finally said it.

Oh come on! They're already planning a season 5 of "True Blood"?! Haven't we suffered enough? According to the jagoffs in Hollywood it looks like Scott Foley has been added to the cast as a character that if you knew the name of would spoil something that happens in season 3 which starts this Sunday. Confused? Good. You look adorable when you get all cross eyed and drooley.

In Real People News: 

A Florida bride was arrested just hours after her wedding for beating and biting her new husband after he confronted her about another man that was hitting on her at a club they were celebrating their new marriage at. Biting and beating doesn't sound like that bad of a wedding night though. That's how babies get made.

An Illinois man is in stable condition after being attacked by what he told police were "Booty Call Ninjas". Yes, you read that right. Apparently he was jumped by a masked man using nunchuks and throwing stars as he was on his way into an alley where he was going to meet his ex for some late night love making. Booty Call Ninjas, folks, the can strike at any moment... even in a dark disgusting alley where you're going to bone your ex. None of us are safe.

Horror Headlines: Thursday June 9th, 2011

A few moons ago there was a rumor on the tubes that the fine people at universal Pictures were planning a sequel to the 2010 remake of "The Wolfman". Since that movie was horrible it sounded like a terrible idea. Now it looks like they're just scrapping the entire thing and doing a full on reboot that will go straight to DVD sometime next year. There's no way this can end well but I guess it can't do worse than shirtless Anthony Hopkins.

If you love things that are good, and if you don't I suggest you stop reading my news because you're going to hate it, than you're going to be tickled pink by the news that "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" has been picked up for distribution by the folks at Magnolia Pictures. Looks like the buddy horror romp will hit VOD on on August 26th and see a limited theatrical release on September 30th. So that's awesome news if you haven't already downloaded it from some virus filled site.

Get ready to get excited, kids! The first shots of season 2 of "The Walking Dead" are hitting the nets and they're chock full of zombie goodness. Namely some bloodshot eyed zombie women that I find strangely attractive. These are all such strange new feelings for me. While I try to figure this all out you can sit there and diddle yourself over the fact that season 2 will hit AMC this October.

"Do you have Asteroids?", "No but my dad does". Name the movie! Anyway it looks like Roland Emmerich, the guy who directed "Universal Soldier" and "Independence Day" might be locking himself in to do a big screen adaptation of the beloved 80's video game. I'm so confused by what I just wrote I don't even know how to be sarcastic about it.

In Real People News: 

Killing a cat is kind of messed up but you can really chalk it up to good harmless teenage fun. Killing 50 cats on the other hand, you might want to call the kids parents and set up a teacher conference. Or arrest the kids like they did in Washington. Stern talking to, or prison, your choice.

And here's a heartwarming story about a bear in Quebec, of course, that was hit by a car then shot into the air into oncoming traffic and eventually smashed through the windshield of a car killing the two people inside. I have no idea if this means the bear got revenge or what but I think the moral here is never go to Canada because it literally rains bears there.

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