A fistfull of clips from the upcoming second season of "The Walking Dead" have hit the tubes and before you go getting all excited I should tell you that all of them are about ten seconds long. Not that you can't do some really good stuff in ten seconds. Sometimes ten seconds is all you need if something is really good. Ten seconds can completely please a woman... or viewer. Whatever. What were we talking about?
Showtime looks to be working on a new series titled "The Damned" which is based on the graphic novel of the same name. For those of you who think reading is stupid even if there's a bunch of pictures the story focuses on 3 demon families who run an underground soul trafficking circuit during prohibition. Not drinking ruins everything.
Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson and Kevin Hart are rumored to all be on board for the 2012 release of "Scary movie 5". Because we all demanded there be more "Scary Movie" films. Of course now we regret it. Man Harvey Wallbangers can really mess up an evening am I right? They can also cause people to think "Scary Movie 5" is a good idea.
Lily Rabe has squinty eyes and 20 credits on her IMDB, none of which I have seen, and now she's been confirmed for the cast of FX's new wack job series "American Horror Story". The new show will focus on a family that moves into a new creepy home in the aftermath of the fathers infidelity. Then they all put on rubber suits or something. I don't know the promo frightens me.
Of course here's a story about a woman who was killed after the tow truck that was trying to get her car out of the sand had it's tow thingy snap off and fly into her windshield and eventually into her face. So I guess the tree up the nose thing isn't that bad after all.
Franck Khalfoun, who directed "P2" and apparently loves fedoras is being eyeballed to direct the remake of the much loved 1980 classic "Maniac". For those of you who are not up to date on the film it follows a serial killer who takes out his mommy issues on a bunch of women in NYC. Who can't relate to that.
Charisma Carpenter, who has no porn credits but I'm convinced has done them is teaming up with none other than Mr. Danny Trejo to star in a new Syfy original movie titled "Haunted High". The movie focuses on a High School that's being terrorized by a demon head master. Carpenter will play a hot teacher I assume, and I can't say what it I think Trejo will play because it would be racist. But it rhymes with "manitor".
I have no idea what "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" is about but everyone and their mother seems to be gaga over the books and excited about the movies. Now here's the first still from the film and I can officially confirm that I have no desire to know anything about this movie or book because I assume it's about crack whores with stupid face piercings I can not support that. If you do you hate freedom and apple pie.
Scott Ian is a guy you know from every shitty VH1 show where they reminisce about some crappy decade but may be surprised to know is actually in a band called Anthrax. Well now Scott's also a full fledged zombie because he's been transformed for "The Walking Dead" web series. He sounds really excited about it and blogged the crap about his experience with pics to boot so enjoy. Am I the only one who only liked John Bush era Anthrax? I can't be. Joey Belladonna's perm makes me uncomfortable.
In Real People News:
Cops in Texas have arrested a man who reportedly broke into a woman's apartment and tried to eat her because he is a 500 year old vampire. Sounds insane I know but if it turns out he is a 500 year old vampire do you think they'll release him? I think they should.
Mother of a god. A registered sex offender is under arrest after he was reportedly punching women in their genitals at a Disney World Wave Pool. The happiest place on earth is nowhere to be punching genitals. That's just wrong. You take that kind of crap to Universal Studios where it belongs.
The website for the Guillermo del Toro co-written frightfest "Don't Be Afraid Of the Dark" has hit the tubes for your time wasting enjoyment. Normally I wouldn't give a crap about a website launch but this one is actually pretty cool. Spooky voices that whisper your name and some hot webcam action make it all kinds of fun. Although it's probably going to be a giant let down after I built it up with promises of "hot webcam action".
All kind of news around "The Walking Dead" seems to be flying out of Comic-Con and probably the most exciting is that season 2 now officially has a premiere date of Sunday, October 16. The second most exciting thing is that a trailer for the upcoming season has been released. Third most exciting is a bunch of stills. Fourth most exciting is that to date I have not been notified that I won't be signed on to the cast for season 3.
AMC has officially announced a four part mini-series based on Stephan King's "Bag of Bones", a story that focuses on a man haunted by the loss of his wife. Pierce Brosnan and Anabeth Gish are both confirmed for the project which begins filming next month. Proof once again that if you wait long enough every book will be turned into moving pictures. The point here is reading is dumb.
The first trailer for the live action role playing kiddnapping succubus flick (seriously) "Knights of Badassdom" has hit the net thanks to all things Comic-Con and it looks hella good, son. Do people still say hella good? Ya know, like that No Doubt song? Is No Doubt still popular? They broke up?! Oh god.
Hey remember Haley Joel Osment? The little fella who could see dead people in "The Sixth Sense" and creeped his way into all of our hearts back in 1999? Well it looks like he's back in the horror genre with a starring role in the upcoming Frankenstein flick "Wake the Dead". The movie is based on a novel by Steve Niles and it appears Osment will play the mad doctor Victor Frankenstein. So I guess his character will see dead people. Get it? Cause ya know... the Frankenstein monster was dead or something... Comedic gold.
Speaking of 1999, another film called "The Blair Witch Project" came out that year also. Well Eduardo Sanchez, one half of the writing and directing team behind the Blair Witch, is heading back into the woods with his new film "Exists". The movie will follow a group of teenagers who find themselves trapped in a cabin in the middle of a forrest being attacked by a bigfoot like creature. There better be some close up shots of people's snot. You can't top the classics.
Jim Uhls, who adapted Chuck Palahniuk's book "Fight Club" for the big screen, and Trent Reznor are teaming up to create a new mini series for HBO based on the Nine Inch Nails album "Year Zero". The series will take place in the year 2022 and show a world run by a corrupt government. And needless to say I will be both bored and confused by the entire thing.
Lauren Cohan, who wasn't on "The Hills" apparently and Scott Wilson are the latest additions to the ever growing cast of the second season of "The Walking Dead". Wilson will play the owner of a farm that the traveling group ends up on and Cohen will play his daughter. I hope she doesn't end up with that jerk Brody Jenner. She can do so much better than him and he's only after one thing.
In Real People News:
Little tip for the ladies out there. If the cops show up at your house because you've been beating the crap out of your boyfriend a sure fire way to get out of going to jail is not biting the arresting officer. Sounds obvious I know but a 30 year old woman in Ohio is under arrest for just that. And the kicker is now that she claims to be HIV positive. I bet she gets off with a warning.
And fellas this one is for you. If the cops show up because there's been complaints about loud arguments you might want to wait till after they leave before urinating on your significant other like this guy in South Carolina did. Or not doing it at all. I should say don't pee on your loved one at all, right? Yeah.. don't do it.
If Daniel Craig punched you in the face not only would your head explode but your future child's would too. That's a well known fact. It's on the internet! So look at his commanding pose in the new "Cowboys & Aliens" poster and give him the respect he demands. Give it to him! Or your entire bloodline will immediately become a bunch of headless freaks. You've been warned.
Put it in the books folks, it's officially boner time! Yeah I said it. Why you might ask? Well because season 2 of "The Walking Dead" has officially begun filming and the jolly young fellows at AMC have posted a new behind the scenes video from the first day of filming. From the looks of things we get started on the road to magic town this season and things get hectic real quick. Boner time, it's the most special time of the year.
In a recent interview Liv Tyler drop the knowledge that she has no idea what the hell is going on with "The Strangers 2" which has apparently had a script sitting around for a while now. Along with not having a clue on the status she also hinted to the fact that she most likely won't have anything to do with the film if it does happen. She also said that she loves unicorns and thinks Hollywood is confusing and stuff. I'm sorry, that first part about unicorns was a lie. She seems like a perfectly nice girl and I shouldn't take out my anger on her. Girls didn't like me in High School... there I've finally said it.
Oh come on! They're already planning a season 5 of "True Blood"?! Haven't we suffered enough? According to the jagoffs in Hollywood it looks like Scott Foley has been added to the cast as a character that if you knew the name of would spoil something that happens in season 3 which starts this Sunday. Confused? Good. You look adorable when you get all cross eyed and drooley.
In Real People News:
A Florida bride was arrested just hours after her wedding for beating and biting her new husband after he confronted her about another man that was hitting on her at a club they were celebrating their new marriage at. Biting and beating doesn't sound like that bad of a wedding night though. That's how babies get made.
An Illinois man is in stable condition after being attacked by what he told police were "Booty Call Ninjas". Yes, you read that right. Apparently he was jumped by a masked man using nunchuks and throwing stars as he was on his way into an alley where he was going to meet his ex for some late night love making. Booty Call Ninjas, folks, the can strike at any moment... even in a dark disgusting alley where you're going to bone your ex. None of us are safe.
A few moons ago there was a rumor on the tubes that the fine people at universal Pictures were planning a sequel to the 2010 remake of "The Wolfman". Since that movie was horrible it sounded like a terrible idea. Now it looks like they're just scrapping the entire thing and doing a full on reboot that will go straight to DVD sometime next year. There's no way this can end well but I guess it can't do worse than shirtless Anthony Hopkins.
If you love things that are good, and if you don't I suggest you stop reading my news because you're going to hate it, than you're going to be tickled pink by the news that "Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil" has been picked up for distribution by the folks at Magnolia Pictures. Looks like the buddy horror romp will hit VOD on on August 26th and see a limited theatrical release on September 30th. So that's awesome news if you haven't already downloaded it from some virus filled site.
Get ready to get excited, kids! The first shots of season 2 of "The Walking Dead" are hitting the nets and they're chock full of zombie goodness. Namely some bloodshot eyed zombie women that I find strangely attractive. These are all such strange new feelings for me. While I try to figure this all out you can sit there and diddle yourself over the fact that season 2 will hit AMC this October.
"Do you have Asteroids?", "No but my dad does". Name the movie! Anyway it looks like Roland Emmerich, the guy who directed "Universal Soldier" and "Independence Day" might be locking himself in to do a big screen adaptation of the beloved 80's video game. I'm so confused by what I just wrote I don't even know how to be sarcastic about it.
In Real People News:
Killing a cat is kind of messed up but you can really chalk it up to good harmless teenage fun. Killing 50 cats on the other hand, you might want to call the kids parents and set up a teacher conference. Or arrest the kids like they did in Washington. Stern talking to, or prison, your choice.
And here's a heartwarming story about a bear in Quebec, of course, that was hit by a car then shot into the air into oncoming traffic and eventually smashed through the windshield of a car killing the two people inside. I have no idea if this means the bear got revenge or what but I think the moral here is never go to Canada because it literally rains bears there.
It looks like none other than Ryan Gosling has been signed up to star in the long discussed "Logan's Run" remake. Which is exciting because never in my life did I think I would hear my wife utter the words "Honey, I really want to see Logan's Run".
If you're going to buy one toy this year that doesn't require a black bag when walking out of the store then make it the new "The Walking Dead" toys coming from the good people at McFarlane Toys. Two series will be released from the comic book/TV show and the first set will hit shelves this September.
The second clip for "The Bleeding", which stars Kat Von D, DMX and 37 other people you don't think should be acting has hit the net and it is chock full of everything except bleeding. Well alright it's missing a lot of things but really there's not way to have EVERYTHING in one clip is there? Whales, a clown and the Sears Tower... physically impossible to have in the same shot. Think about it.
It looks like Simon West will direct the upcoming remake of "Red Sonja" and right now Amber Heard is the front runner to star. You'll remember West as the director of "Con-Air" and you'll see Heard getting deflowered by Nic Cage in "Drive Angry". I'm not saying if this is a good or bad thing.
In Real People News:
You work hard to become Mayor, you spend years fighting the good fight and when it's your time to have a building named after you you get shot down just because you're name is easily mocked. Life isn't easy if your name is Harry Baals my friends.
If you're like me and had a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis then when you were a kid then you probably owned the game "Zombies Ate My Neighbors". So you're going to be super excited that there's going to be a movie made out of the game. You're then going to also think back to how you were overweight, had acne, wore way too many Metallica t-shirts and couldn't get a girlfriend until college. It's OK to cry, I am.
For those of you giddy about "The Walking Dead" then you're probably going to waddle your chubby ass to the store on march 8th when Season 1 hits DVD and Blu-Ray. Well put down the McRib fat ass and enjoy this new DVD trailer in honor of the release. I have no idea why I'm calling everyone fat, I've run out of other sarcastic things.
If there's one thing that's a good time it's making fun of people who World of Warcraft, sorry Erin. But now Undead Labs has teamed up with Microsoft to build a new zombie franchise game that will be available on Xbox Live for the Xbox 360. The game will allow gamers to play out their sickest fantasies of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. They're currently calling the game "Class3" but I assume that will change by the time it comes out.
As much as it pains me to keep talking about "Drive Angry" I just can't stop. Here's a new NSFW video for the film that literary has a half a second shot of boobs for no reason whatsoever other than to make it a NSFW clip. "Not Safe For Work"? More like "No Stupid Freakin Way"! I'm still working on it.
In Real People News:
Aliens have invaded Jerusalem my friends, get your guns and prepare for the intergalactic war. Video has popped up on the tubes of what some are calling a spaceship coming down and hovering over a temple in the holy land. But let's not think about it, there's video on the internet, that's proof enough for me to demand we launch the missiles.
My favorite part of Valentines Day? And I only say this in the hopes my wife is reading this, but those tiny little heart shaped candies with adorable messages on them. They're so tasty! But I never got one like this girl in Califnornia who picked a winner that said "Nice Tits". That's a keeper, you don't just eat a message like that.
James Wan and Leigh Whannell are the duo that brought you "Saw" and now they've got a trailer for a new film called "Insidious". It's a heartwarming tale of a kid that lives in a house that's having all kind of weird haunted type stuff going on in it. Here's the catch though, it's not the house that's haunted, it's the kid! Dun dun duuuuun!
Last week we talked about our feelings and the fact that there might be an Alfred Hitchcock biopic in the works. Well now we can chat again because there's rumors that Sir Anthony Hopkins is the front runner to play our favorite rollie pollie horror icon. We should also make childish comments about the name Hitchcock and giggle like girls.
"The Silent House" is a movie from Chris Kentis and Laura Lau, the peeps who brought you "Open Water" and today the film's got a clip up on the tubes. Doesn't look like too silent of a house to me! Get it? Cause of the title? It's a pun... or a play on words... or a poem. I don't know.
Is there a video game version of "The Walking Dead" in the works? The world may never know! Wait no, that's wrong. We'll know, we'll know on February 17th when game developers Telltale announce their new big game that's based on a "a just-launched property from the TV and comic book world whose popularity is changing life as some know it." It really could be anything!
In Real People News:
Finally someone has the guts to stand up to hookers who half ass their jobs! Hubert Blackman recently filed a lawsuit against a call girl service in Vegas after the girl he paid to have sex with ditched out on him after a half hour even though he paid for a full hour. Justice must be served!
Liam Neeson is teaming up again with is "A-Team" director Joe Carnahan in "The Grey". Neeson seems to have a new found love for the horror genre, can he pull it off once again in this man vs. wolf thriller?
Bill Moseley seems like a natural fit for Charles Manson, so it's good to hear that Susanna Lo has cast him in her upcoming flick, "Manson Girls". Manson is pretty much a love child between Chop Top and Otis, so why not?
Our first big awards show of 2011 has come and gone with last night's airing of The People's Choice Awards. This year the fans didn't give much love to the horror genre at all despite the addition of a 'Favorite Horror Movie' category. The first winner of this prestigious category? "A Nightmare on Elm Street". At least "Dexter" won for favorite TV obsession.
The following is a warning from the Calvert County Sheriff's Department: there is a rogue Emu on the loose. Should you see the animal in your yard, do not approach. The animal is to be considered a wild freaking animal and it will claw the shit out of you.
An 11 year old New Jersey child is going to court for writing her name in cement, yet the "Jersey Shore" cast still walks free. I ask you, is this justice?
On this day in history:
1982 - William G Bonin, the truck driving "Freeway Killer", convicted in Los Angeles. He had murdered 14 boys and young men.