Sometimes I drink so much coffee that my mouth actually starts to get this weird sort of raw feeling to it. Like someone took sandpaper to my jaw at night and went to town. When that happens I have to stop drinking it for at least two days. During that time I'm a real prick because I love my morning coffee. It's kind of like I go on the rag. I just thought of that. Pretty clever if I do say so myself.
I don't think anyone is excited about the DVD release of "The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)" but it's happening and it's my journalistic duty to tell you about the new box art that's been released for the ass-to-mouth opus. The hit goes on sale on Valentines day, of course, and will include director commentary, behind the scenes videos, deleted scenes and some other random goodies. And by goodies I mean stuff that will make you throw up in your mouth.
Speaking of DVD releases, it looks like the A&E miniseries "Bag of Bones", based on the Stephen King novel by the same name will be hitting shelves on March 13th. Which is surprising because I didn't realize it actually aired already. Right now it looks like the only special features being included are a couple of short features about the series, which focuses on a father wrapped up in a bitter custody battle after the death of his wife. So get ready for that hot box to hit... That's what she said.
The birth of my daughter, my wedding day and the release of "Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance". These are the three things I've been most excited about in my lifetime. I put them in that order only because I know my wife reads my news from time to time. So here's a new TV spot for the Nic Cage sequel that hits theaters on February 17th. I love you honey and I'm sorry... just about everything.
And here's a new clip from Ti West's "The Innkeepers" which has already found it's way onto VOD. If you're not up to speed on the flick it focuses on two innkeepers who try to prove their place of employment is haunted before it closes its doors for good. Anyone ever listen to that band Vison Of Disorder. I think about them every time I write about a movie that's hit VOD. Also that it's because of bands like them that I never got laid in High School.
In Real People News:
Life is rough on the streets and when you're a homeless man who happens to stumble upon a nice piece of steak you do what you have to in order to enjoy it. Like cut your fellow hobo companion's head off I guess. I don't know, I've pretty much been upper-middle class all my life.
If you haven't seen any of the Chipmunks movies then you're doing yourself a disservice. They're actually a lot of fun. So much fun that this guy in Chicago was so excited while watching the most recent flick that he dropped trow in the theater and showed the audience his nuts. Ya know, because chipmunks loves nuts. It's a pun you jerks.